Footprints in the Sand: Lessons from the Pious | Muftī Azeemuddin Ahmed | 03/05

Footprints in the Sand: Lessons from the Pious

By Muftī Azeemuddin Ahmed

Recap: The Ulama and Their Relationship with Wealth

We were discussing the aspect of zakah and the relationship with wealth that the ulama had in the past — our elders — and how they treated that. And then we talked about faqr and hunger, and the barakāt and the blessings that they received because of that. We talked about how at times a person goes through so much difficulty, immense difficulty — he almost, as we say, hits rock bottom. And that is only because Allah wants to elevate a person's status. Sometimes the people you're so close to, who know your situation, are also unwilling to help and assist. But this is because Allah has written something greater for you.

We talked about the king of Afghanistan and his letter to Mawlana Rashid Ahmad Gangohi. Thousands of rupees he wanted to give him as a gift. But how he responded by saying, "What am I going to do with this? I'll make du'ā for you."

Mawlana Qasim Nanotwi: The Founder of Darul Uloom

Next we talk about Mawlana Qasim Nanotwi, the founder of Darul Uloom. It is said that innumerable stories have been heard of his ascetic ways and his hunger. Hazrat never held in his possession a cloth bundle, a trunk, or even a box. A cloth bundle — meaning to put all your necessities in one big large cloth and carry it with you. A trunk — we're talking about a small metal box where you put your things. There was nothing to be had in the room for it to be placed in a box or a trunk.

This is unreal, right? He is the founder of Darul Uloom. The founder. This is one teeny tiny droplet that we're sitting in right now from this huge institution. And the founder does not have enough things to put inside a box.

Yet he did possess a broken charpai — a bed — which it seems he had devoted the rest of his life to. No special preparations were made before a journey. If he owned an extra pair of clothes, it was left for safekeeping with someone — "If I come back, I'll get my clothes from you." But his journey was mostly covered with one pair of clothes. However, he did carry a blue lungi — the unstitched cloth, like an ihram cloth, worn as a lower garment in accordance with the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ — wherever he went. If his clothes became dirty, he removed them, wrapped around himself the blue lungi, and washed his clothes himself.

In cold days, he wrapped a short turban, but usually donned a sharpa hat throughout the winter. In his last illness from which he never recovered, the following was his garb: a grubby, torn turban with several creases; a thick, blue, patched-up undershirt — patched-up meaning it had tears in it, because he'd been wearing the same thing for probably decades — without any kurta over it; and a thick, blue blanket hemmed with intricate design, partially ripped and fading, and in some parts completely faded, wrapped over him in his final sickness.

Mawlana Ahmad Hasan Amrohvi narrates his personal account: It was the monsoon season, and a small creek had flooded over onto the road from Shah Jahanpur. Mawlana, who was on foot, treaded into the creek, soaking his pyjamas. Once he crossed, he removed the pyjamas and wrapped the lungi. He rinsed the pyjama, hung it over his staff — the way of the villagers — and continued on his way.

Allahu Akbar.

The point is, as you read this — if you were to read Mawlana Qasim Nanotwi's writings on any topic, it might take four scholars to figure out what he's trying to say. There are the highest levels of philosophy, of deconstructing other philosophies, and proving Islam's truthfulness, talking about geopolitical issues, about logic, about the veracity of the Qur'an through the most outstanding logical means. The man was a library, a research center, a bookstore, a madrasa — all put together. Then he is a zāhid of the highest degree, who is disconnected from the world. Then he is a muttaqi, a muttabi' sunnah, an 'abid — like someone whose job is just to do 'ibādah. And then he's someone who carries with him a burning concern for the Ummah, and how he can reverse the moral decay and educational decay of the world — not just of India, but of the entire globe. Topped off with a cherry on top of ikhlāṣ and sincerity.

Yawm al-Taghābun: The Day of Mutual Deception

When you introduce somebody and say, "This guy owns a thousand gas stations" — wow! Or five hundred donut stores, or millions in stock options. But compare that to someone who, in 170, 180 years, has produced the amount of ulama and huffāẓ that have graduated from across the entire world, from the system he established. We're not even talking about trillions here. The trillions of this world go up and down in minutes. Especially when the stock market crashes — you lose overnight 5 billion, 10 billion. These people? There's no such thing as losing. They've deposited it in the ākhirah.

When you think about reading about such people, you're really speaking about a multi-trillionaire. And this is his life. And we will, inshāAllah, witness his trillions in the ākhirah. When we, inshāAllah, get to Jannah, you'll say, "Where is Muhammad Qasim Nanotwi's Jannah? I want to take a look at it." And inshāAllah, the day will come when you and I will be able to witness that — and you will say, "Wait, this is the person who walked across a creek, took off his pants, washed them while he wore a lungi, and threw them on his staff to dry?"

There is something, my friends — we are living in an ultimate deception right now. This day is going to come. It's more real than this mic right here. It is the Day of Judgment. And we will 100% see who are the as-sābiqūn al-awwalūn — the ones who are in the front row — and who are the ones who fall behind.

You know one of the names of the Day of Judgment?

What does تَغَابُن mean? Mutual deception. If you were to look at Mawlana Qasim Nanotwi, what would you think? "Eh, give him some leftover iftar, there's a faqeer here, give him some money." Because look at his shirt, look at his clothes. So that's what people would think. People like him are the biggest faqeers in terms of māl-e-dunyā. But on the Day of Judgment, inshāAllah, we'll see such people — they'll have millions of people behind them, and they'll be the leader of a whole group. The reward they've received is just so much.

And then there are people who have armed guards, their own cars — the guards have their cars — they may even have a helicopter flying on top. They have the most expensive armored vehicles, $600,000, $700,000. They have not 5-star but 10-star hotels waiting for them. In the world, people say, "Move, move, move — the leader is coming. The king is coming. The president is coming. The CEO is coming. The billionaire is coming." But in the ākhirah, my friends, they'll be all the way in the back — and not on the way back towards Jannah, but unfortunately going towards the Hellfire if they die without īmān.

That's why this is called Yawm al-Taghābun. There's a whole sūrah in the Qur'an called al-Taghābun. People will be in for a shock. You — I thought you're going to be in the front. What are you doing in the back? And I thought you'd be all the way in the back — why are you in the front? You're the one calling the shots! You're the one interceding on everyone's behalf! That's why Allah says: people will be in for a shock when they see what's going on.

May Allah make you and I from amongst those who will be shocked at the level of closeness we will enjoy on the Day of Judgment with Allah. Āmeen. And may Allah allow us to be shocked and surprised with the level of closeness we'll have with the Prophet ﷺ on that day.

It can happen. You're thinking, "I'm nobody." That's good. As long as you think you're nobody, Allah will make you somebody. As long as we feel our actions are nothing, our sins are overwhelming, we don't deserve a spot in the house of Allah — that is exactly the right attitude.

Lessons on Umrah, Tawakkul, and the Right Counsel

One brother just now, before us, was getting a little frustrated about his Umrah. I said, "Listen, this is not appropriate." Things are happening, but frustration is not appropriate. Because you and I don't deserve to even look at the Ka'bah. We don't deserve to go see the Green Dome. We don't deserve to step foot in these blessed lands. If in the process of going you have a little issue, don't get upset about it. Does Allah need you? Allah doesn't need you. Before the airlines cancel the ticket, before the airspace is closed, Allah will cancel your Umrah if He wills. These airspace closings, these ticket cancellations — those are secondary excuses. If Allah does not want to accept somebody, it won't happen.

And let me also add: if someone is a very sincere person on his way to Hajj or Umrah, and something like this happened beyond his control, I don't want you to think Allah is angry at you. But look at your heart. If your heart is angry, frustrated, getting mad at people — well, maybe Allah doesn't want you to come because of how sick your heart is. On the other hand, if a person was excited to go for Umrah, was humble, knew he didn't deserve to go, and subhanAllah the ticket got cancelled — don't beat yourself up over it. This is taqdeer. Make niyyah: "O Allah, allow me to go again soon."

On that point, mashāAllah, we have many people who left yesterday for Umrah, many leaving today, many leaving tomorrow. If you have a confirmed booking, your flight has not been cancelled, the airport is open — or it's closed today but may open tomorrow — the world is not stopping. Factory meetings, company meetings, power plant openings — all business as usual. Why should our dīnī efforts get affected by this? If you have an intention to go somewhere, bismillah — do istikhārah, ṣalāt al-hājah, and go.

And do not make mashwarah with people whose hearts are not connected with Allah. When you ask them, they say, "Oh my God, you're going to die!" I was driving once, and someone asked me, "Should I go for Umrah?" I said, "Brother, I might just have an accident at this intersection right now, and I might not see my wife and kids in the next hour. Wallahi, that's what I told him. I could die at an intersection. Why are you thinking like this? 'If I go for Umrah, I might die, I might never come back alive' — who says this?" These are people whose hearts are not connected with Allah. Stop making mashwarah with such people. Don't even tell them you're going.

That's why Sayyiduna 'Umar رضي الله عنه says:

(Attributed to 'Umar ibn al-Khaṭṭāb رضي الله عنه)

"When you want to make mashwarah about your affairs, make mashwarah with people who fear Allah." Mashwarah should not be taken from people whose hearts are disconnected with Allah. They give you the most wrong opinions.

Yesterday one lady — subhanAllah, she's disconnected from the masjid, someone is starting to encourage her to come — now she says, "What's happening in the Middle East? I'm scared. If I come to Tarawih, I'm going to get killed." What are you talking about? This, again, is a heart disconnected from Allah.

So when it comes to the journey of dīnī things — Umrah, Hajj, visiting your parents, going out in the path of Allah — if the opportunity is there, don't back away from it, lest you may never get a chance again. We don't know what's coming. Anywhere we are today — could another World War break out? They're already saying, "First time since World War 2 this happened." We don't know where we are right now. It's very well possible — I hope not, a million billion times I hope not — that this might be the final Umrah groups that go, or the last Umrah opportunity for the next six months or a year. When COVID hit, who knew what was hitting us? It happened this quickly, and everything just closed down. SubhanAllah. So when the doors are open, run for it.

The Stories of the Pious: Our Spiritual Heritage

Mawlana Muhammad Ya'qūb writes: "After my father, Mawlana Mamlūk Alī, passed away, I was going to my house located in the Chaliwali neighborhood of Delhi. Mawlana Qasim Nanotwi came to meet me. On the terrace was a large broken charpai — that bed — which was his preferred sitting place. Sometimes he would order chapati, and nibble on that for many days." Chapati — roti without oil. And he would nibble on it for days. SubhanAllah.

"I had a servant who baked and served the chapati. He was given specific orders to serve Mawlvi Sahib curry with the chapati whenever Mawlana ordered it. But he never did so except on occasion, and even that after much insistence. Most of the time he was happy with a few pieces of stale bread."

The thing is, my friends — you can say, "How is this possible?" When Allah wants to get something done, Allah creates specific people for that. And those people have a special DNA, a special nature, that allows them to accomplish something like that. Some people are naturally tall, some naturally short, some naturally heavy, some naturally light. When it comes to a person's fitrah and mizāj — their temperament — when Allah wants you to do something great for the ākhirah, Allah gives you a body that can handle hardship in the matters of deen. This is the reason we should make du'ā:

"O Allah, grant me the ability and the stamina to worship You properly." To make long prayers, long du'ā, long sajdah.

Let's try that today. I encourage us to make a long sajdah — maybe in Maghrib Awābeen, a nāfil salāh. Extend it. Say اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ لِي. As long as you're making du'ā in Arabic, you can make it as long as you want. Read سُبْحَانَ رَبِّيَ الْأَعْلَى and سُبْحَانَ رَبِّيَ الْعَظِيمِ — instead of 3 times, read it 15, 21 times. With your forearms on the ground, your fingers facing the qiblah, your forehead and nose on the ground. Try that for 2 minutes — one sajdah, 2 minutes. See how you feel, with your blood rushing to the brain.

The Long Sajdah of Mawlana 'Uthman

A long sajdah requires stamina. It's not easy. I think of my classmate, Mawlana 'Uthman, rahimahullah, who passed away in a car accident some years ago along with his wife and children. Some people are too good for this world — he was one of those people. His sajdah — and I say this as a madrasa student — would be 45 minutes long. And we would witness this every night. We'd be studying, at 10:30, 11:30 we'd go to our rooms, and he'd be in a corner of the masjid. In sajdah. There were times when I actually thought he fell asleep — madrasa students are overtired, overworked, very low on sleep, so we can fall asleep anywhere. So I would go tap him in sajdah.

And subhanAllah, a similar incident happened between Sayyidah 'Ā'ishah رضي الله عنها and Rasulullah ﷺ. She thought he had passed away. So she tapped his foot. And he raised his voice in that du'ā:

(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 486)

The Prophet ﷺ raised his voice. She thought he had frozen — passed away — in sujūd. So she tapped him, and he raised his voice and this was the du'ā he was reciting. Similarly, I tapped Mawlana 'Uthman, and he raised his voice — and I could hear him sobbing. SubhanAllah.

May Allah make all of us like this. May Allah give us the stamina to cry. May Allah give us the tawfīq to cry. May Allah give us the stamina for long sajdah.

My point is — a 2-minute sajdah, and you'll get tired. How does a man make a 45-minute sajdah? You know how? The same way a person stands on Black Friday for an hour and a half in 10-degree temperature outside a Best Buy. And who are they? Are they dirt-poor people? No — they're wealthy people who want to buy the latest Bose headphones or the latest gadgets. "Do you need it?" "No, I just like to have it." How do they stand there from 6 PM to 6 AM, lined up across the United States? How do they do it?

Everyone has been created for where they're headed. As the hadith states:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 4949; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2647)

"Everyone is facilitated for what they were created for." If you're headed to Jannah, you'll find yourself doing the actions of the people of Jannah — and it becomes easy, and it becomes your nature. And Allah forbid, if someone is headed towards Jahannam, he finds himself doing the actions of the people of Jahannam, and that becomes his second nature. Even in the month of Ramadan — it's just life as usual.

We don't know where we're headed — Jannah or Jahannam. No one knows. But we should analyze how our days are being spent, how our nights are being spent, how pre-Ramadan life, during-Ramadan life, and post-Ramadan life is being spent. And we can have an idea of where we're headed.

So how did Mawlana Qasim Nanotwi and these ulama have this level of strength? The answer: Allah created them for that. How did Imam Bukhāri have that memory? Allah created him for it. So what do we do? We make du'ā. "Ya Allah, grant me the qualities." That's why you hear our elders say: "Ya Allah, grant us the qualities of the Ṣaḥābah." Who are these akābir, these mashāyikh? They are the students of the Ṣaḥābah. If you and I are inspired by their stories, then they are a reflection — a small portion — of the strength and power the Ṣaḥābah had. So if you want the highest gold standard, make this du'ā: "Ya Allah, grant me the qualities of the Ṣaḥābah. And allow me to serve the deen in the manner that You accepted them to serve the deen."

Because for the Ṣaḥābah, we know with certainty. Allah says:

Allah is pleased with them and they are pleased with what Allah has prepared for them. So you can say that about the Ṣaḥābah with certainty.

Mawlana Nanotwi's Humility and Rejection of Worldly Position

Mawlana Amīruddīn states: "Once a telegram came with an offer for a high-paying teaching position for 500 rupees a month. I said, 'Qasim, you must go. Take this teaching position.' He replied, 'They make me a high offer only because they think I am learned. The problem is that I know I'm not.' I insisted that he accept the offer, but he turned it down." That Allāmah — what was he saying? "I'm not learned enough. I don't want it."

It is written in Arwāḥ al-Thalātha that Nawab Mahmood Ali Khan always desired to meet Mawlana Qasim. But Mawlana Qasim avoided him as much as possible. Therefore the Nawab came on two occasions to meet Mawlana in Meerut, and two times in Aligarh. However, when Mawlana found out, he sneaked out of the city and said, "Deliver two messages to Nawab Sahib. One is to build a masjid at the Ghaziabad railway station. And his second message was the most inexplicable: if he does build a masjid at the Ghaziabad railway station, I will carry one side of his palanquin." Nawab Sahib was amused upon hearing the second message, and as for the first, he said, "I have already sought permission, but have been refused."

The idea is — he didn't want to meet wealthy, powerful people. Because wealthy, powerful people many times want to use you for something. There's no such thing as a free lunch, and there's no such thing as a free gift. Every free gift, every money you're dealing with, there's always a very possible agenda. He said, "I don't want to put myself through these agendas and these fitnas. Just keep me away from people." That is why the salaf stayed away from the doors of the salāṭīn — the doors of the kings. They said, "We don't want to go there." If you see a person who is hanging out with the salāṭīn and leaders too much, know that he could be compromised.

So he sent the Nawab a task he knew he wouldn't be able to do. "Go build a masjid. Go do something bigger. I've got nothing to offer you. It's better we don't meet — because I don't want to get tempted."

How much we're learning as we go through this. Each thing needs to marinate. The reason we love to listen to these stories is that these stories are not 1,400 or 1,500 years old. These stories are 140, 150 years old. And all of you listening — these are your great-grandteachers. These are my grandteachers. This is our lineage. This is our heritage. When you say, "Where are you from?" — we are not orphans that just fell out of the sky. Alhamdulillah, we have an amazing academic and spiritual lineage that passes through these scholars whose stories we're reading right now. And if we want to be worthy inheritors of that lineage, the heart has to be genuinely disconnected from desiring all these material things.

May Allah purify my heart and all of our hearts from the love of materialism. May Allah grant within us zuhd. May Allah allow our hearts to be turned away from the glamour of this world. May Allah truly make this dunyā seem absolutely disgusting, repugnant, and insignificant in our eyes. May Allah allow us to use this dunyā only to build our ākhirah. May Allah save us from becoming from such people who take a payout in this dunyā only to receive nothing in the ākhirah. Āmeen, Rabbil Ālameen.

The Marriage of Mawlana Qasim Nanotwi

The story of his marriage is most interesting, as narrated in Sawāniḥ Qāsimī by his wife. She said:

"When my father, Sheikh Karāmat Hussain, the overlord of Deoband, married me to him, he sent me off with a generous dowry of precious gems and jewelry, ornate dresses and outfits, and sets of brass cookware, as was customary at that time."

This is the father-in-law of Mawlana Qasim Nanotwi — a wealthy man.

"When he came to me on the first night, he started with nāfil ṣalāh. After completing his ṣalāh, he came to me and said most earnestly: 'Allah has brought us together, so we must live in harmony. But under the present circumstances, that may be difficult — as you are well-to-do, and I am a poor man. Under these circumstances, only two options are available for us: either I raise myself to your level in wealth, or you lower yourself to mine in poorness. My acquiring riches is a difficult proposition. And that leaves us with only one option — you start lowering your standard to match mine, because it will be very difficult for me to make the effort to reach your standard of wealth.' He spoke some more in the same manner, and at the end he said, 'If I ask of you something that is to your own benefit, will you put your trust in me?' He repeated this many times. And finally I said — yes, I put my trust in you."

"He said: 'Right now, remove all of your jewelry, and allow me to have full rights over your clothes — because these were not normal clothes, they were all filled with embroidery — and all of your cookware.' Putting all my trust in him, I said: 'I have surrendered everything to you, O husband.'"

"The next morning, he piled up all the jewelry, the clothes, the cookware, and utensils — which were worth thousands of rupees — and gave it all in charity to the Sulṭānī Fund." A fund that was established to support the Ottomans in the ongoing wars against Russia and other European powers.

This is interesting about Mawlana Qasim Nanotwi, as I alluded to earlier — he was not worried just about the issues of India. He was worried about the entire Ummah. Mawlana Shaykh al-Hind — the way he begged at the doors of women to give their jewelry. He humbled himself, begging at the doors like a faqeer. For whom? For the Ottomans. He would go through the villages of India, begging women to give their jewelry, so he could send it to the Ottomans — they were on the ventilator, and he wanted to get them off of it and help them. This is the fikr he had.

So when a scholar asks for money — there are times when he puts his honor and his self-esteem under his shoe and says, "I'm not asking for myself. I'm asking for Allah. And I'm not asking for something that's in front of me. The entire Ummah is my heartache and my heart pain." Lā ilāha illAllāh.

She further adds: "When I came home, my stately father saw my neck, my hands, my feet — bare of any ornament — and asked, 'Where is your jewelry?'"

I want all of our mothers and sisters who are listening to think about this story. This is your spiritual great-grandmother — the wife of Mawlana Qasim Nanotwi, the founder of Deoband and all of its thousands of branches across the entire globe. All of the circles of tazkiyah and taṣawwuf that we have in this city, all of the circles of 'ilm that we have, the effort of da'wah and tabligh — all of that goes back to this person, him and his wife. You're reading her story.

She narrated the proceedings of the first night. Sheikh Karāmat Hussain said nothing more, but ordered many sets of jewelry — he was worried that it did not befit his daughter to visit relatives bare of jewelry. What are people going to say? We all know sometimes the relatives are the biggest obstacles in our deen. But your love for Allah has to be more than for your relatives. You'll have to say, "I will scrub your kitchen floor with a toothbrush if that's what you want. I'll give you as much money as you need. But don't come between me and my deen. When it comes to khidmah, service, gifts — I'm ready to do everything. But do not come between me and my Allah."

Let's understand — we have different levels of practicing our faith. "I'm ready to serve. But do not come between me and my Rasulullah ﷺ." That's the issue most of us can't resolve. We say, "My relatives are pushing me this way, that way." We are not dumb, deaf, and blind. Stand up and say: "You need money? I'm at your service. You need a car? I'm at your service. You need physical labor? I'm at your service. What you need, I'll do it for you. But zip it when it comes to my deen."

But what do we do instead? We say, "Zip it with the deen, and I'm also not going to help you." That's why everyone starts to dislike us. They say, "Ever since you became religious, you've stopped visiting us, stopped giving gifts, stopped helping us." The deen never taught us to do that. The deen says: kill them with kindness. Do so much that they have to say, "We can't say anything — this religious brother of ours takes care of us more than any other brother. This religious sister takes care of us more than any other sister."

Very few people do this — say, "I love you for the sake of Allah, and I will continue to help you. But you cannot come between me and Allah. Do not criticize how I raise my son and daughter. You have no right to do that." How many of us are ready to say that? We're not. We say, "We just have to appease everyone." If you start appeasing people, eventually they will take you in a whole different direction.

Allah says in the Qur'an:

Clear as the sun — the Yahūd and Naṣārā will never be pleased with you until you fully begin to follow their ways. So eventually, everything will cave in. If you think about a lot of our lack of deen today in our community, it's because of this — everyone is trying to keep everyone happy, and in the process, we definitely make Allah upset.

Mawlana's wife says: "I returned to my in-laws once again bejeweled — top to bottom with jewels. Hazrat came at night and again broached the topic of the hereafter, and again asked me to forego my right over the valuable collection of wealth to him. But as I had already done that on the first night, what question could there be now of revoking that right? I gave him full rights over everything I own. It's done." And he kept on coming — "I give him full right over all my things." She said, "I couldn't revoke that — I had already said he has full right." Again the next morning, he gave everything in charity to the Sulṭānī Fund.

Hazrat's wife frequently said: "After this, all my love for wealth, for rupees and jewelry was forever zapped from my heart. In fact, I started feeling an aversion to the material of this world. Thereafter, I never bought any jewelry, nor did I desire to wear any expensive gowns and dresses throughout my entire life."

May Allah make this the condition of our hearts, and of the hearts of our wives, our sisters, our daughters, and of ourselves. If you want your wife and daughter to become like this — who do you have to become first? You have to become like Mawlana Qasim Nanotwi. You're going to say, "Oh, I want my wife to be like this" — it's not going to happen unless you become like him yourself.

The Gift of the Shawl and Jewelry

Mawlana al-Hājj Qāri Muhammad Tayyib, rahmatullahi 'alayh, reports: Once one of Hazrat's admirers gave an expensive shawl and gold jewelry to give to his wife. Hazrat passed on the trust and the gift to his wife, but also reminded her of his right in the following words: "The heart is certainly most delighted with the shawl and jewelry. However, they will both soon lose their lustre after a few days of usage." Isn't that true? The most expensive shawl, you put it through washing — and the most expensive gold jewelry, after a while, it becomes dirty. "Additionally, a cotton shawl can fulfill the same purpose as a silk one. And in return, Allah will reward you with the most durable attire and everlasting jewelry — jewelry that will never become old." Thereafter, the wife quickly surrendered both gifts to him, which he obviously then gave out in the path of Allah.

A lot of times our menfolk say, "My wife spends so much money, she holds me back from ṣadaqah." Is this happening? Yes, this is happening. It is real. There are many women who hold their husbands back from giving ṣadaqah from his own money. They are held hostage by their own wives from spending their own money in the path of Allah. And when they do give money, the wife says, "How much did you give? A thousand?" I know people who come and tell me this — "A whole big fight happened. My wife berated me all the way back home. 'How dare you give a thousand dollars in the path of Allah? We have this expense, that expense!'" And it wasn't even from her money — it was from his own money.

But whose fault is this? It's the man's fault. The tarbiyah of the wife has to be made from the first night. It has to begin before marriage — you choose the right wife. And then from the first night, look at how Mawlana Qasim Nanotwi started that first night. He held himself in composure. He spent the night in nāfil ṣalāh. And then he turned to his wife and explained. Women, mashāAllah, are very malleable. Their hearts are soft. They're very emotional. But it is a problem with the man himself who is unable to convince his wife or his daughter.

If you understand your responsibility — you are not just the bread earner of the home. You are the sheikh of the house. You're the leader of the home. You're imām al-muttaqeen of your home. And it is now your responsibility to convince everyone to come onto your page. But first, you yourself have to be on the right page. And this is where ta'alluq with Allah comes in.

Listen to and read Faḍāil-e-Ṣadaqāt — the Virtues of Charity by Sheikh Zakariyya al-Kandhalwi. It's available in English and Urdu. You can get a PDF online or purchase a copy. Start reading it today, 10 minutes between you and your spouse from the beginning. And inshāAllah ta'ālā, the day will come. A beautiful book to improve our heart and treat it from the various sicknesses we are suffering.

May Allah make this dars an eye-opener for me and for you and for all our families. May Allah not allow this dars to become a proof against us, but allow us to genuinely be able to practice whatever khayr and good was shared.