Team Fajr with Mufti Azeemuddin Ahmed | 5 Advices part 2

Opening Du'a

أَمَّا بَعْدُ. Beloved brothers and sisters, dear listeners. Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

We ask Allah Azza wa Jalla that through the barakah of all those who are making a sacrifice of coming and attending Salatul Fajr here, and all those who are listening from wherever they may be — through their sacrifices we ask Allah Azza wa Jalla to accept all of our Fajr Salat, our Ibadah, our Du'a, our Dhikr. And allow us to be inspired to say such words and share such words which will be of greatest benefit to myself and all those who are present.

And I ask Allah Azza wa Jalla that whatever we share and whatever we hear, that He does not make this a proof against us, but rather a proof for us on the Day of Judgment. And whatever good we hear, may Allah Azza wa Jalla immediately enable myself and all of us to put into practice, and enable us to share with others as well.

Recap: The Hadith of Abu Hurayrah

Last week we began the hadith of Abu Hurayrah رضي الله عنه. In which the Prophet ﷺ said, "Who will take from me these words and practice on them, or teach whoever will practice on them?" And the Prophet ﷺ further went on, after Abu Hurayrah رضي الله عنه said, "I will, Ya Rasulallah" — he took Abu Hurayrah's hand and he counted five things. And we covered the first one: Stay away from those things which are forbidden, and you will be from amongst the greatest worshippers.

Many things, alhamdulillah, were beneficial and were shared last week on the beginning portion of this hadith. I wanted to repeat some of those things or share some more details on just wasiya — advice.

The Prophet's ﷺ Method of Giving Advice

Rasulullah ﷺ many times would be asked by different companions for some piece of advice. There would be companions who would come and say, "Ya Rasulallah, awsini — give me advice." And the Prophet's ﷺ response would be, for example:

Do not become angry. (Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 6116)

"Ya Rasulallah, awsini — can you please give me more advice?" He would say again: Do not become angry. "Zidni, Ya Rasulallah, I would like some more advice." The Prophet ﷺ would say again: Do not become angry.

So why did Rasulullah ﷺ three times say La taghdab to this individual? Because really, for that individual, the most important thing he needed to do was to control his anger — everything else was secondary. And so Rasulullah ﷺ focused on that which was absolutely necessary for that individual.

Another man came and said, "Ya Rasulallah, the aspects of the deen are too many. Tell me some one action that I can hold on to." And the Prophet ﷺ told him: "Your tongue needs to always be moist with the remembrance of Allah." For this individual, he gave him a piece of advice that would be beneficial in all situations, wherever he may be. And this is obviously relevant to all of us as well. That's one thing you can keep in touch with, you can stay connected with. Because the dhikr — there's no time to say when dhikr is not good. To the extent of right before entering the bathroom, right after you leave the bathroom, even before wudu. All the time. Right before you go to bed. Right after you wake up. Dhikr, dhikr, dhikr. And your tongue being moist with that.

And there are times when you cannot recite with your tongue — then you do it with your heart. But there should always be a time when a person's heart is connected with Allah. So the Prophet ﷺ gave advice based on what the person was asking and the specific situation that he was coming from.

Various Pieces of Prophetic Advice

Another man said:

"O Messenger of Allah, which deed is most virtuous?" He said: "Performing Salah on time." (Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 527; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 85)

Another person said, "Ya Rasulallah, what is the best of actions?" The Prophet ﷺ said:

"You must fast, for there is nothing equivalent to it." (Sunan al-Nasa'i, Hadith 2220)

Another person asks:

"Which aspect of Islam is best?" He said: "You feed people, and you convey the salaam to those whom you know and those whom you do not know." (Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 12; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 39)

He focused on his character building. Have a habit of being generous. Feeding people — whatever you can. Feeding people does not mean you have to have a lot. Whatever from that which Allah has given you, feed the people. Create a habit of becoming a means of comfort and a source of fulfillment of the needs of the people.

There's just an amazing feeling in feeding someone. When you know someone is hungry and you give them food, there's this amazing feeling looking at someone eating who is hungry — a satiation that you cannot get even if you eat yourself. That is something a person needs to have a desire for. As the Prophet ﷺ said:

"The very best form of charity is that you feed a hungry stomach." (Shu'ab al-Iman of Imam al-Bayhaqi, Hadith 3367)

And he kept it general — even if it's basically an animal. Feeding a hungry animal. Feeding a hungry bird. Feeding a hungry cat. And of course feeding a hungry human being. There's nothing like that. It's one of the best forms of charity that a person can achieve.

And then number two in this advice: being generous with your salam. Saying salam to anyone and everyone — those who we know and those who we don't know. This is another major problem: that we have relationships with people who we have some connection with, or some affinity with, or some benefits connected with. That's not what the deen teaches us. The deen teaches us that we are not out there looking for our personal benefits when we say salam. Every single person from the ummah of Rasulullah ﷺ is our brother and sister. Whether we know them or not, whether we have anything that we can benefit from them or not, we are going to be saying salam to such people all over.

The Importance of Seeking and Giving Advice

The Prophet ﷺ, in all of these various ahadith and many more, you see people are coming and asking for advice, and he's giving different types of advice based on the need of that individual, based on the time, and where that individual is asking from. And that is why we learn from here that we should ask for advice — not for the sake of asking, but with a genuine desire of practicing what you're going to hear.

Because many times we ask, and then we hear it, and then it's like, "I'm not interested in that." Then why did we ask? Don't ask if you're not going to practice. Ask with the niyyah that, yes, I am in need of this piece of advice and I will inshallah practice on it. Because as we spoke about maybe a couple of weeks ago, we are all in need of elders. We are all in need of their experience, their knowledge, their viewpoint, the vantage point that they have. And no matter how educated we ourselves may be, you cannot bypass experience. Experience is something unmatched, second to none. And beyond that, ilm — people have more ilm for us.

So when we visit a scholar, when we visit an imam, when we visit a person of knowledge, we should, along with sharing certain things, always ask for advice. And the more precise we are, the better. People many times say, "Make du'a for me." Okay — but what du'a, for what? If you don't know, how am I supposed to know? You need to know what du'a you want.

Imagine you go to a restaurant and you say, "I want food." Okay, this is the menu — what do you want? You say, "I don't know." So what is the waiter going to do? You need to ask. We need to know what is needed. Please make du'a for aafia. Make du'a for shifa. Make du'a for rizq al-halal. Make du'a for righteous children. Make du'a for a loving, caring spouse. We share what our needs are. And if we don't know, if we don't even have anything on our mind, then say, "Please ask Allah Azza wa Jalla, whatever you think is best for me. Whatever you think I need at this time."

Because a lot of times people you go visit — they look at you, they scan you inside and out, and they know where you need help, or what you need to improve on. But you never asked, "What do I need to improve on?" So they're not going to say it. But in their heart, if you tell them, "Sheikh, just make du'a for me, whatever you think I need, wherever you think I need the most" — alhamdulillah, you give them an option now to make du'a for whatever mistakes and flaws they see within us to be removed. Because they see us; they know exactly where we're lacking.

How in need you and I are of people who tell us what we need to hear, not what we want to hear. It is so important that we have such people in our lives who just tell us: "This is your issue. This is what needs to be fixed." Read the x-ray and say, "This is what you need." So if we don't ask, or if they may not feel comfortable sharing with us, but if you tell them, "Just make du'a for me based on what you think is best" — that is great.

Otherwise, if there is some specific need of yours, they are not alimul ghayb — they are not aware of the unseen. So don't expect them to know. Share with them. Similarly, when you seek advice, be as precise as possible. "I'm about to start a business. These are the issues and parameters I'm working with — what advice do you have?" "My children are at this age. These are some of the issues I'm dealing with — what is your advice?" "My spouse and I have been married this many years. These are the issues specifically — what advice do you have?" And so forth. Then, inshallah, you will be able to gain something very beneficial.

Allah says in the Quran:

"Ask the people of remembrance — ask the people of knowledge — if you don't know." Whatever we don't know, ask. As the saying goes: Innamal shifa'ul 'iyyi al-su'al — the cure for ignorance is to ask. Always better safe than sorry. That little humility that we have to have in order to humble ourselves and ask someone is beneficial, it's great. Do not allow our ego to come between us and asking.

Giving Advice Without Being Asked — Prophetic Examples

There will be times that Rasulullah ﷺ did not wait for someone to ask for advice and would himself give it — with kindness, lutf, and wisdom. For example, the famous hadith of Abdullah ibn Abbas رضي الله عنه, where the Prophet ﷺ had him sitting behind his camel and gave him very beautiful, comprehensive pieces of advice:

"O young man, shall I not teach you words by which Allah will benefit you?" I said: "Of course, O Messenger of Allah." He said: "Guard Allah (i.e. His commandments), and Allah will guard you. Guard Allah, and you will find Him before you." (Jami' al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2516)

The hadith carries on, where Abdullah ibn Abbas رضي الله عنه is told by Rasulullah ﷺ the importance of keeping Allah center and front in your life. "Take care of Allah, Allah will take care of you. Know Allah in times of ease, and Allah will know you in times of difficulty." And so forth.

If you remember last week, I talked about this as an example of taking your son, daughter, or someone you want to give advice to — take them for a ride in a car. Meaning, change it up. Whenever you want to give some piece of advice, go on a walk in a park or go to an ice cream parlor. Then, by the way, just share what you need to share. That's a great way to get a soft landing for what you're about to say, to sugarcoat what you're about to say. You change the environment. Make it less tense. Make it less stressful. And you utilize that time to give advice.

You can see Rasulullah ﷺ when he's having him behind his camel — it's like driving a car. And what happens? There's no direct eye-to-eye contact. There are sometimes you have to speak to people without eye-to-eye contact because it's too much. What you're about to say is very heavy. If you're correcting someone and you're looking right into their eyes, as they say, right into their soul, it gets a little too overbearing for the individual to hear. So to make it easy, you don't look at that person face-to-face.

When you're sitting in a car and you're focusing on the road and driving, it's a really nice, casual way — without awkwardly avoiding eye contact — to speak what you need to speak without making the person feel cornered. So try this whenever you are having to break some tough news to someone or you need to share something with them. Just allow that natural avoidance of direct eye contact, and you'll see it makes the difficult advice you need to share much easier.

Additionally, you find from this hadith — besides taking someone for a ride — that Rasulullah ﷺ made the best of this journey, wherever he was going. Many times we're sitting in the car and there's someone around us. Benefit from it. Just because you're on a bus, on a flight, or in a car, and it's not a formal gathering like this — it's not an official, advertised, marketed bayan — does not mean you cannot share something beneficial with someone. Anytime you are sitting with someone, utilize that time in the most powerful and beneficial manner.

If there's something you can share that is a benefit to yourself or the person next to you, please go ahead and do it. There's no specific time or place. You're at a restaurant and you have a minute to share a couple of words with the waiter. Do it. They say, "This is not the place." Who said it's not a place? Anytime you come in touch with someone and you have a minute to share something beneficial — by all means — whether it's salam, whether it's a few kind words, a few encouraging words, something to cheer someone up. We don't know who's going through what type of difficulty and situation. Our few words of empathy and sympathy, our few words of recognizing them, inviting them towards the deen, my beloved friends, is gold.

You don't have to be on a da'wah mission with a table and a booth to be able to give da'wah. Whether you give da'wah towards Islam or you give da'wah towards Iman. Whether you give da'wah to become a Muslim, or to take the level of Islam someone already has to the next one. Whether you give da'wah to Jumu'ah Salah, Eid Salah, Isha Salah, or a program in the local masjid. Don't ever miss out on an opportunity. Wherever you see someone you can speak with — even while at the cash register — say a few words.

There are many Muslims out there who are absolutely, completely disconnected. Months and years go by without them visiting the house of Allah Azza wa Jalla. They're not hearing Jumu'ah khutbahs, they're not hearing talks, lectures, seminars, workshops. Their only interaction is their customers, their clients. And if those Muslim customers and clients also do not share one or two pieces of advice, reminders, or just share love — then these people will be completely deprived. So it doesn't have to be a specific, cordoned-off, special area and time for giving da'wah and advice.

In the elevator, for example — you see someone, they're with their kids. Start off with a nice comment. "MashaAllah, what a beautiful child." You praise something, a blessing that they have. And then share something. Make a du'a: "May Allah keep this child's iman strong. May Allah allow this child to remain connected to the house of Allah." And you move on. Your du'a that you made for them is not only a du'a, it's a piece of advice as well.

My brothers and sisters, once you make niyyah of practicing what I'm sharing, Allah will guide you. You will get the wisdom of how to go about doing these things when you want to do them. The issue is: how many of us are genuinely interested in doing that? Make this niyyah now: "Inshallah, I will utilize any and all opportunities Allah gives me to connect people back with Allah." And then Allah will give you the wisdom for that.

The Story of Mu'adh ibn Jabal and the Advice After Salah

There are times when Rasulullah ﷺ would give advice without even being asked — but he would change it up in a manner that the person he's giving advice to would feel special. For example, there is an instance with Mu'adh ibn Jabal. He says:

"He took my hand one day and said: 'O Mu'adh, indeed I love you.'" (Sunan Abi Dawud, Hadith 1522; Jami' al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 3490)

Allahu Akbar. This is the Prophet ﷺ saying to one of his companions: "I love you." So if the Prophet ﷺ — where is he? He is telling an ummati: "I love you." What about a parent telling their child? Try this.

We need to have a proper introduction. If someone stands up, turns on the mic, and just starts speaking — where's the introduction? Who are you? What's the topic? Some introduction. So if a person wants to give some piece of advice but starts off just right with the advice without prefacing it with the fact that you're coming from a place of love, care, empathy, worry, and concern — then, my beloved brothers and sisters, those you're giving advice to may not appreciate it. Even after we say that, they may not appreciate it. So what about if we don't say it?

This is a common complaint we hear nowadays — people are constantly giving advice without ensuring that the aspect of muhabba and love is conveyed to the child. Or when I say child, I don't just mean little kids, even adults. It is so important that we learn from Rasulullah ﷺ that the expressing of love is part of our deen. We don't need to learn this from non-Muslims. This is 100% part of our deen — that a person expresses his love with words of love.

Do you know there's a man sitting with Rasulullah ﷺ? He says, "Ya Rasulallah, I really like that man who just passed by." The Prophet ﷺ said, "Did you inform him? Did you let him know?" He said, "No." He said, "Go tell him." Rasulullah ﷺ is telling him to go tell another individual that you like him, that you love him for the sake of Allah. What about those who are our own, very own blood relatives? Our own children? Our own siblings? Our own parents? How important it is for us to express that love. Rasulullah's instruction to go and tell him is very telling — it's very powerful. It's not sufficient to keep your love in your heart. You should actually go and inform an individual.

You know how nice it is? Be honest. What made my day this morning was a message I received two hours ago from a student — alhamdulillah, I had an opportunity to teach him 12 years ago. He said to me, "I made du'a for you in tahajjud. May Allah protect you this day." He sent me a text. SubhanAllah, what a beautiful way to start your day. Having someone send a message out of the blue. Absolutely unexpected. His du'a is done, finished. No one told him to wake up at tahajjud and make du'a. But SubhanAllah, when he shared that — what do you feel? You feel naturally, not only love, but you feel obliged to make du'a for that individual. SubhanAllah.

So this is what we're talking about. The importance of this — it's not against ikhlas. It's not against sincerity — to do something and then share it with someone. You go to Mecca and Medina and you made du'a for someone at the Ka'bah. You made du'a for someone at Masjid al-Nabawi. You passed their salam at the rawdah of the Prophet ﷺ. Share it. Why not? Why did you remember this individual there? Because you love them. They should know that. They should know how much muhabba you have. Are you expecting some reciprocation? No. But it's part of our deen that we share with those we love — that we actually do appreciate them. And many times, there's just not enough of that.

Many of our Middle Eastern and Desi families — and maybe even other parts of the world in the East — there is this takalluf, this sense of respect and awe, which is awesome. The parent-child relationship of adab is super important. But there's no one who had more adab than the Prophet ﷺ. Let's not try to become more pious than the Prophet ﷺ. Let's not try to have more culture and more etiquette than the Prophet ﷺ. Because we cannot. That would be fake etiquette — no etiquette — if it's something different from that of the Prophet ﷺ. He has shown us what it means to raise your child properly. What it means to speak to your wife properly. What it means to speak to your grandkids properly. And that is: expression of lots and lots of muhabba and love.

I speak with the niyyah that Allah allows my words to go into the ears of those who need to hear them, whether they are present here or not. There are so many people, subhanAllah — when I speak about it, youngsters will come and speak to me and say, "You know, this is what's happening in my home. I wish my dad could listen to this. I wish my mom could listen to this." Where people are emphasizing amal and deen, but what they don't understand is — I think I gave this example — it's like you are putting the pedal to the metal, revving the engine, when your car is stuck in a ditch.

The car is inside the ditch and you are revving the engine. You are spinning wheels. If there is something stuck underneath the engine, if it got damaged and the oil is leaking and you keep doing that, you are not only going to burn your tires but it may cause the engine to catch on fire. This is not the time to rev the engine. You need to stay put, make sabr, wait for the tow truck to come and simply lift it up — and then you see how nicely you just put your foot down and the car moves. But right now in this state, you cannot do that.

So many of our children have fallen into the ditch. Now we are sitting there revving the engines. We are doing no benefit. We are just causing them harm by saying, "No, you have to recite Qur'an, or you have to go to the masjid, or you have to do this or you have to do that." No. It's too late now. All this is going to do — if you keep on insisting — is that this person will unfortunately end up outwardly also leaving the fold of Islam. Inwardly, we don't know what's going on right now. But even outwardly they may say, "You know what, I'm not a Muslim anymore." Done. Khalas.

That's why when someone is dying, the instruction is that you don't ever tell a dying man: "Recite the kalima. Recite it." You don't say that. What if in the pangs of death he says, "I don't want to. Stop bothering me."

Understand, dear dads of the world — and dear mothers of the world — if your child is not waking up for salah and you sit there and say, "No, I'm going to force you to wake up. You have to." That's exactly what you're doing. Because in that state of grumpiness and anger, what if under his blanket he says, "Oh, I hate this prayer. I'm not going to pray"? Now what? You ended up making your son or daughter say words of kufr. Because of ignorance. Because you don't know how to deal with the situation.

This is very scary. We literally sometimes push people over the edge. Don't push your sons and daughters over the edge. Your spouses off the edge. Your parents over the edge. Whoever it is. Your siblings. Don't do that. Make sure you understand and assess the situation and work with wisdom and hikmah. They are not praying — that's sad. But for them to deny prayer is going to be a much worse day. So when you can't keep on rubbing it in, don't. Hikmah, hikmah.

MashaAllah, we're so amazing at work. We're getting promotions. We're becoming business owners. We're doing so great in our professional work. Why can't we apply that at home when dealing with each other? Why do we constantly make such huge mistakes that we end up breaking bridges, ruining relationships, and pushing people away from the deen?

I wish I could speak to all these dads whose sons, and to all these moms whose kids come to me and share — and they're not kids, they're in their 20s — and say, "SubhanAllah, I just don't want to follow the deen anymore," simply because of the way it's been presented. The way it's constantly being pushed down or forced down. You have to create a mahol, an environment at home, where people pick up deen simply by being in that environment. It's through osmosis. It's in the air. The love of Allah. The love of Rasulullah. The love of deen. Great character. It's built into the system.

Just like the AC that we have in our homes running in the summer — you can't see it, you can't feel it directly, you've got these vents sometimes under a bed. But mashaAllah, it makes the room nice and cool without you even realizing it. It doesn't have to be blowing in your face. It's very subtle. But the room becomes so nice and comfortable. So similarly, the deen — the way we explain it to our children and family members — has to be done in this subtle manner.

You're dealing with your spouse and you're trying to bring them closer to the deen. Do it in a nice, subtle manner with wisdom. With lots of expressions of love and muhabba. And whatever mistakes have happened in the past, we learn from them. If we're constantly being harsh, if we're constantly saying, "I'm gonna kick you out of the house if you don't pray" — the days of that are gone. Today they'll say, "Thank you. I was just waiting for this opportunity. I'll call an Uber right now." That's the environment right now.

I saw a video — I shared this with my sheikh as well when I was traveling — of a mom telling a 5-year-old girl that she can't be on her tablet all the time, so she takes it away. This 5-year-old gets angry. She packs up a little suitcase and starts walking out the door. The mom is taking a video as her daughter is walking down the driveway, looking right and left, wondering where to go. She starts walking away. And then after a while, she reaches the end of the road and she turns around — "Where am I going to go?" So she comes back, angry. It's a funny, cute video. But — بغاوت اسی عمر سے شروع ہو جاتی ہے — this rebellion, this standing up against parents, taking on authority, starts as young as 4 or 5 years old. They're just waiting for the opportunity when they actually can leave.

Shaytan is waiting to create the perfect storm for your son and daughter to walk out. Mission accomplished — he gets that kid out of the house, then he's got him from all sides. We should never create an environment in our home where a child says, "I want to leave. I want to get out." If you accidentally overhear your 6, 7, or 8-year-old saying, "That's it, I want to leave" — stop. Stop whatever you're doing. Cancel all your plans. Restart from ground zero. There should be nothing we are doing in our home that would make a child say they are just waiting to get to college and leave. It should be that even in college a person says, "I want to come back home. I'm not excited to leave."

Traditionally, when a girl gets married and leaves, she feels sad and cries — the mom cries. That hayaa, that love for parents — it needs to remain. So Nabi ﷺ showed this love in various ways.

He would hold someone's hand, like the story of Mu'adh. And he said:

"Indeed I love you, O Mu'adh." (Sunan Abi Dawud, Hadith 1522)

And Mu'adh رضي الله عنه said, "Oh Ya Rasulallah, may my mother and father be sacrificed for you. وَأَنَا أُحِبُّكَ — and I love you as well." Then Rasulullah ﷺ, after prefacing with this love, said:

"I advise you, O Mu'adh: do not leave off after every salah saying: 'O Allah, assist me in remembering You, in giving thanks to You, and in worshipping You in the best manner.'" (Sunan Abi Dawud, Hadith 1522; Sunan al-Nasa'i, Hadith 1303)

Meaning, this is coming from a place of love — so all of you listen. He says: "I love you, and then I give you advice." If you want Rasulullah ﷺ to love you, and if you want to be able to enjoy his love, then listen to this advice. He says: do not leave out after any salah the following dhikr.

"O Allah, assist me to remember You. I cannot even do dhikr and remember You without Your assistance. We have to ask Allah for help to remember Him — it's true, because who remembers Allah except for the one whom Allah Azza wa Jalla inspires? وَشُكْرِكَ — Ya Allah, allow me to be grateful to You. وَحُسْنِ عِبَادَتِكَ — and allow me to worship You properly."

It's very important that we teach our children these adhkar after every salah. Many times people say it's bid'ah to make du'a collectively after salah. But I know majority of the du'as that I know are from childhood — simply by listening to our ustad and imam making du'a after salah. That's how we picked up these du'as. Alhamdulillah, we picked them up from the age of 7 or 8 just by listening regularly. So there's so much hikmah in that. The purpose is ta'liman — to teach the people. So at home too, we should make a habit of reciting certain adhkar out loud so that our kids pick them up and learn those du'as as well.

The Story of Abdullah ibn Mas'ud and the Handshake

Another instance: related to the story of Abdullah ibn Mas'ud رضي الله عنه. He says: Rasulullah ﷺ taught me the tashahhud — at-tahiyyatu lillahi was-salawatu wat-tayyibat, till the end — wa kaffi bayna kaffihi — while my palm was between his palms. Meaning he was holding my hands after shaking them — not just a quick salam, but he held my hands and taught me tashahhud.

Look at that — when you grab someone. One of my colleagues told me a beautiful story. He said he became an engineer and then decided to go to law school after that. While waiting for his results, he decided to spend the summer studying some Arabic. One day he came for Dhuhr salah in a masjid and he saw all these people surrounding some person. He cut right in the line and said, "Hey, salam alaykum, Sheikh." People were pulling him back — "What are you doing? You've got to stand in line, there's a big sheikh here." He said, "Man, I'm just an American kid, I'll go right in and say salam." So he introduced himself — "I'm just a college student, here for the summer studying Arabic." He didn't even know who this person was. That person was a khalifa of Sheikh Zakariyya, a great scholar visiting from India or Africa.

So — being frank and open gets you things. Just ask. He said, "Sheikh, I'm here for the summer — can you teach me Arabic?" SubhanAllah. So the scholar said, "No problem, come meet me every day." Over the course of the summer, he studied one-on-one with this great scholar — Sarf and Nahw and all these things. The scholar couldn't move around the city much, so he said, "I have a car, I'll take you around." MashaAllah, he learned Arabic and gained the suhba and companionship.

Eventually time came, his summer course ended and he decided to go back to America and back to college. The scholar said, "You're not going to study?" He said, "No, Sheikh, summer program ended, I've got to go back to college and law school." He said, "Okay, before you leave, come and meet me." He gave it ihtimam — special attention. "Come meet me tomorrow." So he made a point to go before leaving back to the United States. He came there, shook his hand — and then held it. And he said, "Listen, I want you to make a strong, firm resolve that you're going back to your country, but you're not going to give up studying. You're going to continue to study." And he got teary-eyed as he was sharing this with me. He got emotional. He said, "That sincerity with which he shared that message with me — that handshake, as though like an oath, a commitment, a promise." He said, "SubhanAllah, I came back and I didn't even go to law school. I started working as an engineer, but I immediately started studying. And while studying, in 17 years, I completed the Aalim course." MashaAllah — the entire Dars al-Nizami program. And now, mashaAllah, he's teaching.

And he said, "This all goes back to that muhabba and love, and that one final meeting I had with him." That scholar has since passed away — رحمه الله رحمة واسعة. But with what niyyah and ikhlas he gave advice, imparted unto this young man the importance of staying connected to ilm. And today, alhamdulillah, Allah blessed him with being able to — along with having a job and wife and kids — complete the Aalim course. This is encouragement for all of us. All of us students of college and university, do not give up on your ambition to study ilm. And working adults, do not give up your ambition of studying ilm.

The second thing: the power of having a separate gathering to give advice. Calling someone separately and saying, "I want to share something." This is how they will remember it.

Handling Difficult Situations with Wisdom — The Story of the Young Man

Another instance: a young man comes and says, "Ya Rasulallah, ائذن لي بالزنا" — Allahu Akbar. He said to Rasulullah ﷺ, upon whom the deen has been revealed, upon whom the Qur'an has been revealed, "Give me permission for zina." The people heard him and got so upset and started reprimanding him: "How dare you say this to the Prophet ﷺ!" How did he respond? He said: "دعوه، دعوه" — "Leave him, leave him."

He said something unthinkable. But this — if someone comes and says to you, "Why this about Islam? Why this about the Qur'an? I don't believe this, or I have a hard time believing this" — he's already, to use the word, infected. Now if you go and say, "أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم! Shame on you. أستغفر الله! You're my son and you say something like that?!" — it's too late. The fact that he opened up to you was great. If you say something like this, we don't even know where his infection is. He's coming to you and telling you he's in pain. This is not the time to slap him. This is the time to address the issue.

If someone comes and says something absolutely unacceptable in deen, how should we handle that? This is not the time to say, "أعوذ بالله" — that's just going to cause an even bigger problem. Instead, understand what he or she just told you. Realize your son needs help. If you cannot help yourself, call 911 — meaning you call the masjid, call the alim, call the sheikh, and say, "How am I supposed to deal with this situation? I have a son or daughter who just said something completely un-Islamic and unacceptable."

So Rasulullah ﷺ with hikmah said:

"Bring him close to me." (Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 22211)

He says, "I want to do zina" — and the Prophet ﷺ says, "Bring him close to me." The young man came close. فَدَنَا مِنْهُ قَرِيبًا فَجَلَسَ — he came very close and sat. لَمْ يُخَاطِبْهُ مِنْ بَعِيدٍ — the Prophet ﷺ did not speak to him from a distance. He brought him close. He made him feel special. He made him know: whatever I'm sharing with you is between you and I. You get them in your confidence. Give them what they call a safe space.

These people of batil and falsehood, Allah forbid, are providing so-called safe spaces. And our own homes do not provide a safe space for our children at times. Because of not having good leadership. People who don't know how to deal with this. If a person walks into the house of Allah dressed inappropriately, you have to deal with it the way the Prophet ﷺ dealt with someone urinating in the masjid. It's too late — he's already started. If you stop him, it cannot stop. It will actually spread. It will be painful. And if you get angry, as anyone would naturally want to, he'll never come back to the masjid.

So if someone comes, male or female, dressed inappropriately to the masjid — this is not the time to pounce on them. With muhabba and love, one person — ideally the imam — should deal with them with wisdom and hikmah. Take them to a private area. Don't scold them in public. Take them privately and speak with wisdom, and teach them: "This is the etiquette of the house of Allah. These masajid are meant for the remembrance of Allah."

They say, "Don't become more Christian than the Pope." Don't become more pious than Rasulullah. Don't think that you have more muhabba for the masjid than your Nabi. Your harsh reaction is not love for the masjid — it's your own personal anger. You say something harsh to a person and he walks away and leaves the masjid. How are you going to deal with that in the court of Allah Azza wa Jalla tomorrow? "I sent a servant of Mine who wanted to change his life — who do you think you are that you kicked him out of My house?" This was always Allah's house. Who are we to sit there and kick someone out in the name of protecting the sanctity of the masjid?

Yes, there may be certain instances where a person is causing physical harm to himself or others — that may need to be dealt with from a place of love. But we try our best not to shut the doors of the house of Allah upon a sincere but misguided or ignorant individual. The job for all of us is to teach people who do not have the knowledge.

So Nabi ﷺ then spoke to this young man with a soft tone and said:

"Would you like this for your mother?" (Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 22211)

He said: "لَا وَاللَّهِ، جَعَلَنِي اللَّهُ فِدَاءَكَ" — "Never. May Allah make me your ransom. I would never like this for my mother." The Prophet ﷺ said: "وَلَا النَّاسُ يُحِبُّونَهُ لِأُمَّهَاتِهِمْ" — "People do not like this for their mothers either. You're on the right track. You're making perfect sense." Then he said:

"Would you like this for your daughter? Would you like this for your sister?" (Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 22211)

He said, "No, no." فَوَضَعَ النَّبِيُّ ﷺ يَدَهُ عَلَيْهِ — the Prophet ﷺ put his hand on him. Imagine — a great person like the Prophet ﷺ, and of course this young man received the barakah of those blessed hands. But imagine how this man felt, that: "I am misguided, everyone is jumping on me, but look at this Nabi ﷺ, how he puts his hand on me." And he said:

"O Allah, forgive his sins. O Allah, purify his heart. O Allah, grant him chastity." So what we learn from here is that even if someone comes to us with an outlandish situation — your own son and daughter say something outlandish against the deen — beloved brothers and sisters, this is the time to show them love. This is the time to show them care. We're not saying what you said is right. But this is the time for care, not harshness.

This example is like: your child, Allah forbid, is at the roof of the house with a knife in their hand saying, "I want to jump." How would you deal with this situation? You cannot get angry. You have to talk them down in a very nice, soft, loving tone — the way they speak to a hostage taker. No one screams at a hostage taker. You have to de-escalate. So when a son or daughter becomes rebellious against Allah and His Rasul, and against their parents — this is the time to de-escalate the situation in a very calm manner. Your calmness and softness does not mean you approve of what they are saying. But you want them to come down from the roof — and then you can get them the attention they need.

Allah says in the Quran:

"Do not curse those who worship someone besides Allah, otherwise they will end up cursing Allah." You have caused people to curse Allah and curse the Prophet by cursing them or their gods first. Don't cause a situation like this for yourself.

The Prophet ﷺ said in one hadith — the gist of which is: don't curse your parents. The sahaba at the time didn't understand — how could a person ever curse their own parents? Something unfathomable. And he explained: "The way that happens is when you curse someone else's parents. Then in retaliation that person says, 'You said that about my mother? Well, I'm going to say this about your mother.' So what happened? You ended up getting your own mother cussed out. You ended up getting your own father screamed at — because you cursed someone else's parents and this was the retaliation." So Rasulullah ﷺ basically equated cursing someone else to cursing your own parents because of the retaliation that follows.

So dealing with our child inappropriately — when he's already fed up with deen — will end up getting Allah Azza wa Jalla and Rasulullah ﷺ belied. Would you like that? Some of us might say, "Brother, I love my deen. I don't care if it's my son — if he says this, that's it, I'm going to go after him." Will you be able to change him? No. He will continue cursing Allah even more. He will continue to curse the deen even more. So part of your love for Allah, part of your love for Rasulullah ﷺ, is that you de-escalate the situation and not take a stubborn, harsh stance at that time.

Mistakes have been made before. We are basically suffering from the mistakes of the past. Now let's deal with the situation — and that means doing it in a very soft, kind manner. SubhanAllah.

So this is what became a further introduction to this beautiful hadith. How much ilm there is in the deen is unbelievable. Ajeeb. From one hadith alone, we didn't even get to the second and third piece of advice — which we will, inshallah, in the future if Allah grants us all life.

But how do we feel now after listening? Do we not genuinely feel that the only place to find solutions to our problems is in the deen? There is no problem, no situation that you and I — or anyone else in this ummah — are going through, except that Allah and His Rasul have given us the answer. It's all there in hadith. It's all there in the Qur'an. It's all there in the writings of our ulama. But a person needs to have this trust. If you're looking for your keys on the roof, how are you going to find them? If we're looking for solutions everywhere except in Islam, we're not going to find them. We're going to be lost. May Allah give us the tawfiq to look for the solutions in the deen, allow us to find those solutions, and allow us to inshallah practice on them and share them with others as well.

Q&A: Practical Advice on Dealing with Youth

Question: How to deal with a rebellious 12 to 15-year-old?

Well, besides whatever I mentioned already about making sure it's coming from a place of love and muhabba, you have to understand who you're dealing with. Let's look at a hostage crisis. What do you do? What's the first thing? You let the person speak. If you're screaming, "Hey, how did you do this, man? This is crazy!" — that's not going to work. You're going to hear gunshots. Game over. You have to let that person vent. He's going to say, "I lost my job. I got a problem with my girlfriend." And then you have to show empathy.

So we have to let our children speak. Sometimes it's outlandish: "You didn't give me that bike when I was 5 years old." You gave them a hundred other things and they forgot about the other bike you did get them. Okay, this is not the time to go back and forth. Just let them vent and talk about all their problems. Because when children become disobedient, or especially start leaving the deen, this is a symptom of some low-lying underlying issues that we weren't aware of. We have to get to that root issue.

When you have a water leak in the house or your roof leaks — you wish it would keep raining until your roofer comes, because you want to see exactly where it's leaking from. When they start speaking, you want it all to come out. When, where, which incident, which place, how did this all start, what triggered this? Get it. Because it's usually trauma. This anger is based on some bad experience they had. Was it at the madrasa? At the masjid? At the Islamic school? With a relative, with an uncle? Maybe with the way something was said?

I remember Nadir Ali Khan, one of the elders of tabligh and a professor of Aligarh University — an amazing individual, Allahu Akbar. I heard him in one of his bayans talking about his own grandchild. He said: "There were guests there, and the four-year-old was acting up, so the mom or dad scolded the child. After the guests left, the child burst out crying, angry and hurt, saying — 'Why did you scold me in front of the guests? Why did you get mad at me in front of them?'" He said: "A four-year-old has emotions. You cannot just scold him anytime you want because he'll be broken, heartbroken. What he did was wrong. But you have no right to break the heart of a four-year-old." If a four-year-old has emotions, do you think a 14-year-old doesn't?

That's the problem. We become so emotionless ourselves that we don't understand that people have to be dealt with in a kind manner. We have to correct them — but how? So that's a trauma. If a person was scolded in front of cousins, relatives, and so forth — this is the old desi habit: always scold the kids in front of other people. "This kid is a useless one. Make du'a for him, he's a loser. His brother, oh man, he's an A-plus student — he's doing great. His brother, barely can get passing grades." Why do we need to announce all of this? In confidence you come and share: "Can you give me some advice?" But in front of the child, you are comparing him to his sibling and denouncing them in front of relatives and friends. Absolutely not allowed. But we don't think. Doesn't this happen? This is the norm. And what kind of culture is this? This is jahalat. This is ignorance. Absolutely not deen.

So we need to let these children speak. Make mental notes of what's going on. Maybe even record it and take notes — literally write notes. Because at that time you are so emotional as a dad or mom or sibling that you might not be able to remember all of it. When a person sometimes loses their temper, they let it all out. You need that venting session. That's the very first thing. Once you figure out when, where, and how this trauma happened, then you try to start addressing it.

And people who are victims — any therapist will tell you — the last thing they want to hear, which is also incorrect, is being told that it was their fault. That doesn't work. You have to shift the blame away from that person. He will never be able to heal if you keep making him feel like it's their fault. Don't say, "Why didn't you tell me at that time?" That will just make him even more angry. You say instead, "I wish I knew. I wish I was aware. May Allah forgive me for not doing more to find out the situation."

You need to give them a reason or an excuse for their behavior — not to say that what they're doing is right, but rather to give them a logical explanation so that they feel understood, not violated. "I understand your frustration. I may have done the same thing. I understand where you're coming from. Is it right that you broke this vase? No. But we don't need to talk about that right now." Simply let them know you understand the underlying issues that caused them to lash out. That goes a long way. Then they say, "SubhanAllah, I'm being validated — not to say what I did is right, but at least this person understands my frustrations." That's such an important part.

Then the third thing is: start paving a way out for them. "Whatever happened has happened. Now we're going to go towards healing. If you're frustrated about your experience somewhere, no problem — we're going to make it better. And how? You choose. Let's talk about it. Can we go to a different place? Can we travel? Can we take a short vacation? What will help? What do you want?" Let me hear from you.

If they say, "No, I don't want help" — "No, that's not it. I'm here to help. I'm your mom and dad. I'm your older sibling. I'm here to help." All of this may not happen within the first experience. It may take a few tries. But eventually, inshallah, we'll be successful.

Another thing: the way we explain deen to our kids needs to be very subtle. Should not be direct. You're going to find there's a good deeni program happening in another part of the country — plan out a weekend vacation. Be smart. Come on, we're all mashaAllah intelligent professionals. Plan it out: you go to eat out here, you go to rides over there, and you just happen to pray Dhuhr at a masjid you already know has a program with a scholar. You say, "MashaAllah, we've had such a great weekend. You know what? MashaAllah, how about we sit for half an hour and then leave and get ice cream?" But it's got to be done very nonchalantly, as though it happened haphazardly out of nowhere. Use hikmah and wisdom in how you play that.

Ruqya for Spiritual and Emotional Issues

The third thing is to use ruqya as well. If they are willing to read or listen to ruqya, mashaAllah. But if they're not willing, there are certain ruqya that a father, mother, or concerned parent can do for their own loved one. I'll share one with you right now — this is something that was shared with me by my ustad this past summer.

It is called Ayatul Qutub. It is this ayah from Surah Al-Imran, Ayah 154:

This ayah was revealed in the Battle of Uhud. Along with this, Ayah 200 — the last ayah of Surah Al-Imran, right before Surah Al-Nisa begins:

This is very effective for removing the influence of Shaytan that sometimes overtakes anyone, including our kids. And the method of reciting — this is what we call tajarib of the ulama — from the experiences of our scholars. Not to say that there is a hadith specifically about what I'm sharing. But the fact that the Qur'an is shifa, the best cure, means that ulama have found these specific verses to be beneficial for this situation.

A person first recites Ayatul Kursi an odd number of times — three times, five times, seven times. Then the last three ayahs of Surah Al-Baqarah — Aamana al-Rasul. Then:

The two great names of Allah, begging Him for assistance — seven times. Then a person makes niyyah, intention: "Through the barakah of these recitals, Allah is protecting me — like an aura of protection around me, and an aura of protection around the brother or sister, son or daughter, nephew or niece, uncle or aunt, mom or dad that I am making du'a for." Once that's done, then begin to recite Ayah 154 of Surah Al-Imran an odd number of times — however much Allah gives you tawfiq: 11 times, 21 times, 41 times — with focus. Then recite Ayah 200 of Surah Al-Imran as well. That through the barakah of these recitations, "Ya Allah, whatever is sitting on their mind, may it be removed. Whatever is on their heart taking them away from the deen, may it be removed."

Just to give an example: one of the students came to me and said, "My brother has been locked up, depressed in his room for I don't know how many days." Unfortunately, this is happening in too many of our homes right now — people who are depressed and locked up, sitting on their video games. He said, "I recited this ayah for him." The brother literally within minutes opened the door and came out, as though something had just been removed from him.

And you have a child who all of a sudden starts screaming and crying after going out to a party. Your kids are dressed up nicely — kids get ayin and nathar very quickly. All of a sudden they start tripping and falling — what's going on? Everything was fine a minute ago. Recite this, and you'll see, inshallah, it gets better. يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا صَبِرُوا وَصَابِرُوا وَرَابِطُوا — this last ayah, Ayah 200, is specifically for istiqamah ala al-deen, steadfastness upon the deen.

He also advised that Ayah 200 should be recited on a food item that is used regularly at home — something like sugar for tea or coffee, or salt. Whatever is used regularly. Recite this verse an odd number of times — 21 times, more or less — and blow it on that food item, so that it is being ingested every single day.

So to wrap that up: ruqya is very important in this day and age in dealing with all of these situations. Because beyond all the external ways that we use to treat our spiritually sick individuals, we have to use Qur'an as well. There is no doubt that this is a massive attack of Shaytan on our children and our community that we are seeing. Does that answer your question? Thank you for asking that — I think others benefited from it as well.

Question: When a loved one is engaged in haram — intoxicants, etc.

When you're dealing with haram — your loved one is drinking, using intoxicants, drugs, etc. — this is haram, what are you supposed to do? Well, now we have to realize that your goal is: as Nabi ﷺ said, if you have the ability, stop it with your hand. If you can't do that, stop it with your tongue. If you can't do all that, then at least feel bad about it in your heart.

The situation right now is you're dealing with an adult who can easily walk out and go into even a bigger problem. So it's not like, "Oh, not under my roof." Well, at least you want someone to remain a Muslim under your roof. If right now we make it too difficult and say, "No, this is not permissible here" — more than likely they will leave the house and then unfortunately leave Islam as well. So again, we are not okay with them indulging in haram. But we're looking at the big picture. If you cannot stop it — as the hadith says — then at least feel guilty in your heart. You cannot right now grab their bottles and throw them away depending on who the person is, because they may end up just becoming violent and physical with you or leaving the house. And it's not "good riddance" — because there are chances of people actually coming back to the deen over time.

I want all of you to understand the importance of ruqya even for addictions. It requires a lot of ruqya as well, on top of everything else. It takes time. How many people are actually practicing ruqya? How many people are sitting there reading adhkar? How many people are reading tahajjud? Unfortunately, not too many. People just say, "I try to talk my son out of it but he doesn't listen." Well, talking is not always going to work. Sometimes you have to talk to Allah. Just sit there and speak to Allah and use all the spiritual means available to combat this issue.

Question: When reading ruqya, is it important to pay attention to the meaning?

You should have conviction that through the barakah of the recital of the word of Allah, Allah will assist. Surah Al-Fatiha — if a person recites it with a niyyah of shifa, as is mentioned in hadith, Allah will give shifa even if you don't know the meaning. You read قُلْ أَعُوذُ بِرَبِّ ٱلنَّاسِ with the niyyah of protection, Allah will protect you from evil. To help you focus, by all means you can go ahead and read the translation and tafsir of it — that's fine. But it's not necessary. The key thing is yaqeen — conviction from the heart.

Closing Remarks and Announcements

I didn't expect it to go this long, but subhanAllah, Allah reward all of you for being patient. Inshallah, may Allah accept and make it easy — and guide my children, your children, our parents, our siblings — and keep us guided. And wherever we are making mistakes and going towards misguidance in our own lives, may Allah allow us to understand where we are faltering and failing and allow us to rectify ourselves.

We will inshallah do some dhikr for a few minutes. You can join by doing dhikr out loud, in an audible tone, or in your heart — whatever you're comfortable with, inshallah.

As we make du'a, I'd like to ask all of you to remember Mufti Abdullah Nana in your du'a — he just had a long brain surgery and had a tumor removed. Please let's make du'a for his complete shifa. And all those who are going through difficulties — one of our students, a 14-year-old young high school student here, Ayman, subhanAllah, suffered a very bad hemorrhage a few weeks ago and still is going through a lot of difficulty. We ask Allah to completely return her health 100% back to her, grant her shifa, grant abundance of patience to her parents and her family, and lots of ajar for the difficulty she is going through. And may that be a means of barakah in her ilm and her amal. Ameen, Rabbil Alameen.

Upcoming Programs

Additionally, this Monday for Salatul Dhuhr — if you have time to come and pray Dhuhr here, please do so. We will be honored, inshallah, to be hosting one of the most senior ulema alive: Mawlana Arshad Madani, the son of Mawlana Hussain Ahmed Madani رحمه الله, one of the leading muhadithun and great protectors of Islamic identity in the entire subcontinent, and one of the greatest teachers of hadith — to whom all of our isnad lineage goes back. His son, who is also in his mid-80s, is the president of Jam'iyyat al-Ulama Hind and various international ulema councils. We will be hosting him for a short program at Dhuhr on Monday, and at IIE Al-Jinn Madrasa for Maghrib Salah.

Wallahi, I tell you — we don't know if we're going to ever see individuals of this stature again. All of them in this age group have already passed away or are passing away. So it's an honor for us to be able to see them, greet them, and have our children see them and greet them. Even if you don't understand Urdu, we'll have a translation. But regardless, these are ulema, awliya. We should benefit from their company. I encourage all of you to try your best — college students, high school students — please spread this message. Come here for Salatul Dhuhr on Monday for a short program with Mawlana Arshad Madani. You can read his biography online by Googling "Mawlana Arshad Madani from Deoband." That program is happening at Dar ul-Salam, inshallah.

We also have our Tuesday night's tafsir inshallah after Maghrib, Thursday night's salawat program, and of course our weekly Team Fajr. All of these are live streamed, so even if you're traveling, you can listen from the YouTube channel.

Additionally, our high school program will begin August 14th. If you have anyone of high school age — boys or girls (we take girls from the eighth grade and boys from the ninth grade) — who wants to do an integrated high school and alim/alimah program, please come visit and check the website for details. Similarly, our one-year program for any sisters who have completed high school — college age, university, or married moms who want to come and study the deen — that program also begins August 14th. There is still time to come in and learn about it, inshallah.

We are also looking for volunteers to host our Team Fajr breakfast. If you would like to sponsor a breakfast for the next few weeks — we have a lot of empty slots — please reach out to us and take responsibility of inshallah one of the breakfasts of these upcoming weeks. Jazakum Allahu khayran.

Closing Du'a