Family First: Rebuilding the Foundation of Society | Mufti Azeemuddin Ahmed @MasjidDS |Sat. 30/11/24

Family First: Rebuilding the Foundation of Society

Mufti Azeemuddin Ahmed | Masjid Darussalam | Saturday, 30 November 2024

Opening

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. All praise is due to Allah. May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon the Messenger of Allah.

O Allah, send blessings and peace upon our Master Muhammad and upon the family of our Master Muhammad. And ease my affair, and loosen the knot of my tongue so that they may understand my speech.

Glory be to You, we have no knowledge except what You have taught us. You are the All-Knowing, the All-Wise.

Honorable brothers and sisters, dear guests of the house of Allah, As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

Before we begin, a few points I'd like to mention — for all of us to sit as close as possible. All the sisters, if we can please sit as close as possible, those who are in the women's prayer hall. All the brothers who are here, if you can please kindly move forward. And if you are sitting in a place where you can hear, but you're not part of the main congregation, kindly please sit and move forward and join us here in the main congregation. This is one of the fundamental etiquettes of a gathering of knowledge and dhikr — that we sit as close as possible. And through the barakah of that, we will not only enjoy each other's companionship, but we'll also benefit tremendously from the presence of the angels who are surrounding this gathering.

Number two is a reminder for myself and all of us — that we renew our intention while we are here. I'm speaking and you're listening and we're going to be learning from one another. The number one purpose of it is for the pleasure of Allah. The speaker should regard himself as the most in need of what he is saying. And everyone who is listening should regard themselves as most in need of what is being said.

A person who is speaking or listening should say: Ya Allah, I have come to you with an empty bowl. I've come to you with an empty bowl — I need solutions. I've come to you with a full bucket of problems and an empty bowl of solutions. Solutions lie only with Allah. Ya Allah, I've come to you with genuineness, with sincerity, asking you to give me the answers to my personal issues, to my problems in my life — my spiritual issues, my physical issues, my health issues, emotional issues, financial issues, domestic issues. Whatever issues any one of us is going through, the solution only lies with Allah.

And this is the best place to find answers — the house of Allah and a gathering of remembrance of Allah, a gathering of dhikr, a gathering of knowledge and ilm. This is a place where all of us can walk away having found answers to our questions, having found solutions to our problems.

And so this is the intention we should be making here. Ya Allah, whatever I'm going through, inspire the speaker to share those things that will be of great benefit for me. Ya Allah, do not allow me to leave this gathering except in a state that my sins have been forgiven and I've been replaced with good deeds. And Ya Allah, allow me to leave this gathering in a state that I now have a very renewed purpose to lead my life. And whatever good I hear, not only will I practice on it, but I also make an intention of propagating it to others.

We ask Allah to accept these intentions on behalf of all of us. We ask Allah to accept these du'as on behalf of all of us. Ameen, Rabbil Alameen.

This World Is a Test

Honorable respected brothers and sisters, Allah — the creator of the past, present and future, the creator of human beings, the creator of the earth and that which we see and which we don't see, the creator of the heavens and that which we see and we don't see, the creator of angels — He is also the creator of Shaytan. He is also the creator of the nafs. He is also the creator of all the obstacles that a person finds in his life. Allah is the creator of Jannah as well as Jahannam. Allah is the creator of all moments of happiness, as well as the creator of moments of difficulty and sadness.

To Allah:

All affairs go back to Allah. He is أَضْحَكَ وَأَبْكَى — He makes you laugh, and He is also the one who makes you cry.

Allah is the one who gives death, and He gives life as well. Every tough situation and every happy situation is solely in the hands of Allah.

And Allah does not have a hidden agenda. Rather, He has clearly mentioned to us that He created us for the very purpose of a test. Allah said:

The entire thing is a test. Every moment is a test. In the masjid, outside the masjid, online, or in person. Wherever you are — with family, without family, in seclusion or in public, before marriage, after marriage, before you become a parent, after you become a parent. Whatever the situation may be — whether you are a dominant power or you are on the receiving end, whether you're strong or weak, wealthy or poor — whatever situation you find yourselves in, it's all a test. To test who amongst us has the best of deeds.

Beyond that, Allah says:

Every single thing that has been created on top of this earth — as a beauty, as an attraction. Even the most attractive mountains, the most attractive oceans, the most attractive gorges, the most attractive rose gardens, the most attractive birds, and any other creation of Allah — be it in the form of buildings, cars, homes, or palaces. Allah says all of that — the purpose of it is to test you. Every situation we find ourselves in is a test. Who will end up with the best of deeds? Not just the most, but more importantly, who has the best of deeds?

The Believer's Outlook

My beloved friends, a believer understands this very well. That is why the Prophet ﷺ said about choosing a friend — he said, choose a friend who has three qualities. It's a very well-known hadith:

(Referenced in various collections of Islamic wisdom literature; similar narrations in Musnad al-Shihab, Hadith 245)

When you look at him, he reminds you of Allah. When you look at his actions, you are reminded of the Hereafter. And when he speaks, your knowledge increases. Three things: when you look at him, or when he speaks, or when you look at his actions — you're reminded of the Hereafter, your knowledge is increasing, you're remembering Allah. Why so? Because a believer's life is very different.

A believer doesn't just look at how can I make an extra buck. A believer doesn't just look at what is more convenient. A believer doesn't just look at how can I get ahead of the rest. Instead, his focus is: how can I lead a life that is pleasing to Allah? If I have to lose money, so be it. If I end up coming last in my business amongst the partners or amongst the competitors, but I am doing what's right, so be it. If I end up losing a good friend, so be it. If I end up having to break ties with someone who is very close to me for many years, so be it. Because the most important thing is my life needs to be led in such a manner that it is pleasing to Allah and in the manner shown to us by the Prophet ﷺ. That is the difference between a believer and a disbeliever.

People Around Us Are a Test

Allah has put us in this world like a glass box. He has put halal and haram, makruh and doubtful, obligatory and non-obligatory, fardh and sunnah, sunnah muwakkadah, ghayr muwakkadah — all these options all around us. And Allah is watching each one of us: what we do, how we do, when we do, how often we do.

And then Allah has put us in a situation where we have people around us. We're not alone. We interact with people at home, we interact with people on the streets, we interact with people on the highways, as fellow drivers. All of this is also part of the test.

Allah says: We have made some of you as a test for some of you. So each person — when you say, what a horrible driver in front of me — guess what? He's there as a test for you. A guy cuts you off on the highway, you get upset, you get frustrated. That is a fitnah. How do you respond? Do you just look the other way, give him a blind eye and say, forget it? Or, Allah forbid, you get angry, you get road rage, you start cursing him out? Allah is watching how you're responding.

Allah has placed us in this world and He put everyone around us as a fitnah. Now, amongst those fitna, the ones who are closest to us are a bigger source of fitnah — our spouses, our children, our parents, our siblings. Each one is a fitnah.

The Fitnah of Our Children

We may understand the parent of a disabled child or a special needs child. May Allah grant extreme levels of patience and the highest levels of Jannah to the parents of disabled children, and to the disabled children as well. May Allah make them a means of paradise and ease and comfort for their parents who have to raise them and take care of them throughout their entire life. We understand that as a test for the parents.

I was in Jordan a month ago visiting with a humanitarian organization. I got an opportunity to go visit some refugee camps of Syrians and Palestinians. And alhamdulillah, I got a chance to go visit Masjid al-Aqsa as well. I shared a very detailed report of the whole thing with a PowerPoint presentation on the Masjid Darussalam YouTube channel if you're interested. On their Masjid DS YouTube channel, you'll find it if you look up "Reflections from Jordan and al-Aqsa."

One point I'm sharing with you is that I went to go visit a building that took care of the needs of special needs refugees who were coming from the camps. As soon as I entered, they told me they were already waiting, come come. They hand out hygiene kits to these little kids — toothpaste, toothbrush, things of that sort. So I gave one to this little girl. SubhanAllah, she's like four years old. This is the beauty, the innocence of these special needs kids — whether they're 24 or they're four, so innocent. She came and gave me this big hug, which just melted my heart.

And then they said, you know her name? Her dad, when he found out they were expecting a disabled child, when the doctor said she would have a chronic illness her whole life — he said, Ya Allah, you're giving me a child who's like this. I would much rather have a disabled child than have a disobedient child. This is actually a rahma, so I'm going to name her Rahma. Now imagine, we understand that this is a test for a father and a mother. He thought of it to be a rahma — and it will be a rahma, inshallah, for him.

But it doesn't stop there. Those children who are disobedient are also a very big fitnah. And those children who are very obedient — that is also a fitnah. How will that child be raised? Or a child who's not doing well in school — how do we handle that? These are all forms of fitnah.

The Language of Our Children

I deal a lot with youth who are not on the same page with their dads and moms. Most of the time our immigrant generation are not on the same page. Maybe many of the immigrant generation do not speak English very well. Just like they have to learn it, unless they learn it, they're not going to speak it well. Similarly, you have to learn the language of your kids. And I don't mean just the slang. What I mean is: learning the language of the kids is to be able to read their face, to understand what my kid wants now. What is he upset about? What is he angry about? What is pushing too much? What do I need to step back from? My dad raised me like this, but if I do the same thing, I'm going to break him. I'm going to break her. This is something I can't really push any further.

That is an investment it takes on behalf of the parents — to know what works with the child and what doesn't work. And when you don't know it, it's like you're speaking a language the child doesn't understand. You can speak a two-hour bayan, but if you're speaking in a language that doesn't reach them, how is that going to help?

Similarly, if the children do not understand the parents' language — why is my father emphasizing this, why is my mother emphasizing this — and the mom and dad do not understand the child's language, they will keep on just pushing. What's going to happen? Eventually, the relationship will completely fall apart.

We are seeing a lot more of these cases all over. May Allah protect all of our homes. In our community, we saw almost three cases last year in a small area: on the 18th birthday, the kids ran away from home. They became 18 on Sunday, and by Monday they were gone. And you know how the laws of the land are here. They leave a little note: if you tell the police, we will also tell them — truthfully or lying — that you used to hit us, and you will spend the next 20 years in jail. So the safe way is: you just stop searching for us. Don't look for us. It was nice knowing you, but we're gone.

Within two years, I can say close people to me — four families. They hired top-notch lawyers. What do the lawyers say? They said: Brother, if it had happened at age 16, we could have helped. But this was at 18. Even with canine dog units coming and sniffing — they lost the track. They said, we can smell it till the road; from here after that, we don't know what happened. It's a very elaborate system, because online you can find all these things — how exactly to plan your departure.

Did anyone beat these kids up with a rod? No one beat any of these kids up. It's an ajeeb shaitaniyyah today — that anything a person doesn't like, they say, I'm going to leave. Today even a four-year-old, five-year-old will say things that in the past a fifty-year-old would never say to his mom and dad. Because genuinely there's something in the air that is creating rebelliousness within the kids, no matter what type of household you have.

My experience is such that you cannot expect today's children to be what children were 30 years ago. All I can say is — it's a dajjali era. Just like dajjali fitan is in the air. And that is what's making people do things which previously they would never have thought of. Previously, people would get hit a lot and emotionally get destroyed — but no one dreamed of leaving. And now, kids won't even get touched at times, maybe a few words, and someone doesn't like it and says: I'm out. Peace out, khalas, done.

Allah says in the Quran:

Indeed, your wealth and your children are a fitnah.

Love Over Fear in Parenting

Yesterday I was speaking in one other masjid about the importance of understanding the language of our kids — or more so, about love. Making sure our children have muhabbah and love for us. That as fathers and mothers, if our children do not love us, then we have, in a sense, failed our parenting.

Previously, that was not the case. If you just feared your dad, that was good enough. Because fear would work. All of us came out right. Mom would say, wait till your dad comes. And we'd come right. Today it's like — wait till your dad comes. Khalas, I'm not going to wait, I'm going to leave right now before he even comes. There's something very, very different.

So now, if fear does not work, what's going to have to work? Love.

There was a medical student not too far away from me — a handsome, tall brother, plays sports in college, a Syrian brother. Someone asked him: you're in medical school, you're a sports player — how do you protect yourself from haram? And what an amazing answer he gave. He said: I protect myself from haram because anytime a temptation comes, I think — if I were to slip and fall, how disappointed my parents would be with me. They've done so much for me, and I would never want to disappoint them. That's what keeps me in check.

Now imagine the level of parenting and the amount of love that these parents must have showered. It wasn't the stick. It was love and understanding the psychology of the child that made him feel: there's genuinely no one I owe more to than my parents. Because they're so amazing, and I owe my existence to them.

Everyone's children owe their existence to the parents. But it's how you market it. It's how you speak it. This is the era of marketing. If you can spend money on online ads and marketing and create a hype, it's the perception that drives the value. Similarly with our children — if you say, my kid knows I love him, why else did I take three jobs, why did I come from India to Toronto 30, 40 years ago? Actually, he doesn't know that. And by just repeating it without making him feel it, it doesn't make a difference. He has to actually fully understand and appreciate your journey as a dad and a mom.

That's why the trip I just took to the refugee camp — I highly suggest that as dads and moms, we take our kids on journeys of this type. Before you go for Umrah, they need to go see poverty. They need to see difficulty. They need to see what people are going through in the world. It doesn't have to be in Jordan, but Jordan is one of the easiest and safest places to go witness the refugee camps. Or if you're from India, Pakistan, or Bangladesh, you can go visit the slums, the poor neighborhoods, the orphanages. It's very important for our children to see what type of lifestyle people are having in the world — in order for them to appreciate what they have.

So what we learn from here is that raising a successful child is genuinely a fitnah for the rest of your life. And taking care of our parents — from when we're five years old all the way till they pass away — is a fitnah. So many children, when I say children, I mean even adults who are children of their parents, feel very flustered on how to keep their parents happy.

I know a sister who contacted me even just this morning — who has been seeing a psychiatrist for two years, who is on medication, who is in therapy, who has PTSD — because of her relationship with her mom. She's a divorced lady with kids. Her mom is very religious, very pious, a da'iyah. But she does not know how to raise her daughter. And this sister — as I said — is going to a therapist, a psychiatrist, and a raqi to be able to handle herself, because she is suicidal. She has attempted to take her own life multiple times.

SubhanAllah — she was listening to my tafsir on Tuesday night. After listening she emailed me and said, someone told me to listen to your tafsir, and after listening yesterday I felt like you are someone who can actually help me. Because I don't know who to seek out for help. This sister wears niqab, she attends all dini gatherings, and her mom is a very, very religious figure of her community. But the mom does not know, unfortunately, how to handle her daughter — which has now led her to try to take her own life multiple times.

This is not an isolated case. There are so many incidents where mom and dad do not know how to raise their kids, and they make such major mistakes that either a child will want to take their life, or Allah forbid their child leaves home, or Allah forbid their child leaves Islam. So all of these relationships — between mom, dad, husband, wife, siblings — these are all, brothers and sisters, a fitnah. A test.

It is not sufficient for us to say, I have mom and dad, or I have siblings. Each one of us will be asked about how we treat them.

The Ummah Begins at Home

When we talk about geopolitics, when we talk about problems across the Muslim world — in Palestine, in Lebanon, in Sudan, in Syria once again, and across the globe — it is easy for us to discuss these topics. But what we don't realize is: the ummah is made up of individual families. We cannot bring change within the ummah until we bring change within our own families. If we want the ummah to become healthier, if we want the ummah to become united, if we want the ummah to be more close to Allah, then we all have to take responsibility of our home.

Protect yourself and your family from the fire.

Beloved brothers and sisters, when I look at a gathering packed for Isha salah, and I look at other masajid — what do we routinely see? We see an immigrant generation in the masjid, which is great. But the question is: how many of our college students, our high school students who are off on a weekend — what percentage of them come? If you collect all the Jummahs happening in a city and do the stats — they've been saying there are 500,000 Muslims in Chicago for the past 30 years since I was a child. If you do a quick calculation of how many people gather for Eid salah in the entire city of Chicago, you're not going to hit past 75,000 to 80,000. So on the day of Eid, if you're missing over 500,000 people, where is the ummah?

Those people who are showing up — even for all the Jummahs in our own cities — you'll see it's an immigrant population. The children are a small percentage, even though every immigrant dad has four or five kids. How many of them are showing up for any salah? How many are showing up for Jummah? How many showing up for programs?

Toronto or Chicago becoming a cultural hub for food and clothes does not help Islam. It has nothing to do with the deen. If you have 100 shawarma shops and 50 coffee shops, this is not any measure of the strength of the Muslim ummah. That's like someone who says, oh, there are 55 Muslim countries, the ummah is strong. It has nothing to do with strength. And it is actually a handicap for the ummah. We were far stronger when we had less luxury and less wealth. This wealth has weakened us.

The area of improvement for all of North America, and probably the globe, is: is the deen being genuinely passed down — the Islamic identity — to the next generation? That fervor, that strength that our moms and dads had for Islam, even though they came to this country alone, with a hundred dollars in their pocket, not knowing anyone. Yet how did they establish their Jummah? How did they establish their Eid? How did they establish the first halal restaurant, salah on campus, the MSA? Without any resources, they made so much effort — with such sincerity.

Now is that level of sincerity, that level of dedication, being passed down to the next generation? Every leader has to ask himself: are my children following in my footsteps or not? And if not, then honestly, this was a very short-lived stint. We came here, we built the stuff up, and we moved on. Who's going to run it? Who's going to fill it up? Not only who financially is going to continue to support our institutions — but beyond that, who is going to show up?

The Crisis of Faith in Our Youth

Whatever effort your parents made on you to become a strong Muslim today — 40 years ago — that same level of effort simply does not work today. Take inflation. If $100 could help you get through three days of transportation and food 20 years ago, that same $100 is definitely not going to help you today. Similarly, whatever effort was made by our earlier generation to keep us Muslim — that same amount is simply not sufficient.

I was in Malaysia a few months ago. Over there, they said, one million Malaysians have now left Islam. One of the best Muslim countries I've visited. Let's not even get started with the Middle East or Bangladesh. The type of atheism and secularism that has spread there, continuously spreading like wildfire.

In 2016, I was in Kuwait. I met a great scholar there, one connected to my teachers. I was sitting with him, telling him about the work I'm doing to combat atheism and to help young Muslims stay strong — even when they hit college — by focusing on the doubts and the desires, and giving them solutions in a very beautiful, loving, caring, spiritually enriching environment. This is our Tanweer Intensive Immersion Program that we started 13 years ago, which was a result of some of my childhood friends leaving Islam. When I went to South Africa to study, and they went on to college, they ended up leaving Islam at university — around 2002. All three of my childhood friends who went to college ended up leaving Islam. And that became a catalyst for me to start thinking about solutions. One of the solutions we came up with was a Summer Intensive, the Arabic Intensive, the Deen Intensive, and then the One Year Program, alhamdulillah, which has been happening for the past 13 years.

So I shared this with the scholar at the Awqaf in Kuwait, and I said, we're dealing with this crisis. And he pulled out some official statistics of Saudi Arabia — this is 2016 — that said 10% are atheists, 10% are apostates. At that time. Look where we're at now. It is a raging fire that most people are not aware of.

I'll just tell you one thing: the one whose child has left Islam — number one, he often doesn't even know about it. Because many are hypocrites about it. They wear the hijab, the scarf, and the kufi at home to keep their parents happy, because they want to continue to enjoy the love and money that comes from home. Majority leave Islam quietly. They will maybe mention it on social media or on Reddit, and the university students know, but they don't want to give a heart attack to their parents.

Number two, those who do know are so ashamed they don't even know where to begin. They don't have the ability to go to see the Imam and say, my daughter just said she's not a Muslim anymore. So, however much you think the issue is, it is a hundred times worse than that.

One of the incidents I'll share with you is from one of my students from Houston. He told me this last year, and it just shook me. He said, I have ten friends — we all collectively graduated from the same Hifz class. And from those ten, within approximately two years after graduation, five of them are Muslim and five of them have left Islam.

Please do not think that this is an American problem. There is no difference between America and Canada. When I was in India, I spoke in Gujarat, and when I spoke about these issues, the people came afterward and said quietly: Hazrat, these same issues are happening here, but no one's talking about it. I talked about pornography, about atheism, about all of this. They said: this is the same here. No one talks about it. It's completely shoved under the rug. But everyone started telling me their private stories about who they know has left Islam or has become an addict of this, an addict of that.

This is a worldwide issue. We live in a global village now. Through the worldwide web, everything has come into everyone's hands. No matter which country you go to, these issues are the same. So let us stop being relaxed and apathetic.

A Pew Research study from 2016 or 2017 — that is already an eight-year-old report, pre-COVID, and everything got fast-paced after COVID — mentioned that 24% of Muslims born in Muslim homes in America have left Islam already. This organization, Ex-Muslims of North America, publishes an annual report gathering all the numbers: how much education they had before leaving, what background they had, what they became afterward. That data is there. We don't want ourselves, Allah forbid, to become part of that statistic.

Never should a person think that my family is safe. There is a reason why Allah taught the Prophet ﷺ and revealed in the Quran:

O Allah, please do not allow our hearts to become crooked after You have given us guidance. Indeed, You are the one who gives the most gifts. The fact that we've been taught to make this du'a means that it is possible for a person to be misguided after having been guided.

When the Prophet ﷺ would recite this du'a most often, he was asked why. And he explained:

(Sahih Muslim, Book 33, Hadith 6418)

Indeed, the hearts of the children of Adam are between the fingers of Allah. He may turn them in any direction that He wishes.

So my beloved mothers and sisters, my dear fathers — we all have to be really worried about our own iman and the iman of our children. Only the ones who are paranoid may survive. The anbiya were paranoid about the iman of their children. Surah Baqarah speaks about Yaqub ﷺ and about Ibrahim ﷺ — prophets whose father is a prophet, grandfather is a prophet, whose son is a prophet. They come from a golden chain of prophets. Yet, their main concern was: what will you do after I die? Are you going to worship Allah or not? So much fikr and concern. Imagine in 2024, in the environment that we live in, how much effort we all need to make. How much concern, how much du'a every one of us has to be making.

Three Solutions

We have to take this home. We have to make fikr. What can I do differently to ensure my child doesn't become part of that statistic? So three things we have to focus on.

1. Ruhaniyyah — Spirituality

Number one: we have to focus on the tarbiyah and tazkiyah of ourselves and our children. It is not just rote memorization of du'as. It is not just rote memorization of the Quran. It has to be genuine muhabbah and love for Allah and His Rasul ﷺ and the deen. There has to be this genuine pride of Islam. This iman is not a joke — it's a huge blessing.

Usually, we identify memorization with love for Islam. He memorized 30 juz, he's the best Muslim. He's memorized the du'as in maktab, he's the best Muslim. No, it doesn't work like that. Memorization does not equal love. Our elders did not memorize the Quran, but they read it much more than our generation does. Our focus should be: how can our kids fall in love with the deen? You ask Allah: Ya Allah, how can my daughter and my son love Islam? You have to present, market Islam to them. Resell Islam to your own kids — where they become ushshaq and lovers of the deen.

Of course, dhikr of Allah is very powerful. Doing daily dhikr at home, doing dhikr together — this definitely is very beneficial. It gives the soul its food. Additionally, making tafakkur fi khalq al-samawati wal-ard — pondering over nature. Going on nature trips and pondering on how beautifully Allah made this world — that is also very very helpful.

When it comes to the love of Rasulullah ﷺ — not only sending excessive salawat 'ala al-Nabi ﷺ, but also regularly reading the stories from the life of the Prophet ﷺ. Stories leave a very powerful impression. When we read the seerah and live through the footsteps of the Prophet ﷺ, we'll find that no matter what situation we're in, 100% we will find a source of comfort in the life of Rasulullah ﷺ.

Ruhaniyyah — spirituality — is the key word. The only thing we can survive with now is spirituality. Not big huge masjids, not huge madrasas, not huge libraries, not lots of memorization — those are all secondary things. The only thing that can help us through this difficult era we are entering is our own individual relationship with Allah. As one scholar mentioned: if a father did not teach his kids how to take from the treasures of Allah through du'a, what has he taught him? That is like the very basic thing we have to teach — how to take from Allah's treasures. You can't say, I'll make du'a for you — you won't always be there. You have to teach them how to make du'a for themselves.

2. Ilm — Knowledge

Number two is ilm. All the necessary knowledge for their life — especially ilm on the issues that they are being confused about. One is the basic tahara, the basic fiqh, the basic ahkam. But along with that, our aqeedah — why we believe and what we believe in. When it comes to the preservation of the Quran, the preservation of the hadith, the noble life of the Prophet ﷺ, establishing the proof for the existence of Allah — what are the objections that our youth are commonly exposed to? Via the internet, via their classes in school. We have to teach our children the answers to that. Because Allah forbid, they're thinking the answers don't exist — because they never heard it discussed.

There is a book called The Divine Reality by brother Hamza Tzortzis. This is a book that we actually teach in our institution in the One Year Program. It's been translated into multiple languages. A mudhakara and a discussion of The Divine Reality with our college students would definitely be great. There are workshops of it available online as well.

We need to show demand. If the holidays are coming — winter break, summer break — let's have an aqeedah workshop on atheism, or let's have the top 10 questions answered. Do whatever you need to get people into the masjid. If they're not coming to the masjid, do it at the university. Do it wherever. But we need to make sure our youth are getting the answers they need before they hear the objections. The answers and the ruhaniyyah are like a vaccine — you give a vaccine after they've been infected and it doesn't really help. You have to give it before they get sick. The ruhaniyyah is to combat the shahawat, the lustful desires. And the ilm is to combat the shubuhaat — the doubts.

3. A Loving Home Environment

Third: there has to be an extremely loving and caring home environment. There has to be an environment at home where there is no judgment — a judgment-free zone. A person should never feel that their parents will hate them or look down on them. Rather: you are our blood, you are our flesh, you've been a gift from Allah. We're here to protect you. We don't want you to go seek help on the internet. We want you to seek help from us. If a child is always fearing judgment, they will never come and say what they did. Never.

So a parent has to say: this is a safe space for you to share with me whatever you did. That's my guarantee. If you speak the truth and tell me what's going on, I'm ready to help you, because I'm your friend. Do I have all the answers? No. But I can definitely connect you, I can drive you, I can take you to someone who knows the answers. That type of friendship relationship has to be there.

I was giving a talk in Arizona and one of the brothers raised his hand and said: the founder of this organization that promotes people leaving Islam is a childhood friend of mine from Karachi. And the reason why he left Islam and dedicated his life to pushing people to leave Islam is because his mom and dad went through a very nasty divorce. One of them was a very conservative practicing Muslim and the other wasn't. In the process of this nasty divorce, it led him to end up hating the conservative parent, and then hating Islam. He came to America, and now he has dedicated his entire life to welcoming and assisting people who want to leave Islam. But it started from where? From having a bad relationship at home.

SubhanAllah — how Shaytan works. Dads and moms, they have arguments, fine. But today you can't. One of the biggest gifts you can give to your kids, dear dads and moms, is to stop arguing with your spouse in front of them. No matter what you're doing for your children, no matter how much money you're giving — if you're fighting and arguing and bashing each other, verbally or otherwise, in front of your kids, that is one of the greatest forms of zulm and oppression you're doing to your children. They're definitely going to get damaged and they're definitely going to feel resentment toward you. And that will definitely be one of the big factors pushing them away.

Because they saw practicing Muslim mom and practicing Muslim dad going at each other like cats and dogs. And they'll say: I want nothing to do with this. If Islam cannot teach you how to treat your wife, if Islam cannot teach you how to treat your husband, I want nothing to do with it. I'd rather be a humanist. I'd rather be something else. But I want to be a person of good character. And dad, mom, you don't have good character even with your spouse — so what's the point of everything you do in the masjid? What's the point of those long prayers? What's the point of that long tasbih? What's the point of all these things, if you cannot watch your tongue with my mom? If you cannot watch your tongue with my dad? If you cannot be respectful to each other?

This is one of the key points today that is pushing people away from the deen. This is very well connected to our topic of building that foundation at home. If we want to change the world, we have to change our home. And if we want to change our home, we have to change ourselves.

The Danger of Unrestricted Internet Access

One of the biggest fitna today — which I sat with in a book and never got a full chance to speak about — is what you call the biggest thing we have today that is causing this problem: our unfettered, unrestricted access to the internet that our children have. And that we have.

Besides creating content that creates doubt in their minds — watching videos of debates with Muslims or ex-Muslims — it takes only 30 minutes. I have personally interacted with people who were Muslim at Isha, and by the next morning had left Islam. And I asked them: why? How? They said: we watched one video. Just one video of a debate is sufficient today to take a person out of the fold of Islam. What are our children watching? Why are they watching this stuff? We don't know.

Social media is a massive influencer. Discord, TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Shorts — all of these are very powerful tools that can be used for good and can be used for bad. We need to understand:

دَفْعُ الْمَضَرَّةِ أَوْلَى مِنْ جَلْبِ الْمَنْفَعَةِ — to protect ourselves from harm is more important than gaining any benefit.

A loaded gun can protect you from an intruder. But it can harm you in so many ways. Similarly, our smartphones can be very destructive to our kids and to ourselves. Dear dads, dear moms, dear adults — every one of us who has a device, understand: you're holding on to a very powerful device that brings to you the worst type of filth in the entire world at your fingertips. Things that maybe only the Library of Congress would have had — your local library would never have them. But you now have access within three seconds. That is in the hands of every single one of us. What are we doing about that?

If we want to have our children remain strong and healthy, we have to give them a support system. And part of that support system is to ensure that they do not become addicts of social media and mobile phones. If they become addicted — constantly watching and scrolling — then we have no control over what's going into their hearts and minds. They can go to any madrasa, any Islamic school — there's no control over what's going on otherwise.

I encourage you to please take this very seriously. I have a book called Digital Deceptions. Written by three scholars — Dr. Ahmed Haweedi is one of them, mashallah, a scholar of deen who is also very much into tasawwuf. He's dedicated himself with his two colleagues to writing this transformative book. We invited him to our masjid two weeks ago. And mashallah, it requires transformation — a paradigm shift. You can never look at the world in the same manner after reading it. We cannot just take it lightly. This is not just a phone — this is a ticking time bomb. It might blast today, tomorrow, one of these days. And it will take out the whole family.

In Lebanon, when the pagers went off a few months ago, they killed people and injured thousands. The first thing that came to my mind was: alhamdulillah, physically, none of our faces are blown away. But our cellphones have blasted through the hearts and souls of thousands of us. There's a genocide — a spiritual genocide — happening within our homes. The genocide that's happening overseas in Palestine, they realize it's a genocide and they're dying as shuhada. But over here, do we realize we're faced with a genocide? And are our kids dying as shuhada? Unfortunately not.

So what I would suggest is a free resource that one of my students put together. It's a work in progress but it has a lot of resources on how to cut down on phone usage, how to block out filthy content, step-by-step methods especially for iPhones, and some apps that are available. It's called Halal Focus — halalfocus.netlify.app. The book that goes hand in hand with this is Digital Deceptions: Time to Make Better Choices by Dr. Ahmed Haweedi. You can check that online.

Questions and Answers

Everything is about moderation. If you neglect the phone completely and don't allow it at all, that will create even more desire for it. That's why those things which are halal, we can accommodate. Of course, haram — we don't make accommodations for even one second. But for what is halal, we can have a halal avenue. And when everyone else is overdoing it, we have to replace that with something different. It's got to be a fun activity — interacting with the environment, nature trips, traveling with family, going to museums or aquariums, interacting with wildlife. Martial arts, sports — these are great things to keep them engaged with.

On People Who Left Islam and Came Back

Mawlana Shibli — alhamdulillah, an expert on this — shared that eight of his own family members had left Islam. After 15 years, mashallah, they came back. He shared the following:

"About 10 years ago, I was sitting with my ustaz, Mu'allimullah Dabailia. I was so frustrated that members of my own family had left Islam. When I was younger, I memorized every single argument I could think of and I used to use it like an arsenal against them. Anytime they questioned the existence of Allah, or brought up evolution, or questioned the prophethood of the Prophet ﷺ, I'd fire it at them like a bullet. I thought that would bring them back to Islam, but it pushed them further away.

So after one particular Ramadan, very frustrated, I went to my ustaz and asked: why isn't it working? I know my stuff, I should be able to bring them back. And he said: Shibli, calm down. This is not how the Prophet ﷺ gave da'wah to his tribesmen. He didn't just beat them with arguments. You should know your stuff to explain to people who are genuinely curious. But it's through akhlaq, du'a, and hadiyah — gift-giving — that's the only way you're going to bring them back.

He ordered me: Shibli, I know you like to study philosophy and arguments. Stay quiet for 10 years. Change your reputation. Whenever they're in need, be the first person there to serve them. Wake up for Tahajjud salah and make du'a for them. And always be ready with a gift and a smiling face. And you will see how they will change toward the deen, if it is written for them.

At that time, I was energetic and younger, and I didn't really like this advice. But I had faith in what he said. Through his instructions, I didn't use a single argument. Alhamdulillah, they came back to Islam. After that, they said: Fahad, I'm curious — I want to know Islam's proof for Allah. What is Islam's proof for the Prophet's ﷺ prophethood? What's the answer to this? And I had it ready, alhamdulillah. And they listened with an open heart.

So my teacher said: du'a, hadiyah, and akhlaq. This is the main thing. This is the actual sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ. You don't see the Prophet ﷺ climbing a minbar and shooting arguments at people. That's not his style. But anytime somebody had a genuine question — with a beautiful smile, backed up by his strong reputation of akhlaq and khidmah — he was able to beautifully explain it to them."

JazakAllah khairan — that is golden advice. If you know some relatives, or people who are on the verge of leaving the deen, or who have left the deen, please do reach out to Mawlana Shibli. He does programs in America as well on this topic. A great local resource, alhamdulillah.

Final Reminders

As one great scholar, Mawlana Sajjad Nu'mani, told me — when I was telling him the situation of people leaving Islam — he said: in my opinion, it is almost like a fard in this day and age, for anyone who wants their children to remain Muslim, that they pray with their children in the first row of the masjid. Previously if you showed up for Jummah, it would be sufficient to stay Muslim. But now the conditions are so bad that not only do you have to pray Jummah, you better be there early, and you better be in the front row. And that's just to keep your child simply a Muslim — not to make them an alim. That's what I'm saying: the amount of work required now simply to stay Muslim is far greater than what was needed in the past.

So three things we have to focus on:

One: Focus on our own individual ruhaniyyah and the ruhaniyyah of our children.

Two: Focus on acquiring the ilm necessary to practice Islam and to answer the tough questions our children are faced with. When winter break or summer break comes, tell the imams: I guarantee I'll bring my 15 nephews and nieces — let's do a workshop. Not just a talk — a three-hour workshop. Show the demand. Because our scholars are already present in Toronto and in every city. We just need to show up and bring our youth.

Three: Build an extremely loving and caring home environment — a judgment-free zone — so that our children see Islam lived beautifully in the home, through the love and respect between mom and dad, and through the relationship between parents and children.

If we want to change the world, we have to change our home. And if we want to change our home, we have to change ourselves. May Allah reward you all for sitting here on a Saturday night. We cannot stop here. We cannot listen to the bayan and leave. We have to take this home.

Du'a