Who do you complain to? | Mufti Abdul Wahab Waheed

Complaining to the Right One

When people experience hardships in their lives, they say things, they cry, they comment on life. We know that we're supposed to protect our tongue to the best of our ability, but sometimes complaining is perfectly fine — as long as you're complaining to the right person. Saying it to the wrong person can make it a problem, but if you're complaining to the right person, and allowing that complaint to be heard by the one that can truly make a difference, that is one of the most empowering feelings that a person can experience. And that is complaining to Allah.

The Difference Between حُزْن and حَزَن

The Mufassirun explain: what is the difference between huzn and hazana? Where Allah — in describing the mother of Musa — says hazana, He doesn't say huzna.

The Mufassirun say: huzn is that calamity that is filled with complaints and that is filled with tears. And hazana is that sadness and sorrow in which you don't express tears and you don't complain, but rather you are waiting for Allah to unravel the next course of action.

Huzn is what Ya'qub alayhi salam experienced. Huzn is what the Prophet ﷺ experienced in 'Aam al-Huzn. Huzn is what the sahabah experienced when the Prophet ﷺ passed away.

The Poem of Abu Bakr Upon the Passing of the Prophet ﷺ

I came across a poem that Abu Bakr radiyaAllahu anhu composed the moment he was informed about the passing of the Prophet ﷺ. We can imagine the darkness that had engulfed him in his heart the moment he heard that the Prophet has left the world.

I don't have to try to trace back, but if I simply think about the moment that I had that gut feeling — and anyone that has experienced any type of tragedy, and obviously speaking about this topic now is much easier in some ways and much more difficult in other ways — but if we think about that, we know what we were feeling. We could remember the feeling of our heart touching our throats, and the feeling of not wanting to speak, and being overwhelmed, and becoming dizzy and lightheaded.

Abu Bakr radiyaAllahu anhu, when he heard about the Prophet ﷺ leaving the world, he recited this poem. This narration is mentioned by his own daughter, who says that this was the poem her father taught them when he heard about the Prophet ﷺ leaving this world:

(Poem of Abu Bakr al-Siddiq, radiyaAllahu anhu, upon the passing of the Prophet ﷺ — as narrated by his daughter)

He starts off the poem by saying: "Oh, I wish — when I was informed about this calamity, when I was told about this moment, when they said the Prophet of Allah has left this world and he is now gone — I wish, oh Allah, You would have brought the Day of Judgment the very moment the Prophet left this world, so I would never have to see any wealth or any children."

Because every time a new child would come into this world, every time a new endeavor is tread upon, every time a new institution is opened, every time a new building is purchased — he would have to think about the Prophet. And the same works for us. And the same would work for that nine-year-old child, for whom every single experience in his life he will be thinking about the void of his parents not being there for him.

"I have absolutely no care in the world about the difficulty that is to come to me now — especially when I am reminded that I won't be able to see you again."

And therefore, this man never smiled for two and a half years after the passing of the Prophet ﷺ.

A Lesson for All of Us

The point of sharing this story is for all of us who ever deal with a tragedy — and for those who see others dealing with tragedy: let them speak. Let them talk. Let them share their emotion. Don't belittle them. Don't tell them, "Oh, you're just putting on a front, that's why you're crying." How dare anyone say that to someone. How dare anyone say that to anyone else — that their tears are fake. We don't know what that person is dealing with. We don't know what that person is going through.

Complaining to Allah is not a mistake. Complaining to Allah is a form of therapy. Complaining to Allah and speaking to Allah with your heart is a form of empowering oneself.

Abu Bakr radiyaAllahu anhu shared these feelings with Allah. These are the words of the strongest believer that the world has seen after the Prophets — and he was complaining to Allah. And that was not a mistake. That was a form of drawing close to Allah, of speaking to Allah from the depths of his heart.