Don’t Let the Dunya Define You | From Trial To Triumph by Mufti Abdul Wahab Waheed Ep 5

Recap: The Brothers' Plot Against Yusuf

In the last session, we completed ayah number 8 and ayah number 9, where Allah talks about the brothers making this plan to kill Yusuf and to throw him in a far land — so that your father's love can be exclusive for you and your father has all of his attention towards you. We spoke about this last week: the ends do not justify the means.

Even if the outcome is something which is a virtue, the process also has to be virtuous. We can't use a process that is filled with haram for an outcome that is supposed to create halal. Whenever a process of batil is used, it will create more batil.

Like if I start a relationship with haram, the haram continues to grow unless I do tawbah. When something starts with haram, it continues to grow. So a person has to put an end to it and then begin it through halal. Everything that begins from haq will continue to add more truth.

That was their way of trying to make themselves feel better. "I know we're trying to kill Yusuf, but the goal is that our father will love us." And again, I mentioned this last week — a person of jealousy does not really care about what they don't have. They care about what the other person has. Their father's love could mean nothing to them, but the idea of it being with someone else now becomes problematic.

You know how children are? No one is playing with that toy and one kid grabs it — every kid wants it. That's immaturity. That's how we are as well when it comes to different aspects of dunya. No one cared about it when no one had it. But the fact that you have it now — I wanted it.

"And afterwards we'll become very righteous and pious and we'll go ahead and do tawbah and we'll be alright." Meaning, there's no such thing as premeditated tawbah. You can't plan the sin and plan the forgiveness — that's not how it works. Allah's forgiveness is not empowerment to sin. It's motivation to seek forgiveness after the sin. This is where we ended.

One Brother Speaks Up: قَالَ قَائِلٌ مِّنْهُمْ

The story continues. As these brothers are making this plot and plan against Yusuf (alayhi as-salam) to kill him, one of the brothers stands up. And what I find to be profound — the tafsirun comment and say this happened to be the eldest brother, whose name was Yahuda.

The other brothers' names are not preserved by any measure. No one knows them. Not that it's important to be known, but Allah preserves righteousness. Everyone knows the story of Hajar because of what she did — not because people were there, but because what she did became notable in the eyes of Allah. An act of sincerity has a voice that is heard beyond our lifetimes, because it continues to have a ripple effect on our children's lives and our family's lives.

Yahuda's name was preserved through the entire religion of the Yahud. That even though we don't put one and two together, Allah kept that name — as if to say: because of you standing up for the truth in that moment of difficulty, We have made you notable and mention-worthy. People know who you are because you stood up at the time of difficulty and the time of injustice.

One of them spoke up whilst they're sitting and talking about Yusuf in this manner. He stands up and says: "You will not kill Yusuf. You are not killing my baby brother." And it's interesting — the Prophet ﷺ teaches us that your elder siblings, and the eldest specifically, in so many ways play the role of your father and mother in the absence of your parents.

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 2699)

That even your aunt, your khala, is like your mother in regards to your level of etiquette towards her. Your elder siblings also play a similar role, and it's natural. If you're an elder sibling you would know this — there's always a level of affection. Sometimes it's tough love, but behind all that toughness there is love. But I would be remiss not to say that it shouldn't be so tough that the love cannot be felt — that the person has to guess.

No one has to guess that their parents love them. So if you wish to play the role of an elder sibling and play that role of being the guide, be like that parent — your siblings shouldn't have to guess that you love them. And what your older brothers do, you also want to do. You now have a great liability on your shoulders as well, because normally the path that you tread becomes a sunnah for them too.

If you're an elder sibling and you don't have influence in your younger sibling's lives, that means you're doing something wrong. Not influence as in forcing them, but influence to the point that your opinion does matter — because they know how much you love them and care for them.

Speaking the Truth in the Face of Injustice

So Yahuda is like that older brother. There's a moment of softness — he's like: "No, you're not killing Yusuf. That's not gonna happen." The Prophet ﷺ says that speaking the truth and speaking against injustice in front of a tyrannical ruler is the greatest presence of jihad in our life:

(Sunan al-Nasa'i, Hadith 4209; also reported in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4011)

Speaking up in the flow, in the climate, when it's going the opposite way — speaking up for Gaza when no one was speaking up is far different than speaking up now when the default has shifted. Speaking up at that time, when it wasn't the popular thing to do, and bearing the potential consequences that came with that — that is far different from the person who doesn't bear the same consequences and speaks up.

Speak the truth — كَلِمَةُ حَقٍّ — even if it means facing consequences. Often this hadith is used by us in the wrong application. The hadith says: speak the truth even if it's bitter, even if it's not palatable. This hadith doesn't mean speak the truth to someone who doesn't have a voice. It doesn't mean to speak down to someone or demean and terrorize someone with your tongue, and then justify it by saying, "The Prophet told us to speak the truth even if it's bitter." That's not what it means.

It wasn't used as ammunition against those who were already found to be inferior. It's not used for that purpose. It's meant for the birds — you know what I mean. كَلِمَةُ حَقٍّ doesn't mean speak the truth when people don't have a voice. It means speak the truth when you don't have a voice — when you may potentially have to face a consequence in front of someone who has authority over you in a situation where you are more vulnerable. This is speaking against injustice.

The Power of One: Numbers Don't Define Impact

One man spoke up. Often times we can find ourselves saying: what's the point of me speaking up? I'm only one person. What's the point of me praying? I'm only one person. What's the point of me deciding to choose to live a certain lifestyle? I'm only one person in the family.

That concept and that idea is incorrect in so many ways — primarily because even if we were heavy in number, impact comes from Allah. Whether or not I have a strong backing of numbers or I have no one backing me, numbers don't define impact. The idea that "I'm only one person" shouldn't motivate me to act or not to act. Ultimately the power of impact is in the hands of Allah, and Allah speaks about this in the Quran multiple times:

How many small groups were able to dominate larger groups. Even if it's not the cool thing to do — my wedding will be done in a certain way. Even if it's not the cool thing to do, we won't have certain types of things in a gathering that are haram. The idea is that even though no one does it, it's still the right thing to do.

If we allow the standard of good and bad to be based on what society defines for us, then we end up in a society where burying daughters alive becomes the norm as it was in Mecca. We have goalposts that are defined for us by that which is objectively the truth — the Quran and revelation, which has no bias. There's no relativity to it. It's by default the truth. It's by default what is better for us.

So Allah says, لَا يَسْتَوِي الْخَبِيثُ وَالطَّيِّبُ — that which is pure will never be equal to that which is impure, even though the evil may seem overwhelming, even though you might be in awe of it. Like, "Oh my God, but it looks so good." Sometimes the haram food looks so good. Sometimes looking at someone who's living a life of haram income looks good. It seems attractive. Allah says that even though it may look attractive — because dunya by default is ghurur, it's decorated and garnished and glittery, allowing the eyes to be attracted to it — the truth and falsehood will never be equal.

(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 145)

Islam began as something strange — not strange as in wrong, but strange because everyone else was so deeply rooted in their wrongs and their oppressions. In our time, it's strange for people that our children live with their parents. It's strange for people to see that we don't send our parents to nursing homes. It's strange for people to see that we give charity. These are not strange things.

فَطُوبَى لِلْغُرَبَاءِ — the Prophet ﷺ says: give glad tidings to those who are strange, not in a weird way. They're strange in the sense that they're common in the heavens but not necessarily the common thing to do in dunya.

قَالَ قَائِلٌ — it wasn't a popular thing to do to speak against your brothers. It would have been much easier to just go with the flow. Maybe I can't speak out because the situation is too overwhelming — then just leave. Either way, speak up or step out. It's important to understand that being strange and being different is spoken about so much in the deen. And I'm referring less to how we dress and more to the actions we have and the types of social interactions we keep.

In today's time, we don't have a definition of what the norm is — everyone has their own definition of what normal is. So truly, everyone is a stranger to someone else's definition of normal. It's okay if we don't confine ourselves to their norms. We want to be able to assimilate to the point that we don't lose our own deen. And it has less to do with how we dress and more to do with how we present ourselves at a level of akhlaaq, at a level of good character.

The Well: غَيَابَتِ الْجُبِّ

قَالَ قَائِلٌ مِّنْهُمْ — one man stood up. The lesson we take from it is that we never get caught up on whether or not the impact will be there. We should be worried about whether or not we're fulfilling our responsibility. We are not responsible for the impact — we're responsible for fulfilling whatever we are obliged to do. Whether or not someone eats the haram after I tell them is not my responsibility. I just have to tell them what the truth is. The outcome is in their hands. But I have to fulfill my liability to speak up for the truth. Whether or not it makes a difference is in the hands of Allah:

Allah says, when it came to the Battle of Badr — 313 against a thousand — the sahabah were victorious. Allah says to the Prophet ﷺ: "You never shot the arrow when you shot the arrow." Which makes no sense at a pure literal level — it's oxymoronic. But in the Quranic lens it makes perfect sense: you shot the arrow, but the impact that came from it came from Allah. وَلَـٰكِنَّ اللَّهَ رَمَىٰ — that impact came from Allah. Sometimes you give charity somewhere and you see it grow — that wasn't you, that was Allah. Impact is in the hands of Allah. Allah can take away the impact of fire when Ibrahim (alayhi as-salam) was thrown into it, and Allah can give impact to a mosquito to kill Nimrod.

So one brother stood up and said: لَا تَقْتُلُوا يُوسُفَ — don't kill Yusuf. وَأَلْقُوهُ فِي غَيَابَتِ الْجُبِّ — go ahead and throw him in the depth of a dark well. يَلْتَقِطْهُ بَعْضُ السَّيَّارَةِ — one of the travelers will come and grab him. إِن كُنتُمْ فَاعِلِينَ — if you are so bent on doing something.

What he's saying is: if you have really committed yourself to harming Yusuf, then do something far less than killing him — put him inside a well so that at least he's not your problem. He'll become someone else's problem. Someone else will get a hold of him and he'll live a life without you all. He wasn't giving them the idea of throwing him into the well as a plan. He was simply saying: don't kill him, but I know where your mind and your heart are — at least do something less, get rid of the problem, but don't kill him.

The Meaning of غَيَابَتِ الْجُبِّ

The word غَيَابَة comes from the word غَيْب and غَائِب, which means to be absent and unseen. غَيَابَةُ الْجُبِّ refers to this dark well — so dark that if you look down, you can't see the bottom. The word جُبّ refers to a well that is not constructed. Later in the surah we learn that this well didn't even have its own bucket. It wasn't a place that people would go on a normal day-to-day basis to get water. It was a well for travelers — they would come with their own bucket. It's just there for the sake of travelers being able to grab some water on their journey.

Yahuda, in this statement, also shows his compassion to Yusuf — his intention is to say: he will be saved. Someone's gonna pick him up. We'll take him to a well where he's not in your way, but you also don't kill him. Someone's gonna take him and he'll live a life without all of you.

Speaking Against Oppression Within Our Own Homes

The story continues. After they agreed upon throwing him into the well and came to this conclusion, the brothers gather and make a plan to go to the father and convince him to send Yusuf with them. From this we learn that the father had already been dealing with these children for years. Until now the father had not let Yusuf out of his sight — even though the dream had not been seen yet. The dream was simply the straw that broke the camel's back. Hasad is like a spark of fire. I just came from California — Allah protect — but one spark of fire causes such a forest fire and the entire city is affected. One spark. Hasad is the same. It's a spark, and it's showing you what you already had in your heart. It exposes the malice and the jealousy in a person's heart.

Everyone should be concerned about oppression on the screens. But how about oppression within our own homes? Sometimes I am the oppressor of my younger siblings by the way I speak to them. Zulm is not only killing someone — zulm is taking someone's rights that are given to them by Allah. By the way I speak to people, by the way I interact with them — it's all zulm. So we have to be careful even in our own situation.

The Brothers Approach Their Father: Gaslighting and Compensation

They come to the father and say: "Oh our beloved father, why don't you trust us with Yusuf?" You know the word amanah? It's one-on-one gaslighting — you come off as if the other person is wrong. "Why don't you trust me with Yusuf?" Rather than digging deep inside of yourself and saying, "Okay, I've got to fix what is causing this person not to trust me." That is why the person doesn't trust me.

A victim always plays this card: "Why don't you trust me? Why don't you do this for me?" And we're taught to always be aware of our own deeds and our own actions. We don't gaslight people. A person is always aware of their own actions, not looking to pass the blame. This is a tactic — to make the father feel like he's doing something wrong. You know when you start off the conversation with "Why don't you do this?" — it makes the person feel like they're doing something wrong.

So the sons tactically approach the father and say: "Why don't you trust us?" — meaning it's a problem that you have, rather than saying we have a problem of jealousy towards Yusuf. And the word nasiha in Arabic means we are well-wishers for this person. This is why the Prophet ﷺ says:

(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 55)

This entire deen is giving sincere advice to one another. One of the conditions of being a nasih, one of the conditions of being a well-wisher, is that when you're giving advice to someone, you're thinking of their betterment before your own. That's nasiha. We don't have any bias in it. A nasiha is to always think about what's better for the other party and give them advice based on that precedence.

So they say: وَإِنَّا لَهُ لَنَاصِحُونَ — "We are the well-wishers of Yusuf. We love him. We'll take care of him. We want nothing but good for him." They're presenting themselves as if they absolutely are in love with this child. Because that's their way of getting their father's trust back.

They say: "Send him with us tomorrow. We'll just go run around, race, play sports, have fun together." These brothers are really planting the idea in the father's mind that they want to include Yusuf in what they're doing. And the scholars of tafsir mention: لَنَاصِحُونَ means we'll look out for his emotions, while لَحَافِظُونَ means we'll look out for him physically — we won't let anyone say anything wrong to him, and we won't let anyone physically harm him. Emotionally, we'll protect him. Physically, we'll also protect him. They're compensating.

You know when you go to your parents and you're saying a lot of nice things, and your parents are like: "What did you do wrong?" That's وَإِنَّا لَهُ لَحَافِظُونَ — you're always trying to put something forth to cover up what you're hiding. And this is how the Munafiqoon were. The Munafiqoon were very front and center when it came to praising the Prophet in front of people — very front and center when it came to slogans and optics.

Like Abdullah ibn Ubayy ibn Salul, the leader of the Munafiqoon — for the first two years in Medina, before the Prophet would give the khutbah, he would stand on the minbar and give the pre-khutbah. He would stand up and say: "The Prophet has come to our city. We have to take care of the sahabah. We have committed to him and serving him." All that nice sloganish stuff. And behind his back he was going ahead and working against him in Uhud. They're very good at optics. They're very good at knowing how to compensate.

(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 101)

(Sunan Abi Dawud, Hadith 4918)

A believer doesn't trick one another. The Prophet ﷺ says the believer is like a mirror. And Allah in the Quran says about a believer's heart that it's like glass — because you can see through it. What's on the inside is shown on the outside. A believer does not lie, does not backbite, does not harm one another, does not present themselves in a way that they're not.

And it's not to say that you're okay to be a bad person. You know sometimes people say: "I'm just the way I am." That's not the point. The point is to become better. Just like how we're obliged to work on our worship, we're also obliged to work on our character. Every personality fits within the spectrum of Islam. You have Abu Bakr — the softness and gentleness — but you also have Umar — the sternness. Our kindness is not seen as weakness. Our sternness is not seen as oppression. We're stern, but we're not oppressive.

The Father's Response: Fear of the Wolf

The father says: "Look, I wouldn't mind him going with you, but I'm afraid — I'm anxious." The word حُزن generally refers to anxiety over what will take place in the future. This is why we say:

"Oh Allah, I seek refuge from hamm" — which means depression over what happened in the past — "and from huzn" — which is anxiety over what will take place in the future. And خَوْف is for yourself, while حُزن is for someone else. Like if you're afraid for your friend, that's called huzn. That's why Allah says:

Meaning: you won't be afraid for yourself, and you also won't be afraid for your siblings, family members, and friends in Jannah. So يَحْزُنُنِي means: I'm afraid for him. I have huzn for him. أَخَافُ أَن يَأْكُلَهُ الذِّئْبُ — I'm afraid that a wolf will eat him.

The father is being very careful with his words. Because he could have said: "Stand down, I know what you're thinking, I know what you're planning." This is a common discussion under these verses. If the father knew they were attempting to harm Yusuf, why did he end up conceding and letting him go? Why did he not just double down and be stubborn?

There are many responses to this. One answer is that the father understood that these children of his were so set on harming him — if he did not let him go, they would have killed him in his own house, by any means necessary. The second response is that you could be a prophet, but you don't have the power to stop Qadr. Qadr will roll out. Even though he is Yaqub, a prophet of Allah, he doesn't have the power to hold Allah's decree back. And he understood that too.

So he says: وَأَنتُمْ عَنْهُ غَافِلُونَ — like I'm afraid that if he goes with you a wolf would eat him. Not because you want the wolf to harm him, but because you are unaware. You'll be running around, you're older, you're having fun with your friends, and he's small — he can't keep up with you. The tafsir mentions that the father said to his sons: you are much bigger and faster. So you'll be running and walking, and he'll be left behind. And when he's left behind, a wolf will eat him, or he'll get lost. I'm afraid, not because you have ill intentions — though they did — but I'm afraid because something else might happen to him. He's treading carefully because at the end of the day, these are also his sons.

A Lesson on Tawbah and Avoiding the Details of Sin

Imam al-Ghazali rahimahullah, alongside many of the other mufassirun — it's also commented on by Ikrimah rahimahullah, a great scholar of tafsir — says that in this verse we learned something. The father, unwillingly, unconsciously, subconsciously, planted a seed in the hearts of the brothers. And this is not to say that he was wrong. But this is to say that we should avoid speaking about a haram act or a sin even when we're trying to protect people from it.

Oftentimes you hear people saying: "Back in the days I used to commit this sin, and Allah changed my life." It's possible that you committed certain sins and Allah changed you. But when you mention it to other people, they might start committing that sin — and maybe they don't have the ability to change. And you will live with the burden of having urged them towards that sin.

Imam al-Ghazali rahimahullah says we are not a religion like Christianity where we have confessions. Tawbah is not confession. We don't confess to Allah — we ask Allah for forgiveness for our sins. He says very beautifully: even in our tawbah, even in our dua, we are encouraged not to mention the details of the sin, because if you mention the details of the sin whilst you're mentioning it, there might come a sweetness attached to it that inclines you to commit it again. To end the evil, stop speaking about the evil. Even in tawbah, we've never seen the salaf asking Allah for forgiveness while mentioning the details of their sin.

Tawbah means: I know what I did. There's recognition. And there is nadama:

(Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4252)

There is regret. And there is an attempt to forsake all the precursors that lead towards it — to leave that friend, to leave that app, to leave that phone. Whatever it is, the precursors are also a part of the tawbah. But we don't confess the details to Allah.

We see in the Quran that even the prophets — when they made mistakes — never went ahead and described their sin in detail. Because sometimes when you're recounting the sin, you don't catch it, but you're trying to justify it. What do we find in the Quran?

The best justification for a sin is a claim to one's own weakness. When Adam (alayhi as-salam) came down from the heavens after eating from the tree and sought tawbah and forgiveness, he said: "Allah, we oppressed ourselves." And you learn from the story of Yunus (alayhi as-salam), who left his community before the command was given to him and was swallowed by a whale. As he's in the darkness of this whale, he doesn't say to Allah, "I committed so and so." He just says:

A heart-to-heart with Allah. These things can be motivational and they can be helpful — but they can also be destructive if they're not done correctly.

The Brothers Pounce on the Father's Words

He just mentioned that a wolf would eat him. And the brothers had actually had no concrete plan — their mind was simply set that no matter what, Yusuf is not coming back home. But the moment the father said, "A wolf will eat him" — aha. If he's already afraid of that, they might as well use that as their plan to get away with it.

This is a lesson: avoid speaking about the sin or the mistake. Allah has not made us liable for it. أَخَافُ أَن يَأْكُلَهُ الذِّئْبُ — I'm afraid a wolf will eat him — and that now allows a person to think of exactly that.

They said: "Oh father, are you afraid that a wolf will eat him?" They're probably laughing in the back of their minds — wolf? The father doesn't know that we are the wolves. And it's actually mentioned in the tafsir. Ibn Jarir mentions that this is profound — Prophet Yaqub was not simply afraid of actual wolves. He was subtly hinting that they were the wolves. "I'm afraid of the pack of wolves while he is a lone sheep. You're the pack of wolves and he's the lone sheep. If he goes with you, you'll devour him." He's giving that hint, trying to tell the children: I know what's going on.

And the sons respond: "Are you afraid that a wolf will eat him while we're there?" — وَنَحْنُ عُصْبَةٌ. The word عُصْبَة means a pack — an unbreakable group. It refers to youngsters between the ages of 17 and 35, strong and physically capable, emotionally present. "Are you afraid wolves will eat him while we're there? إِنَّا إِذًا لَّخَاسِرُونَ — if that's the case, we would be the biggest losers. No, man, we won't let that happen to our brother. We'll take care of him." And they're using all these words to simply compensate for the jealousy in their hearts and for what they are planning.

Don't Test Your Own Taqwa

Sometimes we think that because of our abilities and our strength, we'll be protected from a sin. We don't trust ourselves. "I know I can protect myself." That's not true. Why would I play with fire if I know that if it touches me it'll burn me? We don't test our taqwa. There's no practice field of testing my taqwa. وَنَحْنُ عُصْبَةٌ — "We're very capable. If we fail, then we'd be the biggest losers." خَاسِرُونَ literally means خُسْرَان:

And finally they're able to convince the father. Imam al-Qurtubi says that this back and forth did not take place in one sitting. This happened over the span of days. You know when you want to convince your parents about something, you've got to plant the seed like a month before and then water it. So they were working on the father for a long period of time. "Oh father, we've got to take him. You have to trust us." Finally, Yaqub (alayhi as-salam) caves in and allows the sons to go. And inshallah we'll start with this next time.