Surah Al Hujarat with Mufti Abdul Rahman Waheed | Session 2

Surah Al-Hujurat — Session 2: Adab, Respect, and the Ethics of Community

As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. How's everyone doing? How's Ramadan going for everybody? How's the Ramadan immersion program going? I can't believe it's been one week. It seems like I just taught this class yesterday, mashallah it's been one week.

So alhamdulillah, today it's just going to be — I'm going to try to keep it serious. My brother told me not to joke around, so we'll keep the poetry and the irshads for the evening program which we have every day at 9:30. Alhamdulillah, I hope all of you are enjoying. People are receiving comments and feedback that the immersion program has been going well and you've been benefiting, alhamdulillah.

I can't believe it's been one week since I last opened up Surah Al-Hujurat and explained whatever I could to all of you brothers and sisters. One ashra is gone — let's take full advantage of the last 20 days left for us. So let's get right into it inshallah.

Recap: The Three Types of Adab

Alright, so Surah Al-Hujurat — last week we covered three different types of adab and respect. What were they? For those of us who are new: adab with Allah, adab with His Rasul, and adab with people.

To Allah, to the Rasul, and to others. We understand the value of these verses and that's why we're going to get right into it. If you have the Qur'an in front of you and you can open up Surah Al-Hujurat, that would be good so you can read along.

Surah Al-Hujurat has eighteen verses. Last week we managed to do about one and a half verses, and we have a few words of the second verse left, so we're going to start right there.

The Foundation: The First Five Verses

Last week, before we spoke about the first ayah, we gave some background on why adab and respect is so important in our deen. Then we spoke about the first ayah in depth:

We spoke about that — about putting the Prophet ﷺ at the foundation. The foundation of everything is laid in these ayahs; the structure is built upon it. We see that this surah is divided into two parts. The first few verses, up to verse number five, are the foundation of society, the foundation of community, the foundation of a family. If the foundation is not solid, the structure will never be able to hold on its own.

I want you to think about it at both a macro and a micro level. These first five verses are the foundation for our family, the foundation for our community, the foundation for the Muslim ummah at large. If we want to build upon that — if we want our children to be respectful, if we want spouses to be respectful to each other — all that adab can only be developed and structured and magnified if the foundation is correct.

The foundation is laid in these first five ayahs: adab for Allah and His Rasul comes first. If our children do not understand the adab of Allah and His Rasul — if they do not know how to value and respect the book of Allah, or how to behave at salah time, when the adhan is being called — then it is going to be such a difficult task to teach ourselves adab for community. If you forget your Khaliq and how to behave in front of your Khaliq, if you forget how to show respect to the Prophet ﷺ and his words and his teachings, how can you otherwise?

In the first ayah, Allah teaches us: laa tuqaddimuu bayna yadayil-laahi wa rasooli — the first principle: don't ever put anything in front of Allah and His Rasul. They come first. Everything in your life comes secondary after that.

Verse 2: The Tone of Your Voice

Then Allah says: لَا تَرْفَعُوا أَصْوَاتَكُمْ — and the first element of adab we spoke about last week in etiquette is the tone of your voice. We spoke about the story of Abu Bakr and Umar speaking loudly in front of the Prophet ﷺ, and this verse was revealed: do not elevate your voice in front of the Prophet ﷺ when he is in front of you.

The tone is the first element. Etiquettes are outward and inward. You could say, "I respect this man a lot," or "I respect my mother-in-law, I respect my father-in-law," but it is the tone of your voice that reveals it. Shaykh Sulaiman Mullah says it very nicely — he says most of our conflicts are not because of a disagreement on an issue, but because of the tone of our voice. Many times we agree upon something, but the way we speak about it causes a conflict. And that is something that has been lost within the fabric of our community.

I come to you from many different roles: as a son, as a younger brother, as an older brother, as a brother-in-law, as a son-in-law, as a husband, as a father, as a teacher, as a student. Alhamdulillah, many of us wear multiple hats. We go to work, to college — putting on the cap of a student, then the cap of a worker, then coming home and putting on the cap of a husband, a wife, a mother. We have these different roles and responsibilities, trying to juggle them and show respect and adab in each one. And the society today is filled with people who excel in one role but miserably fail in others.

This athlete might be the best running back, but a horrible father. This person might be an amazing CEO, but a horrible family man. Here is the life of the Prophet ﷺ, who excelled beyond limits in every role of his life. He presented and demonstrated to us what adab is. And I told you last week — adab and etiquettes is not something you can really learn from books; it is something you learn from personalities, from people, from the way Allah speaks to the Prophet ﷺ, the way the Prophet ﷺ interacted with the people.

"Do Not Call Him as You Call One Another"

Then Allah says:

Beautiful. Allah says: do not call the Prophet ﷺ the way you call upon each other. There were some Bedouins who came and stood outside the apartments — the hujurat of the Prophet ﷺ. He had nine different small apartments in one complex, not more than five by five or six by six. He didn't know which one the Prophet ﷺ was in at that time, and he started yelling: اخْرُجْ عَلَيْنَا يَا مُحَمَّدُ — "Come out to us, O Muhammad!" And the Prophet ﷺ was resting, and he heard this, but he said nothing.

Allah says: listen, when you call the Prophet ﷺ, do not call him by "Ya Muhammad." This is disrespect to the name of the Prophet ﷺ. Even Allah, when He called the Prophet ﷺ, He never addressed him by his name — the name Muhammad, or Ahmad, comes only four times in the Qur'an, and in those instances the Prophet ﷺ is not being called; he is being mentioned. It is a different matter. When being called, it is: Ya ayyuhar-rasool, Ya ayyuhal-muddaththir, Ya ayyuhal-muzzammil, Ya ayyuhan-nabiyy. Allah always used these beautiful, different ways of calling the Prophet ﷺ. And where his name was mentioned — Muhammadur-rasoolullah — he was being referred to, not addressed. This is the level of respect Allah demonstrated to the Prophet ﷺ, and he deserves that much respect.

Honoring His Name: The Story of the Scholar's Dream

So the first thing is: we should always honor his name — always say ﷺ, always say Sallallahu alayhi wasallam. Go out of your way to say it. Even if we have to abbreviate it when we type, never just say "the Prophet" without it. Keep saying Sallallahu alayhi wasallam, Sallallahu alayhi wasallam — just keep on saying it.

One of our teachers — and I heard this from him directly, he is a great scholar from Bangladesh — had a book published. The publisher, when typesetting the book, always abbreviated Sallallahu alayhi wasallam, never writing it out in full. The day the book arrived for final review, he opened it and saw the abbreviation, and corrected it by hand — Sallallahu alayhi wasallam — every single time he encountered it throughout the book. That night when he went to sleep, he saw the Prophet ﷺ in his dream. And the Prophet ﷺ said to him: "May Allah honor you the way you honored my name."

This man woke up in the morning thinking, "What did I do that the Prophet had to say this to me?" Then he realized — the very first thing he had done upon receiving the book was to correct every single instance of that abbreviation back to the full Sallallahu alayhi wasallam. And because of this, the Prophet ﷺ came in his dream and said, "May Allah honor your name the way you honored my name."

The second thing is: when we hear his words — when a hadith is being recited — we should be respectful to those words. The third thing, the beautiful thing, is this: wala tajharu lahu bil-qawli kajahri ba'dikum liba'd. The Prophet ﷺ was the leading personality, the teacher, the Prophet of Allah. Allah is teaching us how to call upon him. He went into that much detail and said: don't call him the way you call each other. Give him the title of Ya Rasulullah.

And we see from the Prophetic teachings that even the Prophet ﷺ practiced this with his wives, with his closest companions. It is interesting how our culture has sometimes diluted some very basic components. My father, for example — I never in my life heard my father call my mother by her name in front of us. Never. We were kids and never realized why. Always called her something else — in Arab culture, Ummi Abdullah, the mother of Abdullah, or by the name of the eldest child. It maintained a level of respect.

Even the Prophet ﷺ would give nicknames of respect that gave people honor. Who titled Abu Bakr "Siddiq"? It was the Prophet ﷺ. Who titled Umar ibn al-Khattab "Farooq"? It was the Prophet ﷺ. Who titled Uthman ibn Affan "Dhun-Nurayn"? It was the Prophet ﷺ. Who titled Fatimah "Zahra"? It was the Prophet ﷺ. Who called Aisha "Aish"? It was the Prophet ﷺ. Because the way you call each other's names carries a level of respect and love.

So Allah is saying here: when you call your wife, when you call your husband, when you call your children, call them with respect. Give them good names, give them good titles. Don't just call each other so casually. And even with your teachers — everyone who deserves to be respected around you, give them that respect. Even though you get into conflict and argue, when you call each other with respect, it carries this element of love.

"Lest Your Deeds Be Nullified Without You Realizing It"

The next part of this ayah is even more profound. The translation is: don't do this, otherwise it is possible that your deeds will go to waste — وَأَنتُمْ لَا تَشْعُرُونَ — without you even realizing it.

A lot of times we justify our wrongdoing or our wrong statements by saying, "I didn't mean to say that. That's not what I meant." You've probably heard that so many times. It happened recently with me — a close family member said something, and I said, "You should not have said that. If someone saw those words written on a piece of paper without being present in that gathering, it would sound disrespectful." And that person said, "Well, I didn't mean that." And Allah defines it right here: it is possible that you can be disrespectful without even meaning to be disrespectful. It is possible that you could be disrespectful without intending it, without knowing it. And that's how careful you have to be.

Allah does not say وَأَنتُمْ لَا تَشْعُرُونَ about salah — He does not say, "Be careful about the way you do tawaf, because it's possible it won't be accepted." Later in these verses, you'll see Allah says Allahu Ghafurun Raheem about something completely different. But when it comes to the respect and the honor of each other, He is making clear: be careful with your word choice, be careful with your gesture.

Just casually saying something — a wife saying to her husband, "I was at your mom's house cleaning the dishes," even though she doesn't mean to be disrespectful — or a husband saying something about his wife's family without thinking. We know, those of us who are married, that the in-law relationship often starts with these things: just a few words mentioned, perhaps without even intending to be hurtful. Of course the other person should be forgiving and tolerant — we're not talking about that right now. We're talking about the person who is speaking: we should be careful. It is possible that we may say something disrespectful, something hurtful, without even realizing it hurt the person across the table.

That's why Allah says وَأَنتُمْ لَا تَشْعُرُونَ. He did not say, "while you knowingly did it" — because a believer should never knowingly hurt someone's feelings. Going out of your way to hurt someone, deliberately crafting a hurtful message, should be beyond imagination. But here we are talking about unknowingly, unintentionally doing something. This happens a lot, and we try to give ourselves a pass. Don't do that. Hold yourselves to higher standards.

Even in a corporate setting — if your boss says something unintentionally hurtful, you can file a claim. How many times do we see in management circles or athletic departments: "I didn't mean to do this, that was not my intention"? Only Allah knows intention. It is your job to be careful. It is your job to be diligent.

The Meaning of Hubut: Deeds That Go to Waste

أَن تَحْبَطَ أَعْمَالُكُمْ — what does habat mean? What is the threat Allah is making here? It is so powerful. In Arabic linguistics, the word habata means: when you take a foreign object and put it into another object, and that foreign object spoils what you put it into. For example — your body is perfectly fine, but you drank spoiled milk. حَبِطَتْ بَطْنُهُ — you would say this person's stomach became spoiled. The body was fine; it is that you took something foreign, something that was itself corrupted, and put it into your body, which then became spoiled.

Similarly, Allah through just this one word — أَن تَحْبَطَ أَعْمَالُكُمْ — explains that many times a person would be perfectly fine in a sense. The mufassirun speak about this: we are praying our salah, we are fasting, we are giving zakat, everything looks good. And again, my brothers and sisters, when I say these statements, I urge you not to think of specific people — it is very natural that we start thinking, "Oh yes, that fits that person perfectly." No. See where we ourselves fit the bill.

So there will be people praying salah, coming to the masjid, reading Qur'an — their a'mal, their deeds are good, nothing wrong with that. But then they take a foreign, corrupt object and place it within their a'mal, and that foreign object ruins all of their a'mal. And Allah is not speaking about a salah that was not prayed properly, or Qur'an that was not recited correctly. Allah is speaking about disrespect — just the way you speak to somebody. If that enters the group of your a'mal that you have done, it can ruin everything.

That night of tahajjud you prayed — and you woke up in the morning and said, "Man, I was up all night and this other person didn't even get up" — that can ruin your whole tahajjud. How many times do people go for Hajj and Umrah, making the ultimate sacrifice, paying the ultimate price — may Allah take us to the Haramayn over and over and over again, ameen — and then they say just one thing, that can ruin their a'mal. Calling someone a bad name, an unkind remark. أَن تَحْبَطَ أَعْمَالُكُمْ — you have to be careful. And sometimes you do it unknowingly, not even realizing it.

The Truly Bankrupt Person

The Prophet ﷺ asked the Companions: "Man al-muflis?" — "Who is the bankrupt person?" The Companions said: "Man la dirhama lahu wa la dinar" — a bankrupt person is the one who has no dinar, no dirham. And the Prophet ﷺ replied:

(Sahih Muslim, Book 16, Hadith 6251)

A truly bankrupt person is the one who comes on the Day of Judgment having done three Hajj, a few Umrahs, fasted every Ramadan — calculating everything, and it all looks good. But then they stand before Allah, and it turns out: this person insulted somebody, disrespected somebody else. Because of their disrespect, their foul language, their behavior towards others, Allah removes all their good deeds and gives them to those they wronged. That person is left with no good deeds. That person is truly bankrupt. May Allah save us from being in that situation on the Day of Judgment.

This ayah concludes with أَن تَحْبَطَ أَعْمَالُكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لَا تَشْعُرُونَ.

Verse 3: Hearts Prepared for Taqwa

This ayah is very powerful. Allah says: verily those who lower their voices with the Messenger of Allah are the ones whose hearts Allah has prepared for piety. They shall have forgiveness and a tremendous reward.

The key phrase here is امْتَحَنَ اللَّهُ قُلُوبَهُمْ لِلتَّقْوَىٰ — "Allah has prepared their hearts for taqwa." This is the translation I love most because it aligns more with the tafsir. Do you remember from last week the Companion — his name was Thabit ibn Qays — who used to speak loudly? He heard this ayah was revealed, went to his room, and said, "This ayah was revealed about me and I'm going to go to Jahannam." The Prophet ﷺ said: Tell him he is not from the people of Jahannam, but from the people of Jannah, and that he will live a good life, die as a shaheed, and be given entrance into Jannah.

Now, what does this mean practically for us? The Prophet ﷺ is not alive today. So practically it means: lowering our voice in the city of Madinah al-Munawwarah, speaking in a lower tone when we go there — that is the first. The second, which I mentioned last week and want to repeat: standing down, putting your guard down when somebody says, "The Prophet ﷺ said such and such." Just putting our guard down. Not making it a competition of "I heard this, you heard that, someone said that." Leave it at that point. Respect the fact that he said it.

I was in Florida a few months ago and I gave a speech. After the speech, a brother came up to me and said: "Shaykh, that was a beautiful talk, but why did you mention that Bukhari guy? Don't quote that person." At that moment my blood boiled — "that Bukhari guy"? And then he mentioned disrespectful things about the Prophet's ﷺ statements and the books of hadith. It occurred to me that our community really needs to come back at that level. We have to stand firm in respect for the words of the Prophet ﷺ.

The Inheritance of the Prophet ﷺ

I want to mention something about how we should sit and how we should stay occupied with the ahadith and with the lifestyle of the Prophet ﷺ. One time Abu Hurayrah was in the masjid of the Prophet ﷺ — this was after the Prophet ﷺ had passed away — and he saw people sitting in the masjid, but more people were in the marketplace. He ran to the marketplace and said: "Guys, the inheritance of the Prophet ﷺ is being distributed in the masjid while you are wasting your time here! Come to the masjid!" People who were there for money and transactions rushed to the masjid. When they arrived, there was no dinar, no dirham, no property being distributed — just a few people sitting together discussing the words of the Prophet ﷺ and the tafsir of the Qur'an. As they were leaving disappointed, Abu Hurayrah was returning, and they said: "You lied to us!" And Abu Hurayrah replied: This is the inheritance of the Prophet ﷺ — his statements, his words. The Prophets do not leave behind money and assets; they leave behind their words, they leave behind their life.

When the Companions sat in front of the Prophet ﷺ, I could talk about this forever. They would sit with such deep reverence — it was said it was as if birds rested upon their heads, and they would not dare move lest the bird fly away. If someone saw him for the first time, they felt awe. If they interacted with him, they began to love him. Allah is telling us: it is our honor, our responsibility to honor him, his teachings, his lifestyle, after he has passed away.

How Allah Prepares the Heart for Taqwa

امْتَحَنَ اللَّهُ قُلُوبَهُمْ لِلتَّقْوَىٰ — Allah prepares their hearts for taqwa. When you are preparing food, you take the onions out, the tomatoes — imagine Allah preparing our heart to have taqwa. None of us can sit here and say, "I'm going to start having taqwa from tomorrow." Our hearts are not in our control.

The Prophet ﷺ used to say:

"O Turner of hearts, keep my heart firm on Your deen. O Controller of hearts, direct my heart toward Your obedience." Because our heart is not in our control.

Umar ibn al-Khattab was asked once: is the person who has no desires a person of taqwa, or is the person who was faced with desires and overcame them a person of higher taqwa? Umar ibn al-Khattab said, through this ayah we understand, that the one who was tested with desires and overcame them may have a higher level.

Now notice: where does this ayah about Allah preparing the heart come? Does it come after ayat of ibadah — after fasting, after going for Umrah, after praying? No. It comes after ayat of adab, of etiquette, of akhlaq. That means the easiest and fastest route toward preparing our heart for taqwa is tolerating when our heart is broken. If someone says something disrespectful to us, being the one who is tolerant, being the one who is braver.

Allama Iqbal says in a poem — and I love this poem — he says:

He says: do not be the one trying to protect your heart so it never breaks, insulating yourself and isolating yourself so your feelings can never be hurt. No — you need to interact with the community, and your heart will be broken. But remember, a broken heart is the heart that is closer to Allah. Rumi says: that is where the light enters — where the wound is. People who are wounded, who are going through difficulties, are getting closer to Allah. So allow your heart to be in the community, to be tested, and that process is what prepares it for taqwa.

Allah says:

The best of you are the ones who have the most fear of Allah. And this is what's happening — if we have to get to that destination by going through this difficulty, then why does it matter? At the end of the day, after 50–60 years of your life, even if you suffered all your life, if you got Jannah for that, it was completely worth it. You cannot buy taqwa with millions of dollars, but you can get it through being tolerant and patient and not lowering yourself.

Verse 4: Those Who Call From Outside the Rooms

Allah says: And indeed most of those who call you, O Prophet of Allah, from outside your rooms, most of them do not understand.

Now the next ayah speaks directly to this issue. Who is the most respectful man to ever walk the face of the earth? The Prophet ﷺ. So you would assume that everyone who came to his gathering knew how to deal with him because he dealt with everyone in such a good way. We have this false expectation: "I deal with you in such a good way, why do you deal with me like that?" Even the Prophet ﷺ did not have this expectation in his life. This next ayah talks about that.

Now there is a beautiful correlation here. When Abu Bakr and Umar spoke loudly in the presence of the Prophet ﷺ — not even addressing him by name, just speaking to each other loudly in his presence — Allah sent down an ayah, commanded them to stay quiet and lower their voices. But when this Bedouin comes from outside and calls out "Ya Muhammad," how does Allah treat that outsider? Allah says: أَكْثَرُهُمْ لَا يَعْقِلُونَ — they don't understand. They don't understand. And if they do tawbah, Allah is forgiving, Allah is merciful.

There are two ways of saying "not knowing." One is saying, "he doesn't understand," and the other — jahil in Urdu — is meaner, has a more negative connotation. And we use that word a lot. We should stop. Allah did not say jahil here, even though their behavior was ignorant. He said: لَا يَعْقِلُونَ — they don't understand. When you can give someone a pass, when you can say "this person doesn't understand," do it.

We do this naturally with those who have physical disabilities. We tolerate things from them we would not tolerate from others. If I walk into a children's hospital and a child with physical disabilities pulls my beard or punches me, of course a person with physical disabilities may have tendencies that are disruptive or hurtful — but because of their condition, you give them a pass, and it actually makes you love that person even more. He doesn't understand. He's physically disabled. Imagine if we could give this same pass when it comes to akhlaq. If someone doesn't understand, we just say: لَا يَعْقِلُونَ — he doesn't know, he's never read that hadith, maybe he never sat with a shaykh.

The Prophet ﷺ at Ta'if: The Ultimate Example

Imagine the Prophet ﷺ at the Battle of Uhud — 70-odd Companions martyred, facing defeat — the Companions said: "O Prophet of Allah, make dua against them, make dua that Allah destroys them!" One dua of the Prophet ﷺ and they would have been destroyed. Look at his words instead:

"Oh Allah, guide my people, for they do not know." He is giving them a pass in the middle of a battlefield. And we cannot give each other a pass? Maybe my wife was home all day with the kids and that's why she's not in a good mood when I come home. Maybe my husband had a bad day at work and someone said something to him. Just giving each other a pass — that is what Allah is doing here.

At Ta'if, the Prophet ﷺ was pelted with stones until he went unconscious. After all that, he had the opportunity to make dua for the city to be destroyed. Instead, his dua was:

"O Allah, I complain to You of my weakness, my insufficient ability, and my insignificance before the people." What does that mean? It means: Oh Allah, if I were strong enough, I could have stood there longer and taken more stones. It's possible those children would have gotten tired, run out of stones. But my body could not take anymore — that is why I had to come back. Could you believe that? So we learn from the Prophetic teachings that we don't have to say anything to the other person to give them a pass. We give them a pass by staying quiet, by not showing or expressing it. And anyone who does that develops more humility.

Verse 5: Had They Only Been Patient

Allah says: If they had exercised patience until you came out to them, it would have been best for them. Allah is the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.

This Bedouin who came and spoke loudly, saying Ya Muhammad — the Companions understood how to deal with each other and how to deal with Bedouins from outside. Some said "stay quiet," others said "no, let him be — the Prophet understands who he is." The Bedouin asked: a person has very limited capacity, he wants to pray much salah but can only pray less, he wants to give much zakat but cannot give much, but he loves those who do give and pray — will that count for anything? The Prophet ﷺ replied:

"A person will be with those whom he loves." We know that hadith. The Companions said there was not a better day in their lives — knowing that even if we cannot reach their level, if we have love for a certain individual, Allah will raise us with those individuals on the Day of Judgment. May Allah put the true love for the Prophet of Allah in our hearts, so that we could be raised on the Day of Judgment with the Rasulullah ﷺ. And may the women of our ummah be raised under the banner of Fatimah رضي الله تعالى عنها, and with Aisha رضي الله تعالى عنها and Khadijah رضي الله عنها on the Day of Judgment.

Dealing With Those Outside Our Community

For those who are outside our community — please, do not go back and forth on YouTube comments, do not go back and forth on Facebook comments. Think about it: it is as if you walk into a room where 50 people are yelling, and you want to convey a message. Would you do it? You cannot even get your point across. It is not worth your time, it is not worth your voice.

Just because someone says something disrespectful about the Prophet ﷺ — may Allah give them hidayah, may Allah guide them. How many times throughout the history of Islam have we seen people who stood against the Prophet ﷺ, battled with him, stood against the Companions — and these same people, when we just make dua and leave them alone, became the biggest supporters of Islam? Allama Iqbal says the Mughals, for example — one generation was trying to break masajid brick by brick, and the next generation was preserving the Kaaba brick by brick.

We demonstrate the love for the Prophet ﷺ in our lives. Make people love the Prophet ﷺ through the way we live. Whenever someone asks about something good in your character, attribute it back to the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ — and through that, people get closer to the Prophet ﷺ, closer to Allah, closer to Islam. Just as negativity can spread from a few people who misrepresented the Qur'an and Hadith and gave the world a negative impression of Islam — you can absolutely flip that switch. A small group of people who just present the deen of Allah in their own lives with high akhlaq, high manners, high etiquettes can change everything. Because people are not seeing all the other pillars of deen — Hajj, fasting, zakat — these are not visible to non-Muslims. What is visible to them is our character and the way our community is.

If lawyers in Michigan, if lawyers in Dallas are making money off Muslims fighting each other in court — what will they think? I have spoken to so many lawyers who have been banking off Muslim conflicts, business conflicts, masjid conflicts. This is why it starts within our community: we have to keep ourselves at a higher standard, never lower ourselves for anyone else. And for those outside our community, give them a pass. Give them a good assumption. Interpret their action with charity — as we would for those with disabilities.

Summary of Today's Lessons

Let me summarize the key points from today's session:

First: Respect is demonstrated through the tone of our voice — knowing what tone to use at what time, in front of whom.

Second: Do not be informal with each other all the time. There is a level of formality and respect in the way we call each other. Our teacher used to say that excessive casual talk can ruin relationships. وَلَا تَجْهَرُوا لَهُ بِالْقَوْلِ كَجَهْرِ بَعْضِكُمْ لِبَعْضٍ — do not always speak to each other in a casual manner.

Third: Our akhlaq, our disrespectful attitudes, our demeaning behavior can lead to our deeds being ruined without us even knowing it.

Fourth: It is not okay to give ourselves a pass after saying something wrong, even if we did not intend to say it. We must hold ourselves to a higher standard.

Fifth: The people who lower their voices and lower themselves before the Prophet ﷺ — امْتَحَنَ اللَّهُ قُلُوبَهُمْ لِلتَّقْوَىٰ — their hearts are being prepared for taqwa. Every time we are at a higher level of respect and people come at us with disrespect, our hearts are being prepared for more and more taqwa.

Sixth: For those who come at us with disrespect — give them a pass. Say: they probably don't understand, they don't know, they probably never read that hadith, maybe they never sat with a shaykh, maybe they never sat in a Surah Al-Hujurat tafsir class. They don't know any better. Give them that pass.

Q&A: Selected Questions

How Can We Give People a Pass Without Being Arrogant?

Great question. There is an ayah in the Qur'an:

When an arrogant person comes to you saying something, just say salam. But a lot of times when we hear this ayah, we want to practice it by saying out loud — "yeah, salam, jahil person, salam" — no, that is not what it means. That can actually develop arrogance. What it means is: always put yourself back and look at yourself. What did the Prophet ﷺ do after being pelted with stones in Ta'if? He never blamed them at all. He took responsibility on himself. He said: اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَشْكُو إِلَيْكَ ضَعْفَ قُوَّتِي — "Oh Allah, I complain to You about my weakness." He was giving a pass in the middle of a battlefield. We give them a pass with staying quiet, by not showing or expressing it. Anyone who does that develops more humility.

I'll give you a small example from my own life. Many years ago, I went to visit someone in one of our communities — he has recently passed away. As I walked out, someone who had something against me — I don't even know why, he didn't even know me — cussed me out with every bad word you can think of and said "get out of this place." I just got in the car and left. This happened repeatedly over the next few years. I would always think to myself: this person, it's not his fault. Someone must have conveyed a message to him in the wrong way. Maybe he was told something about me that isn't true. I would always think like that — it was difficult, but we just let it go. After all these years, recently, this person — may Allah reward him and bless him and give him Jannatul Firdaws — called my brother and said: "After all these years, I realized I was wrong. I'm so sorry." He was crying on the phone. He never even called me directly because he felt so bad. And to me, I said: this man has a big heart — he could pick up the phone and apologize? Amazing. So just staying quiet is the answer. The Prophet ﷺ always responded in silence. He always made it seem as if perhaps he himself was wrong.

When Sufyan al-Thawri would walk into his house and his wife would have a frown on her forehead, he would always resort back to himself and say: "It is because of my sins that my wife is angry with me today."

Does Allah Still Forgive You If You Don't Apologize to the Person, But You Make Tawbah and Feel Regretful?

The juristic opinion depends on what you did to the other person. When you break someone else's rights, the first person you have to ask forgiveness from is that person himself or herself. But if you do not even know what you did that hurt someone, and that person is not accessible — then it is good to give sadaqah on that person's behalf, to give them some reward, whether through reading Qur'an or charitable giving. But of course, when possible, we should ask directly.

A lot of times we don't know if we've hurt somebody — that is why it is always good to casually say: "Forgive me if I did anything wrong. Forgive me if I said anything wrong." Make a habit of saying this. In our boarding school, I think the most spoken statement was: "Forgive me." At night, sleeping in a room of eight, we would always say: "Forgive me if I did anything wrong." Our teachers taught us that. Even if there was nothing wrong you said, at least you did your job.

JazakAllahu khair, I hope all of you benefited. May Allah reward all of you, bless all of you. I am honored to be teaching this class. Honestly, I am honored that I have the Qur'an in front of me and I can share some insight on the words of Allah and His Rasul. Think of me as a mailman — when you receive a check in the mail, you don't even remember who the mailman was. You just thank the person who sent it. Whatever is valuable here is from the words of Allah and His Rasul.

Inshallah we will see you next week in this class. Forgive me if I said or did anything wrong, or if I disrespected anyone through any statement or example. JazakAllahu khair. Was-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. Please make sure you log in tomorrow for the next session at 6:00 pm. JazakAllahu khair.