How to DEAL with BETRAYAL | Jumuah Khutbah | Imam Nadim Bashir | EPIC Masjid

Introduction

As-salāmu ʿalaykum wa raḥmatu Llāhi wa barakātuh.

I bear witness that there is none worthy of worship except Allah. I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah. I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah. Come to Prayer, Come to Prayer. Come to success, Come to success.

I bear witness that there is none worthy of worship except Allah. I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah. I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah.

Learning from Stories of Betrayal

We find stories of Yusuf (AS), and not only that, but we find even stories about even the Prophet (SAW) in the seerah. The point is that in this brief khutbah I want to share with you there are four things that we can do insha'Allah to overcome betrayal. If someone has ever betrayed you, these are four things that you can do to overcome that betrayal.

First: Do Not Let Betrayal Redefine Who You Are

The very first thing is that do not let that person who betrayed you redefine who you are as a person. You see, one of the greatest dangers of betrayal is that it tempts you as a person to say, "you know what, if they treated me this way then I should become the same way to them." Allah says in the Qur'an:

Someone betrayed you - you know that person is a terrible person. But if you come down to their level and you start betraying others, then yes, on one end you are the victim, but because you probably betrayed ten more people because you thought that this is how the world works, this is how society functions, so now I'm gonna start betraying other people because that's the only way to get around. You might think that "well, I am the victim to that person's aggression and their betrayal and I want my justice on the day of judgment," but in return you have betrayed ten other people and you have forgotten that they will also stand on the day of judgment asking you for your good deeds. That is why the Qur'an says in Surah Al-Ma'idah:

Do not let the wrongdoings of those people who did wrongdoing cause you to abandon justice.

The Example of the Prophet at Ta'if

That is why even when we talk about Rasulullah (SAW), when he went to Ta'if - what happened in Ta'if? We all know what happened in Ta'if. But the reason why it was considered as a criminal act on behalf of the people of Ta'if is because anytime there was an envoy that would come from any other place, or any other delegation that would come from any other city or town, even if you disagreed with them, you will never engage in harm. Even there were times when the Christians of Najran came to Medina and they were debating with the Prophet (SAW) about Isa (AS) and whether he is divine or not - the Prophet (SAW), even though he disagreed with them, he never harmed them. How many times there were people who came to Medina - there is not a single report in Islamic history that the Prophet (SAW) hurt them. Yet when he went to Ta'if, though they disagreed with the deen of the Prophet (SAW), they actually went even a notch higher and they harmed Rasulullah (SAW), which was very abnormal and politically very criminal.

But yet when the Prophet (SAW) made dua and Allah sent Jibreel (AS), the Prophet (SAW) did not come down to their level. He did not say "you know what, they hurt me, now they deserve it." The Prophet (SAW) said that perhaps inshallah, if not today, tomorrow there will be someone in that tribe or in that town who will become a Muslim. And today subhanallah, the entire city of Ta'if are Muslims.

So at the end of the day, sometimes it's really a test of your character as a person that when you are betrayed, do not ever come down to their level. Otherwise, if you come down to their level, though you might be criticizing them, but there is no difference between you and them. So the very first thing that we learn is that whenever someone betrays you, do not come down to their level and do not let them redefine - do not let them decide who you are as a person. You stand on your morals and stand on the sunnah of Rasulullah (SAW).

Second: Forgiveness Does Not Mean Foolishness

The second thing that we learn about betrayal is that forgiveness is one thing, but being intelligent, being smart, and making sure that you're not betrayed again is on you as a person. That's why the Prophet (SAW) says that no person can be stung from the same hole twice.

What that means is that if you have been betrayed one time by someone - and by the way, let me say this too before I go any further ahead - when we talk about betrayal, betrayal can come from anyone: someone who you're very close to, someone who you've been doing business with for a very long time, or someone that you thought that you can fully trust. Or in many cases, the greatest betrayal comes from family members. You help someone, in return they start turning around - they turn around and they start accusing you, they start saying things to you. So betrayal can come from anywhere. Again, when you are closer to them, the more closer you are to a person, that betrayal even stings even more.

So going forward, the point is I was saying on the second point that forgiveness does not mean that you just learn how to let it go, but you're also aware that you don't do the same thing twice.

The Example of Hudaybiyah and Fath Mecca

This is something that for example we learned from the Prophet (SAW). When the Prophet (SAW) - not migrated - when he went to Mecca for Umrah, this is before Fath of Mecca, he went for Hudaybiyah. This was the incident of Hudaybiyah. The Prophet (SAW) sees a dream that he's performing Umrah - it is a message from Allah (azza wa jal) - so he goes with the Sahaba. We all know what happened was that they eventually went, they could not perform their Umrah, they had to leave Mecca. And at that time some of the Sahaba (radhi Allahu anhum) were even criticizing - they cannot criticize the Prophet (SAW) - but they're criticizing the outcome of this entire expedition. And they came to the Prophet (SAW) and they said, "aren't we on the truth?" Umar al-Khattab (radhi Allahu anhu) went to Abu Bakr (radhi Allahu anhu) that "aren't we on the truth?" But at that time Allah sent a revelation where he says:

Indeed we have sent to you a clear victory - though on the outside it may look like a defeat, but internally and in the eyes of Allah it was an open victory.

And so in this incident, what happened was that one year later we find out that the Quraysh violated the terms of the agreement. Now the Prophet (SAW) went to Mecca because according to the political standards at that time, when you go against, when you betray the agreement, then there are met with consequences. So the Prophet (SAW) goes to Mecca, and now while he is taking over Mecca and Fath Mecca is in process, first of all he is understanding he won't let the Quraysh do whatever they want to do because they violated the terms of the agreement. At the same time, after Mecca was taken over, you have all these people who were criminals against Islam, who hurt the Prophet (SAW) - but what did the Prophet do to them? He did forgive them.

But you see, the point is that many of us we think that part of mercy means that even if a person betrays you, you still fall into the same hole. And nowhere in our deen says that you still do the same thing if you have been betrayed by someone in business. One thing is to forgive, because the longer you keep it in your heart then the longer you are just carrying that burden. You forgive it, you leave it to Allah, and you say that I'll get my justice in the akhirah. So now you have left it to Allah and now you are not carrying that burden anymore. But mercy and forgiveness and being good to another Muslim does not mean that you sting yourself again - you put yourself in that same position.

That is why you have to always remember that if someone has betrayed you - I'm not saying that you stop salam, no. You keep your salam, you keep your dua, "how are you?" "good" - he comes to you, she comes to you, you make salam. That's something that our deen has taught us. But at the same time, our deen has also taught us that you be wise, our deen has taught us that you be intelligent.

And that is why when I see over and over again, what bothers me is so many times I see people they come to my office, they would say "I was betrayed by one person." "Okay, then what happened after that?" "Oh, again I went back in business with that same person." "Why?" I mean, that's your foolishness unfortunately. You should have learned from the hadith of the Prophet (SAW).

So that is why the second point of betrayal is that if someone does betray you, then you forgive them, leave it to Allah, but at the same time, mercy, forgiveness does not mean that you repeat the same mistake again and again. Forgiveness purifies you, but creating boundaries around yourself, it preserves you as a person.

Third: Betrayal Does Not Reveal Your Character

The third reality when it comes to betrayal is that it does not reveal your character. You know, a few days ago I had a brother who came to my office and he was telling me that "why is it that I unfortunately come across these kind of people who will betray you?" And he's a good person mashallah, he's a really good guy. But unfortunately he comes across the same people over and over again who have this character of betraying others. And he began to doubt himself and says that "does Allah hate me? Does Allah dislike me? Is there something wrong in my relationship with Allah? I read Quran, I pray my salat, I do my adhkar, I do everything that a Muslim needs to do. I'm good to other people, my akhlaq is also good."

And I have to explain to this brother that it's not you as a person. It's not that Allah does not like you, it's not that Allah hates you. Because that's what shaitan comes and he brings in our mind is that Allah does not like you, and as a result that you start distancing yourself from Allah.

So that is why when someone betrays you, and let's just say you are in a position that unfortunately you have been betrayed or you have got the shorter end of the stick not once but multiple times, do not ever feel that Allah dislikes you. Remember when you say the seer of the Prophet (SAW), there was a person in the community of the Prophet (SAW) who was a leader of the munafiqun. His name was Abdullah bin Ubay. How many times did he betray the Prophet (SAW)?

I mean, think about it for a moment. When he came, there was a vacuum of leadership in Medina. He want to fill that vacuum, that vacuum of leadership in Medina. But the people of Medina did not accept that - they gave the leadership reins to the Prophet (SAW). Already he was bitter about that. And then after that, as he is seeing the expansion of the Muslims, the strength of the Muslims growing on a daily basis, and then month by month so many people are coming into the deen, tribes are coming into the deen of Islam, his entire mission is falling apart. What he wanted is to create a division and to break the Muslims from within. He was a man who came every single day to the masjid, because again why is this important?

Dealing with Betrayal: Lessons from the Prophet's Experience

Many times we feel like we will be betrayed by people who are outside, and that's not true. You'll be betrayed by people who are coming to the masjid on a daily basis perhaps, and you say that well if this is what deen is, I don't want nothing to do with deen. That's not right either, because at the end Allah did not tell him to do that. He did that because of his lack of faith, because of his lack of fear of Allah.

So it is important that you don't ever think that if I got the shorter end of the stick many times, then inshallah you'll get your justice in the akhirah - without a doubt, 100%. But at the same time, if you feel that Allah does not like me perhaps, or Allah hates me perhaps نعوذ بالله, that kind of perception with Allah is very, very unfair. And that is why we keep on making du'a to Allah that He protects us.

The Story of Abdullah bin Ubay

But this is what He did. He attacked the Prophet ﷺ. The person who was behind the whole story of ifk and the slander against our mother Aisha (radiallahu anha) was who? It was none other than Abdullah bin Ubay. But after he passed away, the Prophet of Islam even wanted, just out of mercy, he just wanted to pray salatul janazah on him. And Allah says:

And not only that, but He also instructed the Prophet ﷺ:

That Allah says that even if you seek forgiveness for him, he will not be forgiven. You're not allowed to pray salat on them and you're not allowed to stand on their grave.

So this important thing is that never did the Prophet ﷺ - he felt that one person who has betrayed the Prophet ﷺ, he has betrayed the family of the Prophet ﷺ, the Muslim community - and the Prophet ﷺ, did he ever feel that why am I getting the shorter end of the stick? No. He realized that this was - it was this person who did this. Allah did not tell him to do this. He did this because Allah has given you and I free will to every single person, and we will do what we want to do. But accountability will be in the akhirah.

Taking Your Pain to Allah

The fourth reality when it comes to betrayal is that always, if you want to share your pain with anyone, you can share with others of course, but the person or the one that you need to share your pain with is none other than Allah. Wake up in the middle of the night, share your pain with Allah.

We live today in a world that if you cry, people will judge you. Women cry, they will say that this is normal. If a man cries, they will say that this is not right - where is your manhood, where is your masculinity and so forth. If that was true, why would Rasulullah cry every single night? That is the time of the day when everyone is asleep, or even during the day time. If you come to the masjid and you are praying in the corner and you cry and you cry because of that pain that you have received from being betrayed, wallahi Allah will never - Allah will not judge you because you are crying, whether you are a man or a woman, young, old, middle age. It does not matter who you are. If you are crying in front of Allah and you are expressing your pain and you cry even like a child, Allah will not judge you.

So that is why always take your pain to Allah. When Yusuf ﷺ was taken away from Yaqub ﷺ, he said:

He took his pain to Allah. So that is why anytime this kind of situation arises, just put your trust in the hands of Allah. Take your pain and put it in the hands of Allah, and Allah will take care of it.

Justice Will Prevail in the Akhirah

This is dunya. This dunya is not the place of al-jaza. There is a day called Yawm al-Jaza which is in the akhirah. And as a Muslim, one of the things that gives us the most amount of perhaps peace in our life is that we understand that justice will prevail and justice will be done - will be done by Allah.

No one in this dunya - even if they get away in this dunya - but ultimately any person who betrays another person, they will never ever walk away without serving or without going through consequences in the akhirah. Allah is judge, He is jury, and He is also executioner.

So that is why anytime you have been betrayed, these are four things that you can apply in your life inshallah. And always remember: justice will prevail. If not in this dunya, most certainly, most certainly in the akhirah inshallah.

For Those Who Betray Others

And if you are a person who betrays others, then I have only one verse of the Quran for you, and that is:

Allah does not like those who betray others' trust. If you are a person who has betrayed the trust of someone else, first of all seek the forgiveness of Allah. But if this is something that you do habitually, then I ask you and I plead to you that make tawbah to Allah. Imagine if you are betrayed - you would not like it. Do not betray others.

As the Prophet ﷺ says:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 10)

A Muslim is that person that other Muslims are safeguarded from the misuse of their tongue and their hands.

So I ask Allah that He grants us peace in the case that we ever are betrayed, and we ask Allah that if we are amongst those who betray others, may Allah grant us the tawfeeq to make tawbah to Allah and come back to Allah. Ameen ya rabbil alameen.

Serving Allah's Creation

Brothers and sisters, as many of you are aware of what happened last week here on Saturday - and subhanallah it was an interesting kind of situation because the same people who are coming and saying that we are against these kind of words that are always popping up in media - Islamification, Islamism and all these words - they came here. But subhanallah they were blocking the way and eventually they had to move because we were having a food pantry and we were bringing these people here and we were providing for them.

And this is not the only service that we provide here at the masjid. By the way, if you don't know, we are by the city of Plano - we are the official overnight warming shelter for the entire city of Plano. So alhamdulillah there's a lot of work that's going on in the back here. As you know that we have a medical clinic that is not open just on the weekends - many people believe that it's only open on the weekends - they're open six days a week and providing free healthcare to those who are in need and perhaps those who don't have health insurance because of the cost.

So keeping this in mind, one of the things that we learned from the Prophet ﷺ is that no matter what situation he was - even if he was in a situation where he needed the help and he needed the support - whenever people came to him for help and support, he would always help them out. It was part of - it's part of being a Muslim that you care for others, you give to others what you love for yourself:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 13)

That you cannot be a believer unless you do for someone else what you want for yourself.

So that is why with this in mind, inshallah we as the masjid we have embarked on this big project inshallah. And once again, this is all about serving the creation of Allah. And there are many hadith, but because of time I will not go into them, but the most important hadith that perhaps you can keep in mind is this that the Prophet ﷺ he says:

(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2699)

That as long as a person is helping someone else out, then inshallah Allah will always help them out.

The Psychology of Helping Others

And you know I have people who have come to me, and I'm not just saying this because this is what I think is right, but I read about this by many life coaches and so forth, that one of the best things that you can do to bring peace in your life - to bring peace in your life - is to help other people. You know when you provide a place to sleep for someone who is sitting outside when it's probably 20 degrees outside, and you give them a space and you give them a place to stay, and that smile that they put on their face - Allah remembers that smile. And as a result, Allah will put a smile on your face.

So that is why it's part of being a Muslim that we go out and we help out. It's not that we're helping out because of Islamophobia - Islamophobia to tackle and to crush the anti-Islamic rhetoric that is taking place currently in the United States - that is a secondary benefit. But the first reason why we're doing this is because even when the Prophet ﷺ came to Medina, what's the first thing he said? He says spread the salaam. And when he says spread the salaam, it does not mean that you just go around saying السلام عليكم. Another meaning is because the word سلام means peace - it means that spread the peace, meaning that be a source of peace wherever you go. As a Muslim community, a Muslim community is such that other people they feel at peace when they are around other Muslims.

And then the second instruction of the Prophet ﷺ was what? He says that feed those who are in need. He did not specify Muslim or a person who belongs to another faith - he said feed those who are in need.

So this is part of our deen. Any person who says that "you know what, I got my own problems going on, I don't have the time or the energy to worry about other people's problems" - that's the problem, you understand? That psychology of yours, that way of thinking of yours is the problem. Who knows that if you go out and you help someone else out, Allah will help you too? That is a guarantee from Allah.

So that is why inshallah it is very important that we take this idea of helping others, and if you help others inshallah then of course Allah will help us as a community. But then it will crush all this Islamophobic rhetoric that is taking place online, because you've heard this before: actions speak louder than words. When people see something and they know the work is going on, then they know where the truth is, they know who Muslims are.

So that is why it is very important that we take this project seriously inshallah. I'll be giving more details after salat inshallah. May Allah make us from amongst those who are able to serve others, and I ask Allah that every single person who participates in this project, may Allah put a smile on their face. Ameen.

As I was referring to in the end of the khutbah about this project that we have embarked on, الحمد لله we have purchased a building, and that building إن شاء الله is going to be used to facilitate all the various homeless people in the community, whether it's a soup kitchen, whether it's going to be a medical clinic, whether it's an overnight warming shelter إن شاء الله.

So we have a fundraiser taking place tomorrow in regards to this matter. إن شاء الله it's going to be here tomorrow at Epic Masjid, at 6 o'clock right after السلام عليكم ورحمة الله. Please come along with your families. So tomorrow again, fundraiser. Come with your families إن شاء الله. جزاكم الله خيرا. والسلام عليكم ورحمة الله.