Broken Families and Hidden Injustices | Jumuah Khutbah | Imam Nadim Bashir | EPIC Masjid

Community Announcements and Du'a

Brother Shuja's daughter, father-in-law, Brother Fiaz Ahmed is in the ICU requesting du'a. We ask Allah سبحانه وتعالى to give them shifa. And we ask Allah that everyone who is sick in the community, may Allah give all of them shifa. All those who may have passed away, may Allah make everything easy for them and may Allah have mercy upon them. And may Allah protect us and protect the Muslims.

Alhamdulillah, the Muslim community there is trying to grow and re-establish themselves. Just as a strong Muslim community. Sheikh Idreesi is a graduate from a seminary in the United Kingdom. Actually, he studied from the same seminary as I did. And since then, he graduated, I believe, in 2012. And since then, he has been trying to do da'wah work in Spain. Alhamdulillah, many people have converted to Islam. And not only that, but he took the next step in purchasing a place, purchasing a campus.

Where now, Alhamdulillah, he has over 700 students from 22 different countries, subhanAllah. And all of them are coming to learn about Islam. All of them are trying to come and learn Qur'an, Hadith. And not just Qur'an and Hadith at a basic level. He has Alamiyya studies, which he has established over there, mashaAllah. But at the same time, he has signed the campus, but he needs to make the payment. And that is where we come into the picture, Alhamdulillah.

So, on your way out, please do stop by. Look at all the work that they are doing. Once again, if you and I, we invest. When it comes to seminary, when it comes to Islamic education, if you invest. Who knows that because of your investment, someone, if they become a Sheikh or a Shaykhah. And through them, they bring others to Islam. And they give da'wah. And someone comes to Islam, that could be your Sadaqa Jariyya, inshaAllah. So, that is why on your way out, please do stop by at the table. They have some brothers over there. And they are doing, mashaAllah, some great work in Spain. So, stop by, get some information and donate if you can. JazakumAllah khair.

Hidden Injustices Within Our Families

For those of you who know me, I'm very transparent. And I'm a very straight shooter. I don't like to beat around the bush. And the reason why I have this kind of a style when it comes to my khutbahs is because today, unfortunately, we live in a time where many imams and khatibs are very scared to speak the truth. They always skirt around the main issues. Spirituality is important. Qur'an is important. Sunnah is important. But at the same time, we have a lot of issues that take place within our communities and especially within our families. And many times, those kind of issues are not addressed.

The reality is that a community is made up of families. If the family structure, if the family dynamic is not healthy, you don't have a healthy community. When we talk about dhulm as Muslims, we look at what's happening in Gaza right now and we say this is dhulm. We look at the situations that is unfolding right now in this country. There's a government shutdown in effect. There are so many thousands of people who are not receiving any kind of paycheck because they are dependent on the government. Yet, a country overseas, they will not stop getting their funding from this country. Of course, we know that this is dhulm.

But often when we talk about dhulm, we look at the bigger picture and we forget that there is dhulm happening today within our own families. It is easy to point fingers at others and it's difficult to point the finger at yourself. Brothers and sisters, subhanAllah, over and over again, whether it is through emails, whether it is through phone calls or messages, there is so much dhulm happening today within our families. And all the time, it comes down to one thing. I'm not the problem, they are the problem. I'm not the problem, they are the problem. If this is the attitude that we have when it comes to fixing any kind of situation, wallahi, none of our problems are gonna be fixed.

Both Parties Must Want to Fix the Problem

Why? Because even when it comes to our families, Allah سبحانه وتعالى says in the Qur'an:

That if there are issues, and there are bound to be issues between a husband and a wife, there will be issues. And as I've said this before, the problem is not that we have problems. The problem is we don't know how to solve our problems. That is where the problem is.

So in this khutbah inshaAllah, I really want to highlight, going back to the ayah as I said earlier, إِن يُرِيدَ إِصْلَاحًا يُوَفِّقِ اللَّهُ بَيْنَهُمَا Allah uses the verb in the dual form. Meaning that if a husband and wife have a problem, and either one of them have a problem, the only way to solve their problem is both of them have to be engaged in solving that problem. Only then Allah سبحانه وتعالى will grant them tawfiq to fix their problem.

So this is the very first thing you and I need to understand when it comes to our marriage, when it comes to our families. It's never, and we need to eliminate this mindset, that I'm not the problem, they are the problem. You know how many people have come to me and they say, I have a problem with my husband. I have a problem with my wife. Okay, bring them. You both have to come in order for me to talk to both of you and understand the situation better. No, they don't want to come because they don't feel like they are the problem. Well, you cannot expect Allah to fix your problem if you are not willing to take that first step in your own life.

If you feel like that you are not the problem, and I'm sure you've heard this saying before, it's a saying in Urdu, تعلی دوہات سبشتہا You've heard this before. When it talks about a clapping, it happens with two hands. There's never a situation where you have a problem, and it's only one party, it's both parties. So both parties want to fix their situation, Allah سبحانه وتعالى will grant you tawfiq. And if you sit there and start pointing the finger at each other, and thinking that you're not the problem, that is where the problem is gonna be.

Issues I Want to Address

In this khutbah, inshaAllah, I really want to highlight some issues that we have today in our families. And I'm gonna address, there's two things I want to address to the brothers, two things I want to address to the sisters. And there's two things I want to address to the parents overall. Because once again, if I say something to the brothers, the brothers are gonna be like, what about the sisters? If I say something to the sisters, what about the brothers? I'm a balanced person. There's issues on both sides of the spectrum. I'm gonna address some of these issues to everyone, inshaAllah.

First Issue for Brothers: Financial Responsibility

One of the very first things that we see to the fathers and to their husbands, one of the greatest responsibilities Allah سبحانه وتعالى has put upon us, is that we spend upon our family. It is our job as a man, as a husband, as a father, that you have to spend on your family. These are not my words, these are the words of Allah سبحانه وتعالى.

Why did Allah give a certain level of authority to the men in the family? It is because Allah gave them the responsibility, Allah gave the fathers and the husbands the responsibility to financially provide for their family.

And what we see often happening today in our marriages is that there is an issue even prior to the marriage. How many stories am I hearing where the father of the bride is asking the man, do you have a job? Yes, I have a job. What is your education? This is my education. Only to find out later on that they don't actually have a job. They're bouncing around between jobs. And not only that, but they don't have a job, a good job enough to provide for their family. On top of that, when they say that they have an education, they don't actually have a bachelor's degree or a master's degree or a PhD. What they have done is a few certifications online, and they think that this is equivalent to a degree.

What this does is that there is deception involved even prior to marriage, and then those deceptions or those lies become exposed after marriage. This is where the problem is to begin with. But then in the marriage, I am losing count of how many sisters are calling me and telling me that I have a problem. And what is going on? When you start digging deeper, the core issue is that the husband is not spending on the family. That is your primary responsibility.

Now I understand that there are cases where women are also working. And I've said this before and many times in my khutbahs and my lectures, that if you have a situation where both husband and wife both are working, that you need to sit down and figure out your finances. And there's always an Islamic component to this. And I've shared this with many people, and I have alhamdulillah guided, and I mean that I've provided guidance on this matter, that how your finances should be divided, even from an Islamic perspective.

But this is where the problem is, brothers and sisters. And that is why, subhanAllah, there is even a hadith of the Prophet ﷺ, where he says:

(Sahih Muslim, Book 20, Hadith 4493)

Brothers, it is your primary responsibility. I'm not saying, listen to me very carefully, I'm not saying that go and buy every single thing that your family wants. Your wife wants a Gucci bag, she wants this, she wants that. Your kids want to go on vacation and so forth. I'm not saying that just break the bank every single time. But I'm talking about basic responsibilities. Food is a basic responsibility. Shelter is a basic responsibility. Things that the kids they need is a basic responsibility. Women's hygienic needs is considered as responsibility. Clothing is a responsibility.

But brothers, this is one of the primary responsibilities that Allah has given to you, if you hold back over and over again. And you know where the other problem comes in? That we feel like many, many, many, many, many men, many brothers, what they do is, in the name of supporting their families overseas, they neglect their families over here. You cannot take care of those families, and I know they may be your mother and your father, but that is where you get your siblings involved. Everyone needs to take a share and a part of taking care of the parents. It should not be on one person.

And then now who's neglecting? Who's being neglected? Who's suffering here on the back end? It is your family over here. This is not right. This is a dhulm, brothers. We have to be mindful of this. Taking care of our family financially is one of the greatest responsibilities that we have.

Second Issue for Brothers: Transparency and Communication

The second thing that I really want to highlight to the brothers is that how often your wife may come to you and say, can you please show me the bank balance? Can you please show me all the finances that are taking place? And you know what the first response is of many brothers? You don't have any authority to ask me how I spend my money. Or a brother wants to go somewhere. He wants to just go out, and the wife is asking where you're going, and the husband says, you don't have a right to ask me where I'm going. I'm the man of the house.

I'm going to ask all of you brothers who say things of this type. Where in the Qur'an, where in the sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ, did the Prophet ﷺ ever say something like this to his family? Did the Prophet ﷺ ever tell his own family, you don't have a right to ask me how I spend my money. Did the Prophet ﷺ ever tell his family, you don't have a right to ask me where I'm going.

In fact, how many times brothers when they try to hide, then it only creates doubt. Trust in any marriage is the foundation to any family. Trust is the foundation. If you are going to sit there and say, I'm going to hide my finances. I'm going to hide where I go. Because you think that this is chivalry. You think that this is manliness. It is not manliness. You are creating, you are destroying the trust within the family. You are destroying the trust within the family.

Why is this such a big issue, if your family wants to know about your finances? How are you spending money? The only time they will a lot of times ask you about the finances, is that if you tell them over and over again, I don't have the money, I don't have the money, I don't have the money. But on the back end, you're spending over and over again. You're very loose with your money. Of course a woman is going to ask. And by the way, she does have a right to ask you. And you as a man, have no authority. I'm not saying be micromanaged. I'm not saying that. If a woman is trying to micromanage her man, that's wrong. I'm not saying micromanage. But just simply inquiry, and the man says, you don't have a right.

I'm going to ask those men, who say these kind of things, you want to say something like this? Bring it to me in the Qur'an, bring it to me in the hadith of Rasulullah ﷺ. That is how we do things. I don't care if you're from the Middle East, I don't care if you're from the subcontinent, or you're from any other country, where they do these kind of things culturally, that is not our deen. If you call yourself a Muslim, you do things according to Islam, according to Allah, according to the hadith of Rasulullah ﷺ.

It's very convenient for many of us, that when it's appealing to us, we'll say Qur'an and Sunnah. And when it's not in our favor, we just want to do things very culturally speaking. وَاللهِ, it's very hypocritical. It's very hypocritical. So that is why, when your family asks you, and you show them, it only shows trust. And even if you spend some money here and there, but the fact that you're being transparent, is very, very important.

To Our Sisters: A Call for Justice According to Islam

Now, to our sisters, our mothers, and our wives. There's a very big problem that is taking place, within our families. Divorces are on the rise, there's no doubt in that. But one of the things that I have seen, over and over again, in these last few years, and how many cases I've been hearing about, that women are saying, when they are told by their husbands, and sisters listen very carefully, and every single sister who watches this video, pay attention to this. I'm not going to mince my words on this matter.

There are so many women who say, I cannot live in this marriage anymore, I want to get out of this marriage, that's your right. But every single time the husband says, in order to dissolve the marriage, let's do things according to the Qur'an, and the sunnah of Rasulullah ﷺ. So many of our women, so many of our women, they say, no, I don't want to do things according to the Qur'an, and the sunnah of Rasulullah ﷺ. Why not? Because Allah and His Prophet ﷺ will not do justice.

To those sisters who say something like this, how are you going to show your face to Allah? How are you going to show your face to the Prophet ﷺ on the day of judgment? For a woman who says, I don't want this system, I'd rather go in court, and rip off my husband, take everything that he has, take my children, deprive him from my children. Not only that, go into court, and lie, lie, open lies, open lies, complete fabrications. اِتَّقِي, sister, be cautious of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

I remind you that there's a story in the Qur'an, where there was a Jewish man who went, he got into a dispute with a munafiq. The Jewish man said, let's go to the Prophet ﷺ, because he will judge according to the Qur'an and the sunnah. The hypocritical man, the hypocrite man said, I don't want to go to the Prophet ﷺ. Why? Because he's going to do things according to the Qur'an, and he's going to do things according to his judgment, meaning the sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ. And so when he said this, there were certain ayaat that were revealed.

Just like today women say, many women who want to get out of the marriage, I don't want to do things according to the Qur'an and sunnah, I don't want to come to the Qur'an and sunnah. Listen to these ayaat. Allah says in Surah An-Nur, verse number 48:

Allah says that when they are called for justice, to Allah and His Prophet ﷺ, to judge the matters between them, this is a party that they turn away from Allah and His Prophet ﷺ.

Because Allah says, and if the truth were to be on their side, they will come quickly to the Qur'an and the sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ.

And then Allah says, is there a sickness and a disease in their heart? Or they actually doubt Allah and His Prophet ﷺ? Or they fear that Allah and His Prophet ﷺ will act unjustly towards them? Is this what their fear is? Allah then says, these are the people who are the oppressors.

There are so many women and sisters who are going into court, creating lies, creating fabrications. Sisters, you have to answer to Allah. Don't think you will get away. The court may give you something. The court will take something from your husband and give it to you which is not your haqq, which is clearly not your haqq. But don't think for a moment that you can make tawbah and get out of this. Because this is a violation of حُقُوقُ الْعِبَادِ. حُقُوقُ الْعِبَادِ is when you violate other people's rights. The only way that matter will be settled is when you go to Allah on the day of judgment. That is where the matter will be settled.

So many women are going, these sisters are going around. They feel like that they can do whatever they want. Why? Because the laws are on our side. Today is on your side. Tomorrow, you're gonna be in a very deep trouble in the akhirah. Don't think for a moment, you have escaped the wrath of Allah.

Yes, if there's a situation where the husband is not willing to give anything, he's not willing to do anything, in that case, then you have no choice but to then go into court. That's a different case. But when the man says, let's do things according to Qur'an and Sunnah, and you walk away from the Qur'an and Sunnah.

Brothers and sisters, there are cases I've heard where women, in the name of hating their husbands, and this happens a lot. And this happens both ways. Let me make it very clear, this happens both ways. Where in the name of hating each other, there's other people who get sacrificed in this process, which I'll come to next, which is the children. The children get sacrificed in this whole process.

I've heard cases where women have allowed, I'm not making these stories up, they have allowed Islamophobic Zionist law firms representing them. And this sister, Muslim sister is allowing, she is allowing them to decimate the name of Allah, to decimate the name of the Prophet ﷺ. And you still call yourself a Muslim? While you see the name of Allah and Prophet ﷺ being decimated, and you sit there just because you want to win a case? Where is your Islam? How are you going to show your face to Allah on the Day of Judgment? How are you going to show your face to Prophet ﷺ on the Day of Judgment? وَاللهِ, I don't know. وَاللهِ, I don't know.

Neglecting Family Responsibilities

The second issue, I want to really address when it comes to the sisters, is that when you got married, your husband has responsibilities towards you, you have responsibilities towards him. That means that for you, your priority should be your husband. There are so many sisters going outside, spending hours amount of work, hours amount of hard work, giving da'wah, helping out others. All these things are good things, mashallah. May Allah bless those sisters.

But sisters, you cannot do good work at the expense of your responsibilities at home. If there is an understanding, listen to my words, if there is an understanding between you and your husband, that the husband is going to go out to work, you take care of the domestic responsibilities. The husband expects that when he comes home in the evening, the house should be clean. And his expectations are clearly, they're completely valid. He expects you to have the food ready. He expects you, he has certain expectations with you.

And when you go out all over town, doing so much hard work, doing so much da'wah work, but when you come back home and you have not fulfilled your end of the responsibilities, you are doing zulm against your husband. You are doing zulm against your husband. You are not taking care of your priority. Going outside, helping other people outside is not your primary responsibility. Taking care of your family, taking care of your husband, taking care of your children, that is your primary responsibility. So if this is happening, again, this is another type of zulm that is taking place.

False Accusations Between Spouses

Now, coming to both. Two things regarding the brothers, I said two things regarding sisters, now I'm going to address two things that are happening regarding both parents. There are conflicts taking place within our families. It happens. And what happens is that there are stories that are emerging within the Muslim community that where a woman, because she's so fed up of her husband, she's not getting that emotional support, that physical support and so forth, she's financially neglected, she probably talks to another guy. And it's not talking to another guy just for business, but she's talking to another guy, she's flirting with another guy. Or, it often also happens where the man is talking to other non-mahram women.

So a husband is talking to non-mahram women and the wife is talking to non-mahram men. First of all is that it is haram. You should not be talking to others unless you're talking about something that is business, something that is business related. The second thing is that in this kind of situation, what they both have done is haram, there's no question about that. But is it allowed for a person to then accuse another person, accuse another person that they committed zina?

You know how many videos have been... I've received videos from sisters that their husbands have used words I cannot even use on this minbar here. Accusing their wives of committing haram. They committed a haram, no doubt. But there's a spectrum of haram also. They committed a haram, no doubt. But did they actually go the whole way and committed zina? No. Yet the husband is accusing the wife that this is what she is doing. Using words, as I said, I cannot even use over here.

On the flip side, there are sisters that even in the case of the man, if he's talking to a non-mahram woman for any reason besides business, it is wrong, it's haram. But then also the wife is accusing the man that you're sleeping around.

Remember brothers and sisters, when you make such an accusation against your family, this is one of the greatest sins in our deen. When you accuse another person, the Qur'an says:

You bring four witnesses, meaning that first of all they don't even have evidence. They're just making claims. The Qur'an is saying that if a person makes an accusation against their family members, and they cannot provide adequate amount of witnesses and evidences, in this situation, there is first of all, there is a hadd in the Qur'an. There is a hadd. Living in this country, there is no hadd. But on top of that, look at this hadd, how severe it is.

The Severity of False Accusations in Islam

On top of the had, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says:

This crime that they committed of accusing someone in your family is so great, that Allah is saying that after that, your power of testimony is revoked for the rest of your life, that you can never ever testify in an Islamic manner. You can never ever testify in an Islamic matter. That is what kind of a sin this is. Yet in our families, it happens very, very loosely. Ask yourself before you accuse someone in your family, if you don't have evidence, today in this dunya, you will escape Allah's had. That doesn't mean that you will escape Allah's had in the akhira. You will find the had in the akhira. Allah is judge, jury and executioner. Don't think that you're off the hook. This is happening within our families. And this is a dhulm also.

The Injustice Against Our Children

The last type of dhulm I really want to highlight is this. Wallahi, you know when it comes to our children, I look at our children, and especially children who come from separated families and so forth. First of all, our children and our youth, they're going through an immense amount of pressure. They have to maintain school, and they have to maintain good grades in school. Their family is telling them to come to the masjid, study this, study that, study Arabic, study Quran, study Sunnah, study this and that. So they have that pressure. At the same time, they see what's happening in Gaza. That's another kind of psychological pressure. Spiritually speaking, of course their spirituality is rattled as it is. They're just trying to maintain their faith in a world that we live in today. And they're just trying to find ways to make money and just keep afloat. They have ambitions like anyone else.

But wallahi, I feel so much for our children. I feel for our youth that how unfair it is for them that when a husband and a wife, they get into a battle between each other, they use their kids as a pawn against each other. You have a problem, keep the kids out of it. Brothers, you have a problem. Sisters, you have a problem between each other. Husband and wife, you have a problem, keep the kids out of it.

Nowadays we're living in a time where it's not only just the kids who are being left out. What's happening now is that many families are going into court and they're saying, just because they hate their husband so much, and the husband wants to put the child in an Islamic school. No, I don't want my kids to learn about Islam. I would rather let my kids, I would rather sacrifice the deen, the akhlaq, the akhirah of my kids. I would let that happen, but I cannot let my husband win. I cannot let my wife win. Where is your priority? Is this how much hatred you have against your spouse? That you rather let your kids suffer, their spirituality suffer, their Quran suffer, their akhirah suffer. Why? Because you just want to win? What kind of a parent are you? I'm asking you, what kind of a parent are you?

Don't use your kids in your battles. They're not pawns. Don't put a kid in the middle of a mother and a father and tell them, take sides. That is unfair to our children. Why are you doing zulm against them? What haram did they do? Just because you both cannot get along, now you want to bring the children into every single thing? And there are cases I have seen where unfortunately the kids have to get between and now they're becoming the mediator and they're trying to keep the peace in the family. Why are you putting that pressure on them? This is unfair to our children. This is unfair to our youth. Don't do this brothers and sisters.

Parents, married couples, you have a problem? Deal with it yourself. Go to counseling. Go do different things. But don't use your kids in the middle. They're not your sacrificial pawn. Stop treating them like this. This is another zulm that is taking place.

Conclusion and Du'a

So I'll finish on this inshallah. All these zulms are taking place. We see a zulm happening around the world. But if there's zulm happening within our families, I need to take a good look at myself and I need to fix my problems. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala bring peace to our families. And may Allah grant us the tawfiq to stick with the Quran and the sunnah of Rasulullah ﷺ. Not just through mere words, but through actions.

We've been talking about dhulm. I just want to share with you one hadith of Rasulullah ﷺ where he says:

That oppression will be in layers of darkness on the Day of Judgment. (Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 2447)

You and I we all have to cross over Jahannam. No one is exempt. At that time our dhulm will catch up to us at that time. At that time it does not matter how much you regret you can cry a river nothing is going to happen because we put ourselves in that kind of situation.

Guidance on Da'wah

Before I finish this khutbah one more reminder I want to give again to everyone I've said this before this has nothing to do with the khutbah this is separate. I've said this before and I want to say it again. There's a lot of people standing outside at the corner trying to preach a certain theology. Brothers and sisters I'm begging you, I'm asking you please I'm pleading to you ignore them. Just ignore them.

You want to talk to a non-Muslim about Islam you want to give them da'wah I have no problem knock yourself out. But do it the right way. You don't do it at the corner of a street. You think they're coming here to learn about what's in our deen? They don't care less. They're just here to preach their deen. You want to give da'wah bring them inside the masjid sit inside properly have a discussion. That is how. When the Christians of Najran came to the Prophet ﷺ What did they do? They came inside Masjid al-Nabawi they talked to the Prophet ﷺ they had a civil conversation and then they left. That is how you give da'wah. You understand?

Don't and this is by the way I'm going to say this because this is happening a lot. All these universities there are many universities where you find all these people who are coming there and all they're trying to do is they're trying to attack Islam over and over again. To all of our young brothers and young sisters who are going to university and you come across these people apply the teachings of the Quran:

When you see a jahil person say سلاماً and move on. They want to discuss about Islam tell them that yes I'm okay with you discussing Islam I'll bring you to the masjid you can talk to the Shaykh you can talk to the Imam talk to whoever go to the masjid and talk to them. You don't stand there at a university campus because you know what it is you're not going to win that battle. They have their own cheerleaders coming then Muslims they're coming and so forth and everyone's trying to grow each other everyone's trying to speak upon each other it's a very childish kind of situation you understand.

You go to if those of you who go to university and you see these kind of people and they want to drag you into a conversation just say ٱلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ move on and tell them you want to have a discussion go to the local masjid I can set up a meeting go and talk to them but don't engage here please. For those of you who are coming from Los Rios just walk by them don't even care about imagine they don't even exist imagine they don't even exist just walk by there's no need for you to stop giving da'wah just leave it please you don't have to be da'wah warriors just let it go. Jazakum Allah khair.

Final Du'a

May Allah subhanAllah grant all of us tawfiq inshallah.

Straighten lines, fill in the gaps. Sisters, straighten lines, fill in the gaps. Brothers, straighten lines, fill in the gaps.

ٱلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ ٱللَّهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

Just a reminder on your way out, as I said earlier about the campus and the madrasah in Spain, Shaykh Idreesi is standing outside at the table. He has some other volunteers. If you want some more details about what he's doing in Spain and the Islamic seminary that he has started, please do talk to him, inshallah, and donate, inshallah, if you can. Jazakumullah khair.