How Do You Forgive Someone Like That? | Message In A Passage Ep 6 | Ustadh Baajour

How Do You Forgive Someone Like That?

We continue insha'Allah ta'ala our series message in a passage where we take one ayah of the Qur'an and we explain the reason for the revelation and many lessons we can derive from that ayah. Tonight's ayah is in Surat An-Nur Ayah number 22. If anybody would like to follow An-Nur 22 where Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala said:

"Let not those of you who have abundance and means swear not to give the relatives and the needy and the people who migrated in the way of Allah. And let them pardon and let them overlook. Don't you want Allah to forgive you? And Allah is all forgiving, all merciful."

The Story Behind the Revelation

I mentioned this story many times before just because of the topic we will do it one more time insha'Allah. When the rumors started spreading about our mother Aisha radiyallahu anha - we all know that some people spread that astaghfirullah ma'adha Allah our mother Aisha did something very bad. Unfortunately this news went like wildfire in Medina.

One of the people who participated in spreading the news - his name is Mistah Ibn Uthatha. What's so crazy about Mistah is that he is the second cousin of Abu Bakr. He is extremely poor and Abu Bakr radiyallahu anhu, what we say here in the US, he takes care of all his bills. I mean whatever Mistah needs, Abu Bakr will take care of it.

So when the rumors started spreading, Mistah participated. Can you imagine? Mistah participated in spreading the rumors about the mother of the believers, his cousin's daughter, the man who's supporting him, the wife of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

So what would you do if you were Abu Bakr? Stop! Wallahi, I will not give you anything anymore. How dare you? Besides, I'm taking care of all your bills. This is the wife of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. This is your mother, the mother of the believers. How dare you say something or spread rumors?

Understanding Different Types of False Speech

Because you know when we were discussing very quickly: Ghiba, Buhtan, Namima - the highest is Ifk.

Ghiba quickly: I say something in your absence that you do not like and it's true.

Buhtan (slander): Same, but it's not true. It's a lie. It's worst.

Namima is worse than those two. Namima is I go to Riyadh, I say "Do you know what Aftab said about you?" Gossip. I mean I go to one person - "Nasser, you know what this guy said about you?" I'm trying to create fitna.

This is one of the worst, but the worst of the worst which not too many people know about is Ifk. That's why this incident in the Qur'an - the incident of Aisha radiyallahu anha - it's called hadithat Ifk, it's called the incident of Ifk.

What is Ifk? Listen to what Ifk is and look how easy it is to fall into Ifk. They're saying, "Look, look, I don't know. I heard people are talking." This is worse than all the above. And this is exactly what happened. Did our mother do anything? Nothing. Did anybody see anything? Nothing, nothing happened to see, but "I heard they're saying people are talking." Be very careful. This is Ifk and Ifk is, if you put them in order, it is the worst. That's why it was called hadithat ifk, ifkun mubeen. This is the worst of the worst.

And this is you send a message on WhatsApp. You have no source. You have no clue. You have no evidence, no reference, no nothing. "Yalla! Allah! I heard they're saying this about him." This is ifk and you start forwarding. Be very careful. This is Ifk.

The Divine Intervention

Long story short, Abu Bakr radiyallahu anhu said, "I'm gonna stop everything for you." Allahu Akbar. Naturally, normally, isn't that natural? Natural human action. Allahu Akbar.

Jibreel came from seventh heaven. "Ya Abu Bakr, do not stop!" لا يأتل - the people who have abundance and who have means, don't let them stop helping. And Mistah - all three: relative, poor, muhajir. He's all three. And Allah is telling Abu Bakr do not stop helping a faqir, a muhajir, and relative, and Mistah is all three.

And then Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, what did He say? Pardon and overlook. "Don't you want Allah to pardon you?"

So when this ayah was revealed - can you imagine? An ayah was revealed because of you! Abu Bakr, what happened? What did Abu Bakr do? "Yes, ya Allah. Yes, ya Allah. I want you to forgive me. Don't you want Allah? Don't you love Allah to forgive you?" He said, "Yes, ya Allah. Mistah, come over here. Here's your salary back and I will never stop ever."

Allahu Akbar. Imagine ayat revealed that will be recited till the day of judgment about an incident that naturally it makes sense to stop this help, this assistance, this aid for a person that did this to you. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala said forgive and overlook.

The Difference Between Afu and Safah

يعفو وليصفحوا - overlook. What's the difference between afu and safah?

Afu - like we studied in Ramadan - is the sin is forgiven and the punishment for it is forgiven. The sin is deleted and you forget about it. You know, sometimes you say to somebody "I forgive you, but I will never forget what you did." No, that's not afu. Afu is khalas. What are you talking about? It's done.

Safah - you do not remind the person also. You do not remind - "You forgot what you did to me?" No, no, no. This is not safah. Safah is to completely forget and do not even remind the person.

Look subhanAllah. So the whole topic today is about overlooking and forgiveness.

The Response of the Sahaba

Before we start with the topic, one time look at the action of the Sahaba when they hear an ayah. When they hear an ayah: Qala Allah, Qala Rasool - the topic is done. There's no more discussion. No more discussion.

Now we hear ayat and hadith and khutab and lectures and nothing is changing. Just once - forget about it, khalas, done. This is your safah. I will never remind you. It's done. I want Allah to forgive me.

Another Example of Immediate Obedience

So there's another incident, subhanAllah. One time Rasool Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he was in his house and he heard two people arguing about money and their voices went high in the masjid. You know we all know that the house of Rasool Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is right there.

So it was Ka'b Ibn Malik and another Sahabi, his name is Ibn Abi Hadrad. Their voices grew louder. Rasool Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam heard them while he was in his house. He came out and he raised the curtain. He said, "Ya Ka'b Ibn Malik."

Listen carefully please, this is extremely important. "Ya Ka'b Ibn Malik." "Labbayka Ya Rasool Allah. Yes Ya Rasool Allah." "Cut the debt in half."

Ka'b wants money from the other brother and they're arguing. Voice went loud. Obviously Rasool Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam heard it's about money. So he told Ka'b, "Ya Ka'b," he said "Labbayka. Order me Ya Rasool Allah." He said, "Cut the debt in half and give him 50% of the debt." He said, "Done."

Then he looked at the other man: "Get up and pay your brother." Went back to his room. Done.

Many people say, "Oh, I wish we were living with Rasool Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam so I can just say sama'na wa ata'na, labbayka Ya Rasool Allah. Done. Ya Rasool Allah, just order me Ya Rasool Allah."

What's the difference ya akhbar? This hadith is preserved for a reason. Why when we tell you grow your beard, you say, "Are you sure the hadith is authentic? I heard the sheikh in Zimbabwe, he said no you don't have to." Anything, any anything. Look - done. 50%.

Let's talk. Let's say the debt was $100,000. It doesn't matter what the debt is. 50% of any debt is a lot, right? Any debt. I borrowed $1,000 from you. If someone asked me give him, I would say "Sheikh, it's okay, I will give him $100 off." No, no. No discussion, no argument. In the hadith in Bukhari, he just did like this with his hand. The topic is done.

And this is the beauty of having a kabir in the community. This is the beauty of having someone completely trusted. How about a man who is completely trusted in the Ummah? Done.

So the point is, look at the response of the Sahaba to the hadith and to the orders of Rasool Allah and the orders of Allah.

So when we start claiming that we love Rasool Allah so much and every time we hear his name we cry and all that - this is not following the sunnah. Following the sunnah is doing your best to imitate, to follow the orders of Rasool Allah.

The Reward of Forgiveness

Let's go back to forgiveness and overlooking. Hadith is in Bukhari:

(Sahih al-Bukhari)

"A man was brought on the day of judgment and he was asked what do you have? What have you done? Not much. I don't have much. He did not pray, he did not fast all he did was the obligation, no extra, except ya Allah, I used to have a slave and I used to lend people money. And when I sent him to collect the money, the debt, I used to tell him: Take what the person can pay easily and leave. If they have any kind of difficulty in payment, either forgive them or give them more time. Let them off. Maybe Allah will let us off. I used to tell my people when you collect, let them off, maybe Allah will let us off."

So Allah subhana wa ta'ala on the day of judgment, He will tell him: "I have let you off. You are not better than me. I have let you off." He didn't do much.

So look at the beauty and the reward of forgiveness, especially when it comes to if you have lent somebody money and you have the ability to let them go. It's not like, you know, that money I lent you, this is all I have and I need it back. Alhamdulillah, it's your right. But if Allah subhana wa ta'ala blessed you with abundance of wealth and you lent somebody a thousand dollars, and time came to pay it off and you said, "You know what? Keep it."

When Rasul was asked what is one of the most beloved amal to Allah, he said to feed someone, to put a smile on someone's face, or to pay their debt, to pay off their debt.

I think I told you the story before. And we don't have it here but we have it a lot overseas where you know that store of the community, store of the neighborhood, and everybody in the neighborhood they have a tab. So this brother I know him very well, may Allah bless him, every time he goes back to his country, he goes to the neighborhood shop and he tells them, "Give me all the people's money that they owe you," and he pays the whole thing off for everybody. And he tells them, "If they ask you, don't mention my name, pay it off."

Look how beautiful. I don't need them to know who did it. Just, you know, it's done. They come to pay, you tell them it's done. What a beautiful act of worship.

Overlooking Others' Mistakes

Overlook other people's mistakes. Sometimes, mainly when we talk about the husband and the wife at home, sometimes you see the husband just waiting for the wife to make one mistake in order to hold it against her, and the same thing - the wife is waiting for the husband to make one mistake so she could remind him.

And I told you before, mashallah, the sisters, they have - what's the name of the new gigabyte? What's the highest level? Terabyte. They have 700 million terabyte memory. If you do something, they will remind you: "1975, October 16, at 10:06 p.m."

The Power of Overlooking

You told me immediately it comes out boom. So be very careful because they never forget. The memory is unbelievable. So subhanAllah, like Ibn al-Qayyim he said 9 out of 10 reasons to have happiness in your life is to overlook. It's to overlook things - not every single thing you pick on.

And remember this sign I want you not to forget. Rasulallah said you are the best when you are the best to your wife. Done ya Rasulallah, I'm gonna be the best to my wife. Your wife, your husband's obedience is an act of worship. Done Rasulallah. Wallahi if we treat the hadith of Rasulallah in the way that Ka'ab ibn Malik treated it, thought about it, we would have so much happiness in our life overlooking.

The Story of Mistah and Abu Bakr

Look at this. This Mistah did not go and accuse Aisha of something simple. From the kabair. And Allah ordered him to forgive.

That person that you have a problem with right now, that person that you have a grudge against right now - tell me how bad it is compared to what Mistah did to Abu Bakr. I'm 100% sure it's not even close.

Why don't you talk to your brother for now almost 6 months? His wife said something about my children. Are you kidding me? He took 500 dollars 3 years ago and he did not pay it back. Ya habibi, and you know what happened? SubhanAllah it happened with 2 brothers and they haven't spoken to each other for a long time. And then the janazah was here at Epic. He's crying on his brother's grave, brother's coffin: "Please, please, I wish I spoke to you before. Please forgive me." For 500 dollars they haven't spoken for 3-4 years. And then when they die, "I wish..."

Why are we sitting here? Why did you come tonight? So you want to run away from the house? Why are we here? So we can learn our deen and go ahead and apply. Enough. Let it go.

The Principle of Forgiveness

If something can be solved - and again I'm not saying sometimes someone did something really, really bad to you, really evil - I'm not saying become best friends. Just for the sake of Islam, the rights of a Muslim: السلام عليكم, Ramadan Mubarak. Just for the sake of applying the rights of the Muslim.

Look what Abu Bakr did. We always dream of Abu Bakr. We ask Allah to gather us with Abu Bakr. Let's imitate Abu Bakr.

Ibn Taymiyyah's Noble Character

Ibn Taymiyyah - he had a man, there was a man who used to always show enmity to Ibn Taymiyyah. Always. So when the man passed away, Ibn Qayyim, the student of Ibn Taymiyyah, he went to Ibn Taymiyyah to give him good news. He said "Great news! The man who constantly says evil things about you is dead."

So Ibn Taymiyyah said "Waihaq, waihaq! What are you talking about?" He went to the family of the deceased and he said أنا خليفته فيكم - he went to the family of the person who curses him constantly and he said "I am his khalifa. Anything you need, because your husband died, because your father died, I will take care of it."

So Ibn Qayyim said "I wish we treat our friends like Ibn Taymiyyah treats his enemy. I wish we treat our friends like Ibn Taymiyyah treats his enemy."

Ibn Mas'ud's Beautiful Example

Ibn Mas'ud was sitting in the marketplace - I mentioned this story before. He used to put his money in his turban. Listen to the akhlaq, listen to the manners. He used to put his money in his turban. A man came and stole the money and ran.

So everybody around Ibn Mas'ud: "May Allah curse him! May Allah this, may Allah that!" Ibn Mas'ud said "Stop! What are you doing? Ya Allah, if he needs that money, put barakah in it. And if he stole that money, ya Allah, make it his last sin."

What is this? Are these aliens? These are human beings! These are people that learn the akhlaq, and that's what we are here for - to learn from their akhlaq.

Actions Presented to Allah

Actions are presented to Allah a few hours ago. All the actions of the week were presented to Allah Thursday night and Monday night. They are presented to Allah.

And Rasulallah said everybody will be forgiven except two people: a mushrik, a person who commits shirk, and a person who has a grudge, he doesn't talk to his brother or to his sister for a long time. Keep their amal on hold حتى يصطلحا - until they reconcile.

Keep the amal on hold. The attendance of the halaqa is on hold. The salawat that you did the whole week is on hold. The umrah that you did - you haven't spoken to him - is on hold. The hajj, the fasting of Ramadan, all of it is on hold until I make peace between me and my brother.

Allahu Akbar! What is it? That thing that he or she did to you that is worth all my amal to be on hold? What is it? What is it?

Allah's Formula for Peace

And subhanAllah, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, He told us a formula of how to fix things in surah Fussilat:

Be the first one to start the peace. You have a problem with someone? Be the first one. السلام عليكم ورحمة الله. The month of Dhul Hijjah starting in a few days. May Allah forgive me, may Allah forgive you. Let's put everything behind. السلام عليكم ورحمة الله. He answered, she answered, they did not answer - you did whatever you can do.

Allah said be the one who starts the peace. ادفع بالتي هي أحسن. And Allah said, if you are sincere about fixing that relationship, فإذا الذي بينك وبينه عداوة - that person that you have enmity against, he does not become your friend. What does he become? ولي. He is your wali. حميم. BFF - best friend forever.

This is a formula. This is a formula from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. So if it did not work, something is wrong, because the formula is 100% true. It means you did not do it from the bottom of your heart. You just do it: "Let me give it a shot."

Focus on Your Own Faults

And let's ya ikhwan, I want to finish with this. Let's busy ourselves with our faults. Every single one of us have a lot of faults, and we sit down and start looking for other people's faults. Busy yourself with your faults.

Abu Huraira said, one of you sees the speck in his brother's eyes, but he does not notice the branch in his eye. He sees the speck in his brother's eyes but he does not see the branch in his eye.

We're sitting down and picking on people: "Oh look at this, look what he did, look what she did," and we have no idea what were the circumstances behind what they had done. And we know our faults, and we start sitting down and we have a list of people: "Yalla let's talk about this guy, then about this guy, then about this guy." SubhanAllah.

Call to Action

So what do we learn tonight, ya ikhwan? Please, in order to make this productive, if you have any problem with anyone, anybody, just for the sake of Allah, forgive them tonight. Text them. They answer, alhamdulillah. They did not answer, ya Allah I tried.

Just think about what Mistah did to Abu Bakr, and what that person did to you, and you will find it very easy to forgive after that.

And keep in mind and make that intention that I'm doing this forgiveness number one, it's an order from Allah:

And number two, I want to be forgiven.

Whatever you want from Allah - listen to this statement - whatever you want from Allah, do it to others. You want Allah's rahmah? Have rahmah on others. You want Allah's forgiveness? Forgive others. You want Allah to be generous to you? Be generous to others.

May Allah make us from the people who listen and apply. May Allah forgive our sins. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make our last deeds our best deeds and make our last words لا إله إلا الله.