Fulfilling Family Rights - Shaykh Mustafa Abu Rayyan

Opening — Khutbat al-Ḥājah

إِنَّ الْحَمْدَ لِلَّهِ نَحْمَدُهُ وَنَسْتَعِينُهُ وَنَسْتَغْفِرُهُ وَنَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنْ شُرُورِ أَنْفُسِنَا وَمِنْ سَيِّئَاتِ أَعْمَالِنَا مَنْ يَهْدِهِ اللَّهُ فَلَا مُضِلَّ لَهُ وَمَنْ يُضْلِلْ فَلَا هَادِيَ لَهُ وَأَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ وَحْدَهُ لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ وَأَشْهَدُ أَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُولُهُ وَصَفِيُّهُ مِنْ خَلْقِهِ وَخَلِيلُهُ أَرْسَلَهُ اللَّهُ إِلَى النَّاسِ كَافَّةً بَشِيرًا وَنَذِيرًا فَبَلَّغَ الرِّسَالَةَ وَأَدَّى الْأَمَانَةَ وَنَصَحَ الْأُمَّةَ وَتَرَكَنَا عَلَى الْمَحَجَّةِ الْبَيْضَاءِ لَيْلُهَا كَنَهَارِهَا لَا يَزِيغُ عَنْهَا إِلَّا هَالِكٌ فَصَلَوَاتُ اللَّهِ وَسَلَامُهُ عَلَيْهِ وَعَلَى آلِهِ وَأَصْحَابِهِ وَمَنِ اهْتَدَى بِهَدْيِهِ وَاسْتَنَّ بِسُنَّتِهِ وَدَعَا بِدَعْوَتِهِ إِلَى يَوْمِ الدِّينِ

Gratitude for Allah's Blessings

Ahibbatī fīllāh, my beloved brothers and sisters — I start by praising Allah and sending blessings and salutations upon our beloved messenger Muhammad ﷺ. I thank Allah for allowing us to be here today and for allowing us to continue worshipping Him, whether it's on Fridays or any other occasions.

My brothers, there is so much to be thankful for to Allah, and we are thankful to Allah in many ways. Often it is through our speech where we praise Him, we thank Him, we make shukr to Allah — whether it's the morsels of food that we eat, the families that we have and enjoy, or all of the other ni'am that Allah has bestowed upon us. And it is important that you emphasize that and you often show your gratitude to Allah and think of the many blessings you have.

Yes, I know — and we all know — that life is not always good, and sometimes you are going through difficulties. But despite those difficulties, there is always khair in your life, some form of khair, and there is so much to be thankful for. Which is why Allah reminds us in the Qur'an:

If you were to enumerate Allah's blessings upon you, you would not be able to count them. There is so much to be grateful for.

The Family — Among the Greatest Blessings

Among the greatest things that we should be grateful for, after our iman, is Allah giving us families. And those families consist of pairs — a wife and a husband. And Allah often in the Qur'an reminds us of that, that He has created us in pairs. Allah mentions that it is a great ni'mah and favour of His that He has given us wives, and from those wives, children, and grandchildren. And Allah mentions at the end of that ayah:

Are you going to be ungrateful for these many blessings that you have?

And wallahi, ikhwanī fīllāh, as you can all see, there are a lot of problems now happening in our homes. We see that our homes are going backwards. Divorces are increasing. Relationships between parents and children are not the way they're supposed to be — whether it is those children who are not being dutiful to their parents, or sometimes parents not fulfilling the rights of their children. These things are something that we see in our homes, in our neighbours' homes, in our wider society, and they have a negative impact on the ummah as a whole.

We often have these discussions: Where is the ummah going? How can the ummah be saved? How can we find a better future for our children? How can we solve the many problems that we have? Well — it starts with you, and it starts with your home. It starts with you. Because the ummah consists of many, many different families and homes that came together — this is what we are. And each one of us, there are things that we can rectify. And it is important that we rectify those things. And this is, insha'Allah ta'ala, what I would like to focus on today.

What Allah Describes for the Home

When Allah speaks about homes in the Qur'an, and relations in the Qur'an, and the relationship between a wife and a husband in the Qur'an, and the Prophet ﷺ teaches in the Sunnah — you'll find something that is sadly very different from what we are getting used to today, and even normalizing: where it is disrespect between the spouses, where it is a home filled with anger and mistrust and deceit and lying and complaints. And we have to get to the root of these things, and each one of us is responsible.

My sisters, you are responsible. You are responsible for your home. You are responsible for your relationship. Because in the end of the day, all of it is things that we will have to answer to Allah for. Ask yourself this question honestly — my brothers, ask yourself this question: Have I been a good husband? Have I been a good wife? Have I been a good son? Have I been a good parent? Have I fulfilled the rights that Allah will ask me about? And I know each one of us can immediately think of things that they can rectify — and those are the things that we have to rectify. Because Allah will ask us about our relationships. Allah will ask us about those to whom we owe rights — if we haven't fulfilled them. And we need to fear Allah.

The love that is in the home is a gift from Allah. When Allah was describing the first union, the first marriage that we know of in the Qur'an — Adam and Hawwa — the point of this marriage, this union, the point of Hawwa — we mention this in every khutbah, how ajeeb it is — when Allah talks about khutbat al-ḥājah, we mention the ayah. Allah talks about the fundamental relationship: that woman came from man. We know Allah created Hawwa from Adam — meaning we are intertwined, in need of each other, from each other. We need each other. So this antagonistic relationship that we are having in our homes — it needs to disappear.

When you are in a marriage, you have to understand the rights that the other has over you. And often there is a lot of focus on rights: "He doesn't financially support me enough." "She disrespects me and doesn't listen to me." "There is no obedience and happiness." And these are the things that are brought to imams and are discussed. But when Allah was describing a home and a marriage, Allah did not necessarily describe the huqūq. Rather, Allah mentioned that the purpose of marriage is sakinah, mawaddah, and rahmah — Allah mentioned tranquility, mercy, and love.

This is what the home is built upon. And children growing up — this is what they observe, this is what they deserve, this is what they should see. So fear Allah as it relates to your spouse. My sister, fear Allah as it relates to your spouse. My brother, fear Allah.

Applying the Sunnah in the Home

Now, I understand perhaps many of you here are not married, but I also know many of you are — and many of you may have been married for a very long time. May Allah continue blessing your marriage. But there are always things that you can rectify.

And the Prophet ﷺ — if you look at our religion generally — you may have come here a few weeks ago or last week and there was a khutbah on good akhlaq, maybe there was a khutbah on good parenting. It all comes together. Too many times you are hearing of brothers that are angry all the time in their homes. But do you practice the Sunnah that you have been taught?

Many times, when you enter your home, you enter with the du'a:

You say Bismillah, you repel the Shaytan, you give salam to your family, you don't take the baggage and the stress of the world into your house — you greet, you smile. All of this is the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ. That you pray together in your home. That your home is a place of worship. Because the more you worship Allah, the more barakah and blessing is going to be in your house.

If we don't apply these individual sunan that you are learning, then you are not going to get there. The Sahabah used to say — and they recognized — that when they were sinful, they would see that in their houses, in their spouses, in their dawab — their rides — things would not be going right for them because of errors, mistakes, and shortcomings they had. So build on that, and work on that. Apply the sunan that you learn.

The Prophet ﷺ told us that we shouldn't make our homes into graveyards — the Qur'an should be recited in them. You are wondering why your home is broken, what's happening. When was the last time you read Qur'an in your house? When was the last time you prayed jama'ah? If you are not going to the masjid, pray jama'ah together. Pray qiyam together. The Prophet ﷺ made du'a for the woman who wakes her husband up for qiyam and the husband who wakes his wife up for qiyam. These are all the things that are missing, that we are not focused on — and we are constantly talking about rights.

"Ya Shaykh, wallahi he doesn't fulfil my rights." "Ya Shaykh, she doesn't fulfil my rights." You have to start with yourself and do the basics right, and insha'Allah the huqūq will come. And another thing you have to remember, my brothers and sisters, is that it's not always about what the other person is doing. You do what you are supposed to do — you fulfil your responsibility — and ask Allah to grant you your rights through your husband or your wife.

Cultural Baggage and Transgression

And this is just one element of the home — just one element. There is so much to talk about when it comes to our homes, whether that is our relationship with our spouses, our relationship with our children, or our relationship with extended family members. Not to mention, ikhwanī fīllāh — often we bring in cultural baggage that is far from our deen into our houses and insist on it, when the deen has made life a lot easier. And we need to fear Allah. Ask yourself: are the things that I am requesting from my significant other things that I actually deserve and am owed — or am I transgressing? Fear Allah as it relates to your spouses. Fear Allah. Fear Allah.

My brothers and sisters, there is too much that is happening in our homes that must be addressed. We shouldn't be seeing the effects that this has on the family, ikhwanī fīllāh.

A Glad Tiding — Allah's Promise of Tawfiq

So what I am trying to say, my beloved brothers and sisters, is that there are clearly sometimes individual issues that need to be resolved. But I'll give you a bishara and a glad tiding: Allah promised us something in the Qur'an — that if the two spouses want khair for each other, they want reconciliation, they want good — Allah will bring tawfiq between them.

So what am I trying to say to you? Before you are a husband, before you are a wife, before you are a parent, before you are a child to a parent — you are a servant to Allah. You are a slave to Allah. You have responsibilities to Allah, and Allah will ask you about them. So fulfil the rights of those that you have responsibilities over. Fulfil those rights as an act of worship to Allah. Rectify your akhlaq and your character as a means to get closer to Allah first and foremost.

Because among the easiest ways to enter Jannah is through good akhlaq, as the Prophet ﷺ said. Practice the sunan that you've learned — and I know you've learned many, whether in madrasa or in a masjid lecture or from the minbar in a khutbah. Practice those sunan and put them into practice. Smile more. Give each other gifts more. Actively bring more happiness. Spend more time with your family. Fear Allah as it relates to them, because they could be a means to Jannah — but they could also be a means to the Fire. May Allah protect us from it. May Allah protect them and us, and may Allah bless our homes. May Allah bless all of our homes and our wives and our children, and make us among those that flourish in dunya and akhira.

أَقُولُ قَوْلِي هَذَا وَأَسْتَغْفِرُ اللَّهَ لِي وَلَكُمْ وَلِسَائِرِ الْمُسْلِمِينَ مِنْ كُلِّ ذَنْبٍ فَاسْتَغْفِرُوهُ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ

Second Part of the Khutbah — Act Upon What You Hear

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ وَبِهِ نَسْتَعِينُ عَلَى أُمُورِ الدُّنْيَا وَالدِّينِ وَالْعَاقِبَةُ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ وَلَا عُدْوَانَ إِلَّا عَلَى الظَّالِمِينَ

My beloved brothers and sisters, I want to conclude by reminding all of us of the importance of having taqwa of Allah. Having taqwa of Allah and being pious is something that should enter every facet of your life. As you become a better worshipper and as you have a responsibility to learn your religion and get closer to Allah, also remember your responsibility towards Allah's creation. And insha'Allah ta'ala, I hope in the future that we can delve into more detail about the right of each one of the people connected to you — whether those are your parents, your wives, husbands, children, and much more.

But remember — in the end of the day, you will be standing in front of Allah alone, and you will be answering for your deeds and your misdeeds. And you want to be standing in front of Allah having done your best. Yes, Allah is the most merciful — but His punishment is also severe. And I want you to make active changes in your life.

All of us — we need to stop just talking and start making these changes. There is no point in listening to a khutbah or a reminder if you don't take any actions to apply in your life. There is no point. It is meant to be acted upon. Our deen is the deen of actions. If you are hearing about praying qiyam — praying qiyam, praying qiyam — for twenty years and you have never prayed qiyam, then those reminders have not benefited you. If you are hearing about giving charity — give charity, give charity — and you have never given charity or you rarely give charity, then those reminders have not benefited you.

So my brothers and sisters, remember this: every opportunity you get where someone reminds you of something, take away something that you can apply in your life — even if it is something as simple as today, when you go back home, you actively look at the things you can improve with regards to your families, your children, your husbands, your wives. And I know you know enough of the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ to apply — whether it is to be beautiful, kind, and obedient; whether it is to give each other gifts; whether it is to remind each other to pray, to do khair, and to try and forgive each other.

We need a healthy dose of forgiveness in our homes. Forgive each other's shortcomings. Overlook them. Overlook them. Overlook them. And insha'Allah, may Allah overlook all of our errors and mistakes.