Don’t Get Angry - Shaykh Mustafa Abu Rayyan

Khutbah Opening

إِنَّ الْحَمْدَ لِلَّهِ نَحْمَدُهُ وَنَسْتَعِينُهُ وَنَسْتَغْفِرُهُ وَنَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنْ شُرُورِ أَنْفُسِنَا وَمِنْ سَيِّئَاتِ أَعْمَالِنَا مَنْ يَهْدِهِ اللَّهُ فَلَا مُضِلَّ لَهُ وَمَنْ يُضْلِلْهُ فَلَا هَادِيَ لَهُ وَأَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ وَحْدَهُ لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ وَأَشْهَدُ أَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُولُهُ وَصَفِيُّهُ مِنْ خَلْقِهِ وَخَلِيلُهُ أَرْسَلَهُ اللَّهُ إِلَى النَّاسِ كَافَّةً بَشِيرًا وَنَذِيرًا فَبَلَّغَ الرِّسَالَةَ وَأَدَّى الْأَمَانَةَ وَنَصَحَ الْأُمَّةَ وَتَرَكَنَا عَلَى الْمَحَجَّةِ الْبَيْضَاءِ لَيْلُهَا كَنَهَارِهَا لَا يَزِيغُ عَنْهَا إِلَّا هَالِكٌ فَصَلَوَاتُ اللَّهِ وَسَلَامُهُ عَلَيْهِ وَعَلَى آلِهِ وَأَصْحَابِهِ وَمَنِ اهْتَدَى بِهَدْيِهِ وَاسْتَنَّ بِسُنَّتِهِ وَدَعَا بِدَعْوَتِهِ إِلَى يَوْمِ الدِّينِ

My beloved brothers and sisters, I start by praising Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and sending blessings and salutations upon our beloved Messenger Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasalam. Before I continue with the rest of my sermon and khutbah, I would like to remind myself and all of you that we have officially entered, I believe a few days ago, if not recently, the month of Dhul Qa'dah, which is a sacred month. There are four sacred months in the year, and when we enter them, we should treat them differently. When you are in a sacred month, good deeds are amplified and increased, and so are bad deeds, as Abdullah ibn Abbas mentioned. So please keep that in mind. Let us not be among those that are so engrossed in the dunya that we are not even aware what month we are in from an Islamic perspective. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala allow us to be among those that truly benefit from all opportunities of worship and ibadah.

The Purpose of Every Act of Worship

My brothers and sisters, often we remind ourselves of being people that become close to Allah, that worship Allah, so that we can eventually attain His pleasure and Jannah. In fact, you could argue that every sermon that you attend, every act of worship that you do, it revolves around that.

In fact, there was a famous narration where there was a companion of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasalam who was not as well-versed in the many adhkar and the duas as perhaps the Prophet and other companions were. The Prophet asked him, "What do you say after Salah?" And he said, "I ask Allah to grant me paradise and I ask Allah to protect me from the fire, and that is all I do. I ask Allah for Jannah and I ask Allah to protect me from the fire." The Prophet looked at him and said that everything that we do, everything that we say, it revolves around that. So every single sermon that you attend, every single lesson that you attend, and every single act of worship that you do — at the end of the day it revolves around seeking the pleasure of Allah, wanting Jannah, and avoiding the wrath of Allah, His anger and the fire.

Now, every act of worship is an opportunity to gain Jannah. Every sin may be a reason to earn the anger of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. So it is important that we pay attention and we try and do as many good deeds as we possibly can. When we say good deeds, often what comes to your mind is the usual ones — praying your Salah, reading Quran, and giving charity — which are extremely important acts of worship. However, there are many acts of worship and many opportunities to please Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, and I want to focus on one of them today inshallah wa ta'ala.

Don't Get Angry

That one, my brothers and sisters, is how we react when we get angry or are frustrated — being people that gain that emotional mastery for the sake of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, that we do not get angry. And if I just stood here today and just repeated those two words — don't get angry — this is enough of a message for all of us to take home.

And that's exactly what our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasalam did. A companion came to him and said, "O Messenger of Allah, give me advice." Now I want you to imagine a companion of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasalam coming to the Prophet for advice — and the many things the Prophet could tell him: pray Qiyam, give charity. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasalam said to him: "Do not get angry." Do not get angry. And then this companion, radiyallahu anhu, wanted more. He said, "O Messenger of Allah, perhaps something else that you can tell me as well." And the Prophet repeated: "Do not get angry."

As narrated by Abu Hurairah: The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasalam kept on repeating, "Do not get angry. Do not get angry." (Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 6116)

Is Anger Voluntary or Involuntary?

Now one immediately has to ask himself a question: Is anger a voluntary response? Or is it involuntary? Certain things happen to us and we do not control them. When you get upset, it just happens naturally — there is no process of "let me get angry today." The same way with laughter — if I put a comedian in front of you that is going to make you laugh and tell you "don't laugh," that wouldn't be fair, would it? Because it is an involuntary response. So what does the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasalam mean when he says "do not get angry"?

And what does Allah mean when He praises the ones that restrain their anger?

What is being talked about here, my brothers and sisters, and we have to pay attention. The Prophet explained what is meant by "do not get angry." What it means is: number one, avoid situations that will result in you getting angry. And is that possible? Yes, that is possible. The next time you are in a discussion and you feel the discussion getting heated — before you get angry, end that discussion. The next time you know a particular person or situation is going to get you upset, avoid that situation.

The ulema say there are two ways that we deal with anger. One is a mani' — preventative measures. And one is a rafi' — something that, once we do boil up, once we do get frustrated, helps us handle it. And when the Prophet said لَا تَغْضَبْ, "do not get angry," the point wasn't "don't feel any emotions." The Prophet explained it in other narrations: do not do anything or say anything that is wrong or harmful, or will anger Allah, or that you will regret. So try and be in control of your actions. You will at some point get angry — avoid situations that will make you angry, and once you do get angry, follow the sunnah of the Prophet to the best of your ability.

Do Not Get Angry — And You Will Get Jannah

It is anger that causes so many problems. There is a narration where the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasalam said:

"Do not get angry and you will get Jannah." (Reported by al-Tabarani in al-Mu'jam al-Awsat; also referenced by Ibn Hajar in Fath al-Bari)

Allahu Akbar — do not get angry and you will get Jannah. And I want you, if you have an opportunity — and you will, because this is life and people frustrate you all the time — to be in a situation where for the sake of Allah you control your emotions, or you walk away, or you do not express your anger. And you do it not because you don't want to, not because you don't feel it, but because of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Because of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. That you remember Allah at that moment and then that remembrance of Allah is such a great deal to you that it fizzles out and makes everything go away. And that is how we are meant to view our Creator, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

Advice One: Seek Refuge in Allah from Shaytan

That is why, when the Prophet was in his presence one day and two companions got angry at each other — فَاسْتَبَّا — they started to insult each other, and they started to raise their voices, until one of them their face became red in anger — you can imagine what was going on. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasalam said, "I know a statement that if he were to say, what he is feeling would go away." And that statement was:

"I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed devil." Because it is the Shaytan that truly fans the flames of our rage and our anger.

As Allah says in the Qur'an: "Tell My servants to say that which is best." Allah is telling you: say the best statement possible, not the most hurtful statement. The best statement possible. And Allah mentioned that it is the Shaytan that sows discord between us.

The Prophet said they should seek refuge from the accursed devil. One of the companions went to them and said, "The Prophet said if you were to say this, you would feel much better and what you're feeling would go away." The angry man said, "Do you think I am a jinn? Do you think I am possessed?" — he was so angry he didn't take that advice.

Take that advice, my brothers and sisters. Get into the habit of saying أَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيمِ whenever you get upset. Let the first thing you do be to say أَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيمِ. And I want you to think about whose name you're invoking in that moment — أَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ — you take refuge in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. And if you say that statement, and you say it sincerely, and you say it with the intention of removing your anger, I promise you — like the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasalam promised us — that which you're feeling will go away.

So that's the first advice the Prophet gave us — that we can do that will, inshallah wa ta'ala, aid and ensure that we do not act upon the emotions that we feel, that we do not transgress upon others because they have upset us, that we do not say something hurtful.

And I want you to think about how many homes have been destroyed because a man was angry and divorced his wife in anger. How many people have been killed because two men or two women were so angry at each other they started to take weapons and harm or hurt each other. How many wrongdoings have been done. How many regrettable actions have been done because people expressed their anger in this very unhealthy manner — when Allah and His Messenger are reminding us: لَا تَغْضَبْ، لَا تَغْضَبْ، لَا تَغْضَبْ.

Advice Two: Make Wudu

Is this the only advice our beloved Messenger Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasalam gave us? No. He also said that anger is from the devil, from the Shaytan, and the Shaytan has been created from fire. So if one of you feels anger and rage, فَلْيَتَوَضَّأْ — let that individual make wudu.

"Indeed, anger is from Shaytan, and Shaytan was created from fire, and fire is extinguished by water. So if one of you becomes angry, let him make wudu." (Sunan Abi Dawud, Hadith 4784)

Now I want you to think back — every single incident in your life that you became upset and angry: did you go and make wudu? And I want you to promise yourself that from now on, when that happens, you're going to follow this advice of the Prophet and you're going to go and make wudu. That will calm you down. And when you're calm, you're able to make better decisions.

Does this mean that we do not hold people accountable who wrong us? No — people are meant to be held accountable. Does that mean that we don't go and try and get our rights? No — you should get your rights. But this is about control. This is about control. And this is about pleasing Allah and mastery over our emotions. And this is what we need, because if you can't do that, then more harm will come to you than good.

So the second advice the Prophet gave us is that when you do get angry, remember it's from the Shaytan. Think about how often the Shaytan is being mentioned here. And what is the most beloved thing to the Shaytan? Causing discord and disagreement between people. If two neighbors are fighting, if a wife and her husband are fighting, if a parent and their children are fighting, and anger and resentment is boiling within the community — this is when the Shaytan is at its happiest. And we have to remember that and we have to fight that by saying, "I seek refuge with Allah from the accursed Shaytan," and by making wudu.

Advice Three: Change Your Physical State

There are more advices the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasalam gave us. Among them, he said: when one of you becomes angry and he is standing, فَلْيَجْلِسْ — let him sit down. And if that doesn't help, فَلْيَضْطَجِعْ — let him lie down.

"If one of you becomes angry while he is standing, let him sit down. If the anger leaves him, all well and good; if not, let him lie down." (Sunan Abi Dawud, Hadith 4782)

The ulama talk about the benefits of this. Why should I sit down? Because you're less prone to do something you would regret if you're seated. And also you are making a change of state. Not to mention, by the way, every single time you act upon a sunnah and an instruction of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasalam, you are a blessed person — this is barakah. Act upon it. Sit down. And if not, lie down.

Now imagine we did that. Imagine we sat down, we lay down, and when we feel a bit calmer we went and we made wudu, we said "I seek refuge with Allah from the accursed Shaytan," and then we dealt with what we need to deal with. I guarantee you that the reaction you would have then would be much, much different than the one you would have if you didn't do that. This was the advice of our beloved Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasalam — don't get angry, don't get angry, do not get angry.

Second Part of the Khutbah

All praise is due to Allah and peace be upon the Messenger of Allah.

My beloved brothers and sisters, I mentioned three things that, if we do them, may result, inshallah, in the anger that we feel towards others dissipating — or at the very least, in us making better and healthier decisions:

The first: seeking refuge in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala from the devil.
The second: making wudu.
The third: changing of state — sitting down or lying down.

Now, of course, if you are enraged, the first thing you should do is sit down or lie down, because you want to immediately ensure that you're not saying or doing something that you would regret.

Advice Four: Stay Silent

Speaking of saying — the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasalam in another narration said: if you do get angry, then stay silent. If you do get angry, then stay silent.

"If one of you becomes angry, let him be silent." (Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 2136; reported from Ibn Abbas)

Wallahi, my brothers and sisters, silence is golden. Silence is golden. How often do we harm things or cause problems with our speech? Control your tongue. Our tongue will be among the many reasons people go to the fire, by the way. That's why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasalam said:

"Whoever can guarantee me what is between his two jaws and what is between his two legs, I guarantee him Jannah." (Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 6474)

And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasalam said:

"Is there anything that causes people to be thrown face-first into the Fire except the harvests of their tongues?" (Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2616; declared hasan sahih)

So the Prophet is telling us: if you do get angry, stay silent. Stay silent. Do not speak.

The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasalam also said:

"May Allah have mercy on a person who, when he spoke, he gained reward and goodness — or stayed silent and was saved." (Reported in various collections; cf. Jami' al-Ulum wal-Hikam by Ibn Rajab)

So every time you're going to speak, think about what you're going to say. Is this going to add value to my akhirah or my dunya? If not, then stay silent. There is barakah in staying silent and controlling your tongue. And it is as the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasalam said:

"Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him say good or remain silent." (Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 6018; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 47)

Whoever among you believes in Allah and the Hereafter, let him say good or stay quiet. Or stay quiet. So, especially when you're angry — stay silent.

Putting It All Together

And what happens when you sit down or you lie down? You ensure that you're not doing anything that you may regret. And what happens when you stay silent? That ensures that you're not saying anything that you would regret. And you allow yourself to calm down.

What happens then when you say أَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيمِ? You make dhikr. And what happens when you make wudu? All of a sudden you're a person that is in a state of worship. And now you are better equipped at handling whatever was in front of you.

What Should We Actually Get Angry About?

My brothers and sisters, there's another point that is very important to make. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasalam has taught us what we should actually get angry about. And the Prophet was not a person whom the dunya would upset. Spilled milk or something similar to that — dunya-related matters — that should not upset you. And you need to be someone who understands that this dunya does not have as much meaning as you give it. And once you understand that this dunya is not as important as we make it out to be, perhaps when something bothers us that is dunya-related, we are able to overlook it. We are able to overlook it.

Remembering Allah's Qadr Helps Calm Anger

And finally, my brothers and sisters, among the best things that can help us truly gain mastery over our emotions is an appreciation of Allah's tawhid, Allah's rububiyyah, Allah's lordship, and the divine decree of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

I want you to think of a statement that Anas ibn Malik, radiyallahu anhu, made when he said: "I served the Prophet for ten years, and never did I do something that I was supposed to do but didn't do that he said 'why did you not do this?' And never did I do something I wasn't supposed to that he said 'why did you do that?'" And that's very strange. For ten years, a young boy serving the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasalam, making mistakes, and the Prophet just lets it be.

But you have to understand, my brothers and sisters, that for everything that happens around us there are actors and there is an author. What do I mean by that? There are people doing these things. When you're driving and someone doesn't put the signal on and crosses in front of you — clearly they made a mistake and were inconsiderate and perhaps endangered you, and that upset you. Or you told someone to be there at a certain time and they weren't, and you were waiting for them, and that upset you.

If you focus on the individual actor who is doing this — which you have every right to do — that may upset you. But if your mind goes to the divine decree of Allah, that every single atom that moves on this earth is with the divine will of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, and you remind yourself of the author of everything — the One who has decreed everything — this allows you to see beyond what's in front of you.

This does not mean we don't hold people accountable and that they should not be told that they are wrong. But it helps you control that rage and that anger when you realize that no matter what you've done that day, that person was going to do that — it was decreed, and it was going to happen regardless. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala created this incident, just as Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala created this individual and put them in front of you right now. This person who is insulting you right now, who is in your face — you remember Allah is the creator of everything. You remember Allah. You remember Allah's qadr. And once you realize that Allah's will is at play every single moment — "I might as well just calm down. It is my Creator testing me. It is Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala."

And then what happens is the emotions that you may have felt will lessen. And then you can deal with what happened and hold that person accountable in a much calmer way.

There are two extremes here. There is one extreme where you say "no one is really at fault — it's all Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala." No. If no one is at fault, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala would not tell us to hold people — and ourselves — accountable. But at the same time, when you focus only on the people and forget Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, that's when you lose control. That is why when you remember Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, this is meant to help you walk through life in a much healthier way. It allows you to calm down.

Combine all of that, and then also remember the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasalam and Anas ibn Malik. Remember that when the Prophet came to dunya matters, he didn't really mind — it's not that deep, not that important. And that is a healthy way of looking at life. Not to dismiss it, but at the very least not to allow it to get to a stage where we are in uncontrollable anger, giving out divorces like they're sweets on Eid or something like that. We have to be careful, ikhwanifillah. Calm, collected, careful. Remember Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

And remember, the ulama say: the greatest preventer of anger is remembering the reward of controlling your anger. Every single time someone irks you, frustrates you, angers you — it is an opportunity for you to gain the pleasure of Allah. May Allah allow us to be among those that remember Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala even in those difficult states.

Du'a

May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala forgive our shortcomings and our sins. May Allah forgive Umar, Uthman, Ali, and the rest of the companions and followers and those who follow them with goodness on the Day of Judgment.

O Allah, make faith beloved to us and adorn it in our hearts, and make us hate disbelief, disobedience, and sin, and make us of the righteous. O Allah, support the Muslims everywhere. O Allah, support the weak Muslims in every place — in Palestine, Sudan, and other Muslim lands. O Lord of the worlds, accept our supplications. All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds. And establish prayer.