The Defining Trait of Islam | Jumuah Khutbah | Imam Nadim Bashir | EPIC Masjid

After this, Allah the Blessed and Most High said, after I seek refuge in Allah from Satan the accursed:

I ask Allah that just as he has gathered us here today on this day of Jum'ah, may Allah gather us along with our families in Jannah for Daws al-A'la in the companionship of Rasulullah and his Sahaba. Ameen Ya Rabbal Alameen.

The Importance of Teaching Our Children Adab and Akhlaq

Brothers and sisters, a few weeks ago I stood here on this very same minbar and I talked about and stressed upon the importance of teaching our kids adab and akhlaq. You know, we see our kids and the direction our kids are going in, and many times we ask ourselves, how did our children become like this? Sometimes they will come to the shaykh saying my kids need ruqya. Your kids don't need ruqya. Your kids need proper tarbiyah. That's what they need.

And what's important to understand is that we are so obsessed - my kids need to learn how to read the Quran. I've had parents come to me and tell me, "My child's only three years old. When do I start teaching them the Arabic alphabet? When do I start teaching them how to read the Quran in Arabic?" Sometimes we want our kids to know the five pillars of Islam or the six articles of faith.

But brothers and sisters, I'm stressing upon this because this is where we are lacking. We're not teaching our kids the basic adab of life. What are etiquettes of life? How do you behave at home? How do you behave in society? How do you behave when you go to someone else's house? How do you behave with your parents? How do you behave with your siblings?

We are lacking etiquettes. We are lacking mannerisms. These are two things that even today when you go out in society, these are two things that are being lost. You don't see people being so generous, exhibiting etiquettes. Alhamdulillah, there are a lot of people - don't get me wrong - there are a lot of people in the society, Muslim and non-Muslim alike, who are very good to each other. But there are a lot of people also that we see that the morals, the mannerisms in society are dipping every single year and every single day for that matter.

So that is why brothers and sisters, we need to understand that before the aspects of Iman come into the picture, before we teach our kids Islam, before we teach them anything, we have to teach them adab and akhlaq.

Examples of Poor Adab in Our Community

I saw a child here the other day. He was causing problems in the back of the masjid. There was one other kid with him and his mother comes in the back and his mother is telling him that what you're doing is wrong. This kid did not even have the simple decency to show his own mother respect. He's laughing in front of his mother. He's walking away laughing as if he has not done anything wrong. This is a lack of adab. This is a lack of akhlaq.

On the other hand, just two days ago here in the back, in this back room, I saw two kids during salat al-Isha - during salat al-Isha. They are standing behind - this is the third rakah by the way, not the beginning of salat or before the salat starts - mid salat, third rakah. I come in, I see two kids standing behind the whiteboard. There's a whiteboard in the back. They're standing behind the whiteboard while salat is going on.

So I looked at both of them and said, "Why don't you engage in salat?" And both of them - one of them got in salat right away. The other one, he's looking back over and over again: "Is the Imam looking at me? Is the Imam looking at me? Is the Imam looking at me?" And I'm like, why are you worried about me? You have to pray salat!

I mean, these kids sometimes - they're not even taught the basics. What is the purpose of the masjid? The masjid - you come to the masjid, the name masjid means a place where you worship, a place where you make sujud. Yet some of these kids are coming to the masjid and they're not even praying at the masjid. That's like going to the library and not even reading a book.

I mean, where is our adab and akhlaq, parents? You cannot just leave your children and go away thinking that your kids are Jibreel. Your kids are gonna pray? No, you have to be there. That is your job as a parent. One of the key reasons Allah gave you children and one of the key reasons why Allah has given the status to a parent is because they teach their kids. You cannot expect the society to teach your kids. You as a father, you as a mother, you need to teach your kids. And that also includes that you have to make sure who they're hanging around with - that's also important.

Now usually you're gonna have parents say, "But my kids, they need friends. Otherwise, they're gonna grow up friendless. They're not gonna have any friends." That's fine. But I rather have - instead of having hundred friends, I rather have two, three friends, or I rather have my kids to be friends with only two, three people, but those who have akhlaq, those who have adab, those who have respect, those who have mannerisms, those who understand etiquettes. I would rather make my kids to be friends with those kids, even if it's two or three, because we are not teaching them.

The Defining Trait of Islam: Haya and Modesty

Now that is not the point of today's khutbah. Today's khutbah is about something else that we are not teaching our kids, which goes back to the basic fundamental teachings that we got to teach our kids. And that is the importance of haya and modesty.

Brothers and sisters, the Prophet has made it very clear:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 24)

Haya is from Iman. If you say you are a Muslim, if you say that I'm a believer in Allah, then modesty comes with being a believer in Allah.

As the Prophet says in another hadith:

(Sahih Muslim, Hadith 35)

Haya and modesty is part of who you are as a Muslim. These two things cannot be separated. Haya also means life - that the only way you can have meaning to your life is if you apply haya in your life.

And that is why in another hadith, the Prophet makes it very clear that on one hand, there is faith and faith and modesty go hand in hand. But then why do we see people doing completely illicit things in society? We see the immodesty, the immorality that is spreading in society, and we see all this. And once again, the Prophet Muhammad has also talked about that.

And he says in a hadith:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 3484)

If you have no haya, then go do whatever you want. You know, when you see people doing absurd things, absolutely absurd things, you know why? Because they have no haya, no modesty. They have no shame - haya means shame, shamefulness. They have to have shame in their life.

The Consequences of Lost Modesty in Society

We live in a society that is considered shameless and is getting worse every single year. That is why brothers and sisters, when modesty disappears, when haya disappears, everything else collapses. Family bonds are broken, respect between generations is lost, and shamelessness becomes entertainment and sin becomes normalized in society.

And that is why, subhanAllah, when you saw what happened during the last administration, you saw people - there are people who belong to the LGBTQ community. And we said this before that whatever they want to do, they can do it behind closed doors. But we saw how they were going into schools, indoctrinating children.

And not only that, but we see even in our society when you go to gyms - when you go to gyms, you go to the locker rooms, you'll find many people who have no haya, who have no shame. They're walking around naked at times. This is the society unfortunately we live in. I'm not saying every person does this, but there are people who do these kind of things. I've seen these kind of things and I'm like, "I'm not going to this gym again," because I need to protect my faith. I got to protect my Iman.

So this is the society that we live in, and that is why the Prophet says in another hadith:

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 6117)

Modesty brings only good. A person who is modest in the way they speak, a person who's modest in the way they dress, a person who's modest in the way they interact with others - this brings you only good.

And that is why in another hadith - though this is a da'eef hadith, but nonetheless it is a hadith, and da'eef hadith and mawdu' hadith are not in the same category, so we have to have some kind of understanding - the Prophet says in a hadith:

Every single religion has a defining trait, and the defining trait of Islam, of Muslims, is that they observe haya and modesty in everything that they do.

Practical Examples of Modesty in Our Homes

Now when we talk about modesty, there are few examples I want to give you. There are things that are taking place in our homes. And once again, if you have known me, I am very straightforward. I don't sugarcoat things. So I'm gonna be straightforward about these kind of things because these things are happening today in our families.

Proper Dress Code for Men

First of all is when it comes to inside our homes. Brothers, listen to me very carefully when I say this - your knee is part of your awrah. Your knee is part of your awrah.

It bothers me when I see people coming here to the masjid and they're wearing shorts. You can wear a short that goes below your knees. You can pray salat in that as long as your knee is not exposed during the salat. But there are men who come here - Muslim men who come here - with such short shorts their knee is exposed.

It does not matter whether you're playing basketball or doing whatever you want. Your knee is part of your awrah, brothers. Listen to me and understand what I'm trying to say. You come here to the masjid and you're not even dressed properly. I understand you're just coming even to the basketball court. You might not even come to the masjid, you come to just play basketball. Still, have some respect for the masjid, have some respect for this building when you come in. Wear some pants.

Teaching Children Proper Dress

Brothers and sisters, parents, I see so many of you sending your kids to salat, Sunday school, in shorts. You teach your kids from when they're young what is right and what is wrong.

Now you know what's the basic argument? "Oh, you're too conservative," or the other argument is, "These are small kids." But let me tell you about Rasulullah, because this is who we learn from.

The Prophet - there was some dates, and as we all know, the Prophet would never eat from donation. He was allowed to eat if someone gave him a gift, but he was not allowed to consume anything that was given in sadaqa. He saw his grandson taking one date - just one. Listen to me very carefully - one date. That's it.

Now today, if it was just one date, people say, "It's just one date. Let it go, brothers. What's wrong with you, sisters? What's wrong with you?"

Teaching Proper Standards from Childhood

It's just one date. Rasul Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم wanted to set the standard straight. Right is right, wrong is wrong. He said he took that one date from his hand, even though he was a child. He took that one date from his hand because he wanted to teach him what is right.

Today if we were in that position, we would just let it go. The problem is, the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم is telling us you don't let go of these kind of things. It bothers me that how we're taking these things so lightly. Why? Because they're kids. What are you gonna teach them when they grow up? When they grow up? No, you teach them when they were kids. That is your job as a parent.

Your job is to provide proper Tarbiyah. You don't look at what your kids want. You know what our kids want? Our kids want complete freedom. If you gave them the choice: Do you want to go to school or not? They don't want to go to school. I'll tell you what they want in their life: Give them Wi-Fi, give them a computer or give them a gadget, give them food and bathroom. They're set for life. This is what our kids are if you gave them complete freedom.

We as parents, we have to make choices for them. We have to make the right choices for them. So that is why brothers and sisters, we have to set this standard straight.

Teaching Proper Modesty in Dress

That also means that brothers and sisters, we teach our kids that if you want to change, you don't change in front of each other. You go into the bathroom and you change. These are small things. You might think why is he talking about this? These are big things because these small habits, they turn into your part of, they become part of your nature.

We teach our kids: you want to change your clothes, go there. If we have children and they're of the opposite gender, we have to teach them to dress properly, dress in a decent way. Allah سبحانه وتعالى has declared that there's a certain aurah of a woman. There's a certain aurah of a man. We have to respect the things that Allah سبحانه وتعالى has declared as aurah. That means that even within our family, we have to be very punctual about these kind of things.

And so that is why brothers and sisters, please take this very seriously. Just because even if you're at home alone - even if you are at home alone - does that give you the right to walk around with any clothes? I've heard people saying these kind of things. What kind of deen are we living in? What has our deen taught us? Even if there's no one there, the Malaikah are there. They're writing your deeds and so forth. Have some respect for them, have some shame for them. You understand?

So that is why even if we're at home alone, we have to apply proper Haya and modesty. And that goes even for the sisters. Sisters, do not wear tight clothing inside. There's something called Haya and modesty. Please apply this because at the end of the day, we are human beings.

The Distinction Between Humans and Animals

The Quran says that Allah has created human beings as His greatest creation. Animals - animals on one hand, you don't see them wearing clothes. You don't see them wearing clothes. They will do things, even if they mate, they mate openly in front of everyone because they're animals. They have no Haya. They have no shame. They have no modesty.

Human beings are the greatest creation of God, greatest creation of Allah سبحانه وتعالى. The difference between us and them is that we have Haya and we're supposed to apply that Haya in our life.

Consistency in Teaching Our Children

The second area where we need to apply Haya is often what happens is the family gets together because they want to watch something, they want to watch a movie or something, and what happens is there's some kind of a scene that comes and we tell our kids: hide your eyes. But the parents are, ماشاء الله, مرحباً. They're looking at all this.

What are you teaching your kids when you tell your kids to hide your eyes, to close your eyes? Don't look at this, but you as a parent, mother and father, you're watching all this. This is Haya? I mean the question is: where's the Haya? You're telling your kids but you're doing something different. When your kids know that you're watching all these kind of movies, mom and dad are watching different movies, different shows that have complete indecency in them, but you tell your kids that don't do this. Don't watch this. Don't watch that.

You cannot be hypocritical. If you're gonna teach your kids not to watch these indecent things on television, then you have to understand that that same thing applies to you too, brothers and sisters. And this is how, by the way, the entertainment industry understands that what works and what doesn't work. They understand that the more shamelessness they have in their TV shows, in their movies, the more the movie will sell, the more the TV show will be a hit. You understand? And when there is no love making in these kind of movies and these kind of TV shows, then the ratings are lower. We are living in that kind of society, yet we allow our kids to watch these kind of things and then we are - we're watching them and we're telling our kids not to watch it.

But sisters, it doesn't work like that if you really want to teach your kids Haya. Because part of modesty is what you see also, is what you see also. That is why the Quran says to the men: lower your gaze. When you go outside, lower your gaze. Do not look at things you're not supposed to be looking at. So this is another area where we need to really put our foot down and we need to do proper Tarbiyah.

Boundaries in Engagement

Another area that we need to apply Haya is often what has been seen is that when two people get engaged, they think that they're married. When two people get engaged, or as we call it in our subcontinent language, mangni, when that happens, then they start holding hands. They start acting as if they are husband and wife.

Just because you're engaged does not change your status until the nikah has not taken place. People get engaged, they go here and there and they're acting as if they're married couple. You're not a married couple. You're still considered as a non-mahram to each other. That means that the rules that apply to any person who is considered as a non-mahram or an ajnabi or ghayr mahram, they apply to you. That's why brothers and sisters, we have to be very careful. Young brothers and young sisters, just because you get engaged does not allow you - Sharia does not allow you to cross all the limits, just act like you are living as a married couple.

Inappropriate Physical Contact

Another thing I've seen, سبحان الله, is - and this is something you will see many times in marriages - you will see men in their 50s, 60s, and they will see their daughter. Their daughter is probably like 20-21 years old or something like that or somewhere in that same age range, and they will have their friends. So you have the daughter, daughter brings her friends, and ماشاء الله, the father comes and he's hugging all those girls. "Oh, these are like my daughters."

Does that mean that Allah has given you permission because they're the same age of your daughters? Or you see sisters going and hugging like 22, 25-year-old boys. Where has Allah given you permission, sister, to do this? This happens often. Why? Because they're the same age of my son. They're the same age as my daughter. "What should happen? Nothing's gonna happen. Don't worry."

And this is the problem that we have to - we have to understand. We are doing so many things wrong and we think that don't worry, everything goes. You understand? That's not the way it works. Allah has given us strict rules that we have to stick by. And the reason why Allah gave us strict rules is because - a person can say that the Quran has so many rules. The reason why Allah gave us so many rules is to protect us. When you cross all these boundaries, you see what's happening today in society.

Social Media and Flaunting Sins

Another area where Haya is abused is on social media. Often you find people they go to places they're not supposed to be going. Our deen has taught us: you go to certain places, you don't go to certain places. But even if you go to a place where you're not supposed to be, where the disobedience of Allah سبحانه وتعالى is taking place, when you go to these kind of places, then instead of keeping it to yourself, people go on social media and they start spreading it. "I went here."

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم says that every one of my ummah will be forgiven except for those who flaunt their sins. Brothers and sisters, this is flaunting your sin. If you did something that was not right, you keep it to yourself. You don't need to show everyone how cool you are. You don't need to show everyone how open-minded you are. You don't need to show everyone how liberal you are and so forth and "I'm just like you" and so forth. No, you don't need to do that. If you did something that is wrong, keep it to yourself.

Modesty: Not Just an Islamic Concept

The last thing I would share is this: We think that when it comes to modesty, it is only an Islamic concept. It is not. Only there are many, even people of secular sciences who have written about this. There's a book on Amazon you can find it, is called "The Return of Modesty," is written by a lady by the name of Wendy Shalit. She even wrote in her book the importance of modesty, and she actually writes. She says that our culture has lost something very precious. This is from her own book: the dignity and self-respect that comes with modesty. This is what we have lost.

She then says that when modesty is mocked and when society loses its sense of boundaries, its respect and its moral compass, this is what happens when we lose our morality. This is what happens when we lose modesty.

Haya as Innate Human Nature

Allah سبحانه وتعالى, if you look at the Quran, there is not a single place in the Quran where Allah says apply Haya. Yes, there are words such as إن الله لا يستحيي - "Allah is not shy from setting an example." But is there any place in the Quran where the word Haya, modesty, is mentioned in the Quran? The answer is no.

So does that mean it's not important? I'll tell you why Allah did not mention Haya in the Quran. He did not mention modesty in the Quran. It's because you and I when we were born, we were born with innate human nature. Part of that nature is that we have Haya.

Why do people become shameless? Why do people start doing illicit things? Why do people start doing wrong things? It is because they become a byproduct of their society and their surrounding and their friendship and so forth. Whoever they hang around with, whoever they are around, you will see that. And this is what we have seen over and over again. You see people, ماشاء الله, they come from good families. Everyone is good. Everyone talks decent. Everyone dresses decent. You see those kind of kids who come from those kind of families. And then you see families where they don't observe these kind of rules and etiquettes, you see the families, you will see the kids coming from that family.

The Story of Adam and Shaitaan

Brothers and sisters, this is, by the way, if you go back to Surah Al-A'raf. So Surah Al-A'raf talks about Allah telling Iblis, Allah telling Shaitaan to make sujud, to prostrate to Adam عليه السلام, our father Adam عليه السلام. And Iblis he refused to make sujud in front of Adam عليه السلام. And as a result, we all know what happened.

But then what did Shaitaan do? What does Shaitaan do in order to get even with Adam عليه السلام? The Quran makes it very clear: يا بني آدم - this is Allah not just talking to Muslims. He's talking to all of mankind. يا بني آدم - "Oh sons of Adam."

The Divine Garment of Modesty

O sons of Adam, يَا بَنِي آدَمَ! Allah says in the Quran:

First of all, Allah gave us garments. When our father Adam alayhis salaam and his wife Hawwa, peace be upon them, when they were in Jannah, when they were in paradise, Allah covered them. There is one garment that you and I we wear, and then there is another garment that Allah says He has given us which is called the garment of piety, the garment of this consciousness and this awareness of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

Shaitaan's First Strategy

But then in the next ayah, Allah says something interesting. He says يَا بَنِي آدَمَ again. He's talking to all of mankind from beginning to end. O sons of Adam! You have to know that:

Do not let Shaitaan deceive you, do not let Shaitaan tempt you, as he expelled your parents from Jannah and not only that, but stripping away from them their covering, and because of that their nakedness was exposed.

The ulama, the scholars, they say that what this ayah means is that Shaitaan, in order to get even with the son of Adam, with all of us, the only thing he does, the first thing that he does, is he makes every society a shameless society. Because he understands - Shaitaan understands - the more a society is shameless, the more a society does not have Haya (modesty), it does not have modesty, then their moral compass will be shot. They have no morals anymore.

The Consequence of Lost Modesty

And when you don't have any morals, wallahi, you have nothing left in society. When you look at the society every day, there's something that is coming on in the news, everything we see what's happening in our society, what's happening in this country and so forth, and you wonder where is all coming from? It's coming when people don't have Haya. They don't have the simple modesty of life. This is why where we are today. And this is all because of Shaitaan.

We should not let Shaitaan succeed. We need to teach our kids adab, teach your kids akhlaq, and teach your kids how to apply Haya in their life. Brothers and sisters, take it light as much as you want, but wallahi, if you don't teach your kids this, you have no one to blame in the future. Don't come to the sheikh and the imam and say "my kids need Ruqiya." No, they don't need Ruqiya. You should have done a better job in Tarbiyah. That's what you should have done.

May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala protect our kids. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala give us ability to apply Haya in our life. Ameen.

Practical Applications of Haya

So just to quickly recap the importance of modesty as the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has said - we teach modesty to our kids when it comes to dressing, that goes also for the parents. Applying Haya in our homes, applying Haya when we're watching things such as media or entertainment, teaching our kids boundaries from a very young age.

Respect the limits of engagement. This is something important as I said earlier about when people get engaged with each other for marriage purposes. Avoid inappropriate physical interaction. This is something that our deen has taught us, and stop flaunting your sins in public. These are all aspects of Haya, and there's many other aspects of Haya.

And that is why I ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that He grants us taqwa. He protects our upcoming generations. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala protect our kids. May Allah protect our upcoming generations. We don't know how the upcoming generations are going to unfold, these things are going to be taking place, but we ask Allah azza wa jal that no matter what the situation is, may Allah protect our generations and our kids going forward. Ameen.

Guidance Regarding Street Evangelism

The last thing I quickly want to mention something that was mentioned earlier before the khutbah started is that as you have seen, many of you have seen as you're coming to the masjid, there are some people from the Christian faith standing outside. First of all, we need to understand as Muslims this is something that's part of our deen - that we are not rude, we're not disrespectful, we don't make a mockery. You have to treat people with dignity and respect.

But along with that, I'm requesting all of you, especially our young brothers - our mashallah young brothers who are overzealous in dawah and so forth. They take a workshop in dawah and now they think that they're dawah warriors, you know. So those kind of young brothers and so forth, or even other brothers - you don't need to engage with them. Okay, you don't need to engage with them. If they give you something to read, you don't have to take it, and you should not be taking it.

And especially there are a lot of brothers who want to go and engage with them. If you don't know your own deen first, how can you give dawah to someone else? You think that you can give dawah to them and they're probably will take their shahada and so forth. They're not coming here to listen to what you have to say. They're coming here to tell you what they think of us. You understand? That's why there's just really no point of engaging with them, and let's be smart.

We have told them in the past that if you want to come and talk to us about religion, we've asked them to come inside the masjid in a dignified way, talk about it, instead of standing on the corner of the street with a loudspeaker and just causing disruption and heckling other people who are coming around. You understand? The thing is, we've told them to come inside and talk to us, but they do not want to come inside and talk to us.

Now, we're gonna be gentle, we're gonna be compassionate in the sense that we are not gonna be rude, disrespectful. We're not gonna make a mockery. But at the same time, you don't need to stop and give dawah. You don't need to be engaging. You don't need to be taking any kind of material. Make dua for them. If there's really anything that you want to do, make dua for them, you understand?

And once again, to our young brothers, if you want to learn how to give dawah, you want to give dawah, first learn your own deen. You have to be in this process for many years. Inshallah, one day comes you can give dawah, but now is not the right time, inshallah.

May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant all of us tawfiq, inshallah.

Closing Du'a