Prophetic Wisdom: Embracing Life's Highs and Lows | Mufti Abdul Rahman Waheed | Miftaah Circle

Prophetic Wisdom: Embracing Life's Highs and Lows

As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Him and send blessings upon His noble Messenger.

Allah, the Exalted, says in the Book of the Exalted in Might, after I seek refuge with Allah from the accursed Satan, In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful:

O man, you are a toiler toward your Lord — toiling — and you will meet Him.

Jabir ibn Abdillah, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that Jibreel, peace be upon him, said:

(Reported by al-Bayhaqi in Shu'ab al-Iman; also narrated by al-Hakim in al-Mustadrak)

"O Muhammad, live as you wish, for you are to die. Love as you wish, for you are to be separated from it. And do as you wish, for you will meet the recompense for it."

The Eight Phases of Life

My dear brothers and elders and mothers and sisters in Islam, I will just take you through 18 months of the Prophet's life, peace and blessings be upon him. Because they say in life, we go through 8 different phases.

We have Hamm, we have Surur, we have Ijtima', we have Furqah, we have Usr, we have Yusr, we have Saqam, and we have 'Afiyah. These are 8 different phases that everybody goes through in life.

Hamm — grief, loss of loved ones. Surur — happiness. And these things don't happen when we want them to happen. They happen when Allah wants it to happen. You have Ijtima', getting together, being with your loved ones. Then you have Furqah, separation. Then you have Usr and Yusr — you have tough times, financial times, when they're tough. Maybe family times when they're tough. Maybe with your spouse when it's tough. But then you also have times with ease. Then you have the 7th one which is health, and then the 8th one which is sickness.

We all go through this. If we analyze 18 months of the Prophet's life, we will see the roller coaster in his life — and why people loved him so much, and what he went through for this Ummah.

18 Months in the Prophet's Life: A Roller Coaster of Grief and Joy

The Loss of Zaynab

It was the beginning of the 9th Hijri, the 9th year of Hijrah. The Prophet ﷺ had been visiting his sick daughter for the last few years — his eldest daughter whom he loved so much, Zaynab, رضي الله تعالى عنها. He used to sit next to her, comfort her. She had become semi-paralyzed from the injury she sustained on the way to Madinah when she was traveling from Makkah. After the Prophet asked her husband to send her — her husband at that time had not yet accepted Islam — Habbar ibn al-Aswad struck her, causing her to fall from her camel, and she suffered a miscarriage. This injury stayed with her for the rest of her life.

So she was sick. The father was the Prophet ﷺ. We know of parents who have to visit their sick children — autistic children, children with special needs. This is the Prophet of Allah ﷺ taking care of the Ummah at the same time, being so compassionate and tender with his sick daughter.

It was the beginning of the 9th year. The Prophet hears that his daughter is struggling in her last moments of life, and she passes away. This is where Hamm comes. He buries her. He sits next to her grave and he cries. He loved her so much that when Fatima had a daughter, he asked Fatima to name her daughter Zaynab. So Fatima named her daughter Zaynab. And Fatima loved her other older sister so much that when the second daughter came, she named her Umm Kulthum.

The Prophet was a very loyal man. The Prophet's aunt who took care of him all his life — her name was Fatima, the wife of Abu Talib. So when he had a daughter, he named her Fatima, because he would remember his aunt who took care of him. She accepted Islam and she was buried in Baqī'.

The Joy of Ibrahim's Birth

A few months later, all of a sudden, the Prophet comes to the masjid holding a young baby in his arms with a huge smile. And he says, "O my companions, Allah has blessed me with a son."

"And I have named him with the name of my forefather Ibrahim." And he was elated, excited. So you have this moment of grief — you buried your loved one — and then all of a sudden this roller coaster of joy where now this child is born.

We went through that as a family as well. October 5th, 2020 — the entire family is in hamm. We had just buried our brother who was 22 years old, who passed away in a car accident all of a sudden. And a month later, my brother Sheikh Abdul Aziz had a daughter and we named her Nusayba. And then a year later, Mufti Abdul Wahab had a baby and we named that baby Abdul Rahim — after my brother. So the people who go through this, you relate with it more. It really touches you differently. Because at this moment of grief, then all of a sudden this moment of joy — and you're supposed to be happy in those moments.

And this was the first baby born to the Prophet in Madinah — 20 years after Fatima. Now you know when you have a child after a long time, you are doing all the Islamic rituals — 'aqiqah, tahnīk. The Prophet had been doing it for everybody else, and finally he could do it for his own son.

The Loss of Umm Kulthum

But then a few months later, he finds out that his other daughter, Umm Kulthum, رضي الله تعالى عنها, in the month of Muharram, falls sick. The Prophet couldn't believe it. He goes inside to the room, sits with her, comes back. He tells the sisters in the community, "I don't think she's going to last. Let me know once you have done the ghusl."

They give her ghusl. The Prophet had so much love for her that he took off one of his garments — his undergarment, right here under his shirt, some say his belt — and he said, "Place this and attach it next to my daughter's body in her grave." And then the body was lowered.

The Sahabah are looking at this man — for them, they had never seen him vulnerable. They had never seen him like this. They had seen him cry in salah. They had seen him cry when other people brought their grief. But now he's a father. Anas ibn Malik says, "I'm looking at the Prophet ﷺ while all the other Sahabah couldn't look at him — they were afraid that if they saw him, they would cry even more." And Anas ibn Malik says, "I'm looking at the Prophet ﷺ. Quietly — just tears trickling down his cheek. Quietly."

But remember — he still had that baby. When you go through grief and you have that young innocent baby with you, just seeing him smile removes all your pain. When my brother passed away, rahmatullahi 'alayh, I had my son — who was at that time 3 years old, Hussain. When I come home, he sees me crying, he jumps on me and comes on my shoulders like this, and he stays there until he falls asleep. Just seeing him in that moment gives you comfort. An innocent, tender child.

So the Prophet had someone to lean on. And he was so proud of this baby of his — this young child born to him in his old age.

The Loss of Ibrahim

And then all of a sudden, one day, someone comes to him and says, "Ya Rasulullah, your son is extremely sick." The Prophet drops what he was doing. He runs to the wet nurse's house, which is a little far from the masjid. He gets there, seeks permission, and grabs the son — that same son that he had brought so proudly to the masjid. Now he is holding him in his arms, and the child is breathing heavily, loudly, and you start sensing his breath getting slower.

And this child passes away in the arms of his father, sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam. The Prophet's wife Khadija had passed away in his arms many years before. Many Sahabah had passed away in his lap. All these years later, the same son of his that he was so proud of — just 16 to 18 months ago — in the 10th Hijri, in the month of Shawwal, he is holding him. And now he is crying so loud. Remember I said silently before? Now he is crying so loud. It was the pain and happiness and pain of 18 months — it all came out at once.

Abdurrahman ibn 'Awf looks at him and says, "Ya Rasulullah, even you?" The Muhaddithin say this is not the same as when the Bedouin asked when the Prophet's granddaughter passed away. This was different — like, "Ya Rasulullah, you cry? Even you? Just like us?" Yes, he is human. They saw him vulnerable in that state, and all the Sahabah started crying around him.

And the Prophet said:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 1303)

"The eyes shed tears, the heart grieves, but we will not say except that which pleases our Lord. O Ibrahim, we are in grief. We miss you, O Ibrahim."

This was just 16 to 18 months of the Prophet's life, peace and blessings be upon him. He prepared the Ummah. He prepared all of us sitting here. He was preparing us in his life — that one day, you are going to go through this too.

How the Sahabah Overcame Grief: Yaqeen in the Reward

How did the Sahabah overcome this? How did they overcome the loss of the Prophet ﷺ? How did they overcome the loss of their loved ones? It was because the Prophet developed a mindset within them: this world is temporary, and Jannah is everlasting. Have yaqeen in the reward — because if you have yaqeen in the reward, the pain of the suffering decreases, and the expectation of the reward becomes sweet.

When the Prophet ﷺ saw a man walking around with his son, always playing with him in the masjid, the Prophet said to him:

"Do you love him?" He said, "Of course, Ya Rasulullah, I love him so much." Then many days later — the Prophet was an observing person — he noticed that the child was not with the father anymore. So he asked someone else, not the man himself. He said, "What happened to his son?" They said, "Ya Rasulullah, he passed away." He calls that man and tells him, "Did your son pass away?" He says, "Yes." He says, "Are you not happy that your son will be waiting for you at every door in Jannah, receiving you and welcoming you over there?"

Someone said, "Ya Rasulullah,

"Is this only for him, or is it for all of us?" He said:

(Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 1608)

"For all of you."

The Prophet is teaching the Ummah this: when someone in this Ummah loses a loved one, Allah asks the angels:

"Have you taken the soul of a son or daughter of My servant?" They say, "Yes, Ya Allah." He says:

"Did you take a piece of his heart?" The angels say, "Yes, Ya Rabb." He says:

"What did My servant say when you did that?" They say:

"He praised You and said inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un."

Allah tells the angels:

(Jami' al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 1021)

"Build for him a house in Jannah and name this house, the House of Hamd." They had yaqeen in this. They believed in it.

Abu Dharr al-Ghifari — all of his children would pass away at a young age. Someone came to him and said, "How do you cope with it?" And he said:

"All praises to Allah, who takes them from me in this temporary world and preserves them for me in the everlasting Hereafter."

The Tears of Abdullah ibn Mas'ud

Abdullah ibn Mas'ud, رضي الله عنه, was crying when he buried his brother. We buried our brother — the relationship of brothers is different. Al-Hasan ibn 'Ali, رضي الله عنه, says, "You lose a brother, it's like a bird losing a wing — you can't fly anymore." They say if you lose a son, it's an emptiness that can never be filled.

So someone said to him, "O Abdullah, you're crying? You should be stronger than that." He said:

"First of all, this man was my blood brother. And secondly, he was my companion fighting with me in the path of Allah, standing shoulder to shoulder with me with the Prophet of Allah ﷺ. That's two different relationships. We have a different love for each other."

Just as Umar ibn al-Khattab had so much love for his brother who passed away before him — when he had a son, he named him Zayd after his brother, just as Mufti Abdul Wahab named his son Abdul Rahim after my brother.

Umar ibn al-Khattab in the Battle of Yamama is searching for his brother. We all know this fierce, strong man. But when it comes to losing loved ones, everyone cries. It's okay to cry. It's normal. It's part of life. Umar ibn al-Khattab is searching for his brother among the shuhada. Finally he finds his body on the floor. He picks his body up — the shaheed — and it's his brother. He puts his head in his lap and Umar cries. He wipes the dirt off his brother's face, the blood off his face, kisses his forehead. And he says to his brother, speaking to him:

"You beat me twice. You beat me to Islam, and you beat me to shahada."

I tell all the youngsters sitting here — don't compete to get the best scores in video games. Don't compete to get the most views as an influencer. Don't compete for the things of dunya — for who's gonna get the better car, who's gonna have the better job. Compete for who will come to the masjid first. Who's going to pick up my father's shoes first? Who's going to make my mom's bed first? Compete for that.

"For this let the competitors compete." This is what guaranteed them Jannah.

So Abdullah ibn Mas'ud says — he was my blood brother, and he was also my brother with the Prophet of Allah ﷺ. But then he says something interesting:

He says, "I would rather have him pass away before me and I get the reward of the sabr jamil — the reward of the person who is patient in losing his loved one — than I pass away before my brother and he gets that reward." That reward — only Allah can give you the recompensation for it in the Hereafter.

Umar ibn Abd al-Aziz and His Son

The same thing Umar ibn Abd al-Aziz said to his son. Umar ibn Abd al-Aziz's brother Sahl, his really close brother, passes away. A few days later, his very dear servant and student Muzahim passes away. And a few days after that, his dearest son Abdul Malik falls sick.

Umar ibn Abd al-Aziz comes into the room, rahmatullahi 'alayh — this great man in the history of Islam. We're all fathers at the end of the day. And he sees his son. He says:

"How are you doing, my son?" The son says:

"Father, I feel like I'm dying." Imagine having that conversation with your son in his hospital bed. Umar ibn Abd al-Aziz says to him: "You dying and me getting the reward of patience is more beloved to me than me dying before you and you getting the reward of patience." And the son says, "Dad, whatever is more beloved to you is more beloved to me as well." And he passes away in this state.

Brothers and sisters, they had firm belief in the reward of the Hereafter. Fudayl ibn 'Iyad comes to an old man who was crying about his son. And he says, "Just imagine you and your son were in a prison, and your son was released first. Wouldn't you be happy?" He said, "Of course." He said, "Well, congratulations — your son was just released from the prison of this world."

How to Live So That Your Loved Ones Can Grieve with Ease

For all of us who are sitting here, I end with this. Either you will bury your loved one, or a loved one will bury you. So live a life that will make it easy for your loved ones to grieve after you.

Because if your mother finds out that my son was in Madinah Munawwarah in Masjid Nabawi praying tahajjud and he passed away — wouldn't that be easier for her? Wouldn't she be proud that my son passed away in Madinah? She would be proud.

My mother was at home when we found out my brother got into an accident. None of us had the courage to tell my mom that my brother had passed away. One Syrian doctor — may Allah bless him, because his son also passed away years before — comes at the same time, walks into the house. We're all in a state of shock. My mother is sitting there thinking my brother is in the hospital. He looks at me and he says, "Your mom doesn't know?" We said, "She doesn't know." He says, "O Umm Abdullah, be happy — you are the mother of a shaheed. Be happy. You're the mom of a shaheed."

My dad didn't know either. My brother picks up the phone and says, "Abu G, you're the father of a shaheed." It makes the pain easier. It makes it easier.

So don't live a selfish life that your mom or dad have to find out you passed away in a car accident at two o'clock in the night, blasting music — and they have to live with that for the rest of their lives. Don't live that life. Because you will die the way you lived your life, and you will be resurrected in the manner you passed away. This is guaranteed.

My brother told my mom on a Saturday: "Half my life is dedicated to serving you, and half my life is dedicated to serving the students of the madrasa. That's how I live." On Monday, he had just left the boarding school and was on his way to serve my mom, to bring her something. Wallahi, no exaggeration — he passed away between the institute and my mom's house. Zero exaggeration. So live like that.

Three Prophetic Advices to Conclude

How do we live like that? I conclude with this advice. A man came to the Prophet ﷺ and said, "Ya Rasulullah, awsini wa awjiz — give me advice and make it concise." The Prophet gave him three advices:

First: Become Hopeless of What People Have

(Reported by al-Tabarani in al-Mu'jam al-Kabir; also referenced in Hilyat al-Awliya by Abu Nu'aym)

Become hopeless of what people have. Don't expect anything from anybody. If you expect, you will always be disappointed. Only expect from Allah. Parents, don't even expect from your children. Spouses, don't even expect from each other.

This is a summary of the entire Tawrat and Injil — do not expect anything from other than Allah. Then Allah will always keep you happy.

Second: Don't Say Something Today That You'll Apologize for Tomorrow

Don't say something today that you have to apologize for tomorrow. Yes, apology is great — but abstinence is greater. Yes, it's good to do tawbah, but wara' — nothing equates to wara', where you simply hold back and don't do it. If you will have to apologize for something later, don't do it. Don't say it. Don't text it.

Third: Pray Every Prayer as if It Is Your Last

(Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4171)

And when you stand up for salah, pray the prayer of one who is bidding farewell. The Muhaddithin say this is for example and not for strict enumeration — this is an example, not to numerically limit the scope of the advice. When you are about to do anything — as I'm standing in front of you today — the Prophet said: when you're about to do any action, any encounter in your life, you're meeting your loved one, your brother, your mother, your sister — meet them as if this could be your final encounter.

How would you meet your wife if you knew it was possible you would never see her again? You wouldn't leave with an argument. You wouldn't. How would you meet someone? Today we're sitting here — as we leave from here, don't take this gathering for granted. We may never be in a gathering like this again. So every single thing you do, do it as if it's your final time doing it. Because if you do it with that mentality, you will do it with excellence.

And remember — people say, "Your first impression is your last impression." After my brother's death, I rephrase that and say: your last impression is your lasting impression.

Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.