Surah Tahrim - Ep. 2 | Mufti Azeemuddin Ahmed

Sūrah al-Taḥrīm — Episode 2: Tafsīr & Reflections

Beloved brothers and sisters, السَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللَّهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

We welcome all of you to the second installment of the tafsīr and reflections on Sūrah al-Taḥrīm — the Prohibition. Hopefully, inshāAllah, within the next three sessions we will complete this beautiful sūrah, right before Ramaḍān starts. Last week, we covered the first three āyāt of this sūrah and the background of Sūrah al-Taḥrīm — the prohibition that the Prophet ﷺ made upon himself. In one famous story it was honey, and in the other it was one of his concubines, the mother of Ibrāhīm, that he made ḥarām upon himself — all out of an attempt to keep his spouses happy. And this is what Allah slightly reprimanded him about: why did you do that? You should not make anything which is permissible into impermissible, even if it means pleasing your spouse.

So, as we always say at the beginning of every tafsīr session, we should all try to keep our intentions as sincere as possible, asking Allah for guidance for ourselves. We are all most in need of Allah's hidāyah. All of us are going through all sorts of difficult spiritual issues, emotional issues, and beyond that as well. And the solution — the only solution — lies in the Book of Allah. All around us is fire, all around us is sin, all around us is people being dragged into the fire of Hell because of their own nafs, because of Shayṭān, because of the evil effects of their own sins. None can save us besides Allah. The more you and I are attached to the Book of Allah, the higher chance we have of survival.

So that is why we should all ask Allah that He allows our coming here to become a means of our purification, and that whatever issues we are going through, we find the solutions — inshāAllah tabārak wa taʿālā — in the Book of Allah. Your desire and your sincerity are very important, and they will help us, inshāAllah, address things that are relevant and needed.

The Marriages of the Prophet ﷺ

When we look at the marriages of the Prophet ﷺ, we see that every single one of his marriages had a very significant reason behind it. Besides ʿĀʾishah and Juwayriyyah, the other wives are not necessarily known for the kind of physical beauty that a young man, for example, would ordinarily desire in a spouse. Besides ʿĀʾishah, all of them were previously married — many of them also older — and the books do not necessarily mention those qualities of physical attractiveness that would make someone go out of their way to remarry. We notice, therefore, that the marriages of the Prophet ﷺ were not based on these basic physical considerations. Instead, there were other important points kept in consideration for why Rasūlullāh ﷺ specifically married each one of those wives. Scholars have written much about that.

However, there was one wife who was very close to him and the only one who had not been previously married, and that was ʿĀʾishah. This is a story where we see ʿĀʾishah and Ḥafṣah — as we mentioned last week — among those who were trying to gain more of Rasūlullāh's ﷺ attention. Zaynab, in whose house he used to eat honey and with whom he would spend more time, was possibly someone ʿĀʾishah regarded as a competitor for the Prophet's ﷺ attention, particularly because Zaynab was known to have beauty and was also a cousin of the Prophet ﷺ.

I want to refocus and speak about some dimensions of this story that we did not cover last week — although we spent a good hour and a half, maybe two hours, and covered many things. So please, if you missed the first session, I encourage you to go ahead and listen to it sometime during the week so there is consistency. It is only four sessions. I want to make sure all of us are listening to all four to get the full picture of this sūrah.

The Deen Covers Every Aspect of Life

We see that since this is the final deen and the final Prophet, no aspect of the Prophet's ﷺ life is going to be off-topic. Every single thing will be studied, because the ummah needs guidance in all matters — from using the restroom, to going to sleep, to having children, to one's relationship with one's spouse. Every single thing must have guidance, because no one else is going to come and guide us besides Rasūlullāh ﷺ.

You know, the kuffār said, look at him:

"Look at him — he relieves himself the way a woman relieves herself."

In the sense that he would sit down, whereas men at the time would stand. The Prophet ﷺ, contrary to the custom of many men of that era, would not stand to urinate — he would specifically sit. So they mocked him for that. But the Prophet ﷺ was here to show us everything, including how to use the bathroom.

So one time, one of the disbelievers told Abū al-Dardāʾ — if I remember correctly — that you follow your Prophet ﷺ in absolutely everything. What is this? And he said:

"Yes! Our Prophet ﷺ teaches us everything — even how to relieve ourselves."

He said, I am not going to be shy about it. How to do istiñjāʾ, how to wash yourself — every single thing our Prophet ﷺ taught us. You're telling me about big things? I'll tell you he also told us how to clean ourselves after using the restroom. He said, I am not going to hide that, and we are proud of it. Our Nabī ﷺ taught us every single thing.

So when it comes to the relationship between husband and wife, naturally there is a great deal that the Prophet ﷺ spoke about. I want to share with you a story that Imām al-Bukhārī mentions as the tafsīr — in Kitāb al-Tafsīr — of this āyah. Imām al-Bukhārī mentions a ḥadīth narrated by ʿAbdullāh ibn ʿAbbās.

The Ḥadīth of Ibn ʿAbbās and ʿUmar ibn al-Khaṭṭāb

(Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, Kitāb al-Tafsīr, Ḥadīth 4913)

Ibn ʿAbbās said: "I spent one year wanting to ask ʿUmar ibn al-Khaṭṭāb about the tafsīr of one āyah, but I simply was too afraid to ask him — out of awe of him. I waited for the right moment. Just like someone waiting to ask their parents or their spouse something — you have to wait until the mood is good." He says, "I went with him for Ḥajj. When we were returning and walking together on the road, he went off to an arāk tree for a personal need" — meaning he needed to relieve himself. "Ibn ʿAbbās waited for him until he was done, then started walking with him, and said: 'O Amīr al-Muʾminīn, who are the two wives that Allah mentions — تَظَاهَرَتَا — who are the two women the Qurʾān is speaking about?' ʿUmar said: 'That is Ḥafṣah and ʿĀʾishah.'"

Ibn ʿAbbās then told him: "I swear by Allah, I have been wanting to ask you this for a whole year, but could not bring myself to do so out of awe of you." ʿUmar said, "Don't do that. If you think I have some knowledge, ask me. If I have it, I will give it to you."

Then ʿUmar said: "I swear by Allah, in the era of Jāhiliyyah — before Islam — women had no rights whatsoever." He mentioned that women used to be inherited as property. Forget about owning their own property — they themselves were used as property, passed from generation to generation. He said: "They did not have any rights until Allah revealed what He revealed, and distributed for them the rights that He distributed." For instance, He gave women rights in inheritance. Before, they were being inherited; now they actually have a right in inheritance — even though the responsibility of taking care of them financially in all circumstances is upon the nearest male relative: as a husband, a father, a brother, a son.

ʿUmar's Household and His Conversation with Ḥafṣah

Then ʿUmar said: "One day I was at home with my wife discussing something. My wife said, 'Why don't you do it this manner? Why did you not do it that way?' So I told her, 'What is wrong with you? Why are you going back and forth with me? This has nothing to do with you — this is something I have decided.'"

His wife said: "How strange of you, O Ibn al-Khaṭṭāb! You don't want your wife to go back and forth with you — and yet your own daughter goes back and forth with the Prophet ﷺ, to the extent that a whole day goes by and he is angry!" SubḥānAllāh. Everyone is nodding their heads. This is truly a conversation from the home — everyone can relate.

So ʿUmar stood up, grabbed his shawl and garment, and went to Ḥafṣah. He said to her: "O my dear daughter, do you seriously go back and forth with the Prophet ﷺ to the extent that he spends an entire day angry?"

Ḥafṣah said:

"I swear by Allah, yes, we do."

He said to her: "O my daughter, do you not know? I am warning you from Allah's punishment and the anger of His Messenger upon you." And then he said:

"Do not be deceived by that one whose beauty has captivated the heart of the Prophet ﷺ and whom the Prophet ﷺ loves deeply."

He was speaking about ʿĀʾishah. He was saying: she may get away with certain things — but not you. You cannot simply copy whatever she does. You cannot place yourself at the level of ʿĀʾishah.

ʿUmar's Visit to Umm Salamah

Then ʿUmar said: "I left my daughter's house and went to Umm Salamah's house, because of my relationship with her, and I spoke to her." He asked: Is this really what you are all doing at home with the Prophet ﷺ?

Umm Salamah said:

"I am so surprised at you, O Ibn al-Khaṭṭāb! You have involved yourself in everything — to the extent that now you are trying to get between the Prophet ﷺ and his wives? This is between us and him. Why are you involving yourself in our private family affairs?"

ʿUmar said: "I swear by Allah, she got me. When she said that, it definitely affected me, and a little bit of my resolve weakened. Maybe I started thinking, perhaps I am getting a little too ahead of myself. Why should I be getting involved in this?"

SubḥānAllāh, ʿUmar is an amazing person. Yes, he did that. But what we learn from here is that this is not a private matter — this is a reality. 1,500 years later, on a Tuesday night, we are speaking about it. Because everything that happens in the life of the Prophet ﷺ is not just a personal matter — it is an issue for the entire world until the very end of times. Every aspect of the Prophet's ﷺ life is uswah — a lesson for us.

This was not the first time ʿUmar had done something like this. Many times he said certain things that everyone else was quiet about, and people were not necessarily happy about him raising such questions. But Allah made him speak the truth. Allah kept him one step ahead of many other companions. This was divine direction.

As you are aware, there is also the issue of ḥijāb. It was ʿUmar himself who said: "O Rasūlullāh, I do not like this. I do not like the idea of the unintentional mixing that happens at times — men entering the home, women having to go outside to relieve themselves or take care of their needs, going back and forth. I do not like that there is even a possibility that someone could misuse this slight laxness." The sharīʿah had not said anything about it — it was he who raised this question. And everyone else was quiet. Some were even thinking, why is he making a big fuss? Then:

Allah revealed the verses of ḥijāb. He literally became the means through which those verses were sent down.

The scholars have enumerated 22 places where ʿUmar spoke up and the revelation of Allah sided with him over everyone else — this is called مُوَافَقَاتُ عُمَر — the agreements of ʿUmar. Twenty-two places where Allah gave preference to the opinion of ʿUmar over the opinions of everyone, including at times even over the initial stance of Rasūlullāh ﷺ. This was simply the blessing of Allah inspiring ʿUmar with the truth.

There are certain people called مُحَدَّثُونَ — those whom Allah allows the truth to come from their tongues. That is why the Prophet ﷺ said: "If there were to be a prophet after me, it would have been ʿUmar." It was not that he received revelation, but he received ilhām — inspiration — at an unbelievable level, guiding him to speak the truth.

So sometimes we may have people around us who say something that everyone else thinks is too outlandish, too hardcore, too conservative. But give it some thought. Do not immediately brush it away. If they are a God-fearing, muttaqī person — someone whom Allah has kept away from sin — and they say something, give it some thought, sleep on it, and think: maybe there is something he sees, or she sees, that I do not see.

The Night the Ansārī Companion Knocked on ʿUmar's Door

ʿUmar continued the narration, saying: "I left Umm Salamah's house. I had an Anṣārī companion who used to be my partner — whenever I was not in the presence of Rasūlullāh ﷺ, he would bring me the news of the day from the Prophet ﷺ. And whenever he was busy — attending to his farms and fields — I would be the one to share the news with him. And we were at that time anticipating an attack from one of the kings of the Ghassān tribe."

He said: "It was mentioned to us that the king of Ghassān — one of the strongest and most powerful Arab tribes — was making his way towards Madīnah. Our hearts were filled with fear. Then all of a sudden, that Anṣārī companion of mine began knocking on my door urgently — 'Open the door! Open the door!'"

ʿUmar said: "I said, has the Ghassānī king and his tribe come? Is that what you have come to tell me in the middle of the night?" He said: "No, no — it is something far worse than that." What could possibly be worse than being attacked by the most powerful Arab tribe in the region? He said:

"The Prophet ﷺ has separated himself from his wives."

Now let us just stop here for a moment. The Prophet ﷺ had a marital dispute with his wives — a husband and wife matter. But look at the environment in Madīnah right here. This Anṣārī companion is telling ʿUmar: no, I am telling you, this is far worse than the most powerful Arab leader in the region coming to attack us. And ʿUmar did not say, "Oh come on, what are you making a big deal about?" Absolutely not. He himself became very worried.

That tells us that the stability of the house of the Prophet ﷺ was of paramount importance in Madīnat al-Munawwarah. If the Prophet's ﷺ house is not safe, sound, and calm — then that is game over for everyone else. Because he is the Nabī of Allah. His heart has to be content. If his heart is anxious, then we can never feel safe. Allāhu Akbar.

The Peace of the Home: A Paramount Concern

I want to make the point here that for all of us to be able to do any work outside the home, we must have comfortable homes. If there are issues happening between ourselves and our spouses, then whatever we want to accomplish will be greatly hindered — because of the اضطراب, the قلق, the worry, the unease that comes when husband and wife are not getting along. Not only do they ruin each other's peace of mind, but they ruin the children's safety and peace of mind as well. Children suffer for years and even decades because of the fighting they have witnessed at home. They suffer PTSD from that. I see it so regularly.

This is something for all of us to ponder — those who are married, and those who are not yet married but think about the future. The safety and peace at home is the number one thing we have to work on. If there is no peace at home, whatever work you want to do outside, you will not be able to do it.

This is the method of Shayṭān. Shayṭān wants to create a little fire at home — to light the matches in the house of the firefighter. How can the firefighter put out fires in the city when his own house is on fire? Everyone is depending on the firefighter to do his job, but he cannot because his own home has a fire that will not calm down. Similarly, all of us have amazing abilities and gifts given to us by Allah to serve the deen. But if things at home are not good, then the ability to follow through on that is greatly affected.

I remember one day I randomly asked a person: how are you doing? He said, it is not good. And then everything opened up. And I realized — subḥānAllāh — this is the reason why this talented person is not able to do what he used to. When he opened up, I was just shocked. I said: man, I cannot believe it. You are sane. You are driving around with all that going on in your mind.

This is a very serious pandemic that the ummah is going through — the corruption, fasād, and infighting happening at home between husbands and wives. And everyone thinks: it is only happening in my home, so I will not tell anyone. I will not seek advice from my parents, from the imām, from a counselor — because it is probably just my problem. But I promise you, it is not just your problem. More than every other person is going through this.

You probably heard about a domestic violence case a month ago — a Muslim man who shot his three children and his wife. إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ. This is not the only case. There are many. Is there any reason for that to be considered acceptable? Absolutely not. But I want you to understand the imbalance at home and how harmful its effects can be — it can make a person do the unthinkable. There are hundreds of cases like this of Muslims and non-Muslims across the world — domestic violence cases where someone pulls out a knife, someone pulls out a gun, and you have dead bodies. Little kids, adults. Murder-suicides as well.

We should understand that this is not a small issue. When a husband or wife start an argument at home, understand that you are literally lighting a match in a dry forest. A single cigarette can create a massive forest fire that burns thousands of acres for weeks. That is exactly what this argumentation can do at home — it has a terrible long-term effect. Allah knows best where it will take a person, where it will take a family.

So if the stability of the Prophet's ﷺ house was the foundation of Madīnah's security, then the same principle applies to our homes and our communities. If we want Muslim men and women to be happy, we have to ensure that their homes are taken care of. If not, even with all our material blessings — while our brothers and sisters in Ghazzah are suffering — we will feel as though we are living in Hell. And we have to turn to Allah collectively to address this issue.

Shayṭān's Strategy Against the Marriage

Shayṭān is working extremely hard to create argumentation and fights between spouses. Every week we see new people, so even though I may have said this before, I repeat it. There is a ḥadīth in Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim — that every single morning Iblīs places his throne on the ocean, sends out his armies across the world to cause corruption, and at the end of the day listens to what they report. He dismisses one after another saying, "This is nothing." Until finally one contingent of shayāṭīn comes and says: "We attacked a man and we did not leave him until he separated from his spouse." And Iblīs — it comes in the authentic ḥadīth of Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim — brings that devil close to him and honors him. Because that is a mission accomplished: a divorce has happened.

And the other ḥadīth — Imām al-Bukhārī mentions in al-Adab al-Mufrad — that there comes a time when a spouse wants to spend quality time with their partner, and all of a sudden the shayāṭīn come:

"He drops upon her a piece of wood, or a stone." (al-Adab al-Mufrad, Imām al-Bukhārī)

No one can see it. But if you were hit by a large rock, you would be very perturbed and upset — like drops of water from a ceiling, dripping upon you. So she will then say something to her husband that will upset both of them. In one narration it is dropped upon the husband. Obviously sometimes it is her, sometimes it is him. And a time that was meant to be spent beautifully together ends up in a fight.

The Prophet ﷺ said: Do not get angry at her — or at him — for indeed, Shayṭān is the one who is instigating this. What more clear ḥadīth do we need? At home, every single day this is the battle. We ask Allah to allow husbands and wives to understand these ḥadīth, to observe self-restraint and self-control, to learn how to control their anger, and how to mitigate differences. Many times it is not even a real issue — the issue is that there is no issue. It is simply Shayṭān causing these problems.

ʿUmar Enters Upon the Prophet ﷺ

So ʿUmar said: "Something worse than a Ghassānī attack has happened — the Prophet ﷺ has separated himself from all his wives."

ʿUmar said: "رَغِمَ أَنْفُ حَفْصَةَ وَعَائِشَةَ" — meaning, woe to them, what is wrong with these people? He grabbed his clothing and ran out. He came to the Prophet ﷺ who was in a room elevated by a staircase. One of the Prophet's ﷺ young servants was standing at the foot of the stairs, not allowing anyone to enter. ʿUmar said, please let me in — tell him it is ʿUmar waiting. Three times he asked, and three times the Prophet ﷺ said no. On the third instance, the Prophet ﷺ finally allowed ʿUmar to enter.

All around the minbar of the Prophet ﷺ, the ṣaḥābah were crying — so worried about the Prophet ﷺ, so upset at what was happening. If the Prophet ﷺ is upset at home, how can we live in this world? Even though it was not their fault. Just the fact that he was upset was sufficient reason for them to be worried.

When ʿUmar finally entered, he shared with the Prophet ﷺ the whole story — what happened between him and Ḥafṣah, and what happened at home with his own wife. And as he spoke, the Prophet ﷺ slowly started to smile. ʿUmar said: "O Rasūlullāh, the men of Makkah were strong — our wives would never speak to us the way they did back then. But when we came to Madīnah, our wives started learning from the women of Madīnah and began responding to us like this. One day my wife gave me back-and-forth, and I said: what are you doing? And she said: well, your daughter does the same." The Prophet ﷺ smiled.

So ʿUmar basically had a man-to-man conversation with the Prophet ﷺ, and it actually helped the anger of Rasūlullāh ﷺ subside. And that is why it is important — when issues happen at home, sometimes a man needs to go off for a drive, meet his friends, and talk. And a woman may need to find her girlfriend, her sister, her mother, her aunt — someone to help her cool off. It is completely natural. That is what used to happen. Nowadays, any issue happens, and it is straight to divorce. Why? Why jump to that? Allow some cooling-off period. Let people spend time with people who can give them perspective.

The Simplicity of the Prophet's ﷺ Home

ʿUmar said: "As I sat with the Prophet ﷺ, I started looking around inside the house, and there was nothing that met the eye as attractive — nothing remarkable at all. His house was so, so, so simple."

"He was lying on a straw mat with nothing between him and it, and under his head was a leather pillow stuffed with date-palm fiber. At his feet was some loose tanned leaves, and hanging at his head were some leather water-skins." (Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, Kitāb al-Tafsīr, Ḥadīth 4913)

He was lying on a straw mat with nothing between him and it — so it would leave big marks on his body. Under his head was a pillow, but what was it stuffed with? Not goose feathers. It was filled with date-palm tree fiber — rough, hard, like lying on a brick. All ʿUmar found were some leather water-skins and food bags hanging on the wall, and the marks of the straw mat clearly visible on the Prophet's ﷺ body.

ʿUmar said: "I started to cry." The Prophet ﷺ said: "What makes you cry?" ʿUmar said:

"O Rasūlullāh! Kisrā and Qayṣar — the Persians and Romans — have so much luxury and enjoy their lives, and you are the Messenger of Allah living in such difficulty."

The Prophet ﷺ sat up and said:

"Are you still in doubt, O son of al-Khaṭṭāb? Those are a people whose good things have been hastened for them in this worldly life." (Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, Kitāb al-Tafsīr, Ḥadīth 4913)

"O son of al-Khaṭṭāb, are you not yet completely content with Īmān and Islam? Are you still comparing our poverty to their wealth? Those are a people — all of their enjoyable things are being given to them in cash in this dunyā. They have nothing waiting for them in the Hereafter." And so ʿUmar realized his mistake and said: "O Rasūlullāh, seek forgiveness for me."

It is mentioned in the ḥadīth that the Prophet ﷺ had at that time taken an oath that he would not go to any of his wives for an entire month — until Allah revealed these verses of Sūrah al-Taḥrīm.

And one point we realize here is that material failure is not the reason the ummah is struggling. The issue is simply that we do not have true deen within our lives. May Allah rectify our condition. This story tells us that issues will happen in our homes. The solution is to go back to the deen to bring happiness back into our homes.

I make an appeal to all husbands and wives: tonight, if you are listening to me, make some amends. Realize that as a husband and as a wife, it is your equal responsibility to keep peace at home. Have mercy upon your partner, have mercy upon yourself, and have mercy upon your children — because there is no enjoyment in a life of continuous bickering and fighting.

The Role of Parents: Lessons from ʿUmar

Notice how ʿUmar as a father got involved and was upset at his own daughter. Fathers take a role. One major issue of today is that moms and dads think their kids are angels. And I swear by Allah, you harm no one besides yourself and your child if you think like that. None of us are angels. We are all sinners. So if someone comes and says your married son or daughter is doing something wrong — accept it. Say, okay, it is possible. Let me work on it. Do not become super defensive.

Today's maqtab teachers, Sunday school teachers, and Islamic school teachers are so scared to speak up — I have spoken to many of them. They are scared because a parent will come at them aggressively and say: "How dare you say my son or daughter is anything less than an angel!" But why are we so excessively defensive over our kids? Our non-Muslim neighbors speak about this too. In the good old days, parents raised their kids properly and accepted responsibility. If a teacher called home, the parent would never say, "I will go fight with the teacher." It was: "How dare the teacher have a complaint about you?" What you would face at home was ten times worse than what you faced at school.

But now it is the opposite. Everyone thinks their child is perfect. And we are harming our children that way. If you really care about their best interest, then sit down with your son or daughter and say: "Okay, what is going on? Let us talk about it." Give them an opportunity to speak — that is also part of our deen. But do not simply and continuously side with your children against all facts, because the harm will come back upon them.

The Warning to the Wives of the Prophet ﷺ

Allah then says:

We spoke about this last week — if you two do not repent, O ʿĀʾishah and Ḥafṣah, then know that even though the Nabī ﷺ loves you, he does not need you. He has Allah with him, he has Jibrīl with him, he has all the pious believers — including Abū Bakr and ʿUmar — with him, and he has all the angels. So know your place and do not allow your position as a wife to override the connection between you as a follower and him as a Nabī. Disrespect for this maqām — the status of prophethood — could render all your good deeds utterly useless.

And there are many who live oppressed — some wives oppress their husbands, and some husbands oppress their wives. I am sending this message as a reminder to all oppressors: your days are numbered. You have to die, and your spouse has to die. And Allah is watching everything. Make sure you do not appear as the oppressor in the court of Allah. As my ustādh would say: if you must become oppressed, go ahead and be oppressed — but never become the oppressor, because the punishment of the oppressor is something you cannot handle. Our ustādh would say: "You slap someone on the face — the redness may be gone in 5 or 10 minutes. But the sin of that oppression will never be erased, and the person will face its punishment in the Hereafter."

The Replacement Verse

It may be that his Lord — if he were to divorce all of you — would replace you with wives who are better than you. This is an announcement from Allah to the wives of the Prophet ﷺ. And this is why — as we discussed in Sūrah al-Aḥzāb — when the wives came and said, "O Rasūlullāh, we need more spending money," Allah revealed: if you want the dunyā, then choose the dunyā and leave him. If you want Allah and His Messenger ﷺ and the Hereafter, then stay. Allah made it very clear in the 22nd Juz.

The qualities mentioned in the verse are six: Muslimāt — devoutly submitting to Allah. Muʾmināt — believing. Qānitāt — devoutly obedient. Tāʾibāt — those who constantly repent. ʿĀbidāt — worshipful women. Sāʾiḥāt — those who migrate for the sake of Allah. And the final contrast: Thayyibāt — those who were previously married — and Abkār — those who have never been married. This was a warning: do not allow the relationship of wife and husband to overrun the connection between you as followers and him as a Nabī.

The Command to Protect Ourselves and Our Families from the Fire

"O you who believe, save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are appointed angels, stern and severe, who do not disobey Allah in whatever He commands them, and they do whatever they are commanded."

وَقُودُهَا — the word وَقُود here is not a conjunction — it itself means fuel. The fuel of this fire is two things: النَّاسُ — people, human flesh — and الْحِجَارَةُ — stones. With regard to the flesh, Allah says elsewhere in the Qurʾān:

"Every time their skins are burned away, We will replace them with fresh skins so that they may taste the punishment." So as soon as the flesh burns away, a new skin is created. There is a never-ending supply of fuel. May Allah protect us from becoming the fuel of hellfire.

As for the stones — think of large boulders: kicked around, thrown around, they do not break, no one cares about them. Similarly, the bodies of the sinful in the fire will be treated with no care, mercilessly — the way stones are thrown around and disregarded.

And who guards this fire? مَلَائِكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ شِدَادٌ — angels who are dreadfully stern and severe. غِلَاظٌ — their hearts are hardened. They have not one ounce of mercy. You can scream all you want — nothing affects them. Human beings are not like that. Even the most merciless person will feel something when it comes to his own child, his mother, his father. But these angels have been created and deputed specifically for punishment — nothing moves them.

Beyond that: لَا يَعْصُونَ اللَّهَ مَا أَمَرَهُمْ — they shall never disobey Allah in whatever He commands them. No matter how many times Allah says: increase the punishment — they comply without hesitation. وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمَرُونَ — and they do exactly what they are commanded.

We have been asked to protect ourselves and our families. They say in an airplane: put on your oxygen mask first, then help your child. Very first — protect your own self from the fire of Jahannam. Then protect your children. Otherwise, if you try to protect your children without protecting yourself first, it is going to be a big problem. This is very strong advice to myself first. May Allah give me tawfīq.

A Reflection on Raising Children and the Ḥifẓ Program

As fathers and mothers, we have to worry about ourselves first. This week, many parents reached out to me about the Ḥifẓ program — some with tears in their eyes. And alḥamdulillāh, the desire to have one's child memorize the Qurʾān is beautiful. But let me say this clearly, and I took the name of Allah in the masjid when I said it: I have been teaching the Ḥifẓ program for the past twenty years, dealing with children and youth every single day, all day. And I am telling you — there are too many ḥuffāẓ who have been misled. There are too many ḥuffāẓ who have left Islam. There are too many ḥuffāẓ who are involved in major sins. The memorization of the Qurʾān alone did not save them. What you have to work on is building Īmān in their hearts — building the love of the Qurʾān.

I swear by Allah — if you have a son or daughter who loves to read three juz on their own every day and has never memorized even a single juz, that is far superior to someone who has memorized it all and does not read it. How many of us are reading that much Qurʾān a day? How many children, once they hit 16 or 17, are running to the tafsīr, wanting to understand what Allah is saying?

I asked one parent: what is your intention behind this? And he said: "Well, all my nephews and nieces are ḥuffāẓ." And I said: so what? Is that a noble intention? Go and find out how many of those nephews and nieces actually pray five times a day in the masjid. How many? That is where we are failing as a community — we are failing our ḥuffāẓ. They are not connected to the deen. There are children who have memorized the Qurʾān and are openly involved in things I will not even name — right here, within a few miles. I only know the tip of the iceberg. I do not have social media. But when you take a few grains of rice to test if the whole pot is cooked — when you see how severely some of them are failing — you understand what the environment is doing to our kids.

As parents, it is our fault that we do not keep our children connected to gatherings like this — because we ourselves are not connected. And we are obsessed with this trophy-ḥāfiẓ culture. When I say to a parent: consider the one-year program — the response is sometimes: "Oh, I don't want him to become a mawlānā." SubḥānAllāh. Not that the one-year program, or the seven-year program, or the fifteen-year program is a guarantee of anything. The ending is in the hands of Allah. But at least these programs give children a higher rate of protection.

It is like buying tires. You do not get the cheapest 20,000-mile tire. You pay extra because you want the traction in snow, the five-star rating, the warranty. You want something that lasts. So when it comes to the deen of your children — if after completing the Ḥifẓ program you do not keep your child connected to the madrasah, the masjid, the mashaykh and the ʿulamāʾ — the tread wears thinner and thinner every month, until it becomes bald. And then a simple turn on black ice, and they are gone. I experienced it with my own tires — I am telling you, you do not need a huge accident. A small thing, and finished.

We have graduated 130 or 140 ḥuffāẓ from here. Where are they? Those little innocent kids who were brought here — where are they at 17 or 18? Whose fault is that? One hundred percent: the moms and dads. Because at 12 he graduated. If at 13, 14, 15, 16 you brought him here, he would be here at 18, 19, 20. But you got your trophy and walked out. Please attend the one-year program. Please come to the tafsīr. Please bring your son or daughter to at least one ṣalāh a day in the masjid — wallāhi, that is far more important than memorizing the Qurʾān alone.

I say all of this fully acknowledging that my children are as much at risk as anyone else's. I speak to you not as an imām, but as a father. And I ask Allah to protect my children and your children from everything that surrounds them.

So the āyah says: قُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ — protect yourselves first. Before you throw your nine-year-old into a Saturday morning Ḥifẓ class, before you put them through a twelve-hour schedule every single day — take care of yourself first. Be hard on yourself before you are hard on your children. This is advice to myself first. May Allah give me tawfīq. And may Allah give all of us tawfīq as parents.

Deen is not what you or I think it to be. Deen is what Allah and His Messenger ﷺ taught us. Am I following the Sunnah? If we are following the Sunnah — then alḥamdulillāh. If not, then why are we pushing our children into extra things that are not even farḍ? Ḥifẓ of the Qurʾān is not farḍ. So if I have to choose between one who memorizes the Qurʾān but does not read it, and one who loves the Qurʾān and reads it every day — I choose the latter. What if you are already on the journey of memorizing the Qurʾān? Keep going — just make sure you also keep coming to the house of Allah. Do not be here Monday through Saturday 8 to 4, and then a no-show for ʿIshāʾ. And after you graduate, never to be seen again.

Protecting Our Daughters: A Special Warning

I said this to the Tanwīr students today: I am more afraid about your sisters than about anything else. Because the girls are falling through the cracks. Their moms and dads are completely deceived by the scarf — they think the girls are completely fine. But they do not realize the extent of bedīnī and fuḥsh the girls are involved in today. The college students here will bear testimony to what I am saying. The level of fitna that our Muslim girls are involved in is beyond shocking — the absolute loss of ḥayāʾ. And Shayṭān is playing right into it, allowing them to get away with things that even a boy might not get away with, simply because we say: "It is just a girl — she would never do that."

I encourage all fathers and mothers to make special ʿināyah — special care, special love, special attention — to our daughters of high school age and college age. All that social media, all those phones — it is a complete threat.

Shaykh Zakaria was here, and he said something beautiful to me on the way to the airport. He said: "My phone — my spouse knows my password, my children know my password. Any family member can go through it. I am an open book. And I let my family know: even though I may be in my 50s and may be a scholar of tazkiyah — you can never feel safe from your nafs and Shayṭān." So the phone is always open to them if they need to check.

I asked the students: how many of you have someone else who knows the password of your phone? Think about that. If an 18 or 19-year-old girl is the only one who knows the passwords to her Instagram, TikTok, and all other apps — and no one else knows, no one is checking — who knows what is on her phone besides her nafs and Shayṭān? And the fact that moms and dads' minds do not even go there — "Let me see what my daughter is up to" — that is what is enabling all of this.

We need to make sure our children's phones are known to us. Try to keep smartphones away from our homes as long as you can. This is the jihād of today. Who said jihād was easy? Keeping our children away from social media and smartphones — that is the jihād. And when necessity comes, I was very impressed by the Light Phone 2 — L-I-G-H-T. One of the brothers here has one. It is simple, small, no colors — just black and white. It has GPS, calls, text messages, an alarm clock, and a hotspot if needed. That is it. I showed it to our Tanwīr students. There is also a whole website called Kosher Phones with literally 20-30 devices that have been labeled as "kosher" — you cannot even download ḥarām apps on them. Why are we so behind? We should be leading in this.

May Allah grant victory to all of us in this battle. May Allah protect us from the fitna and fasād of the misuse of our phones.

Questions and Answers

On Social Media Addiction for Adults

This past Friday night, we had a talk on addictions by a scholar who is also a psychologist — a very powerful talk. It is available on our Masjid Darussalam YouTube channel. Social media is one of those addictions. As an adult, if we are off of it, it will be easier for our children to be off of it. One brother told me he bought a lockbox — you can buy one online — and set it for one month. He put his phone inside and locked it. He said, "All of a sudden I have so much barakah in my time." When we were in the masjid for the no-tech retreat for 24 hours — did the world stop? No, everything kept moving. We think that if we do not watch social media, everything falls apart. That is not true. What we are not realizing is: by watching social media, we are falling apart. Shaʿbān is a great time to prepare for Ramaḍān — just delete the apps, and have your spouse set the App Store password so you cannot re-download them.

Do Fitnahs Increase for a Ṭālib al-ʿIlm?

Fitnahs do not necessarily increase — but they change. As Mawlānā Zakariyyā was telling me: Shayṭān will not come to a scholar and say, "Go do zinā." He knows that will not work. Instead, he gets him there gradually — by making him more relaxed and casual with women, more available to answering their questions in seclusion, late at night, cracking jokes. Slowly. The goal remains the same, but the route is different. So for a ṭālib al-ʿilm, the fitnahs are there — they just change their color. Also, Mawlānā Shaltūt — may Allah have mercy on him — mentioned that those who guard their gaze from ḥarām may find that their internal desire actually increases. That is a test in itself. For that, we have fasting, we have excessive dhikr, we have remaining in a state of wuḍūʾ, and staying away from all sources of ḥarām — chief among them: the phone.

There is one āyah from Sūrah al-Anbiyāʾ that scholars have found very beneficial for those tested with a heightened degree of desire, or with anger:

"We said: O fire, become cool and peaceful upon Ibrāhīm." Some scholars have said through experience that this āyah is very effective — you place your hand on your heart, recite ṣalawāt upon the Prophet ﷺ an odd number of times, and then recite this āyah, making niyyah that this is the fire of lust within the heart — or the fire of anger. The Qurʾān is shifa:

On Jealousy Toward a Fellow Student

This is how Shayṭān gets to us. You are sitting in the masjid, you are not looking at anything ḥarām, you are attending tafsīr — and then you notice the brother next to you is taking detailed notes and you start feeling jealous. This is a sin. But look how he got us into sin while we are sitting in the masjid. Jealousy is a very real weapon of Shayṭān, even in sacred spaces.

If a person feels jealousy, here are some cures:

First: Read Sūrat al-Ikhlāṣ three times. The Prophet ﷺ said it is equivalent in reward to one third of the Qurʾān — so reading it three times is like reading the entire Qurʾān in honorary reward. Then make iṣāl al-thawāb and dedicate that reward to the person you are feeling jealous of. When Shayṭān sees that rather than letting him create jealousy, you are actually giving that person ajr — he will say, "This is crazy, I am stopping this."

Second: Speak highly of the person you are jealous of in public. This also hurts the nafs — and it is a cure for jealousy.

As for feeling ghibṭah — being inspired and motivated by seeing someone do good — that is not just permissible, it is encouraged:

"And in that let those who compete compete." You are supposed to be competing — in goodness, in dhikr, in ʿibādah. Say: "Yā Allah, allow me to go even further than him." That is praiseworthy competition.

On Taking Oaths and Breaking Them

Someone mentioned their spouse constantly makes oaths and breaks them. Be very careful — do not take Allah's name in vain. This is not to be taken lightly. If a person takes an oath about something they intended to do and then breaks it, the kaffārah is to feed ten people, or clothe them. But the kaffārah is like burn cream — just because you have burn cream in your first aid kit does not mean you put your hand on the stove. You do not keep making and breaking oaths just because you can pay kaffārah. The kaffārah is a last resort, not a habit.

How to Make a Child Pious

One key thing is to connect them with good people and pious company:

"O you who believe, fear Allah and be with the righteous." Ṣuḥbah — the company one keeps — is everything. Connect your children to good, righteous people. Connect them to the masjid and to gatherings like this.

On Modern-Day Feminism and Tarbiyah

This is the job of parents — to address this from early childhood. Modern-day feminism, as it is being promoted today, is not about giving women the rights Islam gives them. It is about flipping everything upside down — creating within young women an absolute disobedience of Allah, disobedience of authority, and disobedience of their future husbands. These things have to be rooted out through proper tarbiyah from a young age. Instead of calling your daughter a princess and raising her with a sense of entitlement — give her proper Islamic tarbiyah about what Allah and His Messenger ﷺ expect from a woman. What are our gender roles? These things people get upset about — but what am I supposed to say? People are getting upset about Allah and His Messenger today because they do not like the interpretation. The responsibility of protecting our children from these traps falls squarely on the moms and dads.

On Anger and Harmony at Home

What should a wife do if her husband has terrible anger issues — and what should a husband do if his wife has terrible anger issues? Both are real problems. One of the most beneficial things is to bring Sūrat al-Baqarah into the home. Read it at home — a few pages a day — every single week. Blow it over water and keep it in your home. Use that Qurʾān-recited water for drinking and for food. This is what our parents and mothers used to do, and it is very beneficial. Number two — read the maṇzil: the thirty verses of the Qurʾān prescribed for protection from the waswās of Shayṭān. You can search it online: M-A-N-Z-I-L. We read it after Ẓuhr ṣalāh here at the madrasah every day. Have every member of the household read it together — do not just give it to your angry spouse. May Allah help us all.

Announcements and Closing

A few programs coming up this week:

Saturday, February 24th is the 15th night of Shaʿbān — we have a special program on attaining Allah's mercy. Try your best to fast Friday, Saturday, and Sunday — the 13th, 14th, and 15th days of the lunar month. Come for the talk on the night of Shaʿbān, Saturday, February 24th.

Sunday, March 3rd — Mufti bin Ḥajj will be covering the Fiqh of Ramaḍān for women only, at 12pm, followed by lunch in the sisters' prayer hall.

Friday, March 1st — Guide to a Healthy and Balanced Fast, with Mawlānā ʿĀṣifuddīn.

Friday, March 8th — Fiqh of Ramaḍān for brothers and others as well.

Our one-year Tanwīr Intensive and Summer Arabic Intensive registration and applications are open — interviews are being conducted now. If you are interested for yourself, your son, or your daughter, please apply.

Brothers who would like to sponsor Team Fajr Saturday breakfast — there are a few slots open before Ramaḍān. Sign-up sheet is by the office on the way out. We have been getting almost 200, sometimes 300, people on Saturday mornings. Please also invite your friends and family.

And one final announcement: the Annual Retreat, May 10th. Please put it in your calendar right now. This year's retreat inshāAllāh will focus on Islam and Modern Issues — specifically artificial intelligence and everything related to the internet. This is going to be a very important retreat for all of us to attend.

Also at the bookstore today: A Tentative Guide to Islamic Invocations by His Highness Prince Ghazi bin Muhammad — duʿāʾs with translations and transliterations for all occasions throughout the day and night. The Path to Paradise: Principles of Good Character and Appreciation of the Hereafter by Mufti Muḥammad Salmān al-Manṣūrpūrī — an elaborate commentary on a ḥadīth of Imām al-Tirmidhī in which the Prophet ﷺ commanded people to be modest before Allah. And Saviors of Islamic Spirit — Rijāl al-Fikr wa al-Daʿwah — by Shaykh Abū al-Ḥasan ʿAlī al-Nadwī, translated and edited by Mufti ʿAbd al-Raḥmān ibn Yūsuf Mangera — the biographies of the mujaddidūn and revivers of Islam in every century, from Abū Ḥāmid al-Ghazālī to ʿAbd al-Qādir al-Jīlānī to Ṣalāḥuddīn al-Ayyūbī and beyond. May Allah allow us to benefit from all of their ʿulūm and make our study here a means of ṣadaqah jāriyah for them.

Dhikr and Duʿāʾ

Please forgive me if I said anything too harsh today. Whatever benefit was here was from Allah. If I made mistakes, may Allah forgive me.

وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللَّهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ