Don't Get Angry - Shaykh Adil Saleem

Don't Get Angry

Alhamdulillah, we praise Him, ask for His help and ask for His forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah from the evil of our souls and from the evil of our actions. Whom Allah guides, none can misguide him, and whom He misguides, none can guide him.

And I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, alone, with no partner. And I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger.

The Danger of Uncontrolled Anger

When it came to controlling your anger, your anger overcame you and you said something which you regretted later on. Or maybe you had done something physically that you regretted later on. And this is a type of anger which is blameworthy. This is a type of anger which you will be held accountable for.

A mother might say something to her child on the way to school. Dropping them off, the child might really irritate the mother, and the mother might say something along the lines of, "I wish you never come home," and the child might never come home — because the du'a of the mother might get accepted. So when we can't control our anger, we see the impact, or the negative impact, it might have on our lives.

Husband and wife — the man gets really angry and he can't control himself and he divorces his wife. Or the man gets really angry and he abuses his wife physically or mentally. This all stems from anger. This all stems from the fact that we can't control our anger. And this is the advice the Prophet ﷺ was giving this man: don't get angry, don't get angry.

Who Is Truly Strong?

If I was to ask somebody here — or if we were to ask generally — who is that person who is strong? The answer might be the person who has the biggest biceps, or the person that can bench the most, the person that can lift the most weights. That's the strongest person.

The Prophet ﷺ asked the same question to the companions, and they said that the strongest amongst us is that person that can wrestle the other person down — that person that can take down the other person. And the Prophet ﷺ said:

"The strong person is not the one who can wrestle another down. Rather, the strong person is the one who can control himself when he gets angry." This is the strong person — who can truly control himself when he reaches the stage where anger overtakes him or overcomes him, but he can control himself, he can control his tongue, he can control the harms that can come from him physically. This is the strong person.

The Prophet's Example in Controlling Anger

When we look at the Prophet ﷺ and what he went through in his seerah — how many times was he ridiculed, how many times was he physically abused, how many times did somebody say something to him which would normally destroy another person?

And normally, what we find is that when we get angry, we always target those people that are weaker than us. We target those people that are weaker than us — why? Because we know that we can get away with it. We know that person is not going to react. Whereas when it comes to somebody who might be bigger than you physically or might be more powerful than you, you will find that the reaction when you're angry will differ.

But when we see the Prophet ﷺ in both situations, you will find the reaction was the same — even with those people that were under him, those people that would serve him, or those people that were maybe above him.

Anas and Years of Service

Anas رضي الله عنه, who served the Prophet ﷺ for a number of years, said: "The Prophet ﷺ would never question why I did what I did in a certain way. He would never scold me. He would never rebuke me. He would always deal with me in a way which was respectful." And the Prophet ﷺ, whenever something would displease him, as mentioned in the hadith, he would show his displeasure — maybe his skin colour would change or his facial expression would change.

Praiseworthy vs. Blameworthy Anger

Of course, there is a type of anger which is praiseworthy, and we see this in the life of the Prophet ﷺ — when people would ridicule his religion, when people would insult Islam, he would get angry, and he would manage it in a way which was appropriate to what was being done. But then, like I mentioned, there is a type of anger which is blameworthy, and this is the anger that we are focusing on.

The Bedouin Who Pulled the Prophet's Garment

Anas رضي الله عنه again said that they were walking, and a Bedouin man came while the Prophet ﷺ was wearing a long cloak with a tight collar. The man pulled on his garment — on his thawb — so much so that you could see the marks of the collar on his neck ﷺ. And the Bedouin man said: "Ya Muhammad! Give me from the wealth that Allah azza wa jall has given you. Give me from your money."

And again, the Prophet ﷺ — this was a Bedouin man — he turned around and told his companions to give the man some money, even though he had disrespected him, even though he had physically hurt him. If that was somebody else, or in a different situation, that person would become arrogant and his anger would overtake him: "Who are you to physically hurt me, to ridicule me, to insult me in front of all these people?" But how did the Prophet ﷺ react? He said to his companions: "Give him what he wants. Give him what he wants." This is the example of the Prophet ﷺ.

How Do We Calm This Anger?

So how do we calm this anger? How do we overcome becoming angry? Anger is something which is natural, as we've seen in these examples of the Prophet ﷺ and how he dealt with people.

1. Seek Refuge in Allah from Shaytan

Two men were arguing in front of the Prophet ﷺ, and one man cursed the other. He became very angry and responded in a way which wasn't really appropriate. And the Prophet ﷺ said:

"Indeed, I know a word — a phrase — that if this man were to say it, his anger would have gone: I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Shaytan."

Try it. When you become angry, when you are in a situation where you feel your anger is overtaking you — seek refuge in Allah from Shaytan. Because anger comes from Shaytan. This is the essence of anger. Shaytan wants divisions between people. He wants you to have an argument with your wife. He wants you to have arguments with people around you. He wants you to treat people in a way which is disrespectful. He wants to create that toxic environment where people are angry with each other over small things.

2. Change Your Physical Position

The Prophet ﷺ said:

(Sunan Abi Dawud, Hadith 4782)

"If one of you becomes angry while he is standing, then let him sit down." Why? Because when you're standing and you're angry, you can't control what you're saying or what you might do. So the Prophet ﷺ is telling you to change your physical position. And he said that if the anger still doesn't go and he is sitting, then let him lie down — let him just change his position.

3. Remove Yourself from the Situation

And from a practical perspective — those people that are around you, that you know are going to get you angry, that you know are going to do something to you — then remove yourself from that situation. Whether it's your colleagues at work or those people that are around you. This is the advice of the Prophet ﷺ.

4. Remain Quiet

And if one of you becomes angry, then let him remain quiet. Let him remain quiet. Let him control his tongue.

Taking the Higher Ground

Something very important to note, and to really try to internalize, is taking that higher ground. It could be very difficult — it could be something which we find really hard to implement — but when someone has wronged you, and it is obvious that they have wronged you, for you to step down, for you to forgive, and for you to show kindness — this is something which is praiseworthy. This is something that you will be rewarded for.

Allah tells us: take the way of forgiveness, enjoin good, and turn away from the ignorant. Show kindness to people and enjoin good — and be good to people. If that person is good, and he is righteous, and he rectifies between people, then his reward is with Allah azza wa jall. Always place that at the front of your mind — your reward is with Allah azza wa jall.

A Du'a for Times of Happiness and Anger

One of the du'as the Prophet ﷺ would make — he would make a du'a to Allah azza wa jall so that he could say a true word in the situation in which he is happy, and also in a situation in which he is angry.

When someone does something to you that makes you angry — think about what you're going to say. Think about what you're going to say to your colleague. Think about what you're going to say to your spouse or to your child. Think about what you're going to say to that person on the street who has maybe driven in a way which has really frustrated you. What are you going to say? How are you going to react?

وصلى الله على نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين، وأقيموا الصلاة