Letting Go of Your GRUDGES | Imam Nadim Bashir | Jumuah Khutbah | EPIC Masjid

Introduction: The Double Life

As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.

A double life. They have an outward and there's an inward. Outwardly they seem functioning. But inwardly they are exhausted. Outwardly people seem successful. But internally they feel restless. Outwardly people feel religious. And they live a religious life. But internally there's a lot of hypocrisy. And they know about their hypocrisy too.

And so with all this that is going on, Islam does not shy away from talking about this. In fact, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, the one who has created our heart, and the emotions within this heart. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala understands the fact that we all have to go through different phases of our life. And we have to deal with different things. Whether it's parenting, work, the situation, the political situation that is unfolding. We have to deal with so many different things in our life and it all does affect our heart.

And eventually there's a lot of things our heart is caring. And when the heart is caring too much, then it cannot do other things. So what exactly is the heart caring that is really taking away from that peace of our life, that peace of our mind and our hearts? It is number one, grudges. Number two, resentment. And number three, most importantly, unresolved past issues or unresolved pain.

Understanding Grudges in the Quran

So with this in mind inshaAllah, in this brief khutbah, I want to share with you a few things that we keep in mind and how we can overcome what are the harms of holding grudges in our heart, at the same time what are the benefits of letting go of grudges.

The very first thing is that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, He talks about this in the Quran in particular in Surah Al-Hijr and Surah A'raf. There's a word that is mentioned in the Quran, which is the word غِلّ. And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, He mentions this when people are going to Jannah.

But there are other forms of rage or forms of grudges that Allah addresses in the Quran. Now the word غِلّ in itself means a deep sense of resentment. People who have bitterness in their life, people who have hatred in their life. And not only that, but there's so much emotional pain that settles in the heart. And not only that, but it settles over there and it remains there. And this is often when people are deeply hurt, or they have been betrayed by people who they thought that they can really trust. This is exactly what happens.

And it is not just something that creates anger within you. It is an anger that grows. It does not stay at its own original size. This is not a momentary anger. It is an anger that continuously grows and it stays within the heart.

And another form of rage that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala does also talk about in the Quran is الغَيْظ. Like Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in Surah Ali 'Imran He talks about the people of Jannah and He talks about their characteristic and He says:

Those who suppress their anger. Suppressed anger, this word الغَيْظ is in reference to that there's so much anger that's within you, but it is showing actually on your face. But if you suppress it, you suppress it in such a way that no one can even tell that you actually were going through that state of anger. This is what the الغَيْظ is in reference to.

So the point I'm trying to make is that the fact that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has created these emotions and many times you and I, we experience these emotions, does not mean that Allah has not guided us. In fact, Allah has talked about this in the Quran because Allah knows that you and I, we go through this.

The Harms of Holding Grudges

Which then brings me to point number two, which is that what are the harms of carrying on to this grudge that you and I and so many of us, we hold on to. Now you see for all these kind of things, you'll find in the Quran, you'll find the sunnah of Rasulullah ﷺ, that what are the spiritual harms of something. Or for example, what are the spiritual benefits of something. But here when we talk about the harms of holding on to grudges and having your heart filled with hate towards someone else, or a particular group of people for example, that in this particular situation, there's not only a spiritual harm, but there's a psychological harm too.

Spiritual Harms

As far as the spiritual harms are concerned, when a person's heart is filled with grudge, you're no longer able to find any kind of sweetness in your salat. Your du'as become extremely difficult. Your dhikr becomes dry. And not only that, but then the heart that is supposed to be connected to Allah azza wa jal, that heart is weighing down so much because of the grudges and the hatred that is filling our heart. And that is why Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala describes our hearts that they harden over time. Any heart that is filled with so much grudges, they only become worse and worse unless we just let go of those grudges.

Psychological Harms

Now of course psychologically too, it does have a lot of impact on people, and it has an impact on their lives. People who walk around with grudges and hate in their heart, they're not able to focus, first of all, on their family. They're not able to focus on their wife, their children, and their needs. They're not able to focus at work. And constantly you are rehearsing this hatred in your head, that if I were to ever come across this man, or this woman ever in my life, then I will say this and I will say that. It's almost as if we are rehearsing this hatred and this grudge again and again, which does not do any good to you, which does not do any good to you as a person.

So if you are in this kind of a situation where you are walking around with this grudge and this hatred, then do remember that if you also find yourself in a state that you're not able to find the sweetness in the salat, or you're not able to find sweetness in Ramadan, or you enter Ramadan and you exit Ramadan as the same exact person, then perhaps the reason is that your heart is overweight with the grudges that you're trying to carry on a daily basis.

And that is why if... I mean just imagine, if I was holding a glass, and the glass is filled to the top with water, there's nothing more that you can add to that. Likewise the heart is filled with grudge, it has no space for the Quran, it has no space for dhikr, it has no space for the sweetness that inshallah we will gain in the month of Ramadan. And that is why this grudge and this hatred that we carry in our heart, it has to be let go.

That is why Rasulullah ﷺ, he also mentions in a hadith, that anyone who does wrong to anyone else, then remember that on the day of judgment, their sins will be... I mean they will take those sins away from the aggressor. The victim will take away the good deeds from the aggressor. And if the aggressor does not have any good deeds to give, then the sins of the victim are gonna be placed on the aggressor. And so the reason why Rasulullah ﷺ taught us this, is because just to give some kind of peace of mind to someone who is going through this, but ultimately if we don't let go of this, it will have a spiritual impact on us, as well as a psychological.

Impact on Families

You have no idea brothers and sisters when I say this, that majority, you see so many families, there is a certain level of dysfunctionality that does exist within every single family. And a lot of times when you see, what is the core issue behind all of it, you will find that there is some kind of grudge. The parents are continuously emotionally obsessed with something that is going on in their life, and they just cannot get over it. And you know who suffers on the back end? You suffer as a person, but ultimately even your family will suffer. Your spirituality will suffer. So that is why it is absolutely important that we learn how to let go of these kind of things.

As we all know that there is a hadith of Rasulullah ﷺ, wherein he was sitting in the masjid one day, and he said that there is going to be a person of Jannah who will cross by. You and I, we have heard this kind of a story. But the fact that this person was a person of Jannah, why? Because every single day, he would go to sleep and his heart was clean. There was nothing in his heart towards anyone else.

The Benefits of Letting Go

Which then brings me to point number three. That what are the benefits if we actually let go of these grudges? First of all is that, there is a very beautiful explanation in the Quran, if you really pay attention to it, that there is no way we can find peace in life if we continuously hold on to the grudges. And how do we know that? As I said earlier in the khutbah, there is two places where the word غِلّ has been used.

Peace in Jannah

Number one is Surah Al-Hijr. Allah says:

Allah is telling us that when he will send people to Jannah, and may Allah make us some people of Jannah, when he will send people to Jannah, he will remove this غِلّ from their heart. Because Jannah is a place of peace. The fact that Allah is saying, ادْخُلُوهَا بِسَلَامٍ Enter into Jannah with Salam. And by the way, there are many other places in the Quran where the same kind of concept is reiterated, that you enter into Jannah with peace.

There's no way you can enter into Jannah with peace if a person is walking with the same level of hatred, the same level of malice, or grudges, or these unresolved pains that we experience in our life. There's no way we can find peace in Jannah. That is why Allah says, وَنَزَعْنَا مَا فِي صُدُورِهِمْ مِنْ غِلٍّ Allah removes all this from the heart so that we can find peace in Jannah.

Likewise Allah says in Surah A'raf:

Allah is saying that when these people go into Jannah, Allah will remove this غِلّ from their heart, and when they enter to Jannah, they will praise Allah azza wa jal.

Finding Peace in This Life

So the point is, from a spiritual perspective, the benefit of letting go of our grudges, letting go of our hate, is that we will find some kind of peace. There will not be anything in this dunya called ultimate peace. There's always gonna be something on our mind, there's always gonna be something that is consuming our minds. But if we, whether it's work, whether it's work or school or finance, or work related, it could be anything. But as long as the heart is free from carrying this غِلّ over and over again, we're able to focus on other things.

Not only that, but we also learn psychologically that people begin to see things in a much clearer perspective. They're able to find some kind of peace in their life.

Preparing for Ramadan

Now this brings me to point number four. So psychologically we know, psychologically and spiritually we know that there are benefits of letting go of our غِلّ. But the point is, this brings me to point number four, that why am I talking about this? Because the fact that Ramadan is just around the corner, it's a very important time that we let go of these kind of things, so that our hearts can be receptive towards the Quran, and the beauty and the blessings of Ramadan.

You see, we have talked about this before, that the month of Sha'ban is the month where we prepare for Ramadan. Not only in the sense of packing up our pantries and our freezers, no. I mean spiritually, this month of Sha'ban is there to prepare for Ramadan.

Preparing for Ramadan: Letting Go of Grudges

This is why the ulema such as Ibn Qayyim, he says that Shaban is the month where you plant the seed, the month of Rajab is where you plant the seed, the month of Shaban is where you water that seed, and the month of Ramadan is where you harvest from that seed. And so we are now at that point, where we're just only few days away from Ramadan, and that is why we need to let go of these kind of things. This is part of watering that seed, letting go of these kind of things, so that we can welcome Ramadan the right way.

Not only that, but we also find ulema who will say that, for example, the month of Shaban is the month of the Qur'an. And while Shaban is the month of the Qur'an, and those who recite the Qur'an, the month of Ramadan is the month of the Qur'an. Point is, Shaban is to prepare for Ramadan.

The Night of Mid-Sha'ban and Divine Forgiveness

The fact that we just also went by the 15th night of Shaban, and though there are many da'eef hadith, but if you compile all them, and you just look at the overall message, the Prophet ﷺ is saying that Allah forgives on this night, except for two people. One is a mushrik, it's clear, a person who commits shirk. But the other one, it has to do with his khutbah. He says a mushahin is someone who's not going to be forgiven. Meaning that a person who harbors jealousy and enmity and hatred in their heart, they are not going to be forgiven.

Now think about it for a moment. As Ramadan begins, everyone is lining up at the door of Allah. Everyone is there wanting Allah's rahmah, Allah's forgiveness, Allah's delivery from the fire of Jahannam. But think about it, if you have a heart that is filled with grudge and hatred and malice and jealousy, then what's going to happen is that our duas, my salat, my dhikr, my Qur'an will not reach Allah عز و جل. Because what we have done is, and what we are showing Allah is, that my heart, the fact that these grudges are more important to you O Allah, more important to me than you O Allah. I'm not willing to let go of these kind of things for the sake of Allah.

Allah is telling us that there is something called, الحب في الله. You love someone for the sake of Allah. البغض في الله. You hate someone or you despise someone purely for the sake of Allah. So Allah is telling us that as we are approaching Ramadan, we let go of these kind of things so our hearts can be receptive towards the right thing.

When we talk about nur, this is the month where there is so much nur. The only way this nur can enter into the heart is if the heart is clean.

Understanding the Difficulty of Forgetting

Now, I know that there are some people who are dealing and they're holding on to things that may have happened in the past. And you have a right to hold on to them. Because I, standing here, I can just say words, but many of you have gone through experiences in life that you just cannot let go. You cannot overcome, you cannot forget about it. And I'm not telling you to forget about it. No one can forget about the past.

Even when Wahshi killed the uncle of Rasulullah ﷺ, and he came to the majlis of the Prophet ﷺ. The Prophet ﷺ did not forget. All that he did was, I forgive you, so Wahshi, when you come to my gathering, just don't sit in front of me, because every time I see you, it reminds me of my uncle. Sit on the side, so I don't have to see you and it reminds me of my uncle.

The point is, I'm not asking anyone to forget anything that has happened in your life. We're not like a computer where you can just go into a hard drive and wipe it out and it's gone. That's not the way we function.

The Burden of Holding Grudges

And there are people, when I give this kind of khutbah, they will say that, well, there are some things that have happened to me in my life. You don't know. I went through that difficult time. Someone betrayed me. Someone did something to me. Someone took advantage of me. And I'm telling you, all I'm telling you is, that in situations like these, if you hold on to this grudge over and over again, think about it for a moment. The person who you have the grudge against, they're probably walking around peaceful in their life. They did something to you wrong. I get it. But they're probably living their Ramadan the right way. But because of your grudge, your Ramadan will not have any benefit on you. Why would you want someone to live rent-free in your head, constantly over and over again?

What I'm saying to you is not that if you want to forgive them, that is the best. That's why Allah says, أَلَا تُحِبُّونَ أَن يَغْفِرَ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ When Abu Bakr (r.a), whose daughter Aisha (r.a), our dear mother, when she was slandered, and there were three Muslims who were involved in that slander. Abu Bakr (r.a) was financially supporting one of them. He was sponsoring them. And he was involved in this scandal too. And at that time, when of course it was clear, who is the guilty, and who is the innocent. By that time Abu Bakr (r.a) said, I will no longer financially sponsor this person. Allah says, if you want Allah to forgive, you forgive him too.

Practical Guidance for Moving Forward

But at the same time, I get it. There's things that when I talk to people, there are things that their hearts are consumed with, that they just cannot let go. All I'm gonna tell you is this, let go of the grudge, let go of the hate, and put that matter in the hands of Allah. If you truly believe that Allah is just, if you truly believe that Allah will in fact establish justice on the Day of Judgment, leave it for the akhirah. There's really no point of you walking around with all this burden and all this heaviness, while that other person is completely fine, and you cannot live your life properly, the right way. I'm saying that if you don't want to forgive them, that's your prerogative. Leave it in the hands of Allah. Let Allah handle that person.

And I get it, there are people like this. I'm not telling you just to forget, you cannot forget it. What I'm trying to tell you is, just do not pay attention to that anymore. That person did something wrong to you, you don't want to forgive them, that's your choice, leave it to Allah. Let Allah handle that person, but you should not live your life like this anymore. You should not live your life psychologically disturbed over and over again.

And that is why I'm giving this khutbah because the fact that Ramadan is around the corner, we need to enter into Ramadan with our hearts clean. We are bringing our hearts to Allah عز و جل, that, ya Allah, my heart is not in the right place, I'm looking for guidance. That's why Allah says, شهر رمضان الذي أنزل فيه القرآن هدى للناس. Some ulama they say that this huda mentioned here in this verse, it is not reference necessarily to the Quran, but it is reference to the month of Ramadan that is mentioned in this ayah.

So that is why insha'Allah, as we approach Ramadan, clear your hearts. If you can forgive, do forgive. If you can just let it go, do let it go. But ultimately if you do not, just leave it. Put it in the hands of Allah. Allah is the ultimate just. May Allah, He will take care of that insha'Allah. May Allah grant all of us tawfiq to apply insha'Allah.

Second Part: A Du'a for Clean Hearts

There is a du'a in the Qur'an in Surah Al-Hashr I ask you all to try to memorize this du'a:

This is a very beautiful du'a that is mentioned in Surah Al-Hashr. So try to memorize this du'a. Basically this du'a is that Oh Allah, forgive رَبَّنَا اغْفِرْ لَنَا وَلِإِخْوَانِنَا الَّذِينَ سَبَقُونَا بِالْإِيمَانِ And those people who came before us وَلَا تَجْعَلْ فِي قُلُوبِنَا Do not put in our hearts غِلًّا And this hatred or this grudge وَلَا تَجْعَلْ فِي قُلُوبِنَا غِلًّا لِلَّذِينَ آمَنُوا Do not put grudges in our hearts for those who are the believers رَبَّنَا إِنَّكَ رَءُوفٌ رَحِيمٌ

So try to memorize this du'a and read this du'a on a daily basis. May Allah clean our hearts. May Allah bring peace into our life. And may Allah grant us the tawfeeq and the ability to welcome Ramadan, to approach Ramadan with a clean heart.

Straighten lines, fill in the gaps. Please be mindful that right after Salat, we're going to have Salatul Janazah, so please do not leave. There is an immense amount of reward just to even attend the Salatul Janazah, Inshallah. Straighten lines, fill in the gaps. Brothers in the back room, please make sure the rows are straight. Brothers in the lobby area, please make sure the rows are straight. Sisters upstairs, please make sure the rows are straight and complete. If there's any sisters in the multi-purpose hall, please come and join the main hall.