Building Good Character - Shaykh Mustafa Abu Rayyan

Khutbah al-Ula — Opening Sermon

Alhamdulillah, we praise Him, we ask for His help and we ask for His forgiveness, and we seek refuge in Allah from the evil of our souls and from the evil of our deeds. Whom Allah guides, none can misguide him, and whom He misguides, none can guide him. And I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, alone, no partner for Him.

And I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant, His Messenger, and the purest of His creation, and His friend. Allah has sent him to all people as a bearer of glad tidings and a warner. He conveyed the message, fulfilled the trust, and advised the Ummah. And He left us on the white path, its night is like its day — none can stray from it except one who is lost. May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him and his family and his companions, and upon whoever is guided by his guidance, follows his Sunnah, and calls to his call until the Day of Recompense.

O you who have believed, fear Allah as He should be feared, and do not die except as Muslims.

O you who have believed, fear your Lord, who created you from one soul and created from it its mate, and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And fear Allah, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs. Indeed, Allah is ever watching over you.

O you who have believed, fear Allah and say the right words. He will correct your deeds and forgive you your sins. And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger has won a great victory.

My beloved brothers and sisters, I start by praising Allah and sending blessings and salutations upon our beloved Messenger Muhammad.

The Sacred Months and the Season of Worship

We thank Allah for giving us many opportunities throughout the year of ibadah and worship. It wasn't too long ago when we were in the month of Ramadan, and alhamdulillah, Allah gave us the opportunity to fast the six days of Shawwal. And now we are entering — or have entered — into another month. This month is a sacred one: Dhul Qa'dah. And it will be followed by two other sacred months: Dhul Hijjah and Muharram.

It is important that as Muslims, just as we appreciate and understand the importance and value of the places Allah has blessed — like the Haram Sharif, like Masjid al-Aqsa, like the mosque of the Prophet and those blessed areas — similarly, Allah has blessed certain times. And just as we know that we conduct ourselves in different ways when we are at the Haram, we should do the same when we enter into the holy months like we are entering into now.

Ibn Abbas used to say that every good deed that you do in a sacred month — and that is the next three months — is multiplied. And similarly, any sin that you commit in it is seen as worse. So keep that in mind, and understand that you are in a season of worship.

Dhul Hijjah is coming close. The ten most beloved days to Allah are approaching. And this is the way of the believer — that you are always in a state of ibadah for Allah.

The Supreme Act of Worship: Good Character

Now, as it relates to ibadah, the first thing that comes to mind is fasting and praying. But there is one particular ibadah that the Prophet said is more beloved to Allah. And if one does this particular act of worship, one will reach the level of the one who fasts during the day and prays at night. And that is having good character — Husn al-Khuluq.

The Prophet said that with good character, you will reach the level of as-sa'im al-qa'im — the one who fasts and stands in prayer. The Prophet said: "The most beloved among you to me are those that have good character." The Prophet said: "There are two things that will help the people enter Jannah the most — piety, taqwa, and having good character." The Prophet said: "Indeed the best of you are those that have the best character."

What you will find is that this is something that is repeated a great deal in our religion. The Prophet said:

"I have only been sent to perfect the best of character." (Musnad al-Bazzar; also narrated by al-Bayhaqi in Shu'ab al-Iman, Hadith 7609)

This is the message of Islam. This is how we should conduct ourselves and be.

The Three Pillars of Good Character

Now, you hear this phrase a lot — good character and good akhlaaq. But what does it mean? When you hear this, I want you to remember three things that you must embody. Three things that you must do. And if you are doing these three things, you have good akhlaaq.

First Pillar: Kaff al-Adha — Keeping Your Harm Away from Others

The first is kaff al-adha: to keep your harm away from others. Leave people be. Do not harm them with insults. Do not harm them in any way, shape or form — not physically, not emotionally. The Prophet said:

"The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe." (Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 10; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 40)

So if you are insulting people, talking harshly against them, backbiting — then you do not have good akhlaaq, and you are not among the best people, nor are you among those whom the Prophet loves.

If you use profanities when you are speaking, if you can't control yourself when you are angry, if what comes out of you isn't good — then you do not have good akhlaaq. And no matter what the excuse is:

"The believer is not one who taunts others and is not one who curses others." (Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 1977; declared Hasan by al-Tirmidhi)

The Muslim doesn't curse, doesn't insult. This is not how a believer operates. If you get angry at your children and hurl insults at them, or at your friends, or every other word out of your mouth is a profanity — you do not have good akhlaaq. If you don't choose the best words possible, you do not have good akhlaaq.

Do not harm people physically, of course. But also do not harm them with your heart — by being jealous, or envious, or harboring su' al-dhann (negative assumptions). Every time someone says something, thinking they mean the worst. Never thinking about them in a good way. The believer excuses others. If someone says something to you that can be interpreted in many different ways — perhaps he wanted to demean me, or perhaps he was just joking — use the best excuse for your brother. This is good akhlaaq.

So ensure that you stay balanced, and check yourself as it relates to your actions, your statements, and even what is happening in your heart. This is the first pillar of good akhlaaq.

Second Pillar: Naf' al-Nas — Being Beneficial to Others

The second pillar, my beloved brothers and sisters, is what you do for the people — tanfa' al-nas: you are helpful to others. You are the person they come to when they need help. They can rely on you. They can trust you with their secrets. They want to tell you when they are in need. You are accessible. You are easygoing. You are forgiving. You are helpful. You are there for your neighbors. You are there for your family. If you can help them financially, you will. If you can say a good word, you do.

Allah says in the Quran:

"And say to the people something good."

If you want to embody good akhlaaq, ask yourself: how helpful am I to others? How beneficial am I to others? Am I ana'ni — someone that only thinks about themselves? Or am I there for my brothers? When someone messages you, "Brother, I need help moving" — good akhlaaq dictates, if you can help, that you go out of your way. This is if you want to be among those whom the Prophet described as the best of people.

There is a beautiful hadith in which the Prophet described a person for whom it is forbidden to enter Hellfire — meaning that person will go to Jannah:

"Every person who is easygoing, gentle, accessible, and easy to deal with." (Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2488)

An easygoing person — one who doesn't make things difficult. Soft and tender. Accessible to the people. Ask yourself: are you soft and tender? Or do you come across rough and tough? Because that is not the way of the Prophet.

A lot of times people have a wrong understanding of masculinity — that you've got to be strong. There was no one stronger than the Prophet, and there was no one softer than him either. So you have to come across as someone that is gentle. Allah loves those who are gentle. And you control how you are.

The Prophet said:

"The best of people are those who are most beneficial to people." (al-Mu'jam al-Awsat of al-Tabarani, Hadith 5787; al-Albani graded it Hasan in al-Silsilah al-Sahihah, Hadith 906)

So if you want to reach those heights — if you want to reach those heights of being the best of people, the most beloved to Allah — then remember that you must help others.

Third Pillar: Talaqat al-Wajh — Radiating Positivity and Warmth

The final pillar is almost a state of being: talaqat al-wajh — that you have an open face, that you emanate positivity. You smile. The Prophet said it is Sunnah to smile. You are not frowning all the time. Even when you are going through difficult times, you go out of your way to not show that to others.

There is an incident that I was told about — a brother who came to a mosque and no one gave him salam. Or perhaps it was on Eid; I'm not sure. He came, and he was a new Muslim. He didn't know anybody. No one gave him salam. Everyone was busy doing their own thing with their families. I'm not putting guilt on anyone, because you know how Eid is — you get really busy. But he was walking through the crowds, and no one was smiling at him, no one giving him salam. And he noticed it. And then someone came to him and gave him salam, and he told him, "You are the first person that came to me." And he really appreciated that.

How many people do you come across who are having a bad day? And giving them that extra moment — not the "how are you?" that we say in passing, but one where we really mean it: "How are you doing today? How is your family?" And giving that extra time to your brothers and sisters.

When you come across someone, give them a proper salam. The Prophet said: goodness is to give salam —

"...upon one you know and one you do not know." (Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 12; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 39)

We need to deal with each other in better ways. Show each other love. The Prophet said:

"Spread the greetings of peace among yourselves." (Sahih Muslim, Hadith 54)

Spread the love among each other. We need to show that we are a community that loves one another, that has the best of akhlaaq. People need to know that you are approachable. The Prophet was the most approachable. People need to know that you are accessible and able to help — that they can come to you and talk to you.

You shouldn't be the kind of person who comes into the masjid and leaves the masjid having prayed here for ten years without knowing anyone. We should know each other. There are small communities in al-Qasim, a region in Saudi Arabia, where after the salah they actually have a list and they check who came and who didn't. And because it is such a small community, they will realize when someone didn't come to the masjid, and they'll go visit his house, knock on his door, and say: "Are you okay?" This is the way the believers are. This is what the Prophet taught us.

Summary of the First Khutbah

So I want to sum it up. If you want to know the virtue of having good character, it is enough that the Prophet said it is what takes people to Jannah. It is enough that the Prophet said: "The most beloved to me are those that have the best of akhlaaq." And we said it means: number one, you don't harm others; number two, you benefit others; and number three, you are someone who is open, easygoing, accessible — who shows positivity and happiness as Rasulullah was.

Imagine: the Sahabah are describing him and they say, "Never have I looked at him except that he was smiling." And we know how much difficulty the Prophet went through. How many of his children died. How many of his friends were killed. How many problems Rasulullah was facing — yet: "Never have I looked at the Prophet except that he was smiling."

Smile in the face of your brothers. It is Sunnah.

Khutbah al-Thaniyah — Second Sermon

الحمد لله والصلاة والسلام على رسول الله.

My brothers and sisters, when we talk about having good character, I mentioned a few general concepts: ensuring you're not harming others in any way, shape or form; that you're helping others in any way that you can; and that you are someone who is easygoing and accessible — a positive individual, as the Prophet was. But there is more to akhlaaq, my brothers in Allah. And some of it goes back to you personally.

Other Dimensions of Good Character

That is gratitude, for example — that you are grateful to Allah, number one. And you are grateful to those around you, those that help you, starting with your parents. It is also that you have patience in times of difficulty. It is also that you control your anger. Allah praises in the Quran:

Those that swallow their anger and pardon people — and the best among those are those who, when they are angry and could act on that anger, choose to suppress it and not even show it. And there is a great reward in this.

It is to not be argumentative. It is to not be someone prone to anger. A man from among the Sahabah came to the Prophet and said, "O Messenger of Allah, advise me." And he said:

"Do not get angry." The man asked again and again, and each time the Prophet replied: "Do not get angry." (Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 6116)

There are many things that fall under having good akhlaaq. Among them: being accessible and approachable, greeting people, visiting the sick, helping others, being aware of your neighbors. All of these come under good akhlaaq.

How to Work on Your Character

So how can one better work on their character? The Prophet mentioned in a hadith that good character is an acquired trait — not something you are simply born with. We know some people are born very gentle, and some people are born with more patience and can endure more than others. This is something Allah gifts to people — there is certain akhlaaq that is innate within the person. You know: someone is a quiet person, someone is a loud person. And if you are someone who easily becomes angry, this is your test — and you need to control and work on that.

But there is also an acquired akhlaaq — one you work on. There is al-takhalluq. As the Prophet said: al-hilmu bi-l-takhalluq — that you can work on yourself to acquire more forbearance, more patience, more gratitude. You can actually work on yourself and get there. And this is what you need to do.

If you are the kind of person who doesn't smile a lot, you can make yourself smile — and Allah will reward you for that. You go out of your way. You go out of your way to embody the best type of character that you can.

And even things like — there is a beautiful hadith, the hadith of al-Ashajj ibn Qays, where a delegation came to the Prophet from far away. They all dismounted from their horses after a long journey, and they were excited to see the Prophet, so they rushed to him — because they loved him and couldn't wait to see him. But one of them didn't rush. He dismounted, tied his horse, went and changed his clothes, cleaned himself up, presented himself properly — and then went to the Prophet. And the Prophet praised that quality in him and said: "You have two characteristics that Allah loves."

The point is: even being the kind of person who doesn't rush into decisions, who doesn't rush into things — these are all good traits.

The Source of Good Character: The Quran

And do you want to know where you can learn the good traits from? From the Book of Allah — the Quran. When the Prophet's character was described by his wife Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her and her father, she said:

"His character was the Quran." (Sahih Muslim, Hadith 746)

So every good trait that you come across in the Quran — forgiving others, being merciful, being good to your parents, keeping the ties of kinship, saying good words — all of these traits that you find in the Quran: apply them to your life, be more like that, and inshallah you will be among those that have good akhlaaq. I ask Allah to make us among them.

"O Allah, just as You have perfected our creation, perfect our character."

وَآخِرُ دَعْوَانَا أَنِ الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ. وَأَقِيمُوا الصَّلَاةَ.