Jumu'ah Khutbah | Mufti Azeemuddin Ahmed | 9/1/23

Then we try to make the best use of it, and understand the value of old age. And thank Allah for the fact that He's given it to us, even though we're going through difficulty. And those who have parents who are in that age, the Qur'an is saying, that it's natural that when you become at that age, you become grumpy and you become angry easily. So what happens, you say things that your children might not be expected to hear. Or it is usually in society not acceptable, not a norm to say such things, or do such things. But that happens when a person becomes senile, or a person becomes extremely elderly.

What should be the response of that son and daughter, who now are in their 40s and their 50s, in the prime of their ability to earn money. They are extremely intelligent, they are top of their company. And now they have a situation at home, where they have to hear things or deal with things that they're absolutely not accustomed to. Parents will become old. And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is saying,

Ensure that, not only do you listen and obey, but not only do you not show any sort of resentment, grudge, but even the slightest form of disapprocation, or slightest form of frustration is not allowed.

It's attributed to Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) that he said, if there was a word in Arabic language that had a lighter connotation of displeasure than uf, Allah would have used that. Uf is not actually uf. Uf is any type of gesture by your hands, by your eyes, by your breathing, by your actions of any sort, in which you show resentment, anger, slamming the door, not closing the door properly, hanging up the phone, pouting, speaking out loud, screaming, obviously giving back answers, saying stuff under your breath, turning your back and walking away, and the list goes on. Anything that would be regarded as showing displeasure to the parents, Allah explicitly here says,

Do not say uf, meaning do not do anything that would become a means of showing your displeasure. And definitely, do not scold them. And say to these elderly parents, very nice and generous, beautiful statements. Speak to them in a very calm manner.

Look at how a mother, a normal mother, an average mother, or let's say a kindergarten teacher, deals with, for example, little children, who are at times give you crazy tantrums, and they may be soiling their clothes, and they may be running around. But you'll see someone who's been trained to teach children, you'll see how they control their voice, you'll see how they control their communication, you'll see in what type of beautiful manner they deal with a child who is upset, or who's angry, or who's giving a tantrum. In a very amazing manner that a person who's watching may wonder like, how do you do that? And that's what a mother does, that's what a good educator does.

قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا - Whatever you are being faced with, you have to understand that you cannot, as they say, don't be a child with a child. You're a grown up adult, come on. Don't act childish with a child who's throwing a tantrum. Similarly, if we are in your 40s and your 50s, and you have not reached the senile age, you have not, Allah forbid, protect us all from some sort of amnesia, some sort of dementia. You know everything around yourself, you're physically able-bodied, you are mentally, emotionally strong. Well, please do not deal with someone who doesn't have that physical, emotional strength in a manner as though you are just like them.

Instead, this should be with anyone, anyone and everyone who's elderly out there that we treat them in the very best possible manner. But these are not just any elders. These are people who have actually become the reason, Allah has used them as a sabab and a means for our existence. So Allah, that's why He made it very clear in the Qur'an, that even if they are not Muslim, Allah says,

If they force you to commit shirk and ascribe partners with Allah, without any knowledge, then don't do so. You're not gonna do that. لَا طَاعَةَ لِمَخْلُوقٍ فِي مَعْصِيَةِ الْخَالِقِ - There is absolutely no obedience to the creation if it entails a disobedience of the Creator.

However, when it comes to the aspect of the worldly life, your transactions in this world, your interaction in this world, you make sure you do it in the best possible manner, in the most acceptable manner, in the very best possible manner.

Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her), she reported on the etiquettes of the father and the mother. She said,

Do not walk in front of him. Do not sit before him. Do not walk in front of him. Do not sit on a sofa, on a chair, on the ground before he sits. And do not call him out by his name.

And others have also been mentioned that do not become the means of him being cursed. For example, the Prophet (peace be upon him) is related by Abdullah ibn Umar. He says that hadith of Sahih Muslim where the Prophet (peace be upon him) is talking about

(Sahih Muslim)

that one of the sins is a man cursing his parents. And so the Sahaba couldn't believe that. How? Now we can believe that because that's happening all around us everyday that children curse their parents. Children give back answers to their parents. But during the time of the Sahaba, even a Mushrik, a Kafir would never dream of doing something like that.

So the Sahaba are wondering, how does that happen? هَلْ يَشْتُمُ الرَّجُلُ وَالِدَيْهِ - Can a man ever curse his parents? And the response of that was, when you do something, when you curse someone else's parents, or you could say by extension, you do something that angers other people, including cursing someone else's parents, what happens? Then the response you will get is someone will curse your parents back. So it's not just, don't curse someone else's parents because they will curse your parents. But any such thing in which we cause harm to someone and then people say, I can't believe your parents raised you like this. What a type of person you are. And they start getting upset at our parents because of our bad dealings, because of our bad character, because of our bad financial dealings. What happens? Our parents are being blamed, are being cursed by the people because of the way we are dealing with them. And so this is something that has been prohibited.

One hadith of the Prophet (peace be upon him) makes it so generous, it says,

Whoever has simply brought grief to his parents, he has committed عقوق. عقوق is مِنْ أَكْبَرِ الْكَبَائِرِ. It's from amongst the most major of sins.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) mentioned once, three times, أَكْبَرُ الْكَبَائِرِ، أَكْبَرُ الْكَبَائِرِ. Three times he mentioned, the largest, the most major of major sins. Number one, الإِشْرَاكُ بِاللهِ, ascribing partners with Allah. Number two, عُقُوقُ الْوَالِدَيْنِ, disobedience to parents. And then third one was mentioned, شَهَادَةُ الزُّورِ, giving false testimony.

So the Qur'an in Surah Isra, when it speaks about the importance of tawhid, do not commit shirk. Right after that, do not be disrespectful to parents. And what is that عقوق entail? Something as simple of أَحْزَنَ, to make them grieve.

From amongst the signs of the hour, the Prophet (peace be upon him) mentioned, from amongst the signs of hour, he said,

That a man will obey his wife, and disobey his mother. And a man will bring his friends real close to him, and disobey his father. Notice how Rasulullah (peace be upon him) brought this amazing comparison between the relationship between wife and mother, and between friends and father. This is from the signs of the hour.

SubhanAllah, the wife has her own rights, the mother has her own rights. By no means is anyone allowed to be oppressive, and to take away the rights of their spouse, in the name of obedience to parents. You can't do that, that's zulm. If a person is in a tricky situation where he has to make a huge sacrifice for his mother, for whatever reason there is, then a person should simply say, I'm very sorry, I absolve myself, I won't be able to fulfill your rights. I don't want to oppress you, but I'm in a tight situation here, where even if you want to forego your rights that are upon me, because I have to take care of my mother, fine, I'll do that. But I want to make sure that in the process of fulfilling the rights of my mother, I don't oppress you, let's be mindful of that.

But subhanAllah, we're not talking about fulfillment of rights. It's about just simply in all affairs that a person obeys every single thing his spouse says because of the connection he has with his spouse, and becomes absolutely disregards his mother in every single thing. Number two, is that we are always spending time and appreciating and listening to the advice of our friends, and the greatest friend is our father, a person becomes absolutely ignores the advice and the pleas of the father. This is from the signs of the hour.

Then the Prophet (peace be upon him) said that,

That the child will become a source of frustration and anger for the parents. Meaning parents will become so upset, and frustrated, and sick, and tired of their children, to an extent that maybe parents won't want to have children anymore. Or will simply just lose your mind over the amount of stress that their kids will give them. That children will become a source of stress and anger before the end of times. This is what we are witnessing from amongst the many signs of the hour that we witness every single week. This is the prevalence of the disobedience of parents is definitely something that is there.

The Consequences of Disrespecting Parents

Where does this lead to? When you have a community that continuously disrespects and disregards their parents, no doubt that they are gonna be disrespectful and disregarding to their teachers, to their mentors, to their shuyukh, to their ulama. And they will be disregarding to any person of religious authority as well.

What does it come down to? The disease is arrogance. The disease is being self-conceited. The disease is to think of ourselves to be more knowledgeable than everyone else. And you all know, and we all know, that is definitely a problem of my generation and our generation, I'm part of that. If our generation, we have this problem, every single person thinks, that why would I need to ask? I have TikTok to ask. I have AI to ask. I have Google to ask. I have everything else at the tip of my fingers. I'm a director level. Why would I need to ever ask my shuyukh, ask my mentor, ask my teacher, ask my parents? Nobody.

And then it doesn't stop there. Where does it lead? This leads to obviously, will lead to atheism. This leads to people say, why do I need even have God in my life? There's no need. I don't need to make dua. I've got everything. Amazon Prime, anything I want to order, I got it by 5 p.m. Why do I need God in my life? Anything and everything I want. I have my credit cards. If not one doesn't work, I got the other. I've charged one to the max, I got the other one. All my needs are being fulfilled.

You have this unbelievable wealth that is being created within a generation now. The generation that's even younger than me are becoming millionaires far more than their parents had. And this is only fueling that level of arrogance, fueling that level of self-conceitedness, fueling the level of ignorance that you need someone besides your money. You need someone besides your nafs.

And subhanAllah, the whole hierarchy in the home, the hierarchy in society, everything is become messed up. And this is where the biggest fasaad, which is taking God out of all of it, taking out Islam out of it, taking out obedience to Allah and His Rasul, where we'll see 8th graders, 7th graders, 11th graders, 10th graders openly now claiming to become godless atheists. How many of them are obedient to their parents? You'll see a big chunk of them are not.

It's a growing problem from a very young age where a person says, ana, ana, ana, I worship the ananiyya, worship themselves, my beloved friends.