Sabr: Patience & Persistence in a World of Distractions

The Root of Impatience

The root cause of people losing patience, losing discipline and being distracted — fundamentally, it's just one thing. They do not want and desire what is with Allah hard enough.

The people who have the most certainty — that what Allah has in store for them is something they have never imagined and they are 100% certain it's coming — when they are presented with some temporary temptation: a van drives by, somebody sticks a stick of weed from the window, "Would you like to try some?" They're at work, they're at school, they're on social media, somebody they're fancying DMs them, somebody offers them a quick dodgy scheme, crypto, dogecoin, some weird dodgy money-making scheme — when they are given a temporary temptation, they think immediately: Is this worth losing what is with Allah? Is this worth losing my paradise? Is this worth losing — what will I say when I stand in front of Allah? And immediately it all disappears, it evaporates right in front of their eyes.

And so the secret to developing Sabr — really, the secret to developing Sabr — is forming an attachment to what is with Allah and what He's going to give you and what He has in store for you. If you don't have this deeply embedded in your heart, forget discipline, forget Sabr, forget patience, forget contentment. It's never going to come. Read as many books, build as many habits, build as many systems, automate what you want — if you are not looking forward to what Allah has in store for you from the beauties of paradise, and you're not fearing the consequences of the fire, and you are not excited for the company of Allah azza wa jal, there is no way for you to go through this life and have Sabr throughout. It's not possible.

Sabr in the Quran: Gardens and Silk

And therefore, when you look at Sabr in the Quran and how Allah describes the people who have Sabr, Allah says:

"Because they waited, My reward is that they will get gardens and they will get silk."

The Lesson of the Battle of Hunayn

When the Prophet ﷺ comes across his companions, particularly in the Battle of Hunayn — now the Battle of Hunayn is at the end of the Prophet's life, just towards the end, and after the conquest of Mecca. It's a battle, it's an ambush. The battle is over and the Prophet ﷺ is dividing the spoils of war. The Ansar, the people of Medina, are expecting a big payout — because they've waited 10, 12, 13 years, given the Prophet unconditional support. Maybe today we'll get the payout.

No. He's given all of the spoils of war — all the camels and the money — given it all to his Meccan friends, his old friends. So the Ansar start to get furious, irritated, upset. How can you give everything we just earned from this war? You're going to give all of the ROI — return on investment — you're going to give it to these Meccans? They just converted to Islam, these disbelievers who fought us, killed us, attacked us.

Anyway, they started to get impatient. The Prophet ﷺ lines them up and he says to them: "Aren't you happy? Let these people go with their cows and sheep and their money — and you go home with Rasul Allah ﷺ."

The Strength of Your Certainty Determines the Strength of Your Sabr

If you want to have Sabr, you need to be somebody who's certain that you're going to meet Allah and you're going to come back to Him. It's remembering and recalling: What am I going to lose out on? What am I going to gain after I pass away? The strength of your certainty will determine the strength of your Sabr.

Your ability to endure a difficult marriage, your ability to endure a difficult financial situation, your ability to sit and memorize Quran, memorize hadith, sit in the same spot every day — day after day after day after day — what's going to push you? Watching a David Goggins video of him running or doing a thousand pull-ups? No, absolutely not. What's going to push you is only one thing: remembering what will happen when I meet Allah. And the more frequently you remember this, you will find that Sabr comes very naturally to you. You don't need a coach, a special book, a Tony Robbins course — none of that. You need to be deeply certain about what Allah has in store for you.

And the Quran is filled with examples of Allah reminding the believers that if you have this yaqeen — the certainty in the afterlife — I will gift you Sabr, free. Here you go:

Allah says: "I made them leaders when they had Sabr." So one of the important points is: you can never possess any form of leadership unless you have Sabr as a core quality. How did they reach Sabr? What's the secret? "Wa kanu bi ayatina yuqinoon" — they were 100% certain in all of My ayat. Everything I told them, they know it's going to happen. So they live as though they can see the Day of Judgment before their eyes. And so their whole life is very different to your life and my life.

Practical Steps to Developing Sabr

Step 1: Eliminate Distractions

How do you develop Sabr? Step 1: uninstall TikTok. Step 2: uninstall Instagram. Step 3: uninstall Facebook. Step 4: uninstall Snapchat. Deactivate all of your accounts for 40 days. Don't say "Shaykh said bid'ah, he said this." Okay — 39 days, fine. Five days, you choose — pick it, habibi. They will say that's also a problem, right? Pick a number out of thin air, no problem — but first step: get rid of all your social media accounts. Nothing will happen in your life. Your life will continue. You have to get rid of everything that you know is breaking your attention span.

Step 2: Control Your Device

If you have an iPhone, in your settings there's something called Focus Time where you can remove your access to all of your apps except for 30 minutes a day, 15 minutes — set up Focus Time. Certain hours a day: I can't access my phone, I can't access these apps. I can call, I can text, but I can't access my other apps except for a certain limit — 15 minutes, 30 minutes, one hour, no problem. Set some — build some discipline into the device that you and I know we are spending on average six hours a day on.

Step 3: Find a Program That Builds Sabr Into Your System

Look for a program or environment that will build Sabr into your system — a regimented plan, a system. If you sign up to this place, in six months, a year, three years, it's not possible for you to come out except having built Sabr into your system — by force, by external environment.

Step 4: Memorise the Quran

One of the experiences in your life that it's not possible for you to start except that you will either build Sabr or you will realise you have the attention span of a goldfish — one of two things will happen — is the memorisation of the Quran. Many people give themselves excuses: I'm too old, my memory is weak, I can't do this, I can't do that, I don't know where to start, I'm not good enough. Anybody here can memorise the Quran. Anybody. What does it require? It requires Sabr.

You sign up to a program, to a course, you pay for a teacher. One thing I never recommend is to do the memorisation of the Quran on your own. You need a partner, you need a teacher, you need a program — it builds accountability. Someone is there who's going to ask you: Where's your memorisation? And over one day, two days, three days, four days — the tricky thing about memorising the Quran is that once you've memorised it, the discipline never stops. You have to revise it every day. So it builds discipline into your life. You cannot go a day without your revision, otherwise you start to forget.

So one of the greatest hacks — if you're not going to build a zawiyah, you're not going to join a special military school, you're not going to do martial arts, you're not going to do exercise — is start the journey of memorising the Quran, you and your family, and watch how Sabr gets installed into your system and your family system by nature.

Sabr Can Be Lost Gradually Too

There's one very important thing: just as Sabr is built gradually — through the right environment, the right teachers, good accountability, through desiring the afterlife, and reminding and remembering and reflecting and being certain in what Allah has promised you — just as Sabr is developed gradually in this way, you can lose it gradually as well. Slowly and surely.

Tools for Saying No to Temptation

One of the most important points in terms of being able to say no to what tempts you is having a way to constantly remember and remind yourself of the fear of Allah and His consequences.

"Whoever fears their Lord's punishment will have two gardens." Allah reminds us of these visions — He wants you to graphically envisage what is waiting for the people of the fire, because this is the only way for you to look at something delicious and say no: It's not worth it for me, because of what Allah has prepared for me.

The other thing Ibn al-Qayyim mentions is having a bit of shame in front of Allah — and I've talked about this before — remembering the blessings Allah has given you, to remind you: How can I indulge in this?

The Importance of Good Company

One of the most influential parts of saying no to something tempting is having and keeping close with good company. I often say: if you're going to be on your own — and being on your own is bad for you — it's better you are with somebody else. Oftentimes today we don't have the routine of being around good company. Good company takes effort.

Many people think having good friends is automatic. Yes, maybe in primary school — but after a certain age you have to make an effort. To see people, to visit them, to call them up, to check on them, to go out with them. You have to develop these relationships. If you don't develop the relationships, the good company, it's very very likely you will lose them — and you lose one of the greatest forms of Sabr, which is musabara — having good companionship.