How To Regain Control Over Your Habits - Ust. Hisham Abu Yusuf

The Principle of Consistency

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم says in a famous hadith:

The most beloved deeds to Allah are consistent ones, even if they are small.

One day, Al-Qama رضي الله عنه asks Aisha رضي الله عنها, the Prophet's wife. He says, "Ya Umm al-Mu'mineen," O mother of the believers:

What were the Prophet's deeds like, his actions, what did they look like? Did he have some days for some special things, some other days for other special things? She said no. She says this famous word:

(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 746)

His actions were consistent. He would do something, he'd do it every day of his life.

The Concept of the Wird

This is where the concept of the Wird comes in. You might have heard this word — the Wird. Wird in Arabic refers to a portion, a portion of the Quran or a portion of dhikr that you never leave every day.

What does consistency mean? It means this action, this habit is so important in my life that if I miss it, I will compensate for it. I will make it up later. So if the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم would miss his sunnah — his 12 sunnah prayers he would pray every day, or 14 depending on which narration you take — he would make them up later. If he missed the night prayer, he would make it up in the daytime. Because these are his habits. These are the pillars of his day. They never change. They never move. They never sway. This is consistency.

When you do something consistently, you start to realize that on a daily basis you won't see the effect, but there's a compound effect. Every mountain starts with a pebble. One pebble, another pebble — before you realize it, it's a mountain. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم — this is how his worship would be — small but consistent.

Start Small and Be Realistic

So when we want to copy, embody, and emulate the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, we have to start with something small that we can do. We have to be realistic. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم says, when he's giving advice about this:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 43; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 782)

Take on board deeds that you are actually realistically able to do. Allah doesn't get bored, but you might get bored. Don't overdo it. So start with once a week. You can do once a week — make it twice. You can do twice — make it three times, four times. Hold yourself to account.

How to Build Consistent Habits

But how do we build consistent habits? This is a deeper question and it applies to all aspects of life. How do you build a consistent habit?

There's a book I can recommend to all of you — there's two books. One is a book called Atomic Habits by James Clear. I'm not saying Sheikhul Islam James Clear. You say Ustadh Hisham takes from the kuffar. Yes, I take from the kuffar. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said:

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2687)

Wisdom is the lost property of the believer. Wherever he finds it, he is more deserving of it. If I find wisdom — useful, beneficial knowledge from a non-Muslim — I will take it. So sometimes we have to accept and benefit from other sources.

James Clear writes a brilliant book called Atomic Habits — all on this idea. How do I develop a habit? How do I make something from a deed that I do once in a while into a real habit? We've all tried it. Ramadan. Everybody has the habit of Quran after Ramadan — you know, it's gone. It evaporates.

The Power of Accountability

The most effective way to build a habit is to create a sense of accountability. I'll give you a simple example. Someone says, "I want to memorize the Quran." I say, great. Pay a teacher. Not a friend — pay somebody an amount every week, and let it be someone who you are scared of, you don't want to disappoint, you respect. Make a fixed weekly time when you have to meet them and give strict rules to yourself. Say, "Teacher, if I come ten minutes late, cancel the lesson and make me still pay for it. If I miss four lessons in a row, never talk to me again — tell me to get lost." Creating this accountability. Consequences — punishment if you miss it. A weekly time. Creating this whole system. This will force you to turn up every week. Even if you are the laziest person in the world, you will turn up because you're scared of the consequences.

The Power of the Group — Qiyam al-Layl Example

What about the night prayer? How can I create a system for the night prayer? One of the ways to do this is the power of jama'a. Alone, there is very little you can accomplish. But when we do things in groups, we're able to accomplish much more.

You create a WhatsApp group. It's called the Qiyam al-Layl crew, the A-team, the Muzzammil team — whatever you want, be creative. What's the deal of this group? All of us are going to choose one night in the week to pray Qiyam al-Layl, the night prayer. If we all succeed in doing so, there is a group reward — we will each pay £20 into this pot every month and we will get a reward for all of us, or we'll go out for a meal, or we'll have some celebration or something.

But we have one goal, one goal only: we want to be the people who — when everybody's asleep, we are standing; when everybody's laughing, we are crying — that we have this depth of connection to Allah. We are the people of the night prayer.

You create this group, you create this accountability. Everybody is asking the other. You make pairs. You say, "Ahmed, at 3 a.m. you have to ring me, and if I don't wake up, there is a consequence — I have to give £100 in charity the next day." Ahmed rings you — you will be awake. There's no "but, but, but." No business.

This is the reason — if I give you a real-life example — there's a reason why many people will not wake up for Fajr, but one hour later they'll be up at 8 a.m. for work. Why? What's the difference? Allah and your boss. Why would we wake up for our boss but not for Allah? Because there's accountability. If we don't wake up at 8 for our boss, we lose the paycheck, we lose our career, we lose our job, we're seen as unprofessional. Maybe they'll strike us off. Maybe they'll give us a slap on the wrist. So scared of the consequence — everybody's up at 8 a.m. Look at the rush hour traffic at 8 a.m. Look at the rush hour traffic at Fajr time. There's no rush hour. Because there's no accountability in this world.

Create some — if you do not have the fear of Allah, the love of Allah, that engine to move you to pray at night — create a system that will force you. A friend, a partner, a teacher, a group, something that will force you to worship Allah. Whether it's reading a page a day of the Quran, whether it's praying the night prayer — creating a system where somebody else is going to hold you to account. This is what will help you succeed. And whether it's learning Arabic, or recitation of the Quran, or a daily du'a, or adhkar — it always helps to do it in a group. It always helps to have a teacher, somebody you fear, somebody you respect.

Lessons from Morocco and the Horn of Africa

There are parts of the world in which this system has worked wonders. For example, in Morocco — many of the masajid, every day at Fajr and Maghrib, they read one Hizb of the Quran together. That's half a Juz'. So every day all you need to do is turn up — you turn up, you sit down, 20 minutes, you leave, and you've read half a juz', ten pages of the Quran. Of course there are discussions between the ulama, between scholars — a valid difference of opinion whether we can recite the Quran in unison or not, etc., etc. — but that's beside the point. The point is: when there's a group doing something, it becomes a culture. It becomes a habit.

I'll give you another example from the Horn of Africa, from Bilad al-Somal. Many people wonder: what is the secret behind the Somali households producing huffadh like the Asian households produce sweets and gulab jamun? What's the secret? There's a system — a daily system that keeps them revising the Quran in groups. What's it called? Suba. You've heard it, right?

What is this system? You sit in a circle. Everyone recites one ayah. Perfect. So everybody recites one ayah every day. This culture exists in many, many households from a young age. Imagine you're a three-year-old and you wake up every morning and all of your older siblings are sitting around your parents reciting one ayah each — one ayah each — until the whole family has recited ten pages of the Quran. Imagine. This was your lifestyle. This was your culture. Your family will grow up loving the Quran, having that system of accountability with the Quran. When everybody is sitting in a circle, it's easy to join in. But if you need to do it on your own, with all your distractions, do it by yourself — you'll probably forget.

So it's really important. These systems are embedded in many cultures, many Muslim countries — and we need to revive these and embed them in our lives. A circle of dhikr, a circle of Qiyam al-Layl, a WhatsApp group for revision of the Quran, a daily time we come together and we sit and we complete this thing that we want to make a daily habit.

James Clear wrote his book just a couple of years ago — but the Moroccans and the Somalis were doing atomic habits from 700 years ago. Let's not mince our words. These guys are late to the party. We've been developing habits since before their grandparents were born.

Conclusion: Reviving the System

So it's important to revive this system — how to develop a habit. كَانَ عَمَلُ رَسُولِ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم دِيمَةً — the Prophet's deeds were consistent. And the way this consistency was preserved was through halaqat, through teachers, through systems that would force you to do it — even on the day you don't feel like it — because everybody else is there, and so you need to turn up as well.