“Finding Strength in Patience" By Shaykh Waleed Basyouni

Finding Strength in Patience

By Shaykh Waleed Basyouni

All praise due to Allah and His praise and blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, his family, his companions and his followers until the Day of Judgment. I bear witness that Allah is the only one worthy of worship and Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is his last and final messenger.

Life Is a Struggle

My dear brothers and sisters, Allah when He created this world and this universe, He put certain rules and laws that govern the creations — and this is what we usually refer to in Arabic terms as laws and systems in place.

And one of these laws is that Allah made this life a struggle. So everybody has to go through struggle in this life. That struggle against one another, competing, pushing one another — you push me to go forward, or you push me to go to the side, or push me to go back. So that's how life is — life always has this kind of conflict, and it requires from you to grab and to fight and to put in an effort. Nothing in this life comes easy.

And there are many verses in the Qur'an that speak about this concept. And if this is the case, it is so important to understand that you must also be strong. That's why the Prophet ﷺ said:

(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2664)

There is good in both — the weak and the strong. But Allah loves those who are strong. And when you are strong, you also help and aid the weak among us.

Your Value Begins With How You See Yourself

But let me tell you something that each and every one of us must pay attention to. Which is: every strength you can think of, it will start from how much you value yourself. And this is so important.

لا بد أن الأمر يبدأ بإدراكك لقيمتك عند نفسك.

Your value in your own eyes — what is it? And that's something so important. Really, really deep in your heart, how you value yourself, how you see yourself. It's so important that you deeply look at yourself, and you look at yourself in a positive way. And you look at yourself in the most positive way, actually. And you value yourself without any conditions, without any additions.

The Danger of External Validation

Some people don't understand that their value comes from themselves. So instead, what they do — they think of their value as coming from the outside.

By the way, in Khutbat al-Jumu'ah, we're not supposed to be looking at our phones. I think Shaykh Ammar last time told me that a lot of people during Khutbat al-Jumu'ah look at their cell phones — unless you are on-call police, or an on-call surgeon who absolutely has to go — you should not be using your phone during the khutbah. The Prophet ﷺ said you lose the reward of your khutbah because you became distracted.

In any case, going back to what I was saying — this issue of how you value yourself is so important as the first step. Some people feel their value comes from outside. They need something external to add value to them in order for them to see value in themselves.

For example, some people think their value is based on how much money they have. You think your value becomes elevated — and people will value you, and you will value yourself — just because you have a lot of money. But that's not true. And even if somebody values you for your money, or for what you possess, that person does not value you. That person is about to use you, not about to value you.

The real value of you does not come from how rich you are. The Prophet ﷺ was not a rich person, and he is the most valuable, the most honorable, most noble person that you could ever think of. And some people work so hard — all their focus from youth is about money and getting money, because they want to have value in life. Money will not make you a valuable person.

The Car Story

Another example — some people think their value comes from the valuable things that they possess. One brother once, I was driving with him, and he said to me, "Oh, that's enough Shaykh, you don't need to walk me, I'm just visiting." I said, "No, I'll walk you to your car." He insisted no, and I insisted, because there was something in my heart — I knew why he was saying that. Anyway, we went to this old Mazda car, broken, paint chips everywhere, not a good car. He said, "Sorry Shaykh, the car is dirty." I felt that he felt so bad that his car was not a good car.

I said to him, "By the way, now that I know what kind of car you drive, you are more valuable in my eyes." He said, "Jazakallah khayr, Shaykh — sometimes I feel bad about my car." Habibi, your car is not going to elevate you in my eyes or bring you down. That's not how it works.

Some people think: I can't walk into a wedding wearing a purse that's not a designer brand, or wearing a dress that's not designer. That's why some people try to boost — "This is a $500 pen," "This is a $4,000 suit," "This watch is a Rolex" — all these big fancy names. And that's how they boost themselves, because inside they are so empty.

And I will say this again: don't ever make your life based on those who will value you based on what you have. There are some people who call you "Ya Ammi," "Ya Habibi," "Ya Abuya," "Ya Ummi" — only because you give them money. The moment you cut the money, it's like the brothers of Yusuf — when they said "our brother," referring to their brother, and when he was caught by Yusuf alayhis salaam, they said, "Your son was caught stealing" — not anymore "our brother," now it's "your son."

If your sons and daughters value you because you give them money, that's not how the relationship is supposed to be. If your nephews and uncles and brothers and sisters and community value you because of what you donate and what you give — by the way, just for the record, I value you for you and for what you donate too, so just get that out of the way, I'm just kidding — it is so important to make sure that you value yourself.

Makeup for the Body, Makeup for the Character

I'll give you an example of those who value themselves. Those who value themselves don't care much about unfounded criticism. There are some people who, from the inside, are so shaky. Anybody says anything about them, they shake from inside and can't sleep all night.

There is a story of a scholar — one time somebody followed him and said bad things about him in front of people. He looked at him, and the students said, "You're not going to reply to him?" He said, "No." He then said to the man: "If what you said about me is true, may Allah forgive me. And if what you said about me is a lie, may Allah forgive you." And he moved on. That's a person who understands his value. He's not going to allow someone to shake him.

Some people will pick a fight with everybody. It is so weak, so insecure — looking for all these things to cover themselves and make themselves feel good. People put on a lot of makeup — why? Because they don't feel that they are beautiful. What makes you beautiful? You believing that you are beautiful. And we have to teach our kids this. We have to make sure that our children from a young age understand that.

I've seen girls 10, 11 years old putting on makeup — why? "I want to look good." That is a problem in building high self-esteem. And that's why some people need makeup for their body, and some people use makeup for their character — a makeup for the character. So they start getting all these expensive and fancy things, titles — putting 5 or 6 titles before their name. And they will be so upset if you don't call them "Doctor" or acknowledge their PhD.

Someone said, "Sorry, I'm not a doctor, I'm a surgeon." — "Excuse me." You see, it can mean so much to some people.

The Story of Muhammad Ibn al-Hanafiyyah and al-Hasan

And I tell you — when you value yourself, you start valuing others. There was a man named Muhammad ibn al-Hanafiyyah. His mother was Fatimah al-Hanafiyyah, and his father was Ali ibn Abi Talib. He had a conflict between him and al-Hasan. And who is al-Hasan? Al-Hasan is the son of Ali ibn Abi Talib, and his mother is Fatimah al-Zahra, the Prophet's daughter. After she passed away, Ali married another woman whose name was Fatimah al-Hanafiyyah — not the Prophet's daughter. So Muhammad ibn al-Hanafiyyah had a conflict with his half-brother.

Muhammad ibn al-Hanafiyyah sent al-Hasan a message saying: "When you receive this letter, come to me." So al-Hasan looked at it and thought: "I am the older one, and you are asking me to come to you?" But he knew the value of himself — he had no problem with it. So he went to him in his house and said, "What can I help you with?" He said, "Nothing." "What can I help you with, my brother?" "Nothing." "Then why did you call me?" He said, "I only called you because the Prophet ﷺ said:

'The best of the two is the one who gives salam first.' Would it be fitting that the son of Fatimah al-Hanafiyyah would be better than the son of Fatimah al-Zahra? I want you to be the better one."

To value yourself is not to think less of yourself — but to think less about yourself.

Strong Personality, Confidence, and Firmness

My brothers and sisters, a strong personality is not a bad thing. Confidence is not a bad thing. Firmness is not a bad thing. It is bad only when it goes beyond and exceeds the limit. Because the opposite of that is to be weak — to always be vulnerable, to always be someone people take advantage of, to always be someone people walk over.

And don't justify this by saying, "Oh, that's good manners, that's being nice." That's not really helping. Sometimes you have relatives who abuse the relationship — they just keep milking you, milking you, milking you. And if you're not firm from the beginning to tell them — I'm not saying cut them off, but I'm saying teach them the right way of living their life. Tough love is important.

That's why with our kids, whom we love the most, we don't just say yes, yes, yes. Kids need vitamin N, as someone said — vitamin N, which is "no." It's important for their growth. And I'm saying this because it takes courage, it takes strength to make that decision. Don't ever think that this is against the teachings of our religion. You can say no with compassion — with a soft heart and a soft voice and a soft face — when you know that this "no" is beneficial.

These Blessed Days: Dhikr and Udhiyah

These blessed days, my brothers and sisters, it is sunnah to increase your dhikr:

Your takbeer — after the prayers, but also in between the prayers, in between the five daily prayers, all the time. But it is most recommended after each and every salah — for today and the next three days, all the way until the Asr prayer on the third day after today, where it ends.

And also, those who made udhiyah — congratulations. Those who didn't, if you can, offer it. It is a highly recommended sunnah. The Prophet ﷺ never abandoned the udhiyah — whether traveling or at home. And you have from today and the next three days, all the way until Asr.

May Allah accept from all of us our good deeds, and forgive our sins, and give us strength and the best of manners.

Du'a