The Mindset The Prophet ﷺ Had To Get Rid of Ego and Pride

The Choice of Humility: Servant or King?

The Prophet ﷺ says:

A believer should not humiliate themselves. There's being humble and then there's self-humiliation. And then on the other extreme, you have arrogance and pride. And we want to know how we can live the middle ground here.

Israfil ﷺ descends at the beginning of the Prophet ﷺ's prophethood. And he says to the Prophet ﷺ, you have two options. You can be a king prophet or you can be a servant prophet. What do you want to do?

You have Dawud and Sulaiman, kings — not just prophets, kings. They had palaces, they had armies. Like this, they would change the direction of the wind. Dawud ﷺ, he holds metal and it just melts in his hands. You can be like that, or you can be a servant prophet. What do you prefer?

And the Prophet ﷺ says, I want to be a servant prophet. Don't make me a king prophet. This was from his character — he always preferred humility. He wanted to be one with his people.

And Israfil ﷺ responds to him: because you have chosen to humble yourself, O Muhammad ﷺ, Allah will give you what you asked for. You will be a servant prophet. But — and this is the rule, this is the principle — the Prophet ﷺ says:

(Sahih Muslim, Book 42, Hadith 2588)

Whoever humbles themselves for the sake of Allah, Allah will raise their rank. The Prophet ﷺ chose consciously to be a servant prophet. So Allah gave him a gift:

"From today, you are the Sayyid al-Walad Adam Yawm al-Qiyamah — you are going to be the master of all the children of Adam on the Day of Judgment."

You will be the first person to intercede on behalf of the believers. You will be the first person who will be resurrected. So Muhammad ﷺ is the last messenger, but he will be the first of prophets. Why? Because he chose humility. That was his choice.

The Terrifying Hadith on Arrogance

Now there's a problem. There's a reason we need to learn about humility. There's a very scary hadith. The Prophet ﷺ says:

(Sahih Muslim, Book 1, Hadith 265)

A person will not enter paradise if they have an atom's weight of arrogance and pride in their heart. What does that mean for a believer? A Muslim will never be in the hellfire forever. But let's say you did all the five pillars — you went to Umrah, you went to Hajj, and you were kind to your neighbour, and you did good to your parents. But you had a little bit of arrogance in your heart. You cannot enter paradise with that arrogance. It has to be removed from your system.

If it is not removed by tests in this world, if it's not removed by the right company, if it's not removed by fighting with yourself, it will be removed by the fire of Jahannam. So you can enter paradise — but you will not enter paradise without it being removed. May Allah make us of those who enter paradise with no hisab.

The Prophet ﷺ and the Culture of Standing

There was a lot of customs and cultures at the time, primarily non-Arab — Persian and Roman. When the king would enter the room, what does everybody have to do? Stand up.

I still remember my first day in the UK at university. The professor entered the room. I stood up. "Good morning, sir." All my colleagues were laughing at me. I realised that here they called their professor by the first name. "John." John, this is your friend or something? You call him sir, mister, last name, professor — some respect. No, "John, how's it going?" Shaykh, I can't do this. Yes, we Indians, we like hierarchy. We like our classes and systems and respect, and sitting and standing.

But what amazed me when I heard for the first time — the professor entered the room and his companions stood up, and he told them: "Don't stand up. Sit back down." He said, this is what the Romans and the Persians do. This is not what we do. When I enter the room, do not stand up. And if you want people to stand up for your entrance, you have a problem. Why — you think you're special? You're not special. Let them stay seated. You go down to them.

This is how the Prophet ﷺ would be in his humility. He would go down to people.

The Prophet ﷺ Eating with His Servant

One day he was sitting. He was sharing from a plate with a slave — a servant in his household — sharing from the same plate. Someone said, "Look, why don't you have your own plate and why don't you sit on a raised place?" So he says:

Me and this person are the same. We are both servants. I eat like a servant and I sit like a servant. This was the nature of the Prophet ﷺ.

The Prophet's ﷺ Walk and His Entrance into Makkah

There's also a way in his body language. When he would walk — you can walk with your back stretched out and your nose up in the air, and your physiotherapist will be very happy for your posture. But he would walk as though he's walking downhill. When you're walking downhill, your head is a little bit lowered. And also you will be walking a bit faster than normal. He would walk a bit faster than normal, and he would walk as though he's walking downhill — lowered.

When he enters Makkah, after 20-odd years of persecution from these people, he enters Makkah with his head bowed. He should have entered with his sword in the air, telling them, "I'm here, I'm back for you." But he didn't. He enters with his head bowed.

Why? The greatest humility is the humility you show to the people who don't deserve it from you. Everybody can be humble with their children, can be humble with their neighbour, humble with a shopkeeper. But the most difficult thing — that person you want to put in their place, somebody crosses you, somebody scams you, somebody has a bad dealing with you and you want to show them, "Don't try this again with me." You want to humble them. To show humility to this person is the biggest test.

When Allah tests your ego — somebody dents your ego — you think, you could scratch me anywhere, but you scratched me in my ego, I'm not going to let it fly. You have two options: you can humiliate them, insult them, abuse them, embarrass them, put them in their place — or you can treat them with humility, with gentleness. This was the nature of the Prophet ﷺ.

The Prophet ﷺ and Excessive Praise

How did the Prophet ﷺ react to praise when people would praise him? In Arab cultures, there's a very big culture of what's called mujamala — to exaggerate in the praise of somebody. And this comes from the tradition of poetry. Kings would commission poetry in their praise. He said one time:

Don't exaggerate in praising me like the Christians did with Jesus, the son of Mary.

Because — and this is human nature by the way, it happens over time, over centuries — there's some righteous person. If I just say, فلان, this person is righteous, praise Allah. Ten years later, maybe there's a frame of this person on the wall somewhere — I'm not endorsing that, I'm saying maybe somewhere — there's a frame, there's a book. Someone says, this was a great saint and a wali of Allah. Leave another 20–30 years, someone comes and starts wiping the frame, rubbing their clothes before they go out. Given another 20–30 years, people start making du'a to the frame, to this righteous person. This is how the cycle begins.

I'm from a part of the world where there are certain saints — people who are assumed to be awliya — they have graves. And I know people by name who will not make du'a to Allah; they will only make du'a to this person in the grave. They will enter the grave, they'll make du'a, they will walk backwards because they don't want to turn their back to the person passed away in the grave. Where did it begin? It all began with exaggerating the praise of this person.

And the Prophet ﷺ says to his companions:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 435; Sahih Muslim, Book 4, Hadith 1083)

They made the graves of their prophets as places of worship, as objects of worship. So he says to his companions: don't praise me like the Christians praised Jesus, son of Mary. Don't go overboard — because over time, don't make me a god like they made him a god. That's dangerous, don't do that. I'm not Allah, I'm lesser.

What you should say:

Allah's messenger and His slave. Know who I am. The worship of Allah, the reverence of Allah — ultimately it comes down to humbling ourselves in front of Allah.

Humility at Home

How would the Prophet ﷺ show his humility at home? One of the signs — many scholars say — one of the signs of arrogance at home, particularly for a man, is that a man won't lift his finger at home to help anywhere in the house. This is a sign of pride and arrogance according to Ibn Qudamah in the 7th century. So don't say I'm a feminist — Ibn Qudamah said it, you can blame him inshallah.

Because we have people today who say, "If I have to lift my finger, then you have to pay part of the rent." They say this to their wives. They think this is the peak of masculinity. Obviously, we should invite them to attend these classes so they can learn what masculinity is.

The Prophet ﷺ, what would he do at home?

(Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 25662; similar narrations in Sahih al-Bukhari)

He would milk the animals in his backyard. He would repair his own clothes, his own buttons — يَرْقَعُ ثَوْبَهُ — hanging, drying, cleaning his clothes. يَخْصِفُ نَعْلَهُ — if there was something wrong with his sandals, he would lace and repair them. His honourable hand was touching his shoes. You know, "I've reached a certain status in society — if I want to polish my shoes, I have to stick them out and somebody can polish them for me." But he would polish his own sandals.

If his servant was eating, he would sit and eat with them. He would tie the camel. He would do — as we say in English — DIY, do it yourself. He would do as many things as possible himself. People would run to do things for him: "Let me do this for you. Let me milk. You sit down. No, please don't touch your shoes." No — "I will do it myself."

There are many cultures around the world, maybe not as much in the UK because the UK tends to be a very DIY culture. People will cement their own slabs and mow their own lawns and do everything — they'll even change their own tires. In the vast majority of Muslim countries, there is a culture of having people do this for you — having servants, having drivers, having gardeners.

Something I've noticed over time is that this kills the ability for a person to do hard work. A person who grows up with all these people doing everything for them, they grow up and they are unable to lift a finger. We actually destroy our own children by making things easy for them.

Every generation — many people who migrated to the UK had a tough time just surviving, building the first masjid, getting halal meat, just scraping the bottom of the pan for a job. So they want their children to have an easy time. "Don't lift a finger, my child. Don't fold the clothes. Forget about the washing. Don't worry about the garden. Relax, I've got everything sorted for you." Thinking: I had it hard, let me make it easy for them. This child grows up and they're so incompetent — they can't even lift a finger to do their own day-to-day chores. So they cause a mess. They cause hard times for themselves.

The Prophet ﷺ Downplaying His Own Status

At some point in time in Madinah, because of the interaction with Jews and Christians — one thing about the Judeo-Christian scriptures is that over time, they tainted the image of their messengers. They said that Yunus ﷺ committed a sin. They mentioned that some prophets or messengers — Dawud, Sulaiman, etc. — that they killed, that they were wrongful to their spouses, that they did some corruption and wrong. Some things that are unbecoming of prophets. And so there was this feeling that the Prophet ﷺ is greater than the other prophets. And it was mentioned to him one day. So the Prophet ﷺ says:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 3416; Sahih Muslim, Book 44, Hadith 2376)

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 3372)

Don't think that I'm better than my brother Yunus. Don't say that these prophets are better than those prophets. Don't say that I was greater than Musa. And we are more in need of questioning than Ibrahim — because Ibrahim asked Allah, "O Allah, show me how you resurrect the dead." And maybe if I had stayed in prison as long as Yusuf, maybe I would have given up. But Yusuf was better than me.

Why does he say this? We know he is the greatest of all prophets. But part of humility is downplaying your status. Because people will always praise, people will always say things about you. But to downplay your status — "No, no, no, that's not me." Of course, there is something called fake humility — when you insult yourself in front of people so they can praise you. You do it excessively: "SubhanAllah, I am just a poor miskeen. Who am I to teach you?" "No, Shaykh, you are the most knowledgeable man on the planet." "No, no, please, please, don't say this. Please don't pick up my bags and my shoes. No, I don't need more gifts from you. No, please don't buy me more clothes." So this fake humility is not required. Allah knows what is in the heart.

The Prophet ﷺ's humility is genuine. He really believes he is not the greatest of prophets. He really believes the other prophets are better than him. One person comes to him one day and says, "O, the best of creation." He says, "That's Ibrahim, not me."

The Prophet ﷺ with the Little Girl and the Orphan

In the Prophet ﷺ's interaction with people — a king, someone who sees themselves as better than others, greater than others, will think at times: "Look, I don't have time for this. This is not my place to deal with this."

The Prophet ﷺ is walking in Madinah. A little girl grabs his hand. "Let go of my hand — I'm the king of the city, I'm the boss. I have wives to manage, I have an army to manage, I have all this stuff. I can't be playing with you in the streets." She grabs his hand, doesn't say a word. Wherever she runs, he just follows her in the streets of Madinah until she lets go of his hand.

When he comes across an orphan — the Prophet ﷺ's practice when he would pass by an orphan — what would he do? He would rub the head of the orphan and bring them close, give them a hug. One man sees him doing this and says, "I have ten children, I don't do this with any of them." Masculinity.

The Prophet ﷺ says:

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 1919)

You are not from us if we don't have mercy for the young and respect for the old. This is part of humility.

"I Am Not a King" — The Prophet ﷺ Calming a Trembling Man

One day a man came into the presence of the Prophet ﷺ and had a kind of seizure — you know, sometimes some celebrities' fans are so crazily in awe of them that people faint. They see their celebrity come, just because this person is one metre from them, they faint because of a sense of awe and amazement. So one day a man comes into the presence of the Prophet ﷺ and he's shaking. The Prophet ﷺ says:

(Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3312)

Relax. I'm not a king. You don't have to tremble in front of me — relax. I'm just a son of a lady from Quraysh, from your own people, who used to eat qadeed — the type of food. Relax, I'm just one of you, we're the same. This was the nature of the Prophet ﷺ.

Where Does Arrogance Come From?

One of the scariest things about arrogance, according to Ibn Qudamah, is that the people who are struck with the most pride don't know it. It's the religious people, the worshippers, the scholars, the students of knowledge. They don't realise it and they have a sense of pride in their hearts. May Allah forgive us.

How do we remove this pride from our hearts? Where does arrogance come from?

The root cause of pride and arrogance is: you have a good quality. Maybe you have wealth. Maybe you have intelligence. Maybe you have knowledge. Maybe you have a good business. Maybe you're handsome or beautiful. Any good quality that you see — this is one of the excellent qualities a human being can have, and I have it. That's step one. Is that a bad thing? For me to be beautiful? For me to be intelligent, wealthy? It's not a bad thing.

Second — how I feel about this quality. How do I feel about my wealth? Do I feel I made it? "I'm a self-made man." Or do I feel it was gifted to me? How do I feel about my beauty? Do I feel I've beautified myself or was it gifted to me? How do I feel about my knowledge? This is the dangerous one. How do I feel about my worship? This is the dangerous one. Did I do it, or was it gifted to me?

And then there's a third step — comparison with others. You can be self-amazed and be the only person on this earth, but you can't be arrogant unless you're comparing yourself to somebody else. Without comparison, you don't have pride.

You're in a job. You get promoted — from engineer to senior engineer, doctor to consultant, bricklayer to director of bricklaying. And suddenly you look at the other guy. You're having lunch one day with your colleague and maybe he blurts out his salary. You realise he's at a lower level than you and he's earning more than you. That night you can't sleep because somebody dented your ego. The next time you sit in the meeting you're going to make sure to humiliate this guy. He better not think he's more than me. I'll show him that he's junior and I'm the senior. I'll put him in his place. It all comes from comparison.

We live today in the world of comparison. You want to buy insurance? You go on a comparison website. You want to buy slippers? You'll go and compare 16 different deals. You cannot live your life without comparing it to somebody else's life because people's lives are in your face on social media. So this pride, this arrogance, this feeling that I'm better, I'm different from other people — it's been magnified today because of comparison. Because we live on that comparison.

So: I have a quality, I see that quality as something I produced, and then I compare myself with others and see that I am greater than them. Now I have arrogance. These three steps.

How Do We Remove Arrogance?

First: Emulate the Prophet ﷺ

The first is to take a picture of the Prophet's ﷺ life and try to emulate it — how you sit, how you stand, how you interact. The greatest sign of humility is how you interact with the people below you. This is the greatest sign of humility. How you interact with children. How you interact with a worker in your household. How you interact with people who are younger than you, people who have less than you, less wealth than you — the poor. People who have less power than you. This is the sign of humility.

Everybody can be humble to their teacher, their shaykh, their father, their king or their queen. Everybody will be humble to someone greater. But who is going to be humble to somebody less than them? Who will serve the person less than them?

Allah says: human being, when you get too arrogant, don't forget where you came from. You were a drop of semen. Whatever you gained of beauty, of wealth, of power, of status — that drop didn't do it. That's really you. That didn't do it. I granted this for you. Humble yourself to Me.

Allah says, I created this human being from a drop. They grow up and now they're argumentative and arrogant. And they give Me an analogy and they forget the way they were created:

"Who is going to revive the dead when we are bones?"

Tell him: the one who created you from scratch can do it again. And He is deeply knowledgeable about every creation. You were nothing. If you became something, remember that you were nothing — and that you will return to nothing again. This is the root reminder you need to deal with that pride, to deal with that arrogance. I am nothing, I am a nobody.

Second: Preventing Religious Arrogance

And the second — especially for those who are practicing, as they say, religious. How do you prevent religious arrogance? The pride of the religious. That feeling that I am somebody, I am a worshipper, I am pious, I am righteous. How do you prevent that feeling from entering your heart?

There are two ways. The first is to remember the time before you were righteous. Before you knew Allah. Before you knew Muhammad ﷺ. There was a time before that. There was a transition. Allah guided you to that transition. He can return you back. So don't think it was you. It was someone else — it was Allah. The first: credit Allah rather than crediting yourself.

And the second is to realise that whatever I do, it's not enough. To feel ashamed of the good that you are doing — it's not enough. Allah describes this mindset in the Qur'an:

People who present worship to Allah — but their hearts are feeling scared, they are trembling. Will Allah accept this from me or not? Will Allah accept our worship? Will Allah accept our recitation of the Qur'an? Will Allah accept our fasting? Did we do it for the right reasons? Did we consider in that moment that we did this for Allah? Did we want to please people? Did we want to please ourselves? Did we enjoy people looking at us and praising us? Did we think that we're special? Did we think it was from ourselves? Will Allah accept it? We don't know.

Umar ibn al-Khattab said: "If Allah accepts one-tenth of my prayer, I'm happy." One-tenth. What's left? What will be left of our deeds? We have to remember this. This will humble us and remind us.

All good comes from Allah. All mistakes come from ourselves and the Shaytan.