Ramadan 2025 | The Power of Prophetic Prayers | Mufti Azeemuddin Ahmed | 03/30

The Three Types of Brothers and Companions

All of us should be looking for brothers of the akhirah — brothers of the akhirah, and only look for the deen in there.

Number two:

A brother for the sake of your worldly life. What does worldly life mean? It could be lots of things — investments, making money, it could be gardening, taking care of your lawn, asking an expert. Car, fixing a car. So you have a person you call up whenever you have car issues, whenever you have landscaping issues, whenever you have discussions on investments and flipping of houses. He may not have prayed Jumu'ah, maybe he's not even a Muslim. But that's fine. Does he have good character or not? Is he going to cheat you or not? Is he going to be honest with you or not? As long as he's got good character, you can benefit from him.

And I think in that you'd include basketball, football, soccer, and so on. I want to play for the sake of my physical health — that's why I want to play sports, and plus it's fun. So as long as that person is not cursing, not cussing, not speaking lewd language, and not saying inappropriate things, you can play with him every single day, every single week. He does not have to be the most practicing Muslim.

Yes, if you're playing in a masjid gym, in a Muslim club, and a person openly refuses to participate in salah while everyone else does — that might not be ideal for you, to be with such people who openly disregard salah. But let's say outside, in a court somewhere, outdoor or indoor, anywhere outside the masjid, you're playing with non-Muslims — as long as they have good character, that's fine. And part of good character is, of course, having a clean, good tongue, and so forth.

Number three:

A brother who is simply agreeable company. Is he your friend? No, he's not my friend, but I get along with him. I can share iftar with him. So that is your third level — nothing specific of your deen. He's a brother of the masjid, a brother of the masjid. He said: seek from him nothing beyond being safe from any wickedness or evil from him.

What are we talking about? We're talking about current events and this or that. As long as he's not going to harm you, it's not an issue. Just make sure he doesn't get you into — like we talked about two days ago — an investment without any proper documentation. Make sure he's not trying to leech off of you. So those are the things you just have to keep your guard up about. Besides that, you can have nice, good conversations.

How important is this discussion to have with our own kids? How many of us have actually ever talked to our children — dear son, dear daughter — there are different types of people out there, and not everyone can be your friend? There are companions of the deen, companions of the akhirah, companions of the dunya, and a person that you simply pass time with.

So there's a group of friends that go out to eat. And amongst those friends who go out to eat, there may be a person who is not necessarily the most practicing. He's in a group of six friends. You don't have to vet each friend of the person who's coming out to eat with you. But if he starts trying to follow you around and says, "Hey, join me on my social media," your answer is going to be, "I made a pledge that I'm going to go six weeks off of social media. So I'm sorry, maybe you can try me in six weeks, not now." As long as you're not harming yourself.

The Three Kinds of People

There are three kinds of people. He says:

The first group is like nourishment — one cannot exist without them. You have to always have this person every single day. The company of our parents, the company of our spouse, the company of our kids — we're not talking about that, that's family. Some of us — and I hope none of us are saying this — are not looking forward to going home. InshaAllah, everyone is looking forward to going home, بِإِذْنِ اللَّهِ تَعَالَى. But it's something to think about. There are people who might have such tough things at home that they're not looking forward to it.

May Allah ease their difficulties. May Allah allow everyone who's leaving the house of Allah to be in a state where he has a beautiful home to go to — with love, care, and enjoyment with family members. May Allah allow him to enjoy that.

It's so true — we might be enjoying time with our wife and our kids, and we don't know what the next person is going through. And it's horrible. Outside the masjid, when you're in the community, it's such a nice feeling. But if things are not set at home, then it becomes really difficult. So we ask Allah to set everyone's affairs at home.

This is something I learned from my teachers. They would say: take care of your house at all cost. And for those who are married, that house is your wife and your kids. You can leave the house and go spend three days with your mom and dad — you can do that. But whatever you do, just make sure you don't break your home. The home is your wife and your kids. That needs to be taken care of at all cost. A person can spend time and money on parents, uncles, aunts, and grandparents. But your home base needs to be your immediate family — your wife and kids.

And as men, as we're leaving the i'tikaf, we have to obviously go back as imāman lil-muttaqīn — as the imam of the muttaqin, not as a pushover for the muttaqin. You have to be the leader in the house. This doesn't mean someone says, "Oh, the sheikh said you have to take care of your family," and then uses that to disregard their mom and dad, or stop talking to them. No, we're not talking about that. But there are cases where someone literally ends up making his whole house fall apart in order to handle a parent's extreme mannerisms.

We are human, our spouse is human, our parents are human. But we cannot commit dhulm on a spouse due to anyone else. And we cannot commit dhulm on parents due to our spouse. So as we're coming to the end of Ramadan and the end of i'tikaf, we definitely need to make sure that we do not oppress anyone in the process of trying to keep someone else happy. That's the key thing.

So he says there are some people that are like nourishment — you cannot do without them. We're not speaking about family here. We're talking about certain individuals — say your mentor, your sheikh, an elder friend from whom you have benefited.

The Second Type: Like Medicine

The second is like medicine:

One needs it from time to time. You don't always be taking medication. So similarly, some people you only visit when you need them. Because if you take too much of it, it becomes harmful. You can't handle it. You're taking antibiotics every single day — astaghfirullah — what will happen to you?

Some people might give you some real talk — harsh real talk. If you listen to that harsh real talk every single day, you might become depressed. You might lose your willpower, your self-confidence. And then you need some people who push you up and say, "Hey, what's wrong with you?" — but not every day. And you might need someone who just puts an arm around you and says, "Everything is okay. No matter what you've done, Allah is Ghafoor Raheem."

I have some people in the community like that. They are called ego massagers. You're having a bad day, just talk to them. They will sit there and praise you. And they say, "MashaAllah, you're like this and like that." I call them ego massagers — they make you feel good. So just as long as you don't fall for it. Just say, "MashaAllah, astaghfirullah."

But honestly, there are sometimes when we feel really down — because someone said something, even your own spouse may have spoken down to you so badly that you feel heartbroken. "Really, I'm such a deadbeat dad? I'm such a deadbeat mom? I'm such a deadbeat son?" Astaghfirullah. And you start feeling depressed. You have to call up that guy and say, "Am I really that bad?" And you just need to hear him say, "What are you talking about? I've known you for 10 years. MashaAllah, these are all your traits and qualities." Just to get you back to baseline.

But if you sit with him every day, you will never be able to figure out your flaws and faults — because he's always praising you. Does that make sense? So there are people we need to have in our arsenal. We should all have a list of people: this guy, I need him when I'm feeling really down. This guy, I need him when I'm feeling like I'm on cloud nine and things are getting to my head.

SubhanAllah. When I was a little kid, my dad would walk in from work. I was the youngest of four, and I liked to read Qur'an out loud — making the long ghunnas and reading loud, because you want to impress your dad. But then my mother would correct me and say, "Don't be a show-off." Right there — bam. Everything gets blown out.

But that same mother who says, "Don't let it get to your head," is the one who — when you have a bad day at work, a bad day wherever — gives you this amazing boost of self-confidence. So we need balance. We're all human, and our emotions go up and down.

Make sure you surround yourself with people who: number one, you cannot do without — those are your spiritual strongholds. Number two, those who are like medication — you use them from time to time, not every day.

The Third Type: Like a Plague

Number three — this person is like a plague. You never need this person at all. You want to stay far away from him.

Meaning, sometimes you get sick — sore throat, headache. Similarly, some people you get tested by. Who is this guy now that I have to ride with on a plane or a bus? Or he's at the Eid party? There are people like that. You don't want them. But what are you going to do?

Such people provide neither benefit nor agreeable company.

One must simply be diplomatic with them until one is relieved of them. How much hikmah is in this statement? May Allah grant us understanding.

You don't yell at these people. You don't call them out — you're going to have a bigger problem. The way you deal with a snake is not by taking a stick and jumping up and down. If you want to handle it, you leave the area, get an expert, let the snake slither away on its own. That's the best way. You leave. Don't say, "Hey, this is my room, get out." It's not going to work. Why don't you just leave the room? And then call pest control, or let it slither away.

There are certain individuals who are like snakes. We simply need to avoid them. But while in the process of avoiding them, you cannot tell them everything frankly — because they're just poisonous. That poison is like a skunk that will spray at you. You don't sit there and challenge a skunk. Once again, it's going to turn around, lift up its tail — finished. Similarly, there are certain people like skunks. You don't want to speak with them. You don't even want to come and say, "Why are you acting like this?" Because unfortunately, it's going to spray you. You simply wait for the opportunity to leave and say, "Assalamu alaikum." That's what the Qur'an says:

When the ignorant address them — ignorant here meaning these types of people who are absolutely not beneficial — when they talk to you, say nicely, "MashaAllah, Eid Mubarak, InshaAllah, see you soon, assalamu alaikum," and move on. We'll see you next year. So there are people like that. Don't argue back with them. Don't get in a fight with them.

The Benefit of Observing the Fool

Ajeeb — Imam Ghazali is throwing gems here. He says: nevertheless, observing such a person — such a cancer, such a skunk — may bring great benefit to you, if Allah gives you the ability to see it.

Luqman Hakim was asked, "O Luqman, you were a shepherd yesterday. How have you become such a wise man? The whole city is coming to take benefit from you. Where did you graduate from? Where did you learn this hikmah?" What did he say? Anyone remember?

(Reported in various works of adab and wisdom literature)

"I've learned wisdom from the fools." You learned wisdom from the fools? He said, "Yes — I looked at foolish people, how they act, and I said, 'That's something I'm not going to do.'"

This is so true, my friends. Just look at people who are doing things you think are inappropriate and say, "Ya Allah, please protect me from doing this." Because the people who are doing it do not realize how they're coming across. And you're on the sidelines, watching how someone is saying something, seeing the response he's getting, what people are talking about him afterwards — and you say, "Man, if I do something like this, this is going to be the reaction. I should not do this." So learn from the actions of the fools.

So similarly, Imam Ghazali says: you should see in his vices and low states what you find repugnant, and so you avoid these states.

(Sunan Abi Dawud, Hadith 4918)

The hadith he mentions here: indeed, the felicitous one — the intelligent one, the lucky one — is the one who takes a warning from others. And the believer is the mirror of his fellow believer.

So you look at those who did not listen to their parents — what happened to them. You look at those who took mashwarah from a scholar and decided to go against it. You look at a person who decided to go into a college program at all cost, did not consider that there was no Muslim community there, and was maybe a thousand miles away from his home. And so what happened? He fell off from the deen.

Look at people who fall away from the deen, or fall away from the dunya, or who married someone who did not have deen — and what happened to them. Don't make that mistake. Marrying someone who does not have deen is going to destroy every single thing you can ever imagine. Your dunya will suffer, your akhirah will suffer.

So when you look at people's mistakes — quick story here, it's an actual story, but you can laugh at it. One of the ulema mentioned: a person was eating in a restaurant, eating Pakistani food — his paya and nihari and what not. Another man comes in, really sad, grabs a cup of chai, just sipping it. He's looking lost. The first guy was enjoying his paya, slurping it up. He looks at this poor, sad guy just drinking chai to himself. He came and sat down with him and said, "Is everything okay, brother?" He said, "Yes brother, how are you?" And he started speaking with him. He said, "What happened to you?" He said, "I'm just really upset — had an argument with my wife, this and that. I'm upset." He said, "Okay." He listened to him.

After that, because of issues at home, the sad man starts coming to the restaurant more often. Every time he comes, he's sitting there drinking chai, watching the TV, reading the newspaper. Then the brother who was there first said, "So what's going on with your family situation?" He said, "Oh yeah, my wife went to my in-laws in the mountainous areas. She's gone for the next month or so." He said, "Oh SubhanAllah, she's gone? This is the perfect time!" He said, "What should I do?" He said, "Now it's time for you to get married to a second wife." He said, "Really? I never even thought about it." He said, "Trust me, there are many women out there — widows, women who never got married. You'll find someone." And so he connected him with someone in Lahore. SubhanAllah, the help started rolling, the process got going. Eventually, mashaAllah, he got married. He had his honeymoon, his shahr al-asal — an amazing time, alhamdulillah.

Now he's been gone in the mountains with his newly married second wife. He comes back home to Lahore. He has two days left before the other wife returns — and of course he never told her, because they weren't on speaking terms. So he comes back again for a cup of chai at the restaurant and says, "Man, what am I supposed to do? She's coming back." The first man says, "Tough luck — you have to figure it out. You have to tell the second wife that you have another wife. And you have to tell the first one that you got married again." He said, "How am I supposed to do that?" He said, "Well, go speak to her." He goes home. The second wife says, "Absolutely not. Are you crazy? I'm staying right here and we're going to meet your first wife. Let her come through." He said, "Please, no." She said, "There's no way I'm leaving."

Two days later, the first wife walks in. And you can imagine how that went. They both started fighting — Allah knows what happened between these two. And he's like, "Oh my God, what did I get myself into?" He ran back to the restaurant, grabbed a cup of chai, sat down and said, "Dude, I have no idea — I jumped from the frying pan into the fire. These two women have kicked me out and I'm sitting here." The first man said, "Yes — that's exactly what I'm doing here too. That's why I'm here three times a day eating at the restaurant. Because I can't go back to my home." SubhanAllah. Misery loves company.

So this is the idea — you look at people's stories and you say, "Okay, I can't do that." Whatever you want to do, go run it by an imam. Go run it by a counselor. Go run it by someone who hears stories of the community. Then he'll tell you — does this make sense, what you're about to do? Because a lot of things many of us want to do seem perfectly logical to us. "I saw this Christian lady, she's so good, great akhlaq. InshaAllah she'll convert by next Ramadan. Let me just get married to her." Literally — does that work? Usually it does not.

And there are people trying to marry Ibadis, and Shi'as, and — astaghfirullah — Ahmadis. I said, are we Sunni girls and boys finished? Check out Salah Matrimonial — there are so many people trying to get married. Why are we looking to people outside of our faith? So this is definitely something we should look at — look at people's mistakes, and say, "That's not how I want to lead my life."

Indeed, it was mentioned to Isa alayhissalam — and may peace and blessings be upon him and upon our Prophet ﷺ — "O Isa, who has refined your character?" He said, "No one has refined my character. Rather, I saw the poor behavior of the ignorant one and I avoided it."

So if you have intelligence, just watch people and say, "I better not do this." When you see a husband and wife arguing, say, "Look at this — what kind of argumentation is this? I better not do this with my spouse." Learn from that.

And this same question — do you know what the Prophet ﷺ said when he was asked it?

(Ibn Hibban, al-Marasil of Abu Dawud; widely cited in works of adab)

The Prophet ﷺ said, "My Rabb taught me adab, and how beautifully He has taught me." SubhanAllah. My Rabb — Allah — has taught me adab and etiquette.

Imam Ghazali then says — and indeed Isa alayhissalam, may peace and blessings be upon him and on our Prophet, has spoken the truth:

For if people were to avoid in themselves what they find reprehensible in others, their character would be refined and they would not need any guide.

If you meet someone with bad breath, you say, "Oh my God, that's how bad breath smells — I want to make sure I don't have bad breath." You see someone with stinky socks, you say, "I want to make sure I don't have stinky socks. That's horrible." That's the point. We pick up things that others have and say, "I have to make sure this is not how I'm going to be."

The Two Duties of Friendship

Going back to the first day we started this discussion — page 135 of The Beginning of Guidance. He says, when it comes to brothers and friends, there are two things you have to do. The first one was: search out whether he has what it takes to be a friend.

Look how much effort Imam Ghazali spent — four pages, and we could have honestly elaborated over a month. I usually take a month on this when I teach in class. So if you're supposed to spend this much time finding a friend, how much time should we be spending on a spouse? And this is why we say: don't judge by a picture. What does the picture have to do with anything we've spoken about so far?

And I've shared that with some of my best friends. SubhanAllah, as Mawlana Yusuf Mahdi beautifully mentioned in Chad — he came back from Chad after nine to ten days and shared a beautiful reflection. He went to the Markaz of Da'wah, and he was saying that the majority of the ulema who graduate from Raiwind, the Markaz of Tabligh in Pakistan, were there. And he said, "I went and met the most dark-complexioned people I've ever seen in my life. But the most beautiful nur was emanating from their faces."

And I've seen that myself. Its beauty is not in skin color. Wallahi, it's not in skin color, it's not in complexion. Beauty is in the character. Beauty is in the sifat. Beauty comes from the nur that comes through righteousness. And then on top of that, "Fair and Lovely" makes up for everything — for those who don't know, that's a cream that many women use. And men, maybe nowadays as well.

My point is: complexion and skin color — we are desis from a colonized mind. We live like this. That white is beautiful — the British, the white, that's it, we just die for that. And honestly, that just harms us. It just makes no sense. Am I discrediting physical beauty in a male or a female? No. I'm saying make that the final point.

Why am I mentioning this now? Because mashaAllah, we are so blessed — I don't know how many other places like this where the vast majority of the crowd are mashaAllah youth. What a beautiful gathering we have in this i'tikaf. In these final moments, the vast majority of people are under 30, alhamdulillah, under 35. Wallahi, all of us growing up, we saw i'tikaf was always the senior citizens — that was it, there would be no kids. So this is a beautiful ray of hope for all of us, to see so many youth coming and joining for the i'tikaf program.

So I'm telling you, in these final moments: the biggest du'a, if you're not married, the most important du'a is, "Ya Allah, allow me to find the best spouse" — whose akhlaq are amazing, whose character is amazing, whose qualities are amazing, who will bring the best out of me. And then inshaAllah, most definitely physical beauty afterwards.

For those sitting in the crowd who've told me, "I'm looking for someone who's physically attractive" — why don't you talk to me in person afterwards? I will introduce you to people who chased after what you're chasing, and let them share their emotions with you. How am I supposed to explain it to you otherwise? This is the hadith — look at people who made the wrong mistake, who chased after beauty, and how they suffered.

So that's why that's a key thing. What Imam Ghazali says: learn from the mistakes of others.

The Second Duty: Fulfilling the Rights of Companionship

What is the second thing we need to do in friendship? The second duty is to make sure you fulfill the rights of that companionship. And what is that? He says: once you've entered into the relationship, the friendship is established between you and your companion. You are now responsible for fulfilling the duties demanded by that bond of friendship. And in fulfilling them, there are certain rules of conduct.

The Prophet ﷺ said that the likeness of two brothers is that of two hands — one washes the other. MashaAllah. What a beautiful hadith. One hand washes the other. There's no competition. You work together. Your hand might get dirty — you wash it with your left. Your left gets dirty — you wash it with your right. That's how brotherhood works.

(Cited in Ihya' 'Ulum al-Din by Imam Ghazali)

The Prophet ﷺ once entered a thick grove of trees and picked up two toothpicks — two miswaks. One of them was bent and one was straight. With him was one of his companions, and the Prophet ﷺ gave the straight twig to him, keeping the bent one for himself. The companion said, "O Messenger of Allah, you are more deserving of the straight stick than I am." So he said, "No one spends time in the company of a friend — even for a short time in the day — without being questioned later on about his companionship, regarding whether he fulfilled the right of Allah Most High or neglected to do so."

What does this mean? Even a few minutes — even five minutes — you spend with a friend, Allah will question: did you fulfill the rights of brotherhood or not? Meaning, it is not right that I am your friend, and now I am giving you the crooked miswak and keeping the straight one. I have not fulfilled that right.

My beloved brothers, if Rasulullah ﷺ is speaking about a crooked miswak, how many things are we perhaps not fulfilling in the rights of friendship? We think: let me keep this for myself and give him the second-rate one. If you can't do that, then leave the friendship. Because he's being deceived — he's thinking that you are his friend and that you will look after him. And most of us have probably already been backstabbed by a so-called friend in our lives. Hopefully you've learned your lesson.

When you travel abroad, when you go to a madrasa as a kid, SubhanAllah — you learn. You come out of your cocoon. The world out there is bitter and tough. And you see all sorts of people who are, as Nabi ﷺ said, wolves in sheep's clothing. This comes in hadith — that figure of speech. You cannot trust what you see.

Another hadith of the Prophet ﷺ:

(Cited in Hizbul A'zam and works of du'a and adab)

"O Allah, I seek refuge in You from a conniving so-called friend." He called him a khalil. A conniving so-called friend. His eyes look at me, but his heart is always waiting for a moment to attack. He looks at you with a smiling face, greets you, but his heart is not there. What does he do? If he sees a good deed that I do, he makes sure no one knows about it. And if he happens to find out a fault of mine, he spreads it in the community. May Allah protect us from such so-called friends. They cause a lot of harm.

But the fact that the Prophet ﷺ mentioned a du'a for this — and it is mentioned in Hizbul A'zam and Munajat-e-Maqbul — that tells you the importance of making such du'as. And once again, I encourage us to make these books a habit of ours. Because how many of you sitting here actually ask Allah for protection from such a friend? It never even crosses your mind.

So then the Prophet ﷺ said: no two friends share each other's company except that the kinder and more caring of the two towards the other is more beloved to Allah, the Most Mighty and the Most Majestic. So if we want to get close to Allah, be extremely kind to your friend.

The Etiquettes of Friendship

What are the etiquettes of friendship? I have a friend on Facebook — a thousand friends. Let's look through this section and see how many of them we should be following, and how many should be following us. Let's listen — this section is huge.

The etiquette of friendship is to give your friend preference in your wealth. Or, if you cannot do this, to give freely out of your surplus wealth whatever he is in need of.

To provide swift assistance when he is in need — in person and without his even having to request it. Without him even having to request it — give him the money if you think he needs it. Give him the physical assistance if you think he needs it. Don't wait for him to ask.

Not to divulge his secrets. Whatever he shares with you as a secret, do not share with anyone.

To conceal his faults.

Not to pass on people's criticism of him that would upset him. SubhanAllah. Did you hear about this? "Someone said this about you" — while he's having iftar, you come and tell him. But why are you ruining his iftar? The poor guy is doing iftar — let him eat. What is the point of delivering someone's criticism to him? Do not share unnecessary bad things that people say about your friend — unless he has to change something. If he has to change something, fine. But then don't bring all the mirch and masala — the spices — with which that person said it. Just say, "Hey, you know what, I suggest you make amends on this, because some people may not have been so excited about that." Keep it general. If he keeps asking who said what — don't say it. Because when you share it, it will hurt him, it will break his heart, and it's very hard to get him back on his feet.

To pass on people's praise of him that would please him. This is not a friend who says, "Brother, I don't want it to get to your head, that's why I'm not going to share what people said." Deep down that man is jealous. That's what it is. The person is jealous of what people said about you. No — if you're a friend, you'll actually tell him. Say, "Alhamdulillah, people have really benefited from, or enjoyed, this and that." Because that is necessary to take care of your friend's emotional wellbeing.

When he speaks to you, pay full attention. Not to pick apart his words and argumentation — "Technically you said this, technically you said that." Don't say that.

To call him by the names he likes most. To praise him for what you know of his praiseworthy traits. Friends should praise one another for their praiseworthy traits.

To thank him for the favors he does for you.

To defend him in his absence from all infringements upon his honor, as you would defend yourself. Stand up for him.

To give him advice with gentleness and by subtle hints if he needs it. Don't lay it all out — that might break his heart. Give advice with gentleness and by subtle hints.

To pardon his slips and errors. Not to censure him.

To pray for him in the fardh salah. We need to be making du'a for our friends. How beautiful are the innocent children and community members we have. One kid came to me and said, "I have a question." I said, "What's wrong?" He said, "I have a classmate who uses bad words. I'm sorry to hear that." He said, "On these big nights, I'm making lots of du'a for him to repent. But what else can I do?" MashaAllah. This is what you call a friend — making du'a, "Ya Allah, allow my classmate to stop cursing." SubhanAllah.

During his life and after his death — to make du'a for him, and to remain loyal to his family and relatives after his death. Once your friend dies, continue to take care of his family and relatives.

To choose to make things easy for him by not burdening him with your own needs. A real friend will not want to inconvenience his friend. I remember when I went to meet my Shaykh, Maulana Qari Amil Hassan — before he passed away. An elderly person, 90-plus years old. He knew I was an American who had come from far. But he used to be so worried about me — so anxious. Had I eaten or not? Did I have lunch or dinner? Where was I sleeping? Was hot water being provided? What about my taxi to the airport, to the train station? So much fikr.

And I realized — these are people you shouldn't even tell you're coming. Because unnecessarily, I became a source of worry for him. You come, these are giants, awliya — I don't want his time spent worrying about my food and drink. We come, we spend time, we get their du'as, and we just say, "Alhamdulillah, everything is taken care of." Don't tell him your needs. Sometimes we should take care of our own things and not put our friend through unnecessary stress.

Then after that he says: to express joy at all happy occasions in his life, and sadness at all calamities that affect him. When it's his son or daughter's wedding day, and your own son or daughter is not yet married and you're frustrated — take the time out to still call them, congratulate them. Just because my child is not married doesn't mean I have to be angry at everyone else's marriage. Allah forbid, if you're suffering through a financial crisis and one of your friends got a promotion — still call him and say, "MashaAllah, I'm so happy for you. I just heard about this." This is what you call a true friend — who appreciates the happiness of other people. And when sadness and calamity affects him, be there to show your support.

To be in your innermost heart just as you appear outwardly. Don't be two-faced. Exactly what you are inside your heart, have that on your face in front of your friend. And if there's something you don't like about your friend, there's no point in masking it. With kindness and wisdom, bring it to his attention. We should not have one thing inside our heart about him and then act differently in front of him. True sincerity in love is that you are with him in private and in public in the same manner.

To be the one who initiates the greeting of salam when you meet him. It's not that you say salam only to elders. As a friend, we should be the first one to say salam to our friend.

To make room for him to sit in a gathering. There's a lot of space here, right? In this area. If a friend of yours comes in — what's the etiquette? You're supposed to scoot. But there's space here, I don't need to scoot. The hadith mentions: when a brother walks in, scoot for him. Allahu Akbar. Look at the amazing emotional intelligence of the Prophet ﷺ. He's saying: there's space. But just scoot like this, to let him know — we're excited to have you here, and we are actually making extra space for you, just to make him feel comfortable and welcomed. Even though there's no need. Did you understand that? This is the explicit teaching of the Prophet ﷺ — that when a brother walks in, you are actually supposed to scoot over, even though there is space, just to make him feel extremely wanted in the gathering.

To come out of your house to welcome him. Who does this? Instead of saying, "The door is open, come upstairs," actually come down the stairs, open the door, and wait by the mailbox to meet him.

To see him off when he leaves. One of the elders of our community — an older person in his 60s — gave me a ride once from a janazah. We came back, had a nice conversation, and came to my house. I was getting out. He quickly opened his door and ran to the other side. I said, "Are you okay?" He said, "I came to open your door." I said, "You came to open my door?!" And then he literally walked me to my front door and said, "I don't know what you think of me, but SubhanAllah, you are an extremely respectable person in my heart. There's no way I would drop you off like this."

And SubhanAllah — this is what you call old as gold. The character and the akhlaq of our elders. These were normal things that were taught before. And that's Sunnah — not Pakistani, not Indian, not desi. That's Sunnah. When you drop off someone, you don't drop them off at the stop sign. You go that extra half mile, take him to his front door, and you actually wait till he gets into the house, opens the garage, and waves back at you.

When I go visit some of our elders, friends, and teachers, they will not allow us to leave. They will stand by the doorway saying salam to us until we have completely disappeared from their view. When we are reversing the car, the brother is standing there, waving salam. He says, "No — my job is, until your car disappears, I'm going to stand here." This akhlaq was normal, by the way, before. And Imam Ghazali is writing about this a thousand years ago. Our grandparents had this, our parents had it, but when they came to America, they forgot it. And I say that our desi immigrant generation — a lot of this akhlaq, unfortunately, they have completely forgotten once they came to America. And that is doing a huge disservice to your kids.

The akhlaq that we learned from our parents — please bring it back. And I'm learning so much as I'm sharing this — I'm myself being reminded, SubhanAllah, of the things I'm supposed to work on. I hope all of our children and adults work on this as well. When you drop off someone, stay there till the end. When someone comes to greet you, come out of your house to greet him.

My father, my uncle رَحِمَهُ اللَّهُ who built the seminary, and I — all three of us went to go visit a great scholar before I joined Madrasah al-Hasanayn in 2001. We went to visit him in Tulamba, in his house, in his village. It was the month of Ramadan. He was very happy to receive us. And then — it was fasting time, right? He could not feed us anything. And he said, "I want to make ikram." He went to the driver and gave him a few thousand rupees and said, "Please make proper arrangements for iftar for them — the best arrangements." He said, "I can't feed you now, but this is my ikram — a guest has come."

You know how your wife says, "There's no way we can accommodate guests right now"? You say, "Listen, you're from out of town, it's iftar time" — or outside of Ramadan, "I'm in the middle of work, you came to see me." You call a restaurant, place an order, and say, "Your food is going to be ready there. Please take your family in." People love that. If you're traveling with kids, you don't necessarily want to go to someone's house because the kids are restless. Just call a restaurant, ask what type of food the kids like, call it up, give your credit card, and say, "Whatever these guys want to order, put it on the card." Is that hard? Imagine how you make your friend's life easy. But this is the akhlaq.

When a person comes and you can't accommodate them in your home for whatever reason — book a hotel for them and say, "This is on us." That's what a friend does. We make ikram. There are many ways in the modern day to make ikram. We have to have this spirit and mentality that "I want to make ikram for someone" — inshaAllah, Allah will make it easy for you.

Keep quiet while he's talking, until he finishes.

Do not interrupt him.

In short: you should treat your friend exactly as you would like to be treated. For truly, the brotherhood of a person who does not love for his brother what he loves for himself is mere hypocrisy, and will have evil consequences for him in both this world and the hereafter. So treat him the way you want to be treated.

These are the courtesies due to the people in general that you do not know, and to those close friends who are your brothers. And we will inshaAllah stop here. The next section, which ends the book, is on al-ma'arif — acquaintances: those who you do know, and what type of people they are. MashaAllah.

My brothers and sisters who are listening — this is the etiquette of sohbah with a friend. Imagine the etiquette of sohbah with our parents. Imagine the etiquette of sohbah with our wife or our husband. Imagine the etiquette of sohbah with siblings. One hundred percent of what we covered is applicable to all of them — and more. One hundred percent of what we studied is applicable to our spouses, our kids, our parents, our siblings — and more.

So let us inshaAllah, at the very least — those who want to take a picture of that page, you can if you have your phone with you. And I benefited so much by reading this. I hope you have as well. Again, this book is called The Beginning of Guidance, from White Thread Press. Please do stop by at the bookstore sometime, or get it from Makkah Books online. Also, al-Balagh bookstore online may have it as well.

Du'a Number 14 — Prayer of Forgiveness

InshaAllah, for today, the last prayer of forgiveness that we'll read is du'a number 14.

Oh Allah, I seek Your forgiveness for every sin that You prohibited me from doing, but I opposed You by committing it. And every sin that You forewarned me of, but I remained firm in committing. And every sin that You deemed abominable, but my lower self made it attractive to me.

So three things: Oh Allah, every single sin that You told me not to do — I went ahead and did it. You warned me from it — I said I'm not giving up. You told me it is very bad and very harmful — but my nafs said, "No, I like it."

Oh Allah, I seek Your forgiveness for every sin that turns away from me Your mercy, or causes Your vengeance to befall me, or deprives me of Your generosity, or takes away from me Your blessings. Ameen.

Oh Allah, I seek Your forgiveness for every sin that I reproached or condemned one of Your creation for committing — but then myself, I plunged into that same sin and brazenly committed it before You. I made fun of other people for committing it, and then I went ahead and did it myself. May Allah forgive us from these types of sins.

This is from Prayers for Forgiveness by Hasan al-Basri — a deep dive into the human psychology of sin. Why do we sin? How do we sin? And how do we get entrapped by sin? Beautiful book as well. Please benefit from it. Also available from the same place.

Final Du'a Before Iftar

InshaAllah, we'll be concluding with du'a. I request everyone inshaAllah to try their best to ask Allah earnestly — to ask Allah to inspire us in these last ten minutes of Ramadan, to ask those things which are most in need. Otherwise there are too many du'as to make. May Allah inspire us with those that we need to make inshaAllah. Since the du'a right before iftar is accepted, and the ulema have said they've seen the benefits — anything that's asked right before iftar gets given. So we'll give the last two minutes inshaAllah for everyone to make their own individual du'a.

O Allah, we ask You to accept this month of fasting, Ya Allah, from all of us. O Allah, we are absolutely aware of our flaws and faults in every single action. O Allah, we ask You — do not treat us based on what we deserve. But treat us, Ya Allah, with Your mercy.

O Allah, in the next few moments, Eid is here. O Allah, this is the time when elders give their children Eid — they give gifts. Oh Allah, we're asking for Your Eid. Oh Allah, Your Eid for us is the announcement of Your forgiving all of us. Oh Allah, please make a decision of forgiveness for every one of us. Oh Allah, make a decision that we never go back to our old ways. Ya Allah, make a decision and announce the decision of our full transformation. Ya Allah, make a decision of our transformation.

Oh Allah, whether someone is in Sunnah i'tikaf, nafl i'tikaf, or someone is listening from anywhere in the world online — O Allah, we ask You to grant us a full transformation. O Allah, allow our life from the first of Shawwal never to be like whatever it was in the past.

O Allah, we ask You, we beg You — it does not diminish Your greatness to forgive us. It does not diminish Your greatness to change our lives. O Allah, Your greatness we know — You make the sun rise and the sun set every single day. O Allah, to flip the direction of our heart is a simple thing for You. It just requires Your irada — it just requires Your intention. O Allah, we ask You to intend to change our lives. O Allah, do not allow us to lead a life except that which is in accordance to the Sunnah.

O Allah, all the talks we've heard in the entire 30 days, and all the talks that were given at any time of the day — O Allah, enable every one of those talks to be a source of hidayah for us. O Allah, do not allow these talks that were given or that were heard to become a proof against us.

O Allah, we ask You to make us amongst those people whose akhlaq are like the akhlaq of Rasulullah ﷺ. O Allah, please make us the best well-mannered people. O Allah, make us the best husbands, the best wives, the best parents, the best children, the best brothers, the best sisters, the best sons, the best daughters, the best business partners, the best musallis.

O Allah, grant all that we've studied in Imam Ghazali's book. O Allah, make every one of us from amongst those who fulfill the rights of that companionship. Ya Allah, improve our character — improve our character. O Allah, improve the character of our spouses, improve the character of our children. O Allah, put muhabba and love between every husband and wife, between parents and children, between siblings.

O Allah, we ask You to have mercy upon the ummah in this country and beyond. O Allah, those who are suffering the earthquake and the bombings in Burma — Ya Allah, have mercy upon them, have mercy upon them, have mercy upon them. Those who are suffering in Palestine — have mercy upon them.

Ya Allah, we do not know what the direction in the next months and years is going to be here. We beg You, O Allah, to allow us to become united. Allow us to understand what we're up against. O Allah, we ask You to guide us, to guide us, to guide us — allow our hearts to be united. O Allah, allow us to have, Ya Allah, hikmah and wisdom in dealing with our situations.

Ya Allah, we beg You to protect all of our masajid, to protect all of our madaris, to protect all of our institutions. O Allah, to protect all the non-for-profit organizations. O Allah, to protect all the humanitarian organizations. O Allah, protect the health, the wealth, and Ya Allah, the honor of every single Muslim brother and sister in this world, in this country and beyond.

O Allah, we ask You in these final moments that You grant us whatever You know is best for us. And You grant us whatever You know we should be asking from You. O Allah, we ask You for the khair and good that the Prophet ﷺ had asked of. And we seek refuge in You from the evil that the Prophet ﷺ had sought refuge in You from.