Golden Advice: My Tongue, My House, My Tears | Mufti Abdul Wahab Waheed | Miftaah Institute

Golden Advice: My Tongue, My House, My Tears

As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. Dear brothers and sisters and all those that are watching, hopefully everyone is doing well. And I hope you're able to benefit from the few sessions that we have planned and scheduled for all of us that are at home or wherever we may be at this time.

The topic in the session that I have been given is titled Golden Advice — meaning advice and counsel and guidance that has been given by the Prophet ﷺ or the Sahaba radiyallahu anhum ajma'een or the Salaf as-Saleheen. Advice that they gave to people around them at times of difficulty, at times of darkness, at times of hardship. And how that advice, if we can bring it into our life, perhaps it can bring some light to us as well in this darkness or in this difficulty that we are living in.

The Story of Uqbah ibn Amir

I will begin the first session with an advice that the Prophet ﷺ himself gave to a companion. The story goes that one day the Prophet ﷺ, sitting with his companions, began speaking about some of the difficulties that the Ummah would have to face — some of the challenges, some of the hardships that we would have to go through.

One of the Sahaba that was listening, hearing all of these difficulties that will fall upon the Ummah, turns towards the Prophet ﷺ and asks him: Ya Rasulullah, man najat? — O Prophet of Allah, what is the way out? How do we find light at the end of the tunnel? Where is the safe haven for us? Where is our sanctuary? What is our salvation in those difficult times? How do we save and protect ourselves?

This Sahaba's name was Uqbah ibn Amir radiyaAllahu anhu. This narration is mentioned in Sunan al-Tirmidhi and Sunan Abi Dawud in a Sahih narration.

He asked: O Prophet of Allah, please tell me — where do we find a way out? What should we do? What are the actions? Give us some advice. What are the actions that we should implement into our life that will protect us in those difficult times? And that is a time that we ourselves are dealing with today. This difficult situation that we are living in. And this advice fits perfectly for all of us today.

The Prophet ﷺ, being the jawami'ul kalim that he was — where few words that he would say, a small advice that he would give, would be so comprehensive and inclusive that it would last forever — responded by giving three pieces of advice:

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2406; Sunan Abi Dawud, Hadith 4084)

I will speak about each of these for a few minutes, and insha'Allah this can serve as a foundation for the future sessions that we go through.

The First Advice: Hold Your Tongue

The Prophet ﷺ says to him, number one:

That in difficult times, in times of hardship, in times of fitna, in times of mihna, in times where you feel like the world is caving in on you — hold your tongue. Protect yourself from harming yourself through your own tongue. Be careful about what you say and how you say it.

I feel like in today's difficulty, this is so relatable for us. How many people have we heard, or how many posts have we seen, that perhaps are speaking negatively about the time that we're living in — speaking negatively about Allah? That how could Allah do such a thing to us? How could Allah allow this? A'udhu billah.

أَمْسِكْ عَلَيْكَ لِسَانَكَ — Hold our tongue.

The Prophet ﷺ says:

That the individual who believes in Allah and the Last Day shall say good and speak well, or remain silent.

And in these same times, where we perhaps have more free time on our hands and we're staying at home with family members or with people of our households, we find it quite easy to speak about people — to start talking and gossiping about other people. And somehow in this tragedy and in this hardship, we end up accumulating more sins due to our tongue speaking about other people.

أَمْسِكْ عَلَيْكَ لِسَانَكَ — Saying that this group is like this, or it's their fault, or this country is like this, or these people are like that, or that family is like this, why are they still going out, or why are they not doing this... If it has nothing to do with us, there's no point in speaking about it.

The Prophet ﷺ says: Rahimallahu imra'an — may Allah's mercy be upon this individual:

When he speaks, he is able to benefit from his speech. And when he remains silent, he protects himself.

Hasan al-Basri, rahimahullah — the great giant, the legend — he says:

That the tongue of an intelligent person is behind their heart — figuratively speaking — meaning they think about what they will say before they say it. And the tongue of an ignorant person is in front of their heart — they don't think about what they want to say, they just speak. They say whatever they want to say.

So in these difficult times where we do have more time on our hands — where we can post more with our fingers, or type more, or make more statements — it's very important for us to just hold back and not say whatever we want to say. "Just do it" is not a slogan that the Muslims live by. "Think about it, then do it" is a slogan that we live by. "Just speak your mind" is not a slogan that we aim to live by. "Speak your mind for those that are oppressed" is a slogan that we live by:

If we are oppressed, if people are oppressed, we can speak for them. But we can't speak against people. It's not our job to go and make statements, or post, or have conversations about other people — belittling them and making them look bad in front of the public.

أَمْسِكْ عَلَيْكَ لِسَانَكَ — Is it not enough for us to learn from what's going on right now? That we just be careful and protect our tongue.

The Prophet ﷺ says that every single morning, the tongue speaks to the body — and this is a profound narration. The body parts say to the tongue:

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2407)

O tongue, fear Allah for our sake. If you stay straight, we will stay straight. If you become crooked, we will also become crooked. So stay straight.

Umar ibn al-Khattab radiyaAllahu anhu has a profound statement where he mentions the benefits and the harms of speaking. In the harms of speaking without any benefit, he says:

Whosoever speaks a lot, their mistakes are also exposed — because they're always talking about things. And when a person exposes themselves in their mistakes, in their flaws, in their own defects, their modesty and their sense of shame and self-respect is diminished. It becomes absent. Now the statement they echo is: "Who cares if they know?" — and this happened because we're constantly saying things. And whosoever finds that their modesty and self-respect is becoming less, piety is also leaving from their body, from their heart. The idea of being self-righteous is also leaving their hearts and taqwa is being removed. And whosoever loses the simple element of taqwa and piety from their hearts — their heart also dies. And when their heart dies, the things that they do neither harm them nor benefit them. They become desensitized to backbiting. They become desensitized to gossiping and speaking ill of each other.

Allah makes it so clear in the Quran in a very simple verse where He says:

Many of us have recited this surah, have recited this ayah — perhaps we don't know what it means. What is the meaning of وَيْلٌ? The Mufassirun report two meanings. Number one, Ibn Kathir says وَيْلٌ refers to حَسْرَةٌ — absolute regret. حَسْرَةٌ doesn't just mean regret. It means regret over spilt milk — crying over spilt milk that you can't do anything about, it's too late, it's gone, it's finished. يَوْمُ الْحَسْرَةِ is a name that Allah gives for the Day of Judgment. Allah says: complete, absolute regret for this person.

The second meaning of وَيْلٌ is a deep valley in Jahannam. Regret and a deep valley in Jahannam. Who is this wretched person that Allah is speaking about in such a manner? Allah says: لِكُلِّ هُمَزَةٍ لُّمَزَةٍ. Every single person — Ibn Abbas says هُمَزَةٍ is speaking bad about people behind their back, and لُمَزَةٍ is speaking bad about them in front of their face.

Other Mufassirun say هُمَزَةٍ لُمَزَةٍ doesn't even refer to speaking about someone and making them feel bad, but rather just referring or inferring the fact that they are lower than us, or we belittle them — the way we look at them with our eyes — and what the Mufassirun mention is how we move our eyebrows and how we move our eyes when we look at them. And لُمَزَةٍ is the way we point at them. So in any way, shape, or form, if we are people that belittle other people, that's enough for that individual to be a part of that category — of the valley of Jahannam and absolute regret. And that's what happens when we can't control our tongues.

The Prophet ﷺ is telling him that in times of difficulty, those are moments where you control your tongue even more. Because patience — patience is not about not crying and not being sad. Patience is protecting our tongue.

When the Prophet ﷺ walked by an elderly lady who was crying at a grave, and he said to her: "Be patient, O sister, be patient." And the lady responded by saying: "What do you mean be patient? You don't know what I'm going through." She responded not knowing the man who was addressing her was the Prophet himself ﷺ. Later on, the Sahabah come to her and say: "Don't you know that the man that addressed you was the Prophet himself?" She feels embarrassed, she feels bad. She goes, she knocks on the door of Aisha. The Prophet goes out, he greets her. And the lady says: "O Prophet of Allah, please forgive me, I apologize. I didn't mean to say that to you. I didn't know it was you. Please forgive me."

And the Prophet responds by saying:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 1283; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 926)

That patience is when the difficulty first falls upon you and afflicts you. That it's about the tongue.

And the Prophet ﷺ says, when Ibrahim — his son — passed away, his baby passed away:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 1303; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2315)

Abdul Rahman ibn Auf saw the Prophet crying and weeping, and the Sahabah were sitting around him, paralyzed, not knowing what to do or how to help the Prophet. And Abdul Rahman ibn Auf says: "What is this, O Prophet of Allah? Why are you crying?" And the Prophet responds: the eye can cry, and our hearts can yearn and grieve. But we will not say except for that through which we can earn the happiness of Allah.

It's not okay for us to make blanket statements against Allah. And it's not okay for us to use this free time that we have to speak negatively, backbite, and post things about people — not even inferring or referring to people in a third-party way to make them look bad. It's not about what we say, it's about how the other person feels from that. It's not about what we say, it's about how we say it, when we say it, who we say it to. Are we better than people that we're allowed to speak negatively about them?

The Prophet ﷺ says in a hadith in Jami' al-Tirmidhi — perhaps for me, one of the more sobering hadith — he says:

(Jami' al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2018)

He says: indeed the individual that I dislike the most — imagine the Prophet making this statement. The Prophet loves everyone. He loves the Muslims, non-Muslims. He has love for animals, animals love him. This man has nothing but love in his heart for us. And he says: the person that I dislike the most, and the person that is the furthest from me on the Day of Judgment — on that day where we will be in need of the Prophet the most — will be the furthest from me. Who will this person be? What a wretched person. Is it a person that doesn't pray Salat? That doesn't give Zakat? Who is this person?

الثَّرْثَارُونَ means a person who just keeps talking. Not talking about a specific topic — no, he or she has a comment or a suggestion or something to say about every topic there is. Sports, I can talk about that. Politics, I can speak about that. Deen, I can speak about that. Weather, I can speak about that. الثَّرْثَارُونَ means we just talk and there's no benefit from that talk. الْمُتَشَدِّقُونَ means that when we're speaking about those things or those people, we're stubborn about what we're saying. الْمُتَفَيْهِقُونَ means that because we are stubborn, we become arrogant over our own speech and over the things that we are saying.

So the first thing that we should do in our homes, while we're quarantined, is أَمْسِكْ عَلَيْكَ لِسَانَكَ. All of us — we hold ourselves, and we protect ourselves from our tongue. And we don't allow this tongue to push us away from the mercy of Allah. But rather we use it as a means of bringing ourselves closer to Allah.

We believe that this entire body that we have has different faculties performing different roles and different duties — like a factory. Our body is like a factory, and every single faculty of this body is what we call mas'ul — it will be questioned by Allah. And ironically, the faculty which will be questioned the most is the faculty which we use with the least thought and with the most aggression — and that is the tongue. The tongue will be questioned more than anything else. Where the Prophet ﷺ told Mu'adh ibn Jabal that the majority of the Ummah will be struggling on the Day of Judgment because of their tongue.

So that's number one: أَمْسِكْ عَلَيْكَ لِسَانَكَ.

The Second Advice: Let Your Home Be Enough for You

The second piece of advice that the Prophet ﷺ gave to Uqbah ibn Amir in this difficult time. And Ibn Kathir, rahimahullah, speaks about this hadith under the tafsir of the ayah:

When the youngsters of the cave went to the cave for shelter. He brings this hadith, saying that these were the things the Prophet ﷺ would talk about when speaking about these ayahs — about being alone and isolated, being in uzlah.

Number two:

وَسِعَ in the Arabic language means vast, broad, big. So what the Prophet ﷺ is saying is: allow your home to be enough for you. Allow your home, your family, your house, what's happening in your life — enough to keep you busy. Don't look at what others have. We're not sad because we don't have — we're sad because we see others having things that we don't have.

The Prophet ﷺ said:

(Jami' al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2512)

Two qualities — if a person possesses them, Allah would write them amongst the people that are grateful and that are people of perseverance. Number one: that individual who looks at those in deen that are in front of them, that have done more than them, and they want to become like them. And in dunya — when it comes to the matters of wealth, cars, whatever it may be — they look at those that have less. And they praise Allah for that which they have been given. There are people in this world that have less than us.

وَلْيَسَعْكَ بَيْتُكَ — We allow our house to be enough for us. All of us, or the majority of us, are confined within our homes. This is the time where we make our home the place of spiritual refinement for our hearts, for our children. This is the time where our house becomes a one-and-all, inclusive place for our children — where they're learning their secular education, where they're having fun with their parents, but they're also making a connection with Allah.

It was said about Dawud AS that:

There was not a single moment in the day or night in the house of Dawud AS where there was not at least one person dedicated to remembering Allah, or praying Salat, or praying Nawafil.

وَلْيَسَعْكَ بَيْتُكَ — We can't go to the masjid, so let's allow our homes to become mirror images of our masjids. And that happens because of a'mal. A masjid is a masjid not because of how it looks — it's a masjid because in that space, there are specific acts taking place: Salat in jama'ah, reading the Quran, and doing dhikr of Allah.

Allah speaks about people that remember Him in their homes and that talk about Him in their houses:

They were speaking about creating a schedule for our day while we're stuck at home. A part of that schedule should be where us and our children can speak about Allah's greatness, where we can recite a hadith together. Yes, watch videos of scholars and speakers of nasiha, but do some on your own time as well. This will allow them to understand the greatness of Allah.

وَلْيَسَعْكَ بَيْتُكَ tells us: our house should be more than enough for us. Our family is enough for us. Our blessings are enough for us. What Allah has given us is plenty. We don't need more than what we already have. Of course, we ask Allah for afiyah, we ask Allah for ease — but what we have right now is also a blessing of Allah. We can still see, we can still hear, we have parents to live with, we have siblings, we have children.

The second thing that it refers to is: be content with what you have. And because you are content with what you have, أَمْسِكْ عَلَيْكَ لِسَانَكَ — your tongue is controlled. Because you're not looking at what people have. Naturally, when we speak about people, it's because we look at what they have and we talk about things that they possess. So if we're content with what we have, we won't speak about what people have and what they're storing.

So وَلْيَسَعْكَ بَيْتُكَ is for all of us right now. Whatever we have at home — be content, be happy — and allow that happiness to grow within our children, our family members, and of course with Allah. And that's the most important thing for us to do at these moments: to create a safe haven for our children, our families, and our homes. If through this difficulty, us and our children are able to connect and create a better and stronger relationship with Allah, this difficulty for us was a blessing because we got closer to Allah.

The Third Advice: Cry Over Your Sins

The third piece of advice the Prophet ﷺ gave Uqbah ibn Amir — and we will end with this:

O Uqba, in times of difficulty: protect your tongue, be content with what you have, don't look at what people have, be happy with where you are — wherever you are, be happy about it, you're still alive — and number three: O Uqba, please cry over your sins. Cry over your sins. Because in these times of difficulty, we believe we can affect it and change it if we seek repentance from Allah. Allah says:

Allah says: We will not punish the Ummah in its entirety at one time as long as one of these two things are alive within them. Number one: وَأَنتَ فِيهِمْ — that you are within them, that you are alive within them. Number two: وَهُمْ يَسْتَغْفِرُونَ — that they are constantly seeking Allah's forgiveness and turning towards Allah.

وَابْكِ عَلَى خَطِيئَتِكَ — it means that in these moments, we turn towards Allah and we cry. إِنْ لَمْ تَبْكِ فَتَبَاكَ — if we can't cry, we at least try. One is to put a post on Facebook or Twitter, which we are doing a lot of. But what if, rather than spending 20 minutes to write up a very long post — which is important too — I spend that time in a room alone, making du'a to Allah and crying over my own sins, and stop pointing fingers at other people.

Imagine if every single one of us tonight made a decision that we will wake up — it's a Thursday night — we will wake up in front of Allah and we will shed some tears on our sajdah. While we're in sajdah, we will shed some tears and ask Allah to forgive us. And by Him forgiving us, Allah will remove the difficulty from this world. The same way it came from nowhere, it can leave from nowhere. Allah can do whatever He wants, whenever He wants.

It is narrated about Ya'qub AS that he cried so much over the loss of his son:

That he became blind. He wept for 40 years. In the commentaries of قَالَ إِنَّمَا أَشْكُو بَثِّي وَحُزْنِي إِلَى اللَّهِ, we find that he was crying and making du'a for 40 years. And finally one night, he put his head in sajdah and said to Allah:

Oh Allah, will You not show mercy because of my old age? Will You not show mercy seeing my weakness — that my back has become weak, I have become blind? Oh Allah, will You not show mercy to me? And he starts speaking to Allah, having a conversation with Allah. And he was a prophet that Allah spoke to. So Allah says to him:

SubhanAllah. He says: O Ya'qub, if Yusuf had passed away — because the du'a that you made, and I could feel the grief and the pain in your heart — if he had passed away, which he hadn't, I would have brought him back to life to make you happy because of that du'a that you made.

The du'a is the quickest way of connecting to Allah, shedding a few tears. And it says in the tafsir of that ayah that it was not except for one to three days that Allah gave him the glad tidings that Yusuf was still alive. One to three days.

Jibreel AS told the Prophet ﷺ:

That one teardrop can change and extinguish the entire fire. One teardrop.

So for all of us who have been struggling in this difficult trial — we ask ourselves: how many of us have cried? And not for the sake of our dunya being affected, but rather for the sake of people being affected, or crying for people. This is the truth. How much needs to happen for us to cry in front of Allah? Do our family members need to be affected in order for us to weep? Do we really have to see community members being affected in order for us to weep? What is needed for our hearts to be softened?

وَابْكِ عَلَى خَطِيئَتِكَ means that now is the time — this is the man najat — if we want salvation, if we want solace and peace and comfort within our homes, there has to be some form of tawbah and istighfar taking place in our house on a daily basis, and crying in front of Allah. And that will give us salvation.

Summary: Three Golden Pieces of Advice

So I summarize the three golden pieces of advice that our Prophet ﷺ gave Uqbah ibn Amir while speaking about times like these that we are living in today. Three pieces of advice that he gave him, and each of these three pieces should be implemented by us instantly.

Number one: We stop speaking about people. Stop speaking about other people and start speaking to Allah. The same tongue that can be used to take us away from Allah is the same tongue that, if we say astaghfirullah once, can be the source of the punishment of this world going away. أَمْسِكْ عَلَيْكَ لِسَانَكَ.

Number two: وَلْيَسَعْكَ بَيْتُكَ — we make our home a safe haven for us. We turn our homes into masjids. We turn our homes into a place of worship for ourselves and our family. And we speak positive things to our family members. We speak in a positive way. We don't spread negativity. Yes, we have to be realists, but we don't spread negativity. The Prophet ﷺ said: when you go visit a person on his deathbed or when he's sick, speak to him and have an aura or a persona that makes him feel happy. Don't spread negativity. Speak about positive things in these times.

Number three: Nothing can change unless وَابْكِ عَلَى خَطِيئَتِكَ — we all believe that every single one of us has control over this difficult time, and the way that this difficulty will go away is by me crying. Not just by sharing a video of an imam crying, but by me crying. If I cry, Allah will change this. If I weep in front of Allah, something will change.

Sufyan al-Thawri, rahimahullah, would say that he would feel like the difficulties that are happening in the world are because of what he had done that day. And he would go ahead and say:

That he would see the effect of his sins in the way that his family or his animal or his vehicle would treat him. So if the world is struggling right now, perhaps we can do something better. And that something better doesn't mean that we all start becoming hopeless. That something better means these three things: controlling our tongue, being content with what we have, and lastly, making an attempt on a nightly basis to speak to Allah and to cry in front of Allah.

And by doing this, we hope and we believe that Allah will give us the effect that the Prophet ﷺ told Uqbah ibn Amir he would get — that there will be salvation. Because he asked about times of difficulty and he asked: man najat? How can we be saved? And the Prophet told him these three pieces of advice.

May Allah grant us the ability of implementing these three pieces of advice into our life and insha'Allah into our children's life.

And having our children also implement these things. And hopefully through that, the reflection of that can be seen throughout the world. May Allah bless you all.

جَزَاكُمُ اللَّهُ خَيْرًا، وَآخِرُ دَعْوَانَا أَنِ الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ. وَالسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللَّهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ.