Gentleness & Social Media - Shaykh Adil Saleem

Opening — Praise and Testimony

Alhamdulillah, we praise Him, we ask His help and we ask His forgiveness. And we seek refuge in Allah from the evil of our souls and from the evil of our deeds. Whomsoever Allah guides, none can misguide him, and whomsoever He misguides, none can guide him.

And I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, alone, no partner for Him. And I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and His Messenger.

The Changed World — Our Reliance on the Internet

When you're finding yourself feeling sad, depressed, and you need to get out — every person's life in some shape or form has changed. And we found that one of those major changes that the majority of people have seen in their lives has been the use of the internet. The use of devices, the use of computers. Whether you're using it for work, you're working from home, you're using it for meetings, you're attending classes online, you're communicating with your family through the various social media networks — we're all finding that our usage of the internet has changed completely.

The Problem — A False Sense of Boldness Behind the Screen

Research has found that when people speak from behind a screen, or they send a message, they find a false sense of macho-ness or callousness. Where you find that somebody could say something behind a screen, behind a camera, but in real life they couldn't say the same thing in the same manner that they say when they meet somebody. Or somebody could write a message and send it, but when they actually see that person face to face, they would never say what they wrote in that message — maybe it would be in a different manner, maybe they would phrase it differently.

And this is something that we are finding which is a major problem. A major issue. Of course before this was, and always has been, an issue — but now with the whole of society relying on the internet and social media in a way which has never been seen before, this issue and this problem has come to the front.

We see bonds of brotherhood being broken. Why? Because somebody sent a message or spoke from behind a camera in a way which was disrespectful — in a way which they would never have done so if they were face to face with that person. We find families maybe being broken. Issues between the husband and the wife, between mother and father, between siblings. Why? Just because of the way you wrote a message. You had this false sense of, "I could say what I want and how I want and nothing will happen." But we find these issues are prevalent and they are damaging our society and our communities — breaking bonds of brotherhood and sisterhood.

The Prophetic Guidance — Guard Your Tongue

This is something which we need to look at — the way the Prophet ﷺ addressed these issues. In his seerah we find how he was, how his character was, when it came to how he spoke to others, the way he interacted with them, the way he reacted if somebody did step out of line.

The Prophet ﷺ said:

"Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him say something good or remain silent."
(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 6018; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 47)

Meaning that if you have nothing positive to say, remain silent. If what you are going to say is going to cause more harm, remain silent. If you think that what you are saying or what you are typing is going to cause a problem or an issue, remain silent. Because your tongue is going to be that distinguishing factor between your paradise and your hellfire.

The Prophet ﷺ in another hadith said that when a servant wakes up, every single part of his or her body will call out to the tongue. Every part of your body calls out to your tongue in the morning when you wake up and says: "Fear Allah with regards to us." Your arms, your hands, everything says to your tongue, "Fear Allah with regards to us — that if you are steadfast, if you are upright, then we will all be safe and secure. But if you waver and you go astray, then we will all become crooked and we will all waver."

This is the power of your tongue. Your tongue is a reflection — what you say is a reflection upon who you are, about what's really in your heart. You can say one thing but really there's something else that's being said. This was how the Prophet ﷺ taught us about how to control what we say.

Say a Word That Is Upright

Every single khutbah you will hear the Imam say: "O you who believe, fear Allah and say a word which is upright, which is forthright, which is straight and to the point" — and what's going to happen? Your affairs will be rectified. Allah will look after you. And your sins will be forgiven. Why? If you just control your tongue.

If you say something which is to the point, ask yourself: is this going to help me in the akhira? Is this going to help me in the afterlife? Or is what I am going to say, what I am going to do, is it going to harm somebody? Is it going to break the ties of kinship, the bonds of brotherhood?

The Fitna of Speaking Without Knowledge

Issues that we are seeing in the community — you might have somebody sitting behind the screen, a person who calls himself a scholar, speaking about things about this religion which he has no knowledge about, but he might have a quick tongue and he might be eloquent in his speech, and he causes fitna and confusion amongst the people. We see this becoming prevalent and rampant. Why? Because people do not realise and understand the importance of — or the ramifications of — what somebody says, how they say it, how they advise people.

And Allah tells us that ultimately this is from the plots of Shaytan — to cause disunity and discord amongst people. Allah tells the slaves to say something good — say something which is good. Why? Because Shaytan will cause disunity and discord amongst you, because Shaytan is a clear and open enemy. So say something good, say it in a kind way.

Kindness and Gentleness — The Way of the Prophet ﷺ

Yes, you might not like something that somebody is doing — but there is a harsh way to deal with this, which normally results in nothing but issues and problems, and then there is a soft and gentle way of dealing with these issues, like we see in the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ, like we see in his life. When there was a time to be strict and firm he was, but even then there was a manner and a way that he done this. And then there was generally times where there was time for softness.

Abu Bakr رضي الله عنه would hold on to his tongue and he would say, "This is the reason why I have got myself into certain situations" — holding on to his tongue. And this is Abu Bakr رضي الله عنه. What then for our situation, where we speak firstly without knowledge, and secondly without hikmah and wisdom — putting things in their correct place. This is what wisdom is: saying things at the right time, at the right place, to the right people.

The Prophet ﷺ said to Aisha رضي الله عنها:

"Indeed Allah is kind and gentle, and He loves kindness and gentleness, and He gives for gentleness what He does not give for harshness."
(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2593)

Even if you are angry about something, the way you address this anger, the way you speak to somebody, changes everything. The manner in which you speak — the kindness, the gentleness — even if it is a major issue, the way you resolve it is through kindness and gentleness.

The Prophet ﷺ said that kindness and gentleness — whichever situation you put it in, it will beautify that situation. And the moment it is removed from that situation, it will just destroy it — it will make the matter worse than it is. This is the importance of kindness and gentleness when we address people, specifically in this situation that we find ourselves in, where our reliance on social media and the internet is greater than ever before.

Why Are Our Du'as Not Being Answered?

The famous Tabi'i Ibrahim ibn Adham was walking in the marketplace of Basra, and the people approached him and said: "Allah tells us in the Quran:

'Call upon Me and I will respond to you.' — and the people then said, 'We call upon Allah but Allah hasn't responded to our du'as. So what should you advise us?' They said to this Tabi'i: 'What do you advise us with? Why is it that our du'as are not being accepted, they are not being answered?'

So Ibrahim ibn Adham said: "Because your hearts have died because of ten things." And he lists these ten things. One of these things that he mentioned — one of the reasons why your du'as are not being accepted — he said: "You preoccupied yourself and you busied yourself focusing on the mistakes and faults of people, and you left your own faults. You didn't focus on your own problems, your own issues. You were too busy dealing with other people: 'Look at this, look at so-and-so, he said this and he dresses like this.'"

How often do we find this? This is one of the reasons why our du'as are not being accepted — you preoccupied yourself with the faults of people and you left your own faults. You focused on other people's deficiencies and you left your own deficiencies.

The Bankrupt Person on the Day of Judgement

Not knowing that on the Day of Judgement, what you say matters — like the Prophet ﷺ when he described who a muflis — a bankrupt person — is on the Day of Judgement. It is that person who comes with so many good deeds, but he cursed this person and he accused this person, and he will end up in the hellfire. Don't we realise that when we talk and we insult people, when we talk in a harsh manner, we are jeopardising and we are sacrificing our akhira, our afterlife?

We ask Allah to give us the wisdom to understand — and the wisdom to know when to say something, and how to say it, and to whom to say it.

Closing Du'as

صلى الله على نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين