Jumu'ah Khutbah by Mufti Azeemuddin Ahmed & Shaykh Sa'ad Quadri - 10/17/2025

Jumu'ah Khutbah — Mufti Azeemuddin Ahmed & Shaykh Sa'ad Quadri

17 October 2025

First Khutbah — Mufti Azeemuddin Ahmed

Opening Du'a

السَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

I ask Almighty Allah Azza wa Jal that He allows this gathering to be weighty in our scales. May He allow us to leave this gathering in a state that our sins have been forgiven and have been replaced with good deeds.

I ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that He allows all of us to be able to make du'a at the time in which du'as are accepted on the day of Jumu'ah. I ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that whatever issues and difficulties we have come with — holding in our chest, on our mind — to the house of Allah, that we are able to find solutions to those problems. We are able to find answers to those questions.

And we leave this gathering in a state that we are far more closer to Allah Azza wa Jal than we were when we entered. I ask Almighty Allah Azza wa Jal that He allows all of us to have a personal, strong relationship with Him and a strong love with His Habib Mustafa صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ. Allahumma ameen.

The Foundation: Our Relationship with Allah

Beloved friends, the relationship that a person has with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala becomes evident in the trust that we have in Him and how quickly and how often we turn to Him. The relationship of trust and love is obvious by the number of times we take His name. Beloved friends, our relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala becomes manifest when we are faced with difficulty — is He the first being that we turn to, or do we turn to His creation?

The one who is connected with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala sees no point in first turning to the creation, as the creation — in his belief — cannot make a single movement without the explicit permission of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. So speaking and raising their hands and extending their hands in front of the creation while turning their back towards Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is an absolute useless pursuit that will not get us anywhere.

The one who knows Allah, the one who loves Allah, the one who trusts Allah — then no matter whether it is a tough situation or an easy situation, health or sickness, wealth or poverty, honor or disgrace, whether he is alone or in a group — the direction of his heart will be towards Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

The Prophet عَلَيْهِ الصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ trained his sahaba on this foundation. The Qur'an was revealed on this foundation. That tawheed — belief in the oneness of Allah, not only of His being but all of His attributes and all of His names — this is the foundation of the entire faith. This is the foundation of the entire Islam. If this is in place, then even a small amount of actions will become very powerful. And if this is not in place, then no matter how many actions a person may end up doing, the value will either be very little or none, depending on the level of faith he has.

Three Types of Ayat (Signs)

My beloved friends, tawheed is introducing Allah to us through His creation, through the various actions of His. There are three main components that, if we were to focus on them, a person can understand who Allah is. And the word ayah — which means a sign — appears in three forms.

One is the ayah of the Qur'an. One is the ayah taqweeniyyah. One is the ayah kawniyyah. Three types of ayah — ayah meaning a sign.

The First Sign: The Verses of the Qur'an

The first is the ayat of the Qur'an. Every single verse of the Qur'an is in itself a huge sign of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala's power — His qudra. And the fact that Allah says in the Qur'an: go ahead and bring one surah like this. One ayah, one verse.

And this challenge is not for the people of you and I. This was challenged — it's open, the challenge is still there. But the number one people who were challenged were those Arabs in whose era the Qur'an was revealed, who were masters of Arabic poetry and prose, who had mastered this language like nobody else. And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala had given them this trait.

So when the Qur'an was revealed, Allah jalla jalaluhu asked them: you are so well-versed, you are experts in this. This is the almost miraculous nature of the level of complexity and the level of strength that they had in the Arabic language — a language that is unrivaled by any other, unmatched by any other. But subhanAllah, these mushrikun and munafiqun, when they heard these verses, they could have tried — Allah's open challenge is there. But we know that they were never able to do so.

During the time of the Prophet ﷺ, when the verses of the Qur'an would be hung on the Ka'bah, all of the other poetry and things that would be hung on the Ka'bah — this is the bulletin board, this is the hall of fame — everything would have to come down. Because even the disbelievers said: whether we believe this is the word of God or not is secondary, but one thing we can say is that this is a masterpiece in Arabic the likes of which we do not have. That is the miraculous nature — the i'jaz — of the Qur'an. So every single ayah is a mu'jizah.

And subhanAllah, when it comes to the meanings of it — one is the external Arabic aspects, the construct of it. One is the themes of the Qur'an. One is the scientific discoveries that we have made a thousand years later, 1500 years later, 500 years later — that you can find alluded to and pointed towards in the verses of the Qur'an. Whether it is the discussion of embryology, whether it is the water cycle, whether it is aspects of astronomy and the movement of celestial objects. Things that mankind most definitely had no idea about during the era of the Prophet ﷺ. But those haqa'iq and those realities were expressed and alluded to in the Book of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. So every verse of the Qur'an is an ayah.

I've given this example many times — it's a beautiful example. Once I was giving a khutbah somewhere and a person came to me afterwards and said he had recently accepted Islam. He was a brown-skinned person like myself, and I said, where are you from? He said, I'm from Bangladesh. I said, subhanAllah, well mostly Bangladeshis are Muslims, so what were you before you accepted Islam? And he said, well, I was a secular atheist.

But now at his mid-fifties he had accepted Islam. So I was wondering what led him to accept Islam in America after having his kids in college and so forth. Why so late, and what moved him — even though he was born in Bangladesh, in a Muslim country?

So he said it was the verse of Surah adh-Dhariyat:

He didn't know the Arabic — he translated it in English. But subhanAllah, I was like, wow. This verse — just this verse: وَالسَّمَاءَ بَنَيْنَاهَا بِأَيْدٍ — "And the heavens, We built it" — بِأَيْدٍ — "with strength" is a metaphorical translation; the literal translation would be "with hands" — وَإِنَّا لَمُوسِعُونَ — "and We are continuously expanding."

He said: the idea that the universe is continuously expanding is something no book, no scripture, and definitely no person from the scientific industry and those who study astronomy had ever presented as a theory — until about 500 years ago. That means over 900 years after the revelation of the Qur'an. He said that this ayah — he was just going through it and it stopped him in his tracks — and he began to study other scriptures to see whether Rasulullah ﷺ was getting it from anyone else.

And he said he searched and searched — and he has a PhD in astrophysics as a hobby. He said: that's my hobby, not my job. He said: I searched and searched, I could not find any mention of this idea that the universe is expanding, and I found one verse of the Qur'an — subhanAllah — clearly saying لَمُوسِعُونَ, that We are continuously expanding. This one verse of the Qur'an became a means of me believing that the Book of Allah cannot be man-made. It has to be sent from a divine being.

You know, when we cook a pan of biryani or any other type of rice dish, if you want to see if it's cooked, you don't take big spoonfuls to taste it. Instead you simply take one grain of rice — you don't even have to put it in your mouth. You put it between your fingers and you see: is it cooked or not? That's what the expert cook will do. SubhanAllah, he found one verse of the Qur'an and said: if this cannot be man-made, then the Qur'an cannot be man-made. Done, that's it.

The Qur'an's verses — but now this verse, I've been reading it as a baby. I've been hearing it, we hear it so often. This verse did not mean to me what it meant to him. And so this is the beauty of the Qur'an — that Rasulullah ﷺ did not come and give scientific explanations to the verses. Because if he were to give that explanation to the people 1500 years ago, what would happen? They would say: what are you talking about? This makes no sense.

So if he dumbed it down and spoke to them based on what the scientific discovery was of that age, then although they may appreciate it, what would happen a thousand years later, 1500 years later? People would come and say: look at this prophet — what kind of understanding did he have? Who had such an incorrect understanding of the universe, or incorrect understanding of things and how they work? He was speaking at their level.

Now we have moved forward in many of these sciences naturally, and our observations have increased, and we have so much more data, and we have learned so much based on the previous generations. So if the Prophet ﷺ had given the exact details, the people in front of him would not believe. If the Prophet ﷺ simplified it to their level, then the future generations would not believe. That is why Rasulullah ﷺ did not get involved in the whole discussion of giving scientific explanations and taking a verse and saying this is how it applies to a modern-world phenomenon. That is left to every generation.

And so the ulama and scholars of tafsir have explained verses based on — number one — other verses of the Qur'an; based on a hadith of the Prophet ﷺ; based on the earliest interpretations of the sahaba; and then based on new things that came to their knowledge in their day and age. So the Qur'an is a beautiful, constant Book of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. It has its foundation. Its basics are set. You can't change them.

However, the individual application of certain verses — not the fiqh of it, I'm not talking about the jurisprudence of it — I'm talking about its connectability with Allah, and the relationship it creates between you and I and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. That is constantly, you could say, fluid. It can continuously be built based on our observations. We won't say definitively that this is what the verse is saying — that would be arrogant and incorrect. We could say that possibly, subhanAllah, this verse of the Qur'an is alluding to this type of observation that the scientific community has today.

The Second Sign: Nature Around Us

The second type of ayah is called ayah kawniyyah — nature. Just looking at nature, the changing of the leaves, looking at the weather patterns, looking at how — subhanAllah — animals hunt in the wild, how single-celled organisms live inside volcanoes at thousands of degrees of temperature, and how they're being provided sustenance. Everywhere you look, there is a sign of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in the nature that is around us.

The Third Sign: Events of the World

And lastly, ayah taqweeniyyah — the signs of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in the events of the world. The events of the world could be my own life, could be your life, could be your spouse's or your children's life, and of course it could be the world's events.

That's why you didn't die, right? And the person — subhanAllah — he was about to get saved and he passed away. No, he was never meant to be saved. When we see situations where you think someone is going to die today and he ends up living 30 years — and another sibling who is so healthy ends up passing away today — we see that. I know that among close relatives this has happened. Those who have cancer, the doctor said he's not going to last more than two years, and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala gives him a long life, many decades. And another person who was completely fine — the next day or the next week — has a heart attack and passes away. Something happened in the surgical room — everything went fine, but there was a mistake with some anesthesia and a person passed away. He didn't pass away of a heart attack; he passed away because of so-called human error. But that was what Allah had written for him at that time. That's why he passed away.

So when you see these things, left and right, all sorts of changes happening around us, in our own lives, we have to keep our eyes open and ask: how is this happening? In our belief, there is no such thing as ittifaq — coincidence. We don't believe in that. It may seem to you as coincidental, but our belief most definitely is that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala had decreed that to happen before the creation of the heavens and the earth, and no power in the world — all powers put together — could cancel what is happening.

If Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala afflicts you with difficulty and pain, there is no one who can remove that pain besides Him. And if He sends goodness towards you, then He is all-powerful, all-capable of doing everything.

Reflect Before You Rush

My beloved brothers and sisters — three types of ayat: one sign in the Qur'an, number two signs in the creation around us in nature, and number three the signs in the happenings and the events of the world. All of these things, if a person were to reflect for a few minutes, he will understand — subhanAllah — the qudra and the power of Allah. But we are running through. We don't have time. We're rushing.

Look on the way out — how many of us are going to say salam? I promise you, if I were to stand outside right now — you're looking at me right now, no one's looking at each other — nine out of ten people will not say salam. Nine out of ten people will not say salam. Every time I will initiate — and that's my responsibility — I will initiate. But why is that? Because people are lost. They come for Jumu'ah but they don't even know what happened. Even though they may not be on their phone right now, on the way out they're grabbing their shoes and rushing. So when you are in that rush mode, how are you supposed to think about Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala?

You're going from one appointment to the other, one email to the other, but we do not have time to simply greet our parents, greet our spouse and children, greet the imam of the masjid, greet the brother who's putting on his shoes next to us — whoever he is — to the extent that sometimes when you say salam, people look at me and say: do you know me? I say: brother, I don't know you, but you're in the house of Allah, it's Jumu'ah — why wouldn't we say salam?

This is the sign of the Hour. The Prophet ﷺ said, from the signs of the Hour, that salam will only be given to people who are known to one another — ma'rifah, those who know each other. And one beautiful explanation I heard a scholar give of this — subhanAllah — is that salam will only be given after you find out whether he is a Muslim or not, because people will no longer be externally looking like Muslims. So you will not know who is a Muslim.

How many times has it happened to you and I? You've gone to a hotel, a restaurant, somewhere else, and you don't know — should you say salam or not? A customer walks in — should you say salam? And sometimes you do say salam, and the guy's name is Mohammed, but you won't hear it back. You call customer service online and the guy says "Mo speaking." Try saying assalamu alaykum — I do that. But remind them: why have you forgotten yourself?

How many people have you seen wearing a skullcap on a flight, and they say shalom to everyone proudly? Why is a Muslim scared of his identity? We'll see another Muslim. We're suffering a serious inferiority complex. We don't need an outsider to defeat us — we've defeated ourselves. Because we have lost pride and happiness in our own identity: that we are believers in Allah and followers of the sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ. I am going to wear my Islam on my sleeve.

Yes, there is no challenge, there is no hammer being thrown on our heads right now. There are other places where that's happening. But subhanAllah, when you look at that, you wonder: how is our community going to succeed if Allah chooses to test us the way He is testing the people abroad? Ask yourself — if a person is not excited to share his faith with another Muslim, to say السَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ, and a person is not excited to see another Muslim, then we have some serious issues.

But the point is: why is this all happening? Because we are so focused and engrossed in our lives, going from one thing to the other — and we call this "busy." But honestly, subhanAllah, even a person who is swatting flies because he has nothing to do is also busy swatting flies. Being busy is not impressive. It's what are you busy with? Ask yourself: what are you doing? What am I doing? What is my purpose? Where am I headed? Driving aimlessly is not good. You drive, but make sure you're going towards your destination, not in the opposite direction.

How many of My signs in the heavens and the earth — that these people just fly by, pass by — وَهُمْ عَنْهَا مُعْرِضُونَ — and they're not even looking at it, they're turning their backs towards it. Majority of humanity does not believe in Allah. Why? Because they don't reflect.

Allah is saying: if you stop, if you slow down, and you simply start looking around and say — subhanAllah, there's a sign of Allah, there's a sign of Allah — just simply start reflecting on your sickness, on your health, on your child and how he's grown, on your parents and how they've become older, and what they've taught you. There are so many signs around us. Pick up the Qur'an. Not only read the Arabic, but read the translation. Not only read the translation, listen to a tafsir of the Qur'an. Attend a halaqa of tafsir.

The Book of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is for you and I. It's for this age. It was never dated such that it would expire. There is no expiry date on it, because there's no date on it. It is most definitely the answer to our problems today. And the seerah and the sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ, as manifested and explained by the sahaba, has solutions to every single person's issues.

But beloved brothers and sisters, we will begin to do that when this heart is connected with Allah, when our heart loves Allah, trusts Allah — and then the actions will manifest that love and trust. I started off my reminder today by saying that the level of connection we have with Allah will be manifested in the amount of times we think of Him, and the amount of times we turn to Him on a daily basis. Du'a.

The Call to Du'a and Heedfulness

I know we may have to go — all of us have to go to work, go home, somewhere. But brother, I request you: after Jumu'ah salah, sit for just two minutes. There are only six feet there and 600 people can't leave that door. Instead of waiting in line, how about — subhanAllah — we pray two raka'at sunnah, and then raise our hands and make du'a to Allah?

Don't tell me you don't have problems. Problems of dunya, problems of the grave — the problems of the first minute in the akhirah will, subhanAllah, make all the problems of 80 years of life look insignificant. The main problem we haven't even seen yet. It's when our family will leave us — if our family shows up, at our grave. When they leave, and when the bulldozer pushes the soil on our face and goes away — that's where the problem starts, if we don't lead our life properly. Everything of this world and all your issues — a parking ticket, being behind on some payment — honestly, they all seem insignificant.

Everything will be insignificant when those angels descend and say:

Who is your Lord? What is your religion? What do you have to say about Prophet Muhammad ﷺ? (Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 1338; Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2870)

How much time am I preparing for that?

My dear brothers and sisters, I invite myself and all of us to repent from leading a life of heedlessness. Heedlessness is the biggest sin we're involved in. And this is the reason — distracted driving can kill you within less than a second. If distracted driving can kill a person, imagine leading a distracted life for 60 years. How is that not going to destroy a person?

We have to look, we have to ask ourselves big questions, and we have to turn to Allah. After Jumu'ah, after Asr, after Maghrib, in the nights of tahajjud — and there's never a time when tahajjud will be as late in the entire year as it is now, because your time starts the latest now. A perfect time for us to get into the habit of waking up — subhanAllah — a little bit before Fajr time, 5:30, 5:15, and pray a few raka'at of salah.

You have a weekend. Where do you have to go Saturday morning, Sunday morning? Get up and go back to sleep after Fajr salah. But let us push ourselves — wives, push your husbands; husbands, push your wives; and eventually push your kids — to wake up and turn to Allah. Pour your heart out in front of Allah. Show Allah that: Ya Allah, I repent from leading a life of heedlessness. Say, inshAllah: Ya Allah, we repent from leading a life of heedlessness.

As soon as we show Allah we are serious, the direction of this heart will change. And the eyes of our heart will awaken — will be wide open. And once the eyes are awake and wide open, honestly, alhamdulillah, the path is very clear to us. We're already Muslims. We have the Qur'an and sunnah. We simply have to open our eyes and look forward.

Closing Du'a of the First Khutbah

I ask Almighty Allah jalla jalaluhu that He fill my heart and your heart with His love, with His muhabba, with His yaqeen. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala allow us to die with iman. May He allow us to be resurrected with iman. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala allow us to dedicate the remainder of our lives to connecting people with Allah. May Allah make our generations till the Day of Judgment — men and women who are connected with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. May Allah make us aware of our surroundings. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala allow us to truly love Him the way He ought to be loved and fear Him the way He ought to be feared. May Allah allow us to turn to Him and supplicate to Him earnestly in the early hours of the morning, in the dark hours of the night, after Salatul Jumu'ah and every other occasion as well. Allahumma ameen.

Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala said:

O you who have believed, fear Allah as He should be feared, and do not die except while you are Muslims.

The Prophet ﷺ said:

"Indeed, religion began as a strange thing, and it will return as a strange thing. So glad tidings to the strangers." (Sahih Muslim, Hadith 145)

I say this and ask Allah's forgiveness for me and for you and for the rest of the Muslims from every sin. So ask His forgiveness. Indeed, He is the Forgiving, the Merciful.

Second Khutbah — Shaykh Sa'ad Quadri

Opening Praise and the Nikah Verses

All praise is due to Allah. May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon His Messenger.

Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala said:

Indeed, Allah and His angels send blessings upon the Prophet. O you who have believed, send blessings and peace upon him.

Allahumma send blessings and peace upon our Master Muhammad, Your servant and Your Messenger. And send blessings upon the believing men and women, the Muslims, and bless our Master Muhammad, his family and his companions.

The Prophet ﷺ — and may Allah be pleased with Abu Bakr, the most merciful of this Ummah; and Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, the strongest in upholding the boundaries of Allah; and Uthman, may Allah be pleased with him, the most modest; and Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, the most righteous — and all the Companions.

Remember Allah, the Most High, the Most Great — He will remember you. Call upon Him and He will answer you. And the remembrance of Allah is greater. And Allah knows what you do. Establish the prayer.

Second Khutbah — Shaykh Sa'ad Quadri: Marriage in Islam

A Letter from a Sister

السَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ. I received a message last Friday or Saturday from a sister. I want to begin the khutbah by actually reading this. This actually bothered me quite a bit, and I was thinking about it — and it eventually became the topic I wanted to address with all of you today.

It said: "As-salamu alaykum. I hope this email finds you well. I'm writing this with a very heavy heart and I ask Allah to forgive me if my words come from pain or weakness. But I feel it's important to express what many women quietly feel but rarely voice.

I often wonder why Allah asks women to marry and begin a new life with men, leaving behind their parents, comfort, and everything familiar, only to end up with someone who may provide financially but often treats them harshly. Many women find themselves being yelled at, belittled, or emotionally neglected by the person who was meant to protect and cherish them. If this isn't what Islam teaches, then as a society we have failed. Too many Muslim men grow up without learning what it means to be kind, gentle, and respectful towards their wives. They take pride in being the so-called 'provider' and use it as a justification for mistreating their spouse, saying things like, 'I'm the one who works hard,' as though financial responsibility alone gives them superiority. It hurts to see how often love, compassion, and mercy — the true foundations of marriage in Islam — are replaced by pride, anger, and ego. Women give up everything — their homes, comfort, and families. They give birth, nurture, sacrifice, and care endlessly, only to be treated like burdens, servants, or strangers in their own homes."

And there's much more — this is only a third of that letter.

Both Sides Have Complaints

Now before the brothers worry about what's going to be said — similarly I've also received correspondence from brothers, and I don't have them with me, although I wish I could read from them — it would have been more powerful as well. "My brother, I'm getting a divorce. My wife has made up tales that I've abused her, that I've raised my hand against her, so that she can keep the child and I don't get the child." "My brother, my wife has called the police against me for an order of protection, and yes, I did yell at her, but I never did anything physically to her."

And so you see — both sides have complaints. Both sides have complaints. And when both sides of a marriage have complaints, as a society, we know we're doing something wrong. We — the imams, the teachers, maybe even the parents, the friends — we're doing something wrong.

Divorce is not haram, don't get me wrong. The sahaba got divorced. But divorce was never meant to be a weapon — nor was marriage.

The Foundation of the Nikah Khutbah: Taqwa

In the khutbah of nikah, Allah doesn't tell us about rights. The four verses taken from the Qur'an in three different places speak specifically about another idea — one that is supposed to infuse a person with a behavior and approach towards marriage, because of a greater accountability.

Allah mentions:

Twice in this verse, when Allah Ta'ala has us give the khutbah of nikah, He reminds us: this person you're bringing into your life — this is not just the daughter of someone, or the son of someone. This is not just the brother of someone or the sister of someone. More than that, this is My creation.

We have the concept of عِيَالُ اللهِ — the dependents of Allah. And anyone knows: when you are hurt, that's one thing. But when your dependents get hurt — like when your kids get hurt — you take it personally. Someone can insult me and I can move on. But if they insult my child, now all of a sudden I get more defensive. Why? Because this is a dependent of mine.

The second verse of the nikah khutbah, Allah mentions:

Within two verses already, He's given us three reminders to fear Allah. That this person coming into your life is not just someone's daughter or son — this is Allah's creation.

And that's when the Prophet ﷺ said:

"The best of you are those who are best to their spouses, and I am the best of you to my spouses." (Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 3895; declared sahih by al-Tirmidhi)

The best of you are those who are best to their spouses. And I am the best of you to my spouses. Meaning: it is one thing to have many acts of worship — to perform Hajj and 'Umrah, and prayer and fasting and zakah — and that is important. But we know when the Prophet ﷺ asked the question: who is the one who is bankrupt? The sahaba were unsure. And the Prophet ﷺ described that person as someone who did their Hajj, and did their 'Umrah, and prayed their prayers, and fasted their fasts, and gave their zakah — but they wronged people. And now they see paradise, and a group of people come, and we begin to take away that person's good deeds, because now there is a debt. Every time we wrong someone, it is a debt. It is like my taking money from you — I have to pay you back. If I wrong you, I have to pay you back. But dollars and cents won't be enough. It'll be my deeds that have to pay you back.

And then the last verse of the nikah khutbah, Allah says:

Have taqwa of Allah, and speak straight speech.

A Mirror on Ourselves

So if we are looking to get married — and one of the clear signs, because marriage can be fard on some people, wajib on some people, sunnah mustahab for some, makrooh for some, and for some marriage is haram — if we want to know where we fall, one of the easiest ways to see this: in any situation, outside of marriage, pre-marital — if something goes wrong, am I looking to see whether justice is established and the rights of others are upheld, or am I worrying about my own rights?

If you go to a store, you buy something, and they give you the wrong change — and you got less in return — will you have the same response as when you get more in return that you shouldn't have received? You know how many times we get more in return and we justify it by saying, somewhere along the line I probably got less in return. But when we get less and we notice it, we come barging back in: "I need to speak to your manager! What happened? You gave me less in return." And so if a person notices that the ego, the nafs, operates like this in this particular area, that means in any relationship, we are potentially the kerosene — the spark through which combustion will occur.

The Prophet's ﷺ Example in Marriage

The Prophet ﷺ — we cannot pretend that he had marriage easy. All the Ummahat ul-Mu'minin were not simply saying, "You are the Messenger of Allah, whatever you say." That's not how it was. Let me give you an authentic narration from which we learn the du'a of laughing and smiling.

When Rasulullah ﷺ — Umar looked for him and found him at home — when he approached the home, he heard elevated voices. He walked in upset, and all the Ummahat ul-Mu'minin were raising their voices with the Prophet ﷺ. They ran to the back, and the Prophet ﷺ began to laugh. So Umar said: "May Allah always keep you smiling and laughing." And then he said: "O Messenger of Allah, they should be with you the way they became quiet and moved aside when I arrived — that's how they should be with you, and with me." And the Prophet ﷺ — and in different narrations, one mentions — he said: "O Umar, if you came down one path, even Shaytan would take a different path. Even he is scared of you." But the point is: the Prophet ﷺ's marriages were not easy.

The Ummahat ul-Mu'minin — even though their marriage was with the best of creation — went through times of absolute thirst, worldly deprivation, and hunger. They lost their spouse. He loved Khadijah more than everyone, and when one day Aisha made that comment — why do you keep remembering that toothless old woman — that hurt the Prophet ﷺ deeply. But look in the narration at what he does: he says, "She supported me when no one supported me. She believed in me when no one believed in me. She gave me children — Allah gave me children through her." He did not retaliate with the tongue, let alone anything else. We see — even in times of difficulty in marriage — a person's mistake is that he tries to please himself through marriage. We're supposed to please Allah through marriage.

Now, ask anyone who enjoys doing an act of worship — like fasting, like Hajj, like 'Umrah, like prayer. Sometimes you can do an act of worship and also be happy. Marriage is one of those acts of worship. You do the act of worship, you're also happy. There is a physical satisfaction, an intimate satisfaction, an emotional satisfaction, an intellectual satisfaction. But if that happiness isn't there, it's like when a person has to wake up for an early Fajr after they had a late night at work — they may not want to do it, but they still do it. Why? Because it is Allah's command.

Allah didn't merely recommend us to be kind to our wives and husbands. When Allah Ta'ala told the husbands:

The qiwamah we've been given is not to become tyrants. Tell me which sahabi was a tyrant at home? And don't say Umar — he himself mentioned he was like a child in that home. Which sahabi was a tyrant? Some were a little more firm at home, but in general they knew — because if you study the hadith, it is in Sahih Muslim, it is in al-Tirmidhi, it is in various books.

Hadith Umm Zara'

I want to do a class one of these days called the Hadith of Umm Zara'. The Hadith of Umm Zara' is a hadith from a woman of pre-Islamic times. And look at where this narration takes place — in the chapter of the telling of stories. And Aisha said to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ: let me tell you a story. And he was all ears.

She told him about eleven women in the time of Jahiliyyah who came together — and we were required to memorize this hadith as a graduation requirement from Madrassa; I didn't understand why then, but it makes sense now. The eleven women made a vow that they would say everything about their husbands — good and bad — and expose them completely. And you see the women who had praise for their husbands, the women who were in the middle, and the women who found their husbands to be absolutely terrible — you see all of them there.

At no point in the hadith do you see the Prophet ﷺ spacing out, or as we would today — pulling out our cell phones and starting to scroll. No. Full attention towards her. And the proof was that at the end of the hadith, he turned to her and said: "O Aisha, I am to you like Abu Zara' was to Umm Zara'" — the best of husbands — "except that I am not going to leave you," because Abu Zara' ended up divorcing her for a younger woman in the pre-Islamic time.

So the idea is: our foundation of marriage is taqwa. It is not easy. At school I can be jovial — hey, what's up, how's it going? At home it's harder. I didn't grow up as a very emotive type of person. My wife is probably here — you can ask her. But at times you have to make that effort.

Love Languages in Islam

In the Western world, they call it "love languages." In Islam, we have our love languages too. And the Prophet ﷺ would speak to people in multiple love languages. We have to identify what is the best way I can show my love, and our spouses should see — although I want to hear compliments, but I don't hear them; I see him working tirelessly to make sure I'm happy. That's his love language. And the husband should say: I know I'm working hard to make her happy, but I get the sense that's not what she wants — she wants kind words, so let me push myself towards that.

And I'm telling you: it's not easy. But that's why marriage is half of the faith. People say, well I got married and then I made wudu, so I did half and half — I'm a full Muslim. That's not how it works. It takes half a faith to maintain marriage. When your wife is calling on your worst side — at that moment, how will you respond? When your husband is pulling those strings that you hate to have pulled — at that moment, how will you respond?

What Breaks a Spouse

You know what husbands do? They jump to the second wife card right away. You want to know how to break a woman — talk to her about a second wife in a way that she no longer knows where her rank is. You want to know how to break a man — compare his financial earning and lifestyle to one of your friends. You've broken him. Because now the husband feels he can't be man enough, and the wife feels she can't be woman enough. Fear Allah regarding your spouses.

It is okay to make mistakes, but it is not okay to ruin their lives. We should not come with a vindictive attitude — "I was trying to be nice to her the other day and she did this, so today I'm going to return it." I'm telling this to myself first and foremost.

Because look at what the Prophet ﷺ said — he was surprised by people who abuse their spouses during the day and then go to them at night seeking intimacy. And the Prophet ﷺ said: when you are going to approach your spouse in that situation, send messengers first. And what are the messengers? Kind words, an embrace, a kiss, a touch — et cetera. Now, if all day it has been violence and tyranny, and then the messengers come — no one wants to see the messenger of an enemy. In wartime, messengers were often killed. So we have to look at ourselves first.

A Direct Address to Husbands and Wives

Wives — you have to stop using imams to your advantage. I hear these stories and then I find out the other side and I realize I have to double and triple check. Husbands — you have to stop using the community to your advantage. Wives — you have to stop using intimacy as a weapon to your advantage. Husbands — you have to stop using your wealth to your advantage.

Wives — your tongues are sharp. Husbands — your anger is sharp. Stop using either for your advantage.

Be like the Prophet ﷺ — who swallowed his anger for the sake of Allah, who spoke kindly for the sake of Allah, who gave his wives a life in which they actually felt appreciated, even though the worldly belongings were so sparse as to be comparable to poverty. We need to be better — because our children see those examples. Then they marry and it carries on. And if I were to ask you to raise your hands, some would raise their hands: "I don't even want to get married because I see what's happening at home."

So we need to fix that element in ourselves — me first and foremost. I'm not a good husband, but I have to try to be a good husband. And the husbands here and the wives here have to try to be good spouses. And we have to show our children — when we're wrong — that it's okay to acknowledge our mistakes. It's okay to explain: "That was my mistake. I shouldn't have yelled at mama. I shouldn't have done that." So they can learn how to be good parents in the future.

Announcements

In this beautiful, blessed city of Chicago, we have so many beautiful masajid programs — a center of Islamic activity alhamdulillah. This beautiful masjid of MCC and MEC — alhamdulillah, one of the oldest organizations in the Chicagoland area — will be having their annual dinner next weekend. This is your masjid, your school, and we request every single one of you who has yet to purchase tickets and commit to next weekend's attendance to please do so, inshAllah, on this blessed day of Jumu'ah.

Number two — inshAllah, tomorrow, Saturday, October 18th, will be Darussalam Seminary's fundraiser and annual banquet at Shalimar Banquet in Addison. InshAllah, we will not only be reflecting on the past 25 years of Darussalam and more, but we will also be sharing the strategy, the plan, and the intentions we have for the next 25 years at Darussalam. So I encourage all of you — many of our students and well-wishers, alhamdulillah, are here. On the way out, we have four or five students from different states who are studying at Darussalam who will be passing out flyers. Brothers and sisters, please pick up a flyer, scan the QR code, show your support, and attend tomorrow inshAllah — appetizers at 5:30, dinner served by 9:00 — Shalimar in Addison.

We hope all of you can support all the different masajid, institutions, and seminaries doing great work in the city of Chicago. May Allah grant all of the workers ikhlas, sincerity, and acceptance. Allahumma ameen. Jazakumullah khayran.