Help Your Chidren to be Righteous - Shaykh Ahsan Hanif

Khutbah: Help Your Children to be Righteous

أَمَّا بَعْدُ، فَإِنَّ أَصْدَقَ الْحَدِيثِ كِتَابُ اللَّهِ تَعَالَى وَخَيْرَ الْهَدْيِ هَدْيُ مُحَمَّدٍ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ وَشَرَّ الْأُمُورِ مُحْدَثَاتُهَا وَكُلَّ مُحْدَثَةٍ بِدْعَةٌ وَكُلَّ بِدْعَةٍ ضَلَالَةٌ وَكُلَّ ضَلَالَةٍ فِي النَّارِ

The Command of Birr al-Walidayn

One of the greatest commands that Allah gives to us in the Quran is the command of birr al-walidayn — to be righteous towards your parents. Allah on a number of occasions in the Quran mentions this command alongside the command of tawheed and the worship of Allah alone, because the greatest right that Allah has upon us is the right that he should be worshipped alone, and the greatest right from amongst the rights of the creation is the rights of your parents. So Allah joins between them on a number of occasions in the Quran.

This topic of birr al-walidayn has been discussed perhaps many times and you've had many khutbahs on this issue, but I want to speak about it from a slightly different angle — an angle that we don't often think about, but one that the Quran gives us a number of principles regarding. And that is that each and every single one of us, from our dreams, from our vision inshallah that we have, from the duas that we make, is that we want our children to be righteous. Not just because we want them to be well and polite mannered, not just because we want them to be successful academically and in the careers that they choose and financially, but ultimately because we want to be alongside them and with them in the ranks of Jannah by Allah's permission.

That's what righteousness means for children. When you're righteous towards your parents, or you have righteous children, righteousness — the word birr — comes from that meaning of the way that you're pleasing Allah and doing that which Allah approves of and is pleased with. So the ultimate goal for everyone is that when we enter into Jannah by Allah's permission — we ask Allah on this blessed day that he grants us Jannah — that we don't just enter it individually alone, just me myself or you yourself, but we enter alongside our families: our parents, our spouses, our children, our siblings, the people that we love and are dear to us.

But in order for us to do that, we have to work at it. A number of the principles of the Quran with regards to righteousness of parents speak to the fact that if we want our children to be righteous, we as parents need to help them along that path.

It is collected as a statement of Imam al-Sha'bi — in fact it is mentioned as a hadith but it is weak in its narration as a hadith — that he said: "May Allah's mercy be upon the parent who helps their child to be righteous towards them." How do you help your children to make birr of you? How do you help your child to be righteous in terms of the way that they look towards you, the way they deal with you, the way that they respect you and uphold your rights and fulfill them?

Allah gives us a number of principles in the Quran, but I only want to mention to you three in the short space of time that we have. And that is that Allah tells us that in order for us to achieve righteousness within our children, we have to work at it. Because anything that is precious, anything that is valuable in this dunya, requires time and effort and work. You want to be successful in your studies, you want to be successful in your job, in your career, in your business, you want to be successful in your marriage — you have to work at that. And if you want children that are righteous and good, that will respect you and honor you — not only in terms of your life and in terms of the way that they deal with you and respect you and their manners towards you, but more importantly in terms of the deeds that inshallah you accumulate from them, in terms of the duas they will make for you after you have long gone and passed away from this dunya and you're in your grave, and from the sadaqah jariyah that they will continue to do on your behalf after you've left this world — that is the true meaning of birr. Birr we often think just means you have polite, good children, but we understand from our religion that birr has a far greater, more important meaning for us as parents.

The First Principle: Du'a

The first principle that we find in the Quran, mentioned in a number of places throughout the book of Allah, is the principle of du'a — that you ask Allah that you have children that are righteous. Not only children, but the word that is often used in the Quran in the context of these duas is the word dhurriyah. And the word dhurriyah means offspring, children, progeny — not just limited to a single generation, but many generations perhaps to come by the permission of Allah.

And the prophets of Allah when they would make du'a in the Quran for their children to be righteous, this is the word that they use — dhurriyah — because they don't just look towards their children but they're looking towards their grandchildren and their great-grandchildren and their great-great-grandchildren and for as many generations as Allah wills. When the prophet Ibrahim (alayhi al-salam) makes du'a for children in the Quran, and the prophet Zakariyya and others from amongst the prophets of Allah, they mention the word dhurriyah. And so Allah blessed the prophet Ibrahim (alayhi al-salam) with a dhurriyah that is righteous — not only his children, not only his grandchildren, not only his great-grandchildren, amongst them all were prophets — but for many generations to come. Every single prophet that comes after the prophet Ibrahim (alayhi al-salam), as we know, is from his line. That's the meaning of this du'a that you carry in your mind.

When the prophet Zakariyya (alayhi al-salam) asks Allah for dhurriyatan tayyibah, he says: oh Allah, I want righteous offspring. And Allah gives to him the prophet Yahya (alayhi al-salam).

And Allah mentions in the du'a of the prophet Ibrahim (alayhi al-salam) that not only did he ask Allah for righteous offspring, but he linked it to the issue of birr and righteousness in deed, in action, in worship, in belief:

He said: "Oh Allah, make me from amongst those who establish the prayer, and from my offspring those who come after them." Not only making du'a that he have healthy, good children, but du'a that they are people of salah, people of worship, people of righteousness, people who turn to Allah.

And Allah instructs us as the believers that from our attributes, from the characteristics of the mu'mineen as Allah mentions towards the end of Surah al-Furqan, is that from the duas that they make is that they make du'a for their offspring:

"Oh Allah, grant for us from our spouses and our offspring those that will be the coolest for our eyes" — in this life, but more importantly on Yawm al-Qiyamah as well.

And so Allah gives us this principle — and it's not just a du'a that you make when your children are young, but it is a du'a that you continue to make even if you're in your 50s and 60s and 70s and your children are in their 30s and 40s and perhaps they themselves have their own children now and you're a grandparent. That du'a is an extremely important du'a to continue to ask Allah for — a dhurriyah, a righteous offspring. And perhaps Allah from his wisdom will give you offspring that isn't from your children or your grandchildren but from generations to come, from amongst them will be someone who Allah blesses and honors in terms of their righteousness and piety, but Allah gives you a share of that reward because you began that chain, you began that process of making du'a to Allah.

The Second Principle: Tarbiyah — Leading by Example

The second principle that we find in the Quran is the principle of giving them good and righteous tarbiyah — of giving them tazkiyah, of helping them in terms of developing them in their character and in their personality, especially in terms of their worship of Allah. Our children take from us by example. You show your children your worship of Allah, you lead by example in terms of your upholding the salah and the book of Allah — the Quran — and your zakah and your charity and everything else that you do. They learn from that.

Allah mentions in the Quran in Surah al-Ahqaf the command to be good to parents, and then he ends the verse by speaking about the righteousness of progeny. Allah says:

"We command and extol upon people that they should be righteous towards their parents. His mother carried him in burden and she gave birth to him in difficulty. And the period of her carrying and weaning him was thirty months. Until that person reaches full maturity and they reach the age of forty years, they make du'a to Allah that: 'Oh Allah, give me the ability to show gratitude towards you for the blessings that you bestowed upon me and my parents who came before me. And that I should do good deeds that please you. And oh Allah, make my offspring righteous.'"

Allah begins with the command to make birr al-walidayn — for me and you — because when you lead by example, then your children follow, as Allah mentions at the end of that verse.

So therefore, if you're a person who doesn't pray, we can't expect our children to pray. If you're a person who doesn't give importance to the book of Allah — its recitation, its study, its understanding, its memorization — then your children will take from you, especially in the younger ages. If you're a person whose children never heard from your lips the word zakah, then don't expect them to have a concept of zakah. And halumma jurra — all of those examples that we know from our shari'ah and our religion — we have to lead by example.

And that is why we find in the book of Allah and in the sunnah of the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam), the narrations and the texts that speak about this issue all point to this fact. You have to lead by example. You have to be the one showing them the way, because when you put in the hard work and the effort then Allah takes that and he blesses it.

Allah says in the Quran in Surah al-Kahf, in the story of Musa and Khadir (alayhi al-salam), when they come to the village and the people are inhospitable, and they come towards a wall that is crumbling and Khadir (alayhi al-salam) rebuilds it. Allah mentions the reason why he honored those orphaned children by the rebuilding of that wall:

"Their father was a righteous man." Their father had died and they were orphans, their father had passed away — but he was a righteous man. So because of his righteousness, Allah doesn't just send to those children and their property one prophet, but rather he sends to them two prophets (alayhi al-salam).

The Third Principle: Giving Advice

The third and final of those principles that we find in the Quran that I want to mention to you today is the principle of advice — giving advice to your children. It is something that we have become extremely terrible at doing: giving advice to one another as brothers in this religion, giving advice to our family members, giving advice to our children.

Allah mentions a whole passage in the Quran in the story of Luqman (alayhi al-salam), where he mentions a number of advices that Luqman gives to his child, to his son. He begins with the most important one — and that is the advice of worshipping Allah alone — and then he instills within him a number of other beneficial advices. But within the midst of that passage, Allah himself speaks about birr al-walidayn. That verse of birr al-walidayn in the passage of Luqman (alayhi al-salam) is not from the statement of Luqman, but rather it is the verse that Allah adds to it. And from the reasons that Allah knows best is because Allah tells us that one of the ways for our children to be righteous is when you advise them, you teach them, you allow them to understand the religion, you help them on their path to coming closer to Allah.

Conclusion: United in Jannah

So in conclusion, in order for us to have that greatest of virtues that Allah bestows upon whomever he wills from his servants — that he gives to them righteous offspring, righteous progeny, progeny who will not only serve them in this dunya but more importantly serve them after they have left, that they will benefit from them in this life and in the next by Allah's permission — you have to put in the hard work and effort from now: by making du'a for them, by leading by example, by advising them and teaching them what is important in this dunya. May Allah give us the ability and the success to do that.

Allah says in Surah al-Tur, speaking about the people of Iman and their children and offspring who follow them in the footsteps of Iman:

"Those who believe and their offspring follow them in the footsteps of Iman — we will join them and unite them in the ranks of Jannah." Some of the scholars were of the position that this means that if a person enters into Jannah and they are of a higher level than their children in Jannah, or the opposite — their children are of a higher level than them — then Allah will take those on a lower level and advance them to a higher level, because Allah unites between families.

And in the other qira'ah of Abu Amr and others — a qira'ah that is also mutawatir — Allah says:

"Those people who believe — and we make their offspring follow in their footsteps." Because when you turn to Allah, Allah not only makes your offspring follow in your footsteps — there are people who then take from your lead and follow in your footsteps — and Allah unites you, not only in good in this life, but more importantly in the next life.

We ask Allah that he blesses us with righteous offspring. We ask Allah that he makes us from amongst those people who show birr to our parents in their lifetime and after their death. We ask Allah that he makes us from amongst those people whom Allah on the Day of Judgement will bless and honour, and that Allah will forgive us for our sins and show his mercy upon us. We ask Allah to make our affairs easy for us, and that he protects us from the traps of Shaytan, and we ask Allah to keep us and our families safe from the traps of Shaytan and from the trials of this dunya.

سُبْحَانَ رَبِّكَ رَبِّ الْعِزَّةِ