MSI Program - Lailatul Qadr by Mufti Azeemuddin Ahmed | April 04 2024

Opening: The Night of Laylatul Qadr

Tonight is the 25th night of Ramadan. So it could very well be Laylatul Qadr. That's why we have been encouraged and told: seek Laylatul Qadr in the final 10 nights of Ramadan, and especially in the odd nights of Ramadan. Tonight being an odd night, you could have very high chances that it could be Laylatul Qadr.

So what did Aisha radiallahu anha — she asked Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam — to the nearest meaning, the mother of the believers, the wife of Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam — if I was to find Laylatul Qadr, what should I say, what du'a should I make? The Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam instructed her that you should say:

"O Allah, You are the One who forgives, and indeed You love to forgive, so forgive me."

So while we are here at the masjid and we made the intention for i'tikaf, make the intention for i'tikaf and engage yourself in this du'a. Do some dhikr, do some tilawah, do some du'a. It will be of benefit to us.

The Story of the Harsh Father

My dear brothers, I remember one person shared this very powerful story with me a few years ago. He said his father was very harsh with him and his kids, and his siblings, and with the nephews and nieces back in Pakistan. Very harsh — old school type of raising of the kids, which is definitely not according to the Sunnah: getting upset all the time, using harsh words, swearing at them, maybe even unnecessarily physically hitting them, talking down, destroying their self-confidence, and so forth.

So he said, this is something that we saw. No one had the ability to stand up to our father. We couldn't say anything. None of the nephews and nieces, grandkids — we were terrified. Terrified from him. We just kept quiet.

He said, a day came when he got a job in America. He came to America and started working there. Then after that, the father became ill. They said, okay, now you need to come visit dad. So he went back to Pakistan to go visit his father. When he went to see him, he was in the hospital. He was weak. The doctors had told him he had about six months left.

So he said, I mustered the courage, and I sat with him, and I went and spoke to him. And I said, listen, dad. You know, I came all the way from America. You asked me to come here. I'm here to come take care, to see how you're doing. But now I have to share with you something. He had become emboldened by staying away from his dad for so many years in America. So he decided to lay it all out.

And he said, you may not realize that all that you do for your kids and grandkids — honestly, not only do they not appreciate it, many might actually be waiting for you to go. Because of the way you've treated them your whole life. You are not loved by anyone. You are not liked by anyone. No one cares about you. They simply do whatever you ask them to do because of fear of retaliation from your tongue, and when we were young, retaliation by your hand. But that's it. There is absolutely no care and love and appreciation — because of the way you have raised your kids, your grandkids, and your relationship with our uncles. No one likes you. And no one has ever told you this. Who's going to tell you? Because you put on such a show — so narcissistic, so arrogant. No one has the guts to ever come and speak to you. But this is exactly what you have. Now your days are numbered. So I'm leaving back to America, but I wanted to let you know that this is what people think of you. The people who are closest to you.

SubhanAllah. He said, Allah gave me the courage to tell my dad this. And then he was obviously shocked, but by that time he got weaker, he got older. He was more willing to listen.

He said, I left back to America. And those six months that his father lived — he said were the best six months of his life. He literally did a 180, changed, softened himself, and began to show appreciation and love to every single child of his, every single grandchild of his. And made up — in those six months — for all the 60, 65 years of harshness and bad character.

And he said, not only did it become such beautiful months for him, but it became beautiful months for all the children and grandchildren. This is something where he said now when his time of death came, he said, I want my son — that same son who went back to America — I want him to come and lead my janazah salah. Because he has helped me. He has told me something which I had never realized. And he has really changed my life. That if I hadn't done this, what would have happened in the grave? What would happen in the akhirah?

We realize that a father who intentionally, of course, does not want to ruin his children's life, but simply because he doesn't look in the mirror enough, and because he does not reflect on his own character — he ends up destroying with his own hands what he, with so much difficulty, has built. He shoots himself in the foot. He destroys his future by destroying, with his own hands, the generations that he spent working three jobs — midnight shift and everything else — to raise. But subhanAllah, because of not taking care of their needs, what has happened?

The Crisis of Akhlaq in Our Homes

We see this happening all too often in our community, in our society. There are so many people who come to the masjid — whose sons come and talk to me. Their daughters will send an email. And they will say subhanAllah: we hate our dad. We hate our mom. This is what happens at home. This is how he treats us. This is how he treats my mom.

What am I supposed to say? I do say what I need to say to them. But at the same time, subhanAllah, I feel sorry that this father — right before he even leaves this world — he is destroying his legacy. He has no legacy. And he has gone through so much difficulty as a migrant to this country: to build a home, to get a home, to pay for his children's college tuition, to do all that. But simply because of not having good character, Sunnah character, with his kids — what has happened? He has made enemies within the home.

The Story of Umar and the Disobedient Son

We cannot pull out the card of — you know the famous story of Umar ibn al-Khattab radiallahu anhu — where during his era, a person came and said, my son is being disobedient to me. And Umar radiallahu anhu was shocked. He said, during my khilafah, how dare a son be disobedient to his father? And so he asked the son to come, and he had the whip ready to whip the boy for being disobedient to the father.

But the son said: in Islam, is it only that the fathers have rights over the kids? How about the other way around? Because that's what most of the boys say. We can't say anything. They say, oh, if you speak, you're going to go to hell. I'm your dad. I'm your mom. If you say anything, you're going to go to hell. That's all they use. All the time.

Think about how many times this is used within the homes — blackmailing the kids — without listening to what this child needs. No, you're going to go to hell. The only person going to hell is your son. Whatever the father does — the father didn't wake up for Fajr, the father is involved in riba, the father is listening to haram, the father is backbiting — no problem. Anything the son does, he's going to go to jahannam. And he won't go to jahannam for disobeying Allah. He will only go to jahannam if he disobeys his dad. If he misses his salah, it's not a problem. If he's involved in haram relationships because his parents don't let him get married, that's not a problem. The only time he'll go to hell is if he disobeys his dad. This has become the culture.

So Umar radiallahu anhu said, of course, your son has rights as well. Oh son, you have rights over your dad. He said, what are my rights? He said, the rights of you over your dad are — number one, he should have married a right mother for you, he should have married a right lady to be your mother. Number two, he should have given you a good name. And number three, he should have raised you in an Islamic manner, giving you proper tarbiyah.

He said, all three of these things my father has not done. He married a random, uncultured, uneducated slave girl — that was my mom. Number two, he gave me such and such name which has a horrible meaning. And number three, he never taught me the deen.

So Umar radiallahu anhu told him: well, before you oppressed him — before your son has begun to oppress you — you had already oppressed him by not fulfilling his basic rights.

This is where we understand that Islam is a very fair religion. It's not a one-way street. In every relationship — between husband and wife, between parents and children, between siblings, between business partners, between students and teachers — every relationship goes two ways. There's no such thing as a one-way relationship. There are rights on both sides. We have to make sure that we fulfill our end of the deal. Whether someone else fulfills their other end of the deal or not, that's not in our hands. We can try. We can encourage them. We can teach them. But if they don't, at least we know that we have not usurped anyone else's rights.

What Is Happening in Our Community

In the past six weeks, two young men have run away from their homes. We don't know where they are. One of them was a Hafidh of the Qur'an as well. Gone. They just left a note, said, I'm gone, don't look for me. He turned 18 and they cannot find him. The police also said, now that he has reached 18, we cannot help you. And I don't know — these are two I know of. How many more this has happened? SubhanAllah.

And we're not talking about secular homes. We're talking about practicing, dindaar, masjid-going families. So environments at home are in a very big mess. Because there is no akhlaq at home. Because there is no character at home.

This is what we need to be focusing on tonight — and every night that we're in the masjid — that ya Allah, please, whatever mistakes I have made, ya Allah, please allow me to do a 180. Now. Before it's too late.

When I listen to the father whose son ran away, he honestly made major mistakes. It is common sense that this method of raising a child is not going to work. Absolutely not going to work.

And subhanAllah, there are huffadh of our community who are openly gay — going to school every single day with the full makeup of a girl, identifying themselves as gay. Right here. Whatever is happening — just because you don't know about it doesn't mean it's not happening. And what I know is the tip of the iceberg. There's so much more that's happening.

The thing is, we like to cover up all the problems under the carpet and act like everything is fine. And then when it gets out of hand, we say, oh my God, what do we do now? The reason why this got out of hand is because we never addressed it when it was a small issue.

The Unprecedented Era We Live In

My dear brothers, we don't know how to fix a blender — we throw it away. We don't know how to fix a lawnmower — we throw it away. We don't know how to do basic things. How are you going to know when it comes to raising a child? You may say, I'm a doctor, I'm an engineer, I'm a real estate agent, I'm a lawyer, I'm an entrepreneur — I know how to raise my kids in America. No. I'm sorry. It's very different.

But you say, my dad never took a parenting class. You know why? Because your dad and your granddad came from the pre-industrial era. It was a whole different era. But what you see now — especially the smartphone era, from the late 90s or early 2000s till now — as Allah says, we just read today in Surah Al-Hadid:

Whatever happened before Fath Makkah, whatever happened after Fath Makkah, is not the same. I'm just giving an example — whatever happened before the smartphone era, whatever happened after the smartphone era, is not the same. Anyone raised before the smartphone era and anyone raised after the smartphone era is different. You cannot say that my dad and my grandfather did not take any parenting classes, never got counseling from a psychologist or behavioral therapist, so I should be able to figure it out myself.

My dear brothers, it's not like that. If you're raising kids, you need to ask. You need to learn. All of us need to. It is a very new and different era we're living in. Unprecedented.

I cannot imagine you can remember one person within your Muslim neighborhood who became an atheist. I cannot imagine within your Muslim neighborhood there was a single person who identified himself or herself as gay or lesbian. I cannot imagine one person within your community while you were growing up who identified themselves as transgender. I cannot imagine one person in your era, in your time, in your neighborhood who openly said — أعوذ بالله — I hate the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, or I have horrible doubts about him. You did not see four-year-olds, five-year-olds spitting at their parents and saying, I hate you.

No one has seen this before. This is unheard of. Not only a four-year-old or five-year-old — not a fourteen-year-old and not a forty-year-old. No matter how bad a kid may have been in the past, there were things he would never do: including speaking ill of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, including saying blasphemous statements against Allah, including saying that I'm attracted to the same gender, including saying I'm a different person in a different body, including being extremely disrespectful — physically and beyond — with their parents. These things did not happen. Did not happen.

And similarly — you did not see women saying, I'm just going to leave, and I will never ever come back. You did not see this. But now — these are women who are halimah, hafidha, hijabi, niqabi, Islamic school teachers, madrasa teachers — they are doing it as well, as of course is the average person who never wore hijab or never went to the masjid.

I deal with divorce cases. Every divorce case I'm dealing with — the man is crying. Please, do something, talk to my wife, talk to her dad, please. They're crying with tears. I see all these grown men crying. They want to keep their wife. And she says, no.

These are the examples. I've given you ten big things right now — the difference between the 80s and 90s and where we are now. The era is completely different. Understand. You cannot say, I was raised in Karachi, I was raised in Bombay or Hyderabad, so I'm going to do the same thing. You can't. You cannot treat your wife the same way, your husband the same way, your kids the same way, your parents the same way. Everything is different.

The Du'a of Abu Darda and the Importance of Good Character

Part of that is: proceed with caution. Learn. When we're talking to each other, we have to be very careful how to speak and who to speak with. If our akhlaq are bad, then what will happen? Most of all, who's going to cry when the son runs away? The dad and the mom. No one else. Because of our bad character, if our wife leaves, or the husband leaves, or the son leaves, or the daughter leaves — no one is going to cry more than you. May Allah protect us.

My dear brothers and sisters, please — we need to focus on our akhlaq. Focus on our akhlaq. Focus on our akhlaq.

Abu Darda radiallahu anhu used to spend the night making one du'a. And this is the du'a which you know as the du'a when you look into the mirror. What is the du'a?

"O Allah, the way You have made my physical appearance beautiful, make my character beautiful."

This is the du'a when you look in the mirror. Abu Darda radiallahu anhu used to make this — not only when looking in the mirror — but he used to make this throughout the night at tahajjud time. His wife one day said, O my husband, why are you making this du'a at night in tahajjud time — again and again, again and again? Why?

So he said, if this du'a gets accepted, there will be a huge blessing for me. And she said, what do you mean by that? He said, if this du'a gets accepted, two things will happen. I will become the best sadaqah jariyah for my parents. And number two, I will have people praying for me even when I'm asleep — I will continue to get the reward of 'ibadah when I'm asleep.

So the further explanation was given: if this du'a is accepted, my character will become beautiful. And when my character becomes beautiful, people will appreciate my presence, they will enjoy my company, they will benefit from me. And when they benefit from me, they will make du'a for me and for my parents.

This is a normal thing. When you see a nice young boy come and open the door for you, Uncle — what do you say? Naturally, you make du'a. Because normal kids don't do that. The fact that this child did it means he was raised properly by his parents. So you make du'a. Like in Morocco — this is a very common thing — whenever anyone does anything, they thank them and then they make du'a for their parents. This is normal.

So he says: if this du'a gets accepted, my parents — I will become the best sadaqah jariyah for my parents, because people will continuously be making du'a for me and for my parents. And I will continuously become a source of reward for them. Second, even when I'm asleep, I will be getting reward. How? Because when I go do khidmah and serve someone and come back home — for example, in the cold, you stopped your car and helped someone change their tire, someone ran out of gas and you picked them up and took them to a gas station, some action that took 15 minutes of your time on a cold winter night — you did this and went home to sleep. But that person who you helped cannot forget what you did. So he's at home making du'a for you while you're sleeping. And now while you're sleeping also, your meter is running and you're getting ajr.

This is what Abu Darda radiallahu anhu said. That's why I make this du'a every night.

So this is something we need to start reflecting upon. From all the du'as and the things we want — we ask Allah for rizq and barakah — how many of us say, Ya Allah, please make my akhlaq good? Ya Allah, make my akhlaq like Rasulullah's. Ya Allah, please make me a good father. Make me a good mother. Ya Allah, make me a good husband. Make me a good wife. Ya Allah, make me a good son or a good daughter. Ya Allah, make me beloved at home.

Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said: a believer is a source of muhabbah and love. There is no good in someone who doesn't love people and people don't love him.

Many times we enter the masjid and someone says, Oh, you know, the people in the masjid all hate me. I say — you tell yourself — how is it possible that the whole masjid hates you? Don't you think there might be something wrong with yourself, if everyone doesn't like you? Someone says, my children don't like me, my wife doesn't like me, so-and-so doesn't like me. At least think about that.

This is what these nights are about. Because if we do ghibah, if we lie, if we cheat, if we break the hearts of our spouse or our kids — we are actually reading Qur'an for someone else. We're not going to get anything from it.

Teaching Our Children the Deen

One mother came to me crying. She says, he's come to talk to you, please talk to him. I said, what happened? I sent him to college, and instead of doing something haram, he wants to properly get married. He wants to do nikah. He's not doing any haram relationship. He came, he told me about her, and he wants to get your blessings. She said, but we're Pakistani and she's Hyderabadi. And she went on and on, told me her long story as a new immigrant to this country: I did three jobs, I went through a lot of hardship.

Eventually I told her: my dear mother, all of that you did — she said, I made sure he wore Columbia, I made sure he wore North Face, I made sure he wore Nike, I did everything for him. And now he wants to get married to a girl.

So I said to her: all that you just told me from the beginning to end is about how much effort you made for his dunya. How much effort, I'm going to ask you, did you make for his deen and his akhirah? All these three jobs that you did was to buy him material things. By wearing a nice jacket, you don't become a nice person. By wearing expensive shoes, you don't become a good person. Akhlaq and deen make you who you are.

How much effort — instead of those three jobs, even if you did one job, and he wore cheap, $10 or $20 shoes — but if you worked on his tarbiyah and his akhlaq, today this wouldn't happen.

Number two, you should make shukr, shukr, shukr. Right now go pray two raka'at, pray nafl. That he wants to get married and has not already committed zina. For every one person who wants to get married, I can tell you there are nine others who have already committed zina. Astaghfirullah.

Sometimes a brother is sitting in front of me and I already know how many times subhanAllah his kids have already committed zina. Because one sibling will say, I don't understand — my siblings, my dad is sitting there, if he finds out, he's going to have a heart attack. But this is what's happening on college campuses. We are divorced from the reality of our children.

So I said, you should be thankful that your son wants to get married. Why would you say, oh, she's 100 miles away from our town, she's a different culture? Brother, as long as they're Muslim and they're practicing — that's it. Because the majority of people are not staying away from haram.

The Dual Lives Our Children Are Leading

There was one person who wears a mask for health reasons — he's a substitute teacher in one of these schools. He told me: subhanAllah, when I wear my mask, people don't know who I am. He said, inside the elevator, I see Muslim boys and girls, white boys and girls — pushing each other, dealing drugs, right in front of me in the elevator. They don't know who I am. He said, the mom drops her daughter off outside the high school with a scarf. As soon as she comes inside, off goes the scarf, holding the hands of her boyfriend, walking through. And when he starts speaking, they realize — oh, this is a desi uncle. So then, all of a sudden, they're like, oh man, we better watch out, because he might tell our parents.

It's a complete dual life out there. But since we don't go to high school, we don't go to college, and we drop them off outside — we don't know what's happening. And when they come home, the scarf goes back on. When they come home, the topi goes back on. Mashallah, sab kuch sahi hai — everything is fine. Nothing is fine. Nothing at all is fine.

This is a whole new era of nifaq, of hypocrisy. These are two dual lives that we're leading. Why are we having these dual lives? Maybe because we have not befriended our kids. Maybe because we do not know their personal lives. Maybe because we have not made ourselves approachable to them, where they can come and say, Baba, Ammi, this is the situation.

So before these statistics — which are very shocking — Allah forbid, before they happen in our homes, we have to ensure that we keep a careful eye on our children, we become their friends, understand what they're doing, and from a very young age, in our minds — and in our wives' minds — create this readiness that insha'Allah, very soon, our daughter and son will get married. We have to make sure that we find the right spouse for them, early on. This will keep your son and daughter out of a lot, a lot, a lot of haram.

What's happening is that kids think: my mom and dad will never agree for me to get married until I'm 26 or 28. If no one is expected to fast for eight years, why would they fast? We need to stop bringing these cultural restrictions into our approach to marriage. Make marriage easy, and early. Tell your daughter and son, insha'Allah, when you finish high school, we'll look for someone. If you have anyone in mind, tell us. That's the best relationship you can have with your son and daughter — to say: I'm not going to go tell other people. Baba, you are my friend. Ammi, you are my friend. If I like someone, if I'm attracted to someone, I'll come and tell you.

They should know that you're not going to slap them. Because if we don't give them an avenue to vent or share their thoughts, Allah forbid, that's going to go in a whole different direction.

When the Parents Are Not on the Same Page

These things are, I think, the most important things to make sure the fire is extinguished in our homes. The basic character development of ourselves. And making sure the relationship between husbands and wives, and between parents and children, is strong.

One more thing: when the mom and dad are not on the same page — Allahu Akbar — then Shaytan has a field day. Many divorcing husbands and wives whose kids are 17, 18, 12 years old — I tell them: you don't understand. You probably can find another spouse — no problem. The real thing, why Shaytan is making you hate each other and fight with each other, is because he wants to go after your children.

Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has said that Shaytan, when he attacks, he attacks the one that is straying, falling behind the pack. And then the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam gave an example: a wolf, when he attacks, attacks the sheep that has been left behind.