What Yusuf (AS) Teaches Us About Good Character | Ep. 14

What Yusuf (AS) Teaches Us About Good Character

As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.

We start from ayah 43 today. Ayah 42 is what we completed. The last discussion that we've had — I know it's been two to three weeks — was the discussion in regards to one of the two prisoners being freed. And when one of those two prisoners was freed, he told Yusuf (AS) that it'll be nice if you tell the king about me. It'll be nice if the king knows that I'm here. And since you know that I'm innocent, perhaps you telling the king will also allow me to get out of prison.

And we mentioned that the ayah mentions:

Shaytan, of course by the permission of Allah, erased this memory from him — he made him forget about his cellmate. And Yusuf (AS) remained in prison for about seven years. We spoke about the wisdom of this, the why behind this. And now the journey continues.

The King's Dream — The Third Dream in the Story

He stays in prison for all these years. No other opportunity comes forth for him to come out. After all these years, the king sees a dream. This is the third dream in the story of Yusuf (AS). The first dream was his own dream. The second dream was the dream that the two prisoners had. This is the third one. And again, this just shows and supports the concept that at this time, dreams were something very well spoken of. It was something common. It was something that people saw to be a form of honor — like how the magicians were seen to be revered and honored at the time of Musa (AS).

And this is the king seeing this dream. They put a lot of thought behind their dreams and believed in the interpretations of dreams. It comes down to, even much later, you have the story of Fir'aun seeing the dream that a child is going to be born — and he gave it so much heaviness and so much athar (effect) upon him that he believed this dream has to be true. So in this culture, the dreams that they see and the interpretations that come from them are seen to be impactful.

The king sees سَبْعَ بَقَرَاتٍ سِمَانٍ — in simple words, seven fat cows — يَأْكُلُهُنَّ سَبْعٌ عِجَافٌ — being consumed by seven skinny cows. Ijaf refers to something so lean you can almost see the bones of the animal. And cows are not skinny. If it were goats, it would perhaps mean something different. If it were camels, it maybe would mean something different. But this refers to cows — cows are massive, full of meat.

Ibn Kathir mentions in his Tafsir that the reference to cows relates to food more than any other animal. Other animals could refer to riding, carrying merchandise, or warfare — horses, for example, could be used in battle. But cows have one main purpose: to graze, to be eaten, and to give milk. So he sees seven fat cows being eaten and consumed by seven skinny cows. Then he sees seven green, healthy ears of corn, and then he sees seven that are dead — yabis means dry, their stock is not full.

The King Consults His Cabinet — The Importance of Shura

The king says:

The word mala' in Arabic refers to your cabinet — elite members. There are many words in the Arabic language that mean "group." Some like جَمَاعَة, which is the most generic. عُصْبَة means a group that is aligned on their vision, mission, and also around the same age — a friend circle. That is the word the brothers of Yusuf used: وَنَحْنُ عُصْبَةٌ. And then there is this word مَلَأ, used multiple times in the Qur'an. You will see the ninth juz begins with:

The mala' — they were the ones who said about those who were weaker: how can these people be the ones who follow the Prophet before us? If the Prophet was true, we would have been the first followers. So mala' in Arabic refers to an elite group of people — in our time, the cabinet. People of royalty. People who have some form of clout and status.

So the king turns to his cabinet and seeks an opinion. أَفْتُونِي is a word we use in today's time for fatwa — same word as أَفْتُونِي. It literally means "give me a fatwa," but the original usage of this word is referring to "give me your opinion." Because ultimately a fatwa is also an opinion of a person of a scholarly background — it's an opinion, not the definitive verdict of the religion.

You have in the story of Sulayman (AS), when he sent a letter to Bilqis, the queen of Sheba:

Come to me and become Muslim. I am Sulayman and I am calling you not as a king but as a messenger. The first thing she did was turn towards her cabinet and her council:

"Give me your opinion about this matter of mine. I have never come to a conclusion without you all also being a witness and giving me your input." So here as well, the king is perplexed. He doesn't know what this dream means, so he calls the experts and says, tell me what it means.

The Lesson of Shura (Consultation)

There is a statement referred to a great scholar of Tafsir, Imam Mujahid, who was a student of Abdullah ibn Abbas. He says: even the stories of the people in the Qur'an who are not prophets have lessons for us. Even the stories of the people in the Qur'an who are not Muslims have lessons for us — that we can take lessons from those stories as well. Like the story of Bilqis. Like the story of the Malik himself.

The Malik did what we should be doing when we are not certain about a matter — which is shura. You ask people for their input so you can make a calculated decision. Seeking input is not a sign of a lack of intelligence. Seeking input is a sign of intelligence. The Prophet ﷺ sought input from his companions in every situation. And at times the input he received was different from what he had preferred.

We have the example from the Battle of Badr, where the Prophet ﷺ set up his camp and one of the companions came and said: "Ya Rasulallah, is this placement based upon revelation, or is it رَأْيٌ رَأَيْتَهُ — an opinion and strategy of yours?" And the Prophet ﷺ said, "No, it is strategy — I thought it would be better to put the camp here, but there is no divine reason." The Sahabi said, "Ya Rasulallah, I think it would perhaps be better if you moved the camp in front of the wells of Badr, so that you block off the water from the Mushrikun when they come." And the Prophet ﷺ said, "You're right. Let's move the camp."

And even in Uhud, which is famously spoken of, the Prophet ﷺ had a completely different preference — aligned with the senior companions, which was to stay within the boundaries of Medina and protect it from within. But the younger and more zealous companions, who were not able to participate in Badr because of their age, spoke up and said, "We want to go out." And the Prophet ﷺ actually decided based upon their opinion, even though it was contrary to what he himself wanted.

So shura is what grows a community. Nowadays even youngsters — adults like you and I — we struggle to do shura with our parents. You have Ibrahim (AS), who has been given a command from Allah. And still he does shura. Sometimes we say, "Well, there's no point — it's already clear what I'm going to do." No, it's not. Still, shura is like istikhara. There are two things you should do before every major decision of your life.

Number one: istishara — you ask people for their input. And Ibn al-Qayyim says that a person you should seek input from should have three conditions as prerequisites. Number one, they must be experts of that field. Imagine going to someone and asking for their input about a career that only people in that career know about. This happened with the Prophet ﷺ when the Ansari companions came and asked him about how to plant crops. The Prophet ﷺ gave his input, they planted that way, and the next year they came back and said, "Ya Rasulallah, we've never had a worse harvest." And the Prophet ﷺ said:

(Sahih Muslim, Book 43, Hadith 6)

"You are more knowledgeable about the affairs of your dunya than me." So number one, the person must have experience. Number two, they must have taqwa — an awareness of Allah. That is important because if they don't have the awareness of Allah whilst advising you, why would they actually care about the boundaries of this deen whilst hoping for your benefit? Even if they want benefit for you, they might be harming you by giving you avenues that are not permissible. And number three, there needs to be nusah — genuineness and love. They have to care for you, care for your well-being, care for your success. And there is no one more fulfilling of these three characteristics than one's own parents.

And the second thing is istikhara — that we seek khair from Allah as well.

Understanding the Words of the Ayah

The Meaning of Ta'burun (Interpreting Dreams)

The king says: أَفْتُونِي فِي رُءْيَايَ إِن كُنتُمْ لِلرُّءْيَا تَعْبُرُونَ — "Tell me about my dream, if you are good at interpreting dreams." The word used here is ru'ya. It comes from the word ra'a — which in its original meaning doesn't actually mean sight; it means knowing, the certainty of something. This is why in Arabic we would say a calculated opinion is called ra'i. When Allah says أَلَمْ تَرَ in the Qur'an, He is not asking if we literally saw something — He is asking if we know of it. Because sight is the clearest form of determining knowledge. عَيْنُ الْيَقِين — if you see it, you know about it with certainty. So the word ra'i, when you give an opinion, it is as if you are so certain you saw it with your own eyes.

There are three types of dreams people can see. One: fragments of their own imagination, which neither help nor harm. The second: dreams that come from shaytan — and the signs of such a dream are when a person falls asleep without the dhikr of Allah, in an impure state, with a day filled with haram — you are easing the door for shaytan to enter your heart and mind. And the third: dreams that come from Allah — which normally occur in the last part of the night, before Fajr salah. The Prophet ﷺ said that whoever sees him in a dream has truly seen him.

The Meaning of Ibarah (Reflection)

The word ta'burun — the word ibarah — generally means "lesson." But the word ibarah in Arabic comes from the word ma'abarah. And ma'abarah means to actually cross. The most commonly used word for bridge in Arabic is ma'abarah, because it helps you cross from one side to the other. The word ibarah comes from that. And the connection between a bridge and reflection is this: ibarah helps you make a determined decision — it helps you move from place A to place B. If you cannot reflect, you are moving based on desire or on other people's decisions. There has to be ibarah in our life for us to cross that bridge.

Another profound usage of the word ibarah in Arabic is actually tears. When a person truly reflects, it allows them to recognize aspects of themselves that they are lacking or struggling with — a self-analysis that will move you to tears. So the deeper meaning of the king's request is: can you take me from where I am — which is confusion — to clarity? This is what ibarah means. Every word in the Qur'an has a depth to it.

The Cabinet's Response — Adghathu Ahlam

The cabinet responds: "These are adghathu ahlam." The word adghat — the plural is adghat — means something which is mukhtalat, mixed. Like grass mixed with dirt, mixed with mud, mixed with other plants. They are saying: this is a mixture of multiple fragments of your imagination. These are not a ru'ya; these are ahlam — just fragments of your imagination.

Why do these experts respond in this manner? Number one: they genuinely didn't know what the dream meant. But instead of simply admitting they did not know, they protected their position. You're supposed to know this — that's why the king hired them. So the answer becomes: "It's not even real, it has no meaning." But the correct answer would have simply been: "I don't know." As the scholars say: half of knowledge is saying لَا أَدْرِي — "I don't know." There is no harm in that.

And the second possibility — which Imam al-Qurtubi mentions — is that they potentially did know the answer, but didn't want to share it because it was something they didn't know how to deal with. What's the solution? It would put them in a difficult situation. So to protect themselves, they said: this thing doesn't even have a meaning.

The Meaning of Ahlam and Hilm

The word ahlam comes from the root letters ح ل م — hilm. Hilm refers to a combination of two qualities: knowledge and patience. Knowledge without patience makes a person become like shaytan — very knowledgeable, but with no patience. It is like having a fast car that is not properly contained; it is going to blow up the engine. So hilm is knowledge with the know-how of how to actually utilize that knowledge.

Ibrahim (AS) was someone who was awwah — very concerned and moved — but he was also very calculated, tolerant, and knowledgeable. Real knowledge actually brings sabr. Without knowledge, it is very difficult for a person to remain patient — that is where anxiety comes from. Knowledge is a pacifier. Even when children would drink milk from their mothers, some scholars noted the word's connection to pacification — it allows a child to feel comfortable and at peace. Similarly, hilm refers to knowledge that leads towards patience. Knowledge of the Akhirah is a great pacifier of all the challenges of dunya. That is part of our belief.

The Wine Bearer Remembers Yusuf (AS)

Sitting amongst them in that gathering was also the wine bearer — the one who had been freed from prison. He is not part of the cabinet. His position is much lower in the government. He is like the water boy: you are not playing, not an athlete, but you are there in the locker room and you know the conversations that are taking place. He is not a big person in this discussion, but he happens to be there pouring wine and carrying out his responsibility when he hears this conversation unfolding.

When he hears this — and in the commentaries it is mentioned that the king insisted, saying this dream must mean something, I need to know what it means — this is when the wine bearer says: أَنَا أُنَبِّئُكُم بِتَأْوِيلِهِ فَأَرْسِلُونِ — "I can inform you all of its interpretation. Send me where I need to go" — meaning, send me back to prison so I can meet my friend.

In between, Allah says: وَادَّكَرَ بَعْدَ أُمَّةٍ — he remembered after an ummah. One of the meanings of the word ummah is time — a long period. An ummah is also called an ummah because each ummah covers a certain time frame in this world. Ibrahim (AS) is described as:

Ummah has many meanings — generation, leader, time. So وَادَّكَرَ بَعْدَ أُمَّةٍ means: he remembered Yusuf after an entire long period of time.

Yusuf (AS) and the Lesson of Good Character

So he lets the wine bearer go to the prison, and imagine: he reaches his cellmate, which is Yusuf (AS). Yusuf (AS) has not seen this person in seven years — some say nine years. And Yusuf (AS) was under the assumption that this person was the one who was going to help him get out of prison — that he was the one who was going to tell the king about him. All these years later, this man shows up. What is the first thing you are going to say? "Brother, get out of my face." How dare you come back to me and ask me for something again.

He comes and says: يُوسُفُ أَيُّهَا الصِّدِّيقُ — Oh Yusuf, oh truthful one. Oh honorable one. Oh friend of mine. After all these years. And Yusuf (AS) has been right there in his cell the entire time.

When People Only Reach Out When They Need You

The response of Yusuf (AS) — which is the most powerful part of this story — teaches us something. Sometimes we feel somewhat overwhelmed, irritated, annoyed — and even sometimes we almost have a level of ghayth towards people. Almost like a detestment towards people who only reach out to us when they need us. When someone calls me only when they need me. When someone reaches out to me only when they need me.

Look — as perhaps a lowly quality that may be in others, it is okay. That is the nature of life. People will reach out to you when they need you. And the fact that they do reach out to you when they need you is a sign of goodness in itself as well. How many parents do we know who would do anything for their children to reach out to them when they need them — but the children have grown up, they don't communicate, they don't call. The parents would love for their kids to simply call them, even if it was just because they need something. So there is a level of gratitude to be had if people reach out to me when they need me. Yes, it might be a little bit annoying at times, but it is okay.

You and I also do the same thing. There are certain people we only reach out to when we need them too. We should have big enough hearts. If people only reach out to us when they need us, it is okay. It is not a big deal. At least they have someone like us to reach out to. Be grateful to Allah.

When you actually reflect on what they are asking for — can you give me a ride? Can you help me put together a recommendation letter? It is not like the person is asking for a million dollars. Something so small and insignificant. And yet in our heads it becomes such a big thing. We lower the standard of what good character looks like, because the standard for us becomes: "good character is to do as is done unto me." No, that is not the standard. That is the standard of not being a bad person. The Prophet ﷺ said:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 5991)

That is the standard of an average person — not a bad person, but not yet a good person. The standard of a good person in good character is: even when people don't do good upon them, they try their best to reflect goodness towards them. The hadith says we are not true believers until we love for our brothers what we love for ourselves — and the opposite is also true: we are not true believers if we don't wish for our people to be protected from harm the way we wish to be protected. That is Iman.

The Sunnah of Gifts and Generosity

This discussion of help and give-and-take reminds us of the sunnah of hadiyah — gifts. The Prophet ﷺ said:

(Al-Adab al-Mufrad, Hadith 594; also referenced in Musnad al-Bazzar)

Give gifts to one another and you will love one another. When someone gives you a gift, give a gift back. But you cannot tell the person to give you a gift back. The norm of our deen is: if you receive a gift, give a gift back. It is the sunnah. When someone says salam, you respond — وَعَلَيْكُمُ السَّلَامُ — you have to reciprocate. But you cannot demand reciprocation.

And sometimes you don't want to give a gift because you think the other person is going to judge you based on the gift. But why should they? It is a gift — the receiver does not even deserve it. Entitlement is a cancer of gratitude. No entitled person can ever be grateful, because they always feel that whatever you gave them they already deserved. So anything you do for them, they will say: "I deserved this anyway. What are you doing extra for me?" We ask Allah to protect us from entitlement and to fill our hearts with gratitude.

The Response of Yusuf (AS) — The Character of a Muhsin

Yusuf (AS) had a few options in this moment. If I were Yusuf, the first thing I would have said is: "Brother, you want me to interpret your dream? This time I'll do it from outside the prison cell. Last time I did it from inside and I asked you to get me out. This time I'm only going to do it if you get me out first." How often, when someone asks us for something we have, is the first thought: how can I help this person but also get something out of it?

Just chill. It is okay if you don't get anything out of it. Not every hand that is there to help needs to be a hand that receives something back in compensation in dunya. Then where is the reward for it in the akhirah?

Yusuf (AS) also could have simply refused. Or he could have made that person feel slighted — and sometimes when someone gives you something, they give it with such a slight, with sometimes even a level of arrogance, that you think: it is better if I didn't ask. If you have any self-respect, you will feel that way. But Yusuf (AS) did none of this. No comments. These small comments that we pass — "Oh, I know I invited you to my wedding, but you never invited me to yours." Right there — unnecessary. And whatever good you did has now already been compromised.

Before saying adha (harm), Allah says mann — speaking of the goodness that you do, passing comments about it. It messes up the entire thing. لَا تُبْطِلُوا — batil means it never happened. It does not say la tufsidu where fasad means you can still repair it. Tubtiloo — it is gone. Forget about it.

So Yusuf (AS) does what a muhsin would do — he responds without making the person feel slighted. Seven years in prison because of this person. And he responds by interpreting the dream and telling him exactly how to deal with what is coming.

A muhsin always gives more than what the person asks. The person asks for a cup of water — make sure the cup is given on a plate. What is the difference between a five-star restaurant and a normal restaurant? They give you the same water, but they make it presentable in a manner that makes you feel honored. This is ihsan.

Ihsan is not about the what. Ihsan is about the how. How you did it. Sometimes you respond to someone's need, but the how is so poor that it was almost better if you hadn't responded at all — because the how makes the person feel like dirt. Do not allow this to corrupt your deeds and your heart. If Allah gives you the power to give, it should not come at the compromise of making other people feel inferior. And remember — whatever you are giving is perhaps not even that significant:

Everything of this dunya is qalil — little. Whatever you are giving, do not feel that you are doing someone a favor that makes you better than them. The best thing to do is never bring it up again. There are people in this world who, when they help you out and you see them again, they don't even act like they did anything. And you say: "Brother, thank you so much." And they just say: "Just relax."

This is what Yusuf (AS) modeled. He didn't do mann. And it is something that all of us should think about and work on: How do I feel when people reach out to me when they need something? And how do I respond to them? What tone do I use? How do I pick up that phone? You should not be harsh. They need you. If you cannot help, you cannot help — move on. But you do not make that person feel slighted.

The Surah as a Mirror of Character

The entire story has ibra for us. People's character — our character — can truly get refined just by learning this surah correctly. Everyone looks at Surah Yusuf as a story about how to deal with difficulty, meaning how to deal with huzn and grief. But it is a surah that teaches a person how to deal with people — in times of difficulty and in times of ease. This is his response in the time of difficulty. At the end of the surah, he is a king. And see how he responds. He does not change. He does not change.

We will continue from ayah 47 in the session after next — inshaAllah wa ta'ala. As a preview: Yusuf (AS) gave the wine bearer the response and also told him how to deal with what is coming. A muhsin always gives more than what the person asks. May Allah allow us to become like our blessed and beautiful Prophet ﷺ.