The Best Among You Prophet's Character in Family Life

The Perfect Example in Family Life

Respected brothers, elders, mothers, and sisters — from whatever aspect we look at the life of the Prophet ﷺ, we find nothing but absolute and complete perfection.

You look at the Prophet ﷺ as an imam, as a leader — you see he was the best of all imams. You look at the Prophet ﷺ as a mu'allim, as a teacher — you'll find that he was the best of all teachers. You look at the Prophet ﷺ when it comes to his dealings with his companions — you will find that he was the best in that. You look at him as a neighbor — you will find that he was the best of neighbors.

And hence Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala mentions:

That definitely for you, in the life of Rasulullah ﷺ, is a beautiful, is a prime, is a perfect example. It doesn't matter what field you're in — whether you're a student or you're a teacher, you're a working professional — it doesn't matter. You can always look back at the life of the Prophet ﷺ. Any condition, any circumstance that you find yourself in, you can look at the life of the Prophet ﷺ for guidance, direction, and navigation.

How Was the Prophet ﷺ at Home?

Now, one aspect of the life of Nabi ﷺ was his family life. How was he ﷺ as a family man? At home, how did he conduct himself? What was his character? What were his mannerisms with his family members?

It's very easy to put on a show outside — in public, when everyone's watching, the camera is on you — and of course everyone is on their best behavior. Because otherwise there will be consequences. Imagine you show up to work, and you're angry, you're grumpy, you're huffing and puffing, and you have a frown on your face. What's going to happen? Your manager is going to get upset. He's going to say, "I don't need this type of attitude over here."

But when you go home, then you're in a position of authority. Now who's going to question you? Now you have the ability to open up, you have the ability to show your true colors. Hence a person's true character generally manifests at home — within the four walls of his house — not outside in public.

That's why Nabi ﷺ said:

(Sunan al-Tirmidhī, Hadith 3895)

The best from amongst you is not the one who is best in the masjid, or best at work, or best when he's with his friends. No — the best from amongst you is the one who is best to his family. At home, the one who has the best character — this is the best of individuals. And the Prophet ﷺ goes on to say: "And I am the best to my family."

Generally, the more you probe into somebody's life and look at his personal affairs, the more stench you begin to receive. The more you begin to uncover his flaws, his sins, all the bad qualities and traits that that individual has. In public, at a cursory glance, this person may look like an amazing individual — but the more you look into his life, the more you uncover.

But when it comes to the life of the Prophet ﷺ, the deeper you look, you'll find nothing but guidance for the entire ummah. You can uncover the most personal, the most private moments of the life of Nabi ﷺ — and even in there, there was absolutely nothing bad, there was no stench whatsoever.

What Our Mother 'Ā'ishah Reported

People, after the demise of Nabi ﷺ, would come to our mother 'Ā'ishah رضي الله عنها, the wife of Nabi ﷺ, and they would ask her about the family life of the Prophet ﷺ. For many of these individuals were not exposed to that — they didn't get to see how the Prophet ﷺ was at home. And the only one who would have knowledge of this was his own family members, was his wife 'Ā'ishah رضي الله عنها. So they would come to her, and there are a number of narrations which are mentioned in the books. I want to briefly run you through a few of them.

First Narration: His Character Was the Qur'an

A group came to 'Ā'ishah رضي الله عنها and they asked her:

"Tell us — how was the character of the Prophet ﷺ?"

So 'Ā'ishah رضي الله عنها responded:

"Do you people not recite the Qur'an? Don't you recite the book of Allah ta'ala?" They said, "Of course we recite the Qur'an." She said, let me tell you in three simple words:

(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 746)

The character of the Prophet ﷺ was exactly — it was precisely — what you find in the Qur'an. All the beautiful traits and qualities, the attributes that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala speaks about in the Qur'an, all of them you could find practically implemented and embodied in the life of Nabi ﷺ.

Second Narration: He Helped With the Household Chores

A group came to 'Ā'ishah رضي الله عنها and posed a similar question:

"O 'Ā'ishah, what would the Prophet ﷺ do at home? How would he spend his time at home with his family?" So she responded:

(Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 25340)

Nabi ﷺ would clean and mend his own clothes — he would do his own laundry. وَيَحْلُبُ شَاتَهُ — he would go and he would milk the animals for his family.

Imagine — this was the Nabi of Allah ﷺ. He is receiving wahy from Allah. Jibril عليه السلام is coming to him. But yet at home, look at how humble, how simple Nabi ﷺ was. He wasn't too proud, he wasn't too big to help out with the family chores at home.

When's the last time we came home and we told our mother or we told our wife: "You know what — I know you must have had a long day today. Never mind. Today I will take care of the dishes. Today I will clean the dinner table. Today I'll vacuum the house." This was also the sunnah of our beloved Nabi ﷺ — to help out with the chores at home.

And then she says in that same narration, وَيَخْدُمُ نَفْسَهُ — Nabi ﷺ would take care of his own affairs. He wasn't somebody who was always demanding: "I need this. I need my chai. I need my coffee at this time — it must be ready." No. يَخْدُمُ نَفْسَهُ — whatever he needed, he would go and do it himself. He wouldn't put unnecessary burden and demands upon his family members. صلى الله عليه وسلم.

Third Narration: Service to Family and Dedication to Salah

Another group came to 'Ā'ishah رضي الله عنها and asked her the same question about the character of the Prophet ﷺ. So she responded and said:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 676)

Nabi ﷺ would be in the khidmah — in the service — of his family. He'd be helping his family out. But, look at the balance: when the iqamah, the call for salah, was made, then immediately he would stand up and he would go.

One narration of Fayd al-Qadir, Allamah al-Munawi رحمه الله, adds a little ziyada:

When the time for salah would come, it was as if the Prophet ﷺ didn't know us and we didn't know him — he was so focused.

And this was the balance that you see in the life of the Prophet ﷺ. Yes, on the one hand, he would exhaust himself in the ibadah, in the worship of Allah:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 4836; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2820)

He would stand up at night in prayer until his feet would begin to swell — hours and hours standing before Allah, crying out to Allah. But when he was at home, when he was with his family, then he would spend quality time with his family members. This was the beautiful balance that you see in the life of Rasulullah ﷺ.

The Holiday Season — A Time to Reconnect

With these upcoming holidays — the holiday season coming up — this is a time when many of us will be at home together. Many of us who are normally at work throughout the day will have time off from work. Many of us who are normally at school or in madrasah throughout the day — this is a time that we'll be at home. This is a time when the entire family will be at home together. This is a time more than ever that we need to bond with one another, we need to spend quality time with one another.

When's the last time we sat down and had a meal together as a family? Everyone has their own schedule today. Everyone's busy in their own world — especially with the digital world. Even if we are physically together, even if we are physically sitting together as a family, everyone's on their own devices. The mothers in China, the fathers in Africa, the children in Europe — chatting to different people across the world. But how about those who are right in front of us? How about our parents who are right there before us?

How rude, how disrespectful it is that we have our parents there — we have the opportunity to talk to them. That is our jannah.

As we know, jannah lies beneath the feet of our mothers.

(Sunan al-Tirmidhī, Hadith 1900; Sunan Ibn Mājah, Hadith 3663)

Your father is the door to jannah.

How sad, how unfortunate it is — even in this time, when we have time off from work and school — if we are unable to spend quality time with our parents, quality time with our spouses, with our children, with our brothers and sisters.

This is the time we need to get together, have a meal together, eat together. When you eat together, when you spend time together, when you talk to one another — this is when you will see there will be so much barakah at home. There will be this love, this peace, this unity that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will place.

This is how our homes should be. Allah ta'ala mentions:

Allah ta'ala mentions that your houses are supposed to be places of sakinah. It's supposed to be a place that after a long day of work, a long day of school, when you come home — you unwind, you relax, you de-stress, you eat, you rest, you re-energize, to go back out and perform whatever task you have to perform. It shouldn't be that we come home and now we're getting more stressed out, or we're coming home and now we have to deal with even more problems. That's not how a Muslim household should be. That's not how a Muslim family should be operating.

And Allah ta'ala mentions in Surah al-Rum:

Allah ta'ala speaks about the various signs of His — the ayat of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. From amongst them, one of those He mentions in this ayah is that Allah ta'ala has خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا — given you, blessed you with spouses. But what is the function, the role, the purpose of that spouse? لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا — so that you can enjoy that sakinah, you can enjoy that comfort. But when everyone is on their own devices, everyone is busy in their own world, then what unity, what love are you going to spread amongst one another?

The Danger of Digital Devices

How many hours in a day do we spend on our devices? This is something very important for us as parents to look into — our children's phone usage. How many hours are they spending? If my daughter, if my son is spending 6 or 7 hours a day on that cell phone, what is he doing? It is your duty, it is your responsibility as a parent to look through: Who is he talking to on WhatsApp? Who is he talking to on Snapchat? What type of content is he being exposed to? What is he watching for 6 or 7 hours of the day?

Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will ask you — you will be responsible on the Day of Qiyamah for this. If you put that device in the hand of your son, of your daughter, then you better be looking out — what are they doing on these devices?

At least now during these holidays, those devices should not be our form of entertainment. Rather let us try and create a bond together — by eating together, by performing salah together. When is the last time we performed salah together as a family?

Yes, ideally for the male folk, we should be performing our salah in the masjid. But if for certain salahs we are unable to come to the masjid and we are performing salah at home, then let us make a habit of performing salah together as a family. It shouldn't be that my daughter is performing her salah in her room, my son is performing his salah in his room, and I perform my salah somewhere else. No — gather the entire family together. Set a common time: "Okay, 1:30 — we are going to perform our Dhuhr salah. Everyone must gather together in the living room. We are going to pray together."

After salah, let's spend a few minutes making dhikr together. Let's spend a few minutes making du'a to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala together. Let's spend a few minutes reading a little bit of the biography of the Prophet ﷺ. Imagine the type of love and mahabba you will create within the household.

Our Elderly Parents and Grandparents

Let us try and use this time — these holidays that we have — to spend quality time with our parents. How many of us have elderly parents, elderly grandparents, who are so lonely? Perhaps they are living alone, and very rarely do we get the opportunity to spend time with them. How many mothers and fathers are there who are just waiting for the day when their children will come and visit them? They are just waiting for the day when their children will pick up the phone and give them a call, and speak to them for a few minutes. That means the world to them.

How many elderly grandparents are sitting in various homes, just staring at the walls, waiting — when is Malak al-Maut going to come to me? As children, as grandchildren, it is our responsibility to take out time, to go and put a smile on the faces of our parents, on the faces of our grandparents.

And from the side of a parent also — it is so important that we show our children that love, we show them that warmth, that kindness. We give them time, we talk to them, we speak to them.

There is such a gap in communication today between parents and children. The parents don't know what to talk to their children about. Children also don't know what to speak to their parents about. So a child will spend 3, 4, 5 hours of the day speaking to people on various WhatsApp groups, Snapchat, whatever it is — speaking to people he perhaps doesn't even know, he's never even met in his life. But ask that same youngster to spend 5 or 10 minutes speaking to his father, 5 or 10 minutes speaking to his grandfather — I'm afraid that's a tall order. That's too much to ask for.

So let us use this break — let us utilize this break — not to connect with our devices. We've done enough of that throughout the year. But let us use this break, insha'Allah, to connect with one another — to build and develop our family structure, build that love and mahabba, connect with one another with our siblings, with our parents, with our uncles, with our aunts. And insha'Allah, we'll see how Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will put barakah in the entire household.

Announcements

Insha'Allah, for more on this topic — the importance of a strong family structure and how we can build a family from A to Z, from getting married and finding a suitable partner, to actually getting married, and thereafter any challenges or issues a person faces in marriage, how to deal with them and resolve those conflicts — as well as, if ever perchance a divorce has to happen (may Allah ta'ala protect us all), then what should be the steps that a person takes, what is the Islamic way of going about that — all of this insha'Allah and much more will be covered here at Darussalam at our 7th Annual Winter Intensive, which will be starting tomorrow insha'Allah, and will be going all the way through Monday. Three days insha'Allah — we have a dedicated program. We have scholars, we have doctors, we have psychologists coming in from across the country. We have separate sessions just for the sisters with female scholars and female experts, and separate sessions for the youth and the children. So insha'Allah, there's something for everyone, for all age groups. All we are requesting insha'Allah is for all of you to come and join us.

Alhamdulillah, many people are flying in from across the country. It will be very sad, very unfortunate, if those of us sitting right here are unable to benefit from this amazing program. You can register on our website at masjiddarussalam.org, or you can scan the QR code posted in the lobby on your way out.

Also insha'Allah tonight, after Salatul 'Isha, there will be a special event: The Art of Marriage — Unlocking the Secrets to a Blissful Marriage, with brother Farhan Ahmed, who is a licensed therapist and founder of Ihsan Coaching. Everyone is requested to join tonight after Salatul 'Isha here at Darussalam.

Please also join ICCD Masjid in Des Plaines, where they will be hosting a weekend course with Sheikh Samir Anas, discussing the collection of authentic hadith as well as Islamic jurisprudence. This will be taking place from January 3rd to January 5th.

Please join us for our weekly programs:

• Team Fajr — tomorrow after Salatul Fajr (Fajr Iqamah at 6:15am)
• Weekly Tuesday Night Tafsir — with Mufti Azimuddin, after Salatul 'Isha
• Weekly Urdu Sirah Program — every Thursday with Muhammad Abdul Basit, after Salatul 'Isha
• Sisters' Tafsir in Urdu — every Thursday after Salatul Dhuhr
• Student Program — tonight after Salatul 'Isha at Masjid Noor (Salatul 'Isha at 8pm)

Please make du'a for all the Muslims in Palestine, in Lebanon, in Syria, as well as throughout the entire Ummah. We make du'a that all those who are sick throughout the Ummah, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grants them shifa'an kamilah. And those who have passed away, may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant them Jannat al-Firdaws. Ameen, ya Rabbal Alameen.

Please note that Salatul 'Isha here at Darussalam on the 21st, 22nd, and 23rd — the three days of the Winter Intensive — will be at 6:00pm.