The Mindset You Need To Become Truly Confident

The Courage to Be Yourself

When we talk about the bravery of the Prophet ﷺ, we're not just talking about his bravery in battle. But his bravery in battle is the greatest example, because what's at risk when you are in battle? What are you going to lose? What could you lose? Your life. That's worse than anything else. That's the thing we all fear — nobody wants to give their life for anybody else. And so this shows the Prophet ﷺ was ready to jump into the unknown and risk everything fi sabilillah.

Another great example of the courage of the Prophet ﷺ is his bravery to be himself. Often, a lot of us have split personalities. We are somebody else at home, somebody else at work, somebody else in the masjid. If you ask someone from work and someone from home, "Do you know this guy?" they'll say it's two different people. "We don't know who this person is." It's very difficult.

You need a lot of courage to just be who you are. I used to have a colleague at work. Every day at 12:30 he would tell his colleagues, "I'm going for a walk." I thought it was strange — every time we go to eat food, this guy goes for a walk. Every day he goes for a walk. He comes back 25 minutes later — rain, sun, snow. Haji, I knew obviously he's going to pray Salah. So I asked him one day, "Listen habibi, why don't you just tell them I'm going to pray? Maybe one of them will start asking you questions about Islam. Why don't you just be yourself?" You know what he said? "I'm scared. What will they think of me?"

To be yourself takes courage. I remember the first time I came to the UK — I went to university in Nottingham — and a Muslim person came and introduced himself to me. He said, "Hey, my name is Mo." My first time in the UK, I'm thinking, what is wrong with this guy? He can see me — I just prayed Salah. We saw each other in the prayer room, we saw each other in the mosque, he knows I'm a Muslim. "Hey, my name is Mo." What's going on?

I observed this man over time. Even in Ramadan, he would say "I'm not feeling hungry." I'm asking what a great diet he's on — and he would never reveal himself to those around him. Why? "I'm scared. I'm fearful. What will happen if they know who I am? What's the consequence? Will they exclude me? Will they treat me differently? Will they look at me differently? Will I not get the same privileges I used to get?" There is this fear, there is this uncertainty.

It requires bravery and courage to stand up and say, "This is who I am."

The Courage of the Early Muslims

In the Meccan period, for 13 years, there were a number of Muslims who kept their Islam secret. They did not have the courage and the strength to show it to everybody. But there were some Muslims who had the great courage to show who they were.

Abdullah ibn Mas'ud رضي الله عنه — who becomes who he becomes later in Islam — was a small, unknown shepherd. That's his job. He looks after sheep. He's a nobody. He's not from a great tribe. He's not from the great leaders. He's a nobody. He comes into the middle of Mecca, next to the Ka'bah, stands, and he starts to recite the Quran:

People are throwing rocks at him, throwing things at him, attacking him — until he's bleeding. Then he goes back to Dar al-Arqam. The Prophet ﷺ looks at him and says, "Don't go back tomorrow and do this to yourself." He says, "No. I'm going to go back tomorrow. They cannot stop me from being who I am."

This is the courage you need. You live in a climate where, because of Islamophobia, because of people's fear of Islam, their uncertainty, their perception of Islam, you start to think the solution is to not show that you're a Muslim — to show something else. And at its root — and this is not a generalization — at its root, there is some level of nifaq, some level of hypocrisy in this action. Because nifaq — hypocrisy — is to hide who you really are and to show something else.

For the Prophet ﷺ to stand and pray Salah in front of the Ka'bah — and when he goes into sujood, four leaders of Makkah surround him and dump the innards of a camel on his head and they strike him and they hit him until he's bleeding — until Abu Bakr as-Siddiq comes running and Fatimah, his daughter, comes running and they push them away, bruising Abu Bakr as-Siddiq in the process. What does it take for a man to stay in sujood while everybody's attacking him? You have to be brave. You have to have courage.

This is not a physical strength — because he's not boxing with anyone, not fighting with anyone, not showing his biceps off to anyone. The biceps are in here. You need to have strength in here. It's not just about physical strength. In fact, you see a lot of men who spend a lot of their time trying to show everybody their physical strength — pictures from every angle, every muscle in their body. Why? Because deep down, this young man — and I'm saying men because it's most often seen in men — deep down has low self-esteem. They don't really have confidence in themselves. So they try to inflate their body in order to compensate. But at some point in time, if you are weak inside, it will come through.

Abdullah ibn Mas'ud — the same man who stood and recited Surah ar-Rahman while everybody was attacking him — had the thinnest legs in Medina. One day he climbs a tree and the Sahabah start to make fun of him, start to laugh at him because of the thinness of his calves. "Look at this man — is this a man or a stick?" And they start to laugh at him. And the Prophet ﷺ tells these men:

(The calf of Abdullah ibn Mas'ud is heavier in the scale on the Day of Judgement than the mountain of Uhud — referenced in Musnad Ahmad and related narrations)

He didn't do leg day. He wasn't exercising enough. He didn't show off his muscles. But there was a muscle that the Prophet ﷺ appreciated and that Allah appreciated more than all of that — the bravery to stand up for the Haqq, for the truth, and not to back down, not to cower away, not to lie and twist, but to say the truth as it is.

There will come moments in our lives where our bravery and our courage will be tested. And this is the moment that will reveal who we really are. Do we have that strength, or are we weak cowards — no matter how many muscles we have? Today everybody is on the exercise hype, everybody wants to build their body — Arnold Schwarzenegger and all of this — but nobody realizes the greater quality to have in the sight of Allah is the strength that allows you to stand up for what's right.

The First Source of Courage: Confidence in Allah

How did the Prophet ﷺ attain this bravery? How can we have some of this bravery, this courage in our lives? The first thing we have to appreciate is: where did the Prophet's ﷺ courage and bravery come from?

Today, all of the psychology gurus say, "Believe in yourself. You can do it. You can do anything." They think this is going to make you strong, this is going to give you confidence. But let us take Musa عليه السلام as a case study. When Musa receives the first revelation from Allah, is he confident or is he scared? He's scared.

He's standing in front of the burning bush. Allah is speaking to him, and what is his response? "I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm terrified." In fact, when Allah turns the staff into a snake, what does Musa عليه السلام do? He runs.

He didn't just run — he ran and he never turned around. Then Allah says to Musa عليه السلام:

"Come, do not be scared." And:

A Prophet should not be scared when he is in My presence. In front of Fir'awn you can be scared. In front of this person and that person you can be scared. But when you are in the company of Allah — how can you be scared? Where is the reassurance coming from? Is it coming from his self-confidence? No. Where is his strength, his bravery coming from? It's coming from Allah.

This is very important. Before you buy all of that nonsense about self-confidence, you need to have confidence in Allah first. Otherwise no speech can help you be self-confident. Imagine somebody climbs up a ladder and stands on the edge to jump into the swimming pool — jumping, jumping, jumping, then they turn around. That fear, those mind games, the consequences — you don't want to take the plunge because you're scared. And you think somebody downstairs telling you "Jump! Jump!" is going to help you? Nobody can give you self-confidence. The first thing — we have to have confidence in Allah.

This is the first practical step to have the bravery of the Prophet ﷺ. When the Prophet ﷺ is at the Battle of Hunayn, and all of a sudden thousands of men turn, a sea of arrows is in the air, and all of his companions have turned and run — what's the first thing he says?

"O Allah, send me Your victory and Your support." His first line of defense — gone. His second line of defense — gone. Midfielders nowhere to be seen. Strikers hiding in the bushes. "O Allah, I only have You — send me Your help." His confidence is not in himself. He alone is incapable. His confidence is in the Almighty.

Musa عليه السلام — when Allah tells him to go to Fir'awn, he says, "I'm scared." Allah says:

"If you stick with My ayat, My miracles, My signs, My revelation — you and whoever is with you will always win." But you need to be with Allah if you want to win. You need to be on His side. Then you'll always be on the winning side.

The Secret Recipe to Courage: Remembrance of Allah

When the believers are in battle — imagine you are going to battle. What do you think Allah is going to ask you to do before battle? Sharpen your knife, buy the best armor, the fastest horse — something practical, right? But what does Allah tell the believers in battle?

"Believers, if you come in front of an enemy, stand firm" — but how am I going to stand firm, ya Allah? My knees are doing a dance without me realizing, shaking — "and remember Allah frequently so that you may succeed."

So what's the secret sauce to being brave? The secret recipe to courage is the remembrance of Allah. No other. To be constantly in the company of Allah. When you know Allah tells you:

"Allah is with you if you are patient." Can you imagine? Allah's support is with you. He is watching you. He is looking after you. His angels are behind you. He is with you. You're not alone. But your confidence has to stem from Allah, not from yourself.

The Second Source of Courage: Preparation

After confidence in Allah, comes confidence in yourself through preparation. You say you make lots of du'a — then you go to your job interview in pajamas. Then you say, "Ustadh Hisham said, confidence in Allah." And then you say, "I didn't get the job." If you want to be ready for the unexpected, you have to be prepared for everything, for anything. That's the idea. You have to be ready for anything.

You go for a job interview. You go to get married. You have to be ready for anything. Anything can happen the day after you get married — anything can happen. There can be a war between mother-in-law and wife. There can be war between wife and sister, between you and wife, between wife and father. Anything can happen the next day. The next day you can wake up and the spouse is gone — where? Nobody knows. Finished. Game over. You have to be ready for anything.

How do you get ready for anything? Preparation. Who can tell me the ayah of preparation in the Quran? Allah says:

"Prepare what you have in terms of strength." Be ready for battle. Be ready with your swords, your shields, your armor, your horse, your cavalry. Be ready. You cannot go into battle, you cannot go into work, you cannot go into marriage thinking "I don't know what's going to happen. What preparation did I do beforehand?"

In order to be courageous and brave, you have to know: "I'm ready for this, because I have prepared for this. Every moment of my life was a preparation." If you have patience, it will show the first moment that you get the test — that's going to expose you. In every moment of life, there will come a moment in which we get exposed. Whether it's divorce, redundancy, financial issues, losing a friend, losing a loved one, someone passing away — anything can happen in life. This moment of sabr is going to depend on every moment in your life that you spent remembering Allah.

The Night Before Badr

The Battle of Badr — was it planned by the Prophet ﷺ? It was not planned. He was thinking he was going to find a small caravan. He came with 300 people. What did he find? 1,000 people waiting for him. What is he going to do? He has one night to prepare. Imagine the night before a battle where the numbers cannot lie — he cannot win this battle by the numbers.

What does he do all night? He's making du'a. He lifts his hands to Allah and he says, "O Allah, if these people die, You will never be worshipped on earth. O Allah..." His strength, his bravery — it will only come from Allah, not from anybody else in this life.

This was the source of the bravery of the Prophet ﷺ, such that when he was hit with something unexpected, when he was hit with something he did not imagine or anticipate — what would he do? Does anybody know? When the Prophet ﷺ was hit with something unexpected, what would he do?

(When a matter distressed him, he would rush to prayer — Sunan Abi Dawud, Book 6, Hadith 1319; also referenced in Musnad Ahmad)

He would run. He would flee the scene to pray Salah. This was the way he would deal with his difficulties.

Bravery Is Broader Than Battle

I want you to open your mind a little bit. We are talking about enemy in battle — but don't stop there. Bravery is very broad. You need bravery to pray Salah in the workplace. You need bravery to have children. Many people say, "I'm not really sure I want to have kids anymore." What do you mean? Do I need to have kids? I've been asked this question by so many Muslim couples: "Do I really need to have kids?" What's stopping you? "Oh, it's such a bad, dark world out there."

It was a dark world and your parents had you. The roads are dangerous — you're still driving. You choose to take certain risks and you choose not to take certain others. What is it? Having children brings the unexpected into your life every day. You cannot predict what your child is going to do. One day is good, the next is bad. One night they sleep, the next night they don't. Nothing can be planned, nothing. This is what we are scared of — we want everything to be in a routine, everything planned to the T. This is why we are scared of having children now.

Someone says, "I haven't worked in years." Why haven't you worked? "Oh, you know, the job market is so difficult. Oh, you know, I had a hard boss last time." Habibi, deep down what's really happening? He's scared. It takes courage for this person to sit down, make a CV, go apply, take interviews. It's terrifying to sit in an interview, to be questioned, to be interrogated. It's not easy. It's scary.

You need courage whether you're applying for a job, whether you're getting married, whether you're having children, whether you're seeking knowledge. Someone last week — I told them, "Come with me tomorrow to a course." "Where is the course?" I said, "It's in Leeds." "Oh, I have to take a train." "You have to take a train. What's going to happen on the train? Are there thieves on the train? Are you going to be robbed? Stabbed?" "Oh, you know, so many unexpected things — the train might stop, the conductors, the strikes." So you're not willing to jump into a little bit of uncertainty to get knowledge? You will never get there, habibi, this way. You're not willing to take a risk. You'll just sit at home.

Imam Muslim, in his Sahih — the famous hadith collection — he was writing a hadith and he got tired, and he wrote a sentence to motivate himself. The scholar Yahya ibn Abi Kathir said:

(You can never attain knowledge by relaxing the body — quoted in the introduction of Sahih Muslim)

You can never attain knowledge by relaxing. You have to get up, you have to sweat, you have to strive, if you want something that is valuable.

Imam ash-Shafi'i says in his famous poetry:

(You desire glory yet you sleep through the night — one who seeks pearls must dive deep into the sea — from the Diwan of Imam ash-Shafi'i)

You want something great, but you want to sleep all night? Don't you see — if somebody wants a pearl, where do they have to go? They have to dive deep into the sea. They have to hold their breath. If you want any pearl in this world — whether that pearl is a righteous spouse, whether that pearl is a job opportunity, whether that pearl is ilm, knowledge that will benefit you — you have to dive, jump, sink, hold your breath, and sweat if you want what is great.

So when you think about bravery, you have to expand beyond the realm of battle. In fact, most of the battles we fight today are not physical anymore. One country wants to fight another — they don't send missiles anymore. They do economic warfare, cyber warfare, mind games. They move their troops here, they move their troops there, they point their cannons this way and that. Nobody ever gets into direct battle anymore. It's all games, mind games.

The Battles We Fight Today

This is the kind of battle we fight today. It takes bravery when your children are being taught something in school that you are not happy with — for you to stand up, go and take an appointment with the headteacher, and say, "I don't accept this. Exclude my child from the class." You need to be brave.

For you to be in a public place — you know, what is the biggest reason people miss Salah? People on the go — driving a taxi, on the train, on the bus, in a meeting, at work, in college, at university. What's the biggest reason people delay their Salah? They're embarrassed to pray in a public place. How often I get this question: "Can I go home and then combine Fajr, Dhuhr, Asr, Maghrib?" Ya ba'a, habibi, just combine all your Salah next year. Why are you waiting just till today? Wait till next year — combine 365 days of Salah in one go. If it was that flexible, why not? People are embarrassed, scared to show who they really are. It takes bravery. It takes courage.

For all of these things — from praying Salah in public, to talking to the headteacher, to going for a job interview, to getting married, to having children — everything in your life requires you to be brave. You need courage.

Summary: The Two Steps to Courage

So where do we get this courage, this bravery — this shaja'ah? Where do we get it from?

First — it comes from Allah. It comes from du'a. It comes from the confidence that Allah is supporting you, not yourself. This is the first thing.

Second — good preparation. You have to be prepared for anything. In order to be courageous and brave, you have to know, "I'm ready for this, because I have prepared for this."

The Intellectual War: Defending the Prophet's Honor

There is an intellectual war — a war for the mind — that is happening today. Courage and bravery is not just about preparing your CV or preparing for marriage. You have to prepare your Iman. You have to seek knowledge if you want to be ready for what is coming. If it's not you, your children are going to face it. If it's not your children, your grandchildren will. It's not about being in a non-Muslim country or a Muslim country — the world is now a very small place. Somebody sitting in a village in Jordan just needs to open their smartphone to be exposed to books and videos written by atheists in England.

We have to be prepared. There is an intellectual courage we need to have. People insult the Prophet ﷺ. People paint his picture. People draw cartoons about him. Who's going to stand up for him? Who's going to defend his honor? There are no arrows going to the Prophet ﷺ today. Nobody's trying to kill him. Nobody's trying to shoot him. But people are trying to kill his mention, his character. People are trying to abuse his memory.

So what do we do? We have to defend his honor by teaching people who he really was. By answering their questions about the Prophet ﷺ. He wasn't a womanizer. He wasn't a barbarian. We have to defend the Prophet's ﷺ honor with our words.

Today the war is not a war of weapons. It is a war of words and a war of hearts and minds. We have to prepare our minds with knowledge, prepare our hearts with the remembrance of Allah, and prepare our tongues for the day we have to speak — to defend the truth, to defend Allah, to defend Islam.